"Boa vs. Python"

Boa vs. Python (2004 TV) I suppose was inevitable, in the same way that Godzilla had to meet Mothra, King Kong had to meet Godzilla, etc. Rule one, when you base a movie on a battle between super monsters, you need to put a lot of effort into the special effects, or it comes off as just plain silly. Rule two, since this is science fiction, check your science, and either invent new devices and terms for them, or find out what current real devices actually do. Finally, you need to pit the monsters against each other in an interesting plot.

Unfortunately, they skipped all three steps in this film. The cgi generated snakes are not at all good, and are shown for far too long in too much light. They have a GPS device that works underground in metal tunnels, and detects all life forms in the tunnels. Sorry folks, GPS doesn't do that. It must have line of sight access to three satellites, and it tells you where you are. With the addition of mapping software, it can locate you on a map. Rather than tell the story they advertised, Boa vs. Python, they tell the story of scientists vs. big game hunters vs. FBI, all in the Philadelphia water treatment tunnels.

However, there were a lot of good things about this film. Top of the list is full frontal and rear nudity from Angel Boris, as the girlfriend of a wealthy casino owner and organizer of the big game hunters. There is also topless action near the end of the film from several painted dancers, and lots of girls in thongs around a Miami swimming pool. Most interesting to me was the detail in unimportant subplots, not related to the main story line. As an example, they locate scientist Jaime Bergman at a swimming pool in Miami, where she is engaged in a pecker contest (holding your breath under water) with a Navy UDT gorilla. She wins by flashing her tits at him underwater. Very clever scene (even though we don't see the breasts), and not germane to the plot. The film was full of such moments.

This leads me to an inevitable conclusion. Give director David Flores a real script and a budget, and I suspect he will turn out a very nice film. Despite the fatal flaws, I watched it beginning to end without a single click on fast forward, making it a C-.

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  • Angel Boris (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
  • Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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    Jr's Polls
    This week's poll is another look at a poll from a few years ago...

    Best Sex Scene in a Mainstream Movie
    For this poll it's A-list only. No skinemax or adult stuff. You'll also notice a lack of lesbian lovin'....I'm saving that for another poll.

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
    Best All Time Television Comedy
    Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance.

    Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...'caps and vids from the T&A comedy "Bikini Squad" (1993). I've seen several movies with the word 'bikini' in the title, but somehow I missed this one. All I can tell you is that it was directed by Valerie Breiman, the same woman who wrote and directed #23 on the IMDb's bottom 100..."Going Overboard".

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "3000 Miles to Graceland" (2001)
    Road movie starring Kurt Russell and Kevin Costner as good and evil Elvis impersonators.

    "We Don't Live Here Anymore" (2004)
    Medium budget drama about adultery.

    "Intolerable Cruelty" (2003)
    PG-rated comedy about adultery. The only sex scene involved some railroad hoes called "Santa Fe Tarts". They are canadian actress Kate Luyben, hefmag model Kitana Baker, wwe diva Camille Anderson, softporn actress Tamie Sheffield, scream queen Bridget Marquardt, maxim model Emma Harrison. There are pictures of all of them on the internet but the only one I could sort out is Kitana Baker who's the only brunette.

    • Hookers: doing what comes naturally in bed, jumping up and down in their underwear.

    "August 32nd on Earth" (1989)
    Surreal french-canadian drama only available on dvd in asia.

    Bliss season III: episode The Arrangement
    Half way through the 8-episode season and not a nipple in sight.

    Christina Colburn The French-Canadian actress going topless in scenes from the made-for-cable series "The Hunger", episode "The Perfect Couple".

    Karoline Eichhorn Full frontal nudity from the German actress in scenes from "Rendezvous des Todes" (1997).

    Rachel Hayward The Canadian TV and film regular topless, and showing brief bits of the other two B's in scenes from another episode of "The Hunger". Episode: "The Seductress".

    Isabelle Huppert The French star going full frontal (including some serious euro-bush) in scenes from "La Dame aux camélias" (1980).

    Kate McNeil Briefly baring a breast in scenes from the George A. Romero movie "Monkey Shines" (1988).

    Sara Rue Kitt 'caps of the "Less Than Perfect" star showing off her über-big'uns in scenes from "Gypsy 83" (2001).

    Naomi Watts "The Ring Two" star topless in a scene from her Oscar Nominated role in "21 Grams" (2003). 'Caps by Gman.

    Kyra Sedgwick
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    Skin-man 'caps of Mrs. Kevin Bacon going topless in love scenes with her real life hubby in scenes from the small budget, but very well acted and controversial film "The Woodsman". Click here for the review.

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