"Dreammaster: The Erotic Invader"

Dreammaster: The Erotic Invader (1996) is a direct to vid softcore with at least breasts from 6 women. Tonight, we have Lisa Boyle, who was one of the two cast members who had some screen presence, and showed personality. A Psych post doc is investigating dreams, especially the ability to control your dreams while having them, with an end goal of learning how people could have mutual dreams. He has been doing a lot of work on his own dreams, and is attacked by a very strong woman in his dreams that he doesn't know. She wants him, and he nearly can't resist her.

He places an add for test subjects, and Lisa Boyle is one of the three who show up. Timothy Di Pri, as another subject also does a credible acting job. The rest of the cast frankly was hired for looks, not acting ability. Star Patrick Ahern as the post doc reads most of his lines, and doesn't do a very good job of it even then. Thankfully, this is his only credit at IMDB. We see the sex dreams that haunt two of the three subjects, two of Ahern's dreams, and then Ahern gets trapped by the dream witch, and the two female subjects go into his dream to rescue him. At this point, Boyle gets trapped by the dream witch, ad we see her breasts while tied to a bed. She also has a sex scene with Ahern at the end of the film.

IMDB readers have this at 4.4 of 10. The special effects are third rate, the film is frequently out of focus, and many scenes are very dark. The film does deliver as far as exposure, although I didn't find the simulated sex very believable or erotic. This is barely a C-. The other five women will be here tomorrow night.

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  • Lisa Boyle (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    "Privates on Parade"

    Privates on Parade (1982) is a British musical comedy staring John Cleese and a host of other British comedians. It is just after WW II, and the story centers around a musical troupe called SADUSEA (Song and Dance Unit South East Asia) who are to present a review to the troops still trying to eliminate rebels in Malaysia. There is only one woman in the troupe (Nicola Pagett), so many of the soldiers have to dress in drag. For many, that is a welcome assignment, as they are light in the loafers anyway. Add in some smuggling, and a misguided plan to smuggle arms supplies to the front lines with the troupe, and you have most of the story.

    Pagett is pregnant by the head of the smuggling ring, and is told to seduce new arrival Patrick Pearson and get him to take credit for the baby. The only exposure is a very brief look at her breasts in the one sex scene. Although this was occasionally amusing, it was mostly corny, despite a good cast. I can only take so many gay puns in one film.

    IMDB readers have this at 4.6 of 10, which is, if anything, generous. It is well filmed, and well acted. I will give this a low C-.

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  • Nicola Pagett (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Fatal Instinct (1993)

    Genre spoofs were quite popular in the 80s. In the period from 1980-1991, the Zucker-Zucker-Abrahams group turned on parodies of police dramas (Naked Gun), spy stories (Top Secret), disaster movies (Airplane) war films (Hot Shots).

    Carl Reiner felt he could make a solid entry into the lucrative genre. After all, didn't his best friend Mel Brooks virtually invent genre spoofs with Blazing Saddles? The question was - what genre to satirize? One of the most popular and lucrative cinema trends in the 80s was the rebirth of the erotic thriller - sassy conniving dames with the schemes and dialogue of the 40s, but with the added spin of the new explicitness of the 80s. Body Heat, Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction were all successful examples.

    Fatal Instinct is a parody of those three films, as well as Cape Fear, Chinatown, Sleeping with the Enemy, and the mother of them all, Double Indemnity.

    I think it is an OK movie, but just barely OK. The actors all perform in an old-fashioned, overwrought "can't you see I'm kidding" style, replete with funny faces and slapstick, that stepped on some of the best material. I think it would have worked better if they had kept the lines and situations just as silly, but had acted in a completely believable way, as if the film were a drama. The star, Armand Assante, is not Leslie Nielsen in the comedy department, but is quite a good serious actor and might have delivered a hilarious performance if Reiner had said to him "Armand, don't try to be funny. Don't Mug. Don't act so big. Just act the scene for real and let the lines do their job."

    Interesting trivia: the deleted scenes show:

    1. that Dudley Moore was originally in the film as the mother of the bad guy who was the Cape Fear character.

    2. the film was originally called "Triple Indemnity".

    3. there was originally a scene making fun of Silence of the Lambs.

    4. there was a silly scene in which Assante, who was both the arresting officer and the defense attorney of the accused murderess, was questioning her in one voice, then advising her not to answer in another. Cutting this crap was definitely the correct move.

    The DVD is a mixed bag. It is great to see an older small-release film with ten sections of deleted footage, including one four minutes long, and it's always fun to hear commentary by Carl Reiner, who directed. Those are some good plusses. On the other hand, there's no theatrical widesceen version. The only place where you can see the theatrical aspect ratio is in some of the deleted scenes!

    General USA consensus: one and a half stars. Ebert 1.5/4, Berardinelli 1.5/4. Box office: $8 million

    • Sean Young in the film (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Sean Young in the deleted scenes. This was a funny scene, but I assume they cut it to get a PG-13 rating, since Sean was masturbating while pole dancing, and spreading her legs suggestively.


    Other crap:

    • naked protestor update
    • more naked protestors
    • Thousands of marines have been given a pamphlet called "A Christian's Duty," a mini prayer book which includes a tear-out section to be mailed to the White House affirming that the soldier who sends it in has been praying for the President.

    • Urban Cowboy, the Musical - shipped to Boot Hill after four nights

    • A quick glance at MTV might give the impression that popular music is created predominantly by and for twentysomethings.
      But the most powerful record buying bloc in America is made up of people over 40. (Interesting article, but requires registration at Chicago Trib website)

    • In my wild dreams, I like to think that Tuna and I are part of a new wave of independent film critics who are going to revolutionize criticism in the same way that Welles, Hitchcock, Truffaut and the Nouvelle Vague revolutionized the director's role in filmmaking, and led to the director's era in the seventies and early eighties. I don't know if I really believe that, because we focus on naked chicks more than camera angles, but I like thinking that there are people who respect independent voices like us, folks who don't have to say anything nice about a film unless they really, really mean it. Tuna and I probably don't have any impressive credentials to talk about film, but you can bet that our opinions are formulated independent of our need for future access to stars and soirees. Right or wrong, we're Coselling it all the way. (Telling it like it is, or as we see it, anyway). Anyway, the person who runs "The Films Who Loved Me" seems to believe all this with a passion that I sometimes lack, and he provides an excellent resource which presents his own thoughts and links to outsider voices.

    • 'RUSSELL CROWE will marry his sweetheart Danielle Spencer next week in Hollywood’s wedding of the year. Of course, The Sun, as a public service, has nekkid pictures of her.

    • Longhorns make Final Four. Satan making plans for pond hockey team.

    • what a great idea for a web site - every day - all the front pages from about 200 different important newspapers - they need to expand the international section (there are none from Russia, for example), but it's still a great concept

    • Tatu not really lesbians - it's all just to make money. No ... who would have dreamed?

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Julie Benz Some of the best 'caps we've seen of Julie's topless scene from "Darkdrive".

    Annabel Schofield
    (1, 2, 3)

    Topless, lingerie, getting groped and gettin' it on in scenes from "Midnight Blue".

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today another visit to the Queen of B-Movies Shannon Tweed, this time from "Body Chemistry 4: Full Exposure".

    The first 3 caps are teasers (no nudity), then it's on to scenes of the always luscious Shannon in love making scenes.

    This was kind of a hard one to cap as the lighting was terrible and kept changing. But hey it's Shannon so I couldn't pass.

    Kari Wuhrer

    Farrah Forke
    (1, 2)

    From the movie "Kate's Addiction". Kari briefly shows nipple in a soapy tub. Farrah bares a breast, and both get it on in a lesbo love scene.

    Linda Hamilton Pokies and a single bare breast in scenes from "Separate Lives" (1995).

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Picture Claire"
    Some good frontal nudity by Camilla Rutherford in Picture Claire and lots of pokies by Juliette Lewis and there's a brief topless view.

    • Camilla Rutherford (1, 2)
    • Juliette Lewis (1, 2)

    "Whispers in the Dark"
    Quite a bit of nudity by Deborah Unger in Whispers in the Dark. There's also a brief view of Annabella Sciorra's behind as it is reflected in a mirror.

    • Deborah Unger (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Annabella Sciorra (1, 2)

    "Where Eskimos Live"
    Where Eskimos Live is a British film set during the recent Balkans war. Topless nudity by Krystyna Tkacz in her brief appearance, and also by an unnamed rape victim.

    Another British film is the quirky Milk. There are topless shots of Clotilde Courau, and the briefest bush shot, if you look close enough.

    • Clotilde Courau (1, 2)

    "Miss Monday"
    Continuing the quirky British movies, we have Miss Monday. No nudity, just pokies and underwear by Andrea Hart.

    • Andrea Hart (1, 2, 3)

    "Carry on Henry"
    Finishing the British segment, we have Barbara Windsor's rear in Carry On Henry.

    Another in the Erotic Tales series is Sambólico. Some very sexy shots of an unknown dancer and also of Andrea Bloom, plus we get a nice view of Andrea's bottom.

    "Conflict of Interest"
    Conflict of Interest is one of those shocker movies that shouldn't have been made. It has just about every detective cliche there is. Topless shots of Dey Young and bimbos Lynette Howe, Kelli Brook, Christina Dunn. There are also sexy shots of the Funhouse persona non grata who has the same initials as Alyssa Milano.

    "My First Wife"
    My first wife is an Australian film and we have full frontal nudity from Wendy Hughes.

    • Wendy Hughes (1, 2)

    "Lonely Hearts"
    Wendy Hughes is topless in Lonely Hearts, unfortunately it is dark and the quality is not good.

    "Bed of Lies"
    She's getting on a bit, but Susan Dey can still put on some sexy poses in Bed of Lies.

    • Susan Dey (1, 2, 3)

    Lots of nudity in Sentinel and some has appeared in the Funhouse before, especially that of Beverly D'Angelo. But there is also nudity by Sylvia Miles and some unknowns. Cristina Raines and Deborah Raffin also look very good.

    "Get Over It"
    Lots of sexy shots in Get Over It by Kylie Bax, Kirsten Dunst, Mila Kunis, Melissa Sagemiller and some unknowns. There are some brief topless shots in the first of the unknown collages and in the third Kylie Bax collage, but this is probably a stunt double.

    "In the weeds"
    Some peek-a-boo shots of Bonnie Root in the movie In the Weeds. No nudity.

    "Big Shot : Confessions of a Campus Bookies"
    No nudity just lots of sexy shots of Jennifer Morrison and some unknowns in Big Shot : Confessions of a Campus Bookies.

    • Jennifer Morrison (1, 2)
    • Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Milla Jovovich dances around in her underwear in Kuffs, and some pokies are clearly visible.

    • Milla Jovovich (1, 2)

    "The Babysitter"
    Alicia Silverstone is The Babysitter. There is topless nudity by Tuesday Knight but only interesting shots of Lee Garlington and Alicia. In fact, you can see Alicia was not going to show anything, even to the film crew.