OK, I'll describe a film, you tell me which one it is. Two hit men are driving along in a car, headed for a job. Instead of discussing murder and gangster stuff, they are discussing real estate, settling down with a family, fast food and religion. One of the hit men is played by an actor who used to be the biggest box office star in Hollywood, and is now making a comeback. Later in the movie, two of the main characters are captured by homosexual perverts who bind them in S&M devices.

Your guess?

No, Pulp Fiction is wrong.

It's Pulp Fiction Light, aka "Big City Blues," and the former mega star isn't John Travolta, but Burt Reynolds. This proves, one again, that if there were no Quentin Tarantino, we would have to invent him.   

You've read many reviews where the reviewer said the movie was almost unwatchable, right? Usually the reviewer was speaking figuratively. But not this time. This movie is unwatchable. Not because of the plot or dialogue, because that would be figuratively unwatchable. This film is literally unwatchable, meaning that it is so dark that you can't tell what is going on, and on three separate occasion it goes entirely black. WTF? I'm guessing that they mishandled the negative or shot it wrong, or something, and then tried to cover it up with some additional dialogue where the characters notice that the lights went out. If they had done that once, it might have worked. Three times made it a bit obvious.

In other words, this is a really, really, bad movie. Really bad. Think about "From Hell It Came," "Leonard, Part 6," and those Count Yorga movies from Mexico.

If all other movies were like this, Kevin Costner could have won the best director Oscar for The Postman.

Not to mention best actor.

Georgina Cates was the best thing about the movie, and she got naked. If it had been in better light, that could have been enough for me to forgive the movie quality, but the best I can say about the experience is that the scenes were lit well enough to be able to identify her as a woman.

Just not a specific one.