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"Girls of the White Orchid" (1983)

Girls of the White Orchid (1983) is a grade Z made-for-cable that has about everything you would expect wrong with it and a bit more. It was just released on DVD as Death Ride from Osaka. The only thing that gives it any value is clear topless exposure from Jennifer Jason-Leigh, Ann Jillian and an Unknown actress.

Jennifer is an aspiring singer, and takes a two month gig in Tokyo. She expects to sing, but the White Orchid is Yakuza owned, and the entertainers are expected to provide personal services for the rich, and mostly gross customers. Jillian is a co-worker on her third tour, who came knowing what to expect. The man who recruited Jennifer is the son of the local Yakuza head, and tries to protect her from the fate of those few girls who don't fit in - being sent to Osaka. Jennifer's beau from the states quits the Air Force, and comes to Tokyo to rescue her.

The film is partially in Japanese and partly in English, and they didn't bother with subtitles of any kind. Not only that, but the Japanese is often mispronounced, and is sometimes just nonsense syllables. The DVD transfer is bare bones, and washed out, but yielded some decent images anyway. The only reason to see this is the exposure. There is nearly no information available on the net, other than that it was based on a real story.

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  • Jennifer Jason Leigh (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Ann Jillian (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Oscar Night


    Deserved to win awards, weren't expected to, but won anyway:

    • MARCIA GAY HARDEN, best supporting actress. Everyone thought it would be Kate Hudson or Judy Dench, including the British bookies. If you bet Harden, you picked up some nice odds. All things considered, she was a deserving recipient, although the others were as well.

    • STEVEN SODERBERGH - All right! I don't know if he specifically deserved it for this year or this film, but it's hard to complain when the best director wins the award for "best director". Soderbergh's worst movies are better than most people's best, and his acceptance speeach was classy, unrehearsed, and mercifully brief. ANG LEE was expected to win. He won the DGA award, and the DGA winner has won the Oscar 48 times in 52 years. Make it 53!

    • CAMERON CROWE - who got the best original screenplay award as his compensation for getting screwed over in the other categories. Boy, don't you wish award winners could tell what they really feel, "I'd like to thank you all for being generous enough to give me this insignificant award when I actually wrote and directed the best picture of the year."

    Deserved to win awards just on general principles, though I'm not sure how to word the award exactly:

    • J-Lo didn't want to be upstaged by Hurley's pre-Oscar appearances, so she showed her own breasts at the actual Oscar show. Various artists. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Here's a page full of more pictures of Hurley in her see-through dress at the pre-Oscar bash. Two words, both "hubba".

    Other thoughts:

    • Hey, what about those songs, eh? And they say music is in a down period! And they say white people can't sing! I think all the ancient tone-deaf guys was a conspiracy to make it sound like Bjork isn't all that bad a singer.

    • "Crouching Tiger" did win "best cinematography". It is well photographed, but as I've pointed out, the cinematographers gave their award to "The Patriot", a poorly written but beautifully photographed movie.

    • My choice, "Glam", didn't get one stinkin' award! There is no justice.

    • Complete list of results

    Caps the other day in the Funhouse showed Shauna O'Brien with her robohooters. How friggin sad. Desecration of one of nature's wonders 'cuz when Shauna first posed nekkid for Penthouse as Stevie Jean she was glorious. And even though PETScan and I sent in some scans of her a while back we figured, in honor and in memory of what Shauna had been, we would send in some more.
  • Shauna O'Brien (1, 2, 3, 4)

    And that got us thinking about the wisdom of posing for Penthouse as a career move. That depends on the career, as it turns out. A few dozen Pets have gone on to do other... things. Some as B movie bims, many as pornstars and adult mag posers (hell, quite a few were pornstars before making their way onto the pages of Penthouse), and a few as celebs of other sorts. So PETScan and I have spent some time in the past several days scanning and otherwise preparing for a multi-submission series on Pets as Celebs.

    In addition to Shauna, today we have Kelly Havel. This honey has posed sincerely nekkid in Penthouse and every magazine 'cept Seventeen, Reader's Digest and Guns & Ammo. Here she is from Chic.

    So far as I can figure out Kelly has appeared in several adult videos but only in what the aficionados refer to as girl-girl scenes. Too bad.

  • Kelly Havel (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Not so picky is former Pet Julia Ann. You could probably graph the frequency of on-screen het sex against natural beauty and find them inversely correlated (translation: robo-hooters spell at least single penetration with a true man-made device).

  • Julia Ann (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Well, maybe not perfectly inversely correlated. There is former Pet and natural beauty, Nanna Gibson who humps on screen under the name of Dina Jewel. Or at least that's what I hear!

  • Nanna Gibson (1, 2)

  • Scorpion
    Kira Reed
    (1, 2)

    All this week I am going to test the Reed-O'Brien Theory. Very similar to the Caine-Hackman Theory. I am going to see if I can find a soft-core movie with Kira Reed or Shauna O'Brien showing anytime I turn on late night cable (10pm to 5am). I'll post my results next Monday.

    In the meantime, here is Kira topless and showing a bit down below, in scenes from an episode of "Passion Cove". #1 is a sex scene with a dude, #2 is hot lesbo action.

    Lauren Hays
    (1, 2, 3)

    Lauren showing off her very well made robo-hooters, plus some frontal nudity in sex scenes from "Life of a Gigolo".

    Taimie Hannum Also gettin' it on in "Life of a Gigolo".

    Kaki Hunter

    Kim Cattrall

    From the 1981's "Porky's". Kaki offers topless and frontal with the girls in the shower scene. Kim gives us bottomless frontal nudity.

    Here are a few interesting facts the IMDb has to offer about this raunchy comedy classic:

  • Budget $4 million. Gross $105.5 million! Rentals $55 million!
  • As of mid-1999, it was still the highest-grossing movie ever from Canada.

  • Cisse Cameron Excellent topless 'caps from the unforgettable sequel..."Porky's II: The Next Day".

    Tai Collins Aka Tanquil Lisa Collins from her one and only film credit, the Sidaris movie "Enemy Gold". Tai goes topless and offers up some full dorsal nudity.

    After her illustrious film debut, she later went on to become a writer for "Baywatch". Now that's one talented B-actress.

    Suzi Simpson The former bunny giving up some topless and bare bum exposure from "Enemy Gold".

    Julie Strain One more from "Enemy Gold". Here's Big J playing with a sword and decked out in a studded leather outfit.

    Maria Ford Sex scenes and stripping in scenes from "Strip for Action" (aka "Hot Ticket"). I love the tagline for this movie..."She Stripped for a Living, Now She Must Strip to Live". Skinemax at it's finest!

    Nikki Fritz Also in scenes from "Strip for Action". Niki is actually surprising clothed in these 'caps, and only shows the goods upstairs.

    and ...
    Demi Moore
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    Fantastic 'caps of Demi is love scenes from "About Last Night" (long before robo-hooter installation). Thanks to Aesthete.

    Liz Hurley See-thru nipple exposure caught by the paparazzi.

    Carrie-Anne Moss The first non-bootleg nude 'caps from "Red Planet", by Exuberant. Unfortunately it's a shower scene with a lot of steam that conceals the goods. Perhaps when the DVD comes out there will be more to see.

    Linda Hamilton Nice work by Watty. Linda's brief topless scene from "The Terminator".

    Madonna Lots of cleavage from her "Secret" video. Another great job by Watty.

    Martine McCutcheon From one of the British is the UK babe in wearing a semi-see-thru top.

    Vanessa Marcil
    (1, 2, 3)

    Ok, so we've seen these pics before, but who cares! I for one never get tired of Vanessa.

    Click Here!