Van Wilder 2

Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj - Unrated (2006) follows Taj, who has learned everything Van had to teach him, to a prestigious British school, where he will do his student teaching and study for his doctorate. He has been accepted into the most prestigious fraternity on campus, and hopes to become a champion horndog as well. When he arrives, it turns out that the rich, royal snobs in the fraternity were playing a joke on him, and that he had not been accepted at all. He ends up in their equivalent of Animal House, which includes a drunken Irishman with anger issues, a nerd who is trying to solve the riddle of getting laid mathematically, a guy who doesn't talk for reasons that we learn later, and a Cockney girl who is a total potty mouth, and is looking for love, or at least a nice fat mouthful to suck on. He officially makes them a fraternity, falls in love with the head snob's girlfriend, proves that he is a great teacher, and transforms the motley crew he is living with into something approaching normality. He then takes on the snobs in a series of challenges for a prestigious cup, while winning the girl away from the snob.

IMDb readers say 2.4. This is way too low in my estimation. The material is not especially original, but I liked many of the characters, and enjoyed spending time with them. Some of the dialogue was snappy as well. To save money, much of the film was shot in Romania. This is in the same mold as Van Wilder, American Pie, etc. I found it watchable, if brainless, making it a C.

Scoop's note: Although Tuna kinda liked it, the correct score is either E or F on our system. He was almost literally the only person in the world who liked it.

• It is scored 2.4 at IMDb, among the bottom 70 of all time. And that score has been "stuffed" upward!
• It is scored 1.1 by the top 1000 voters at IMDb, lowest of all time. This group can't be "ballot stuffed."
• It was a failure at the box office of legendary proportions, possibly the worst of all time. It was in about 2000 theaters and grossed $2 million in its opening weekend. Just to prove that was no fluke, it dropped 62% in its second week and 93% in its third week.
• Only 6% of the reviews were positive, placing among the worst ten films of the year.
• Metacritic scores it 21, and estimates that it was the sixth-worst reviewed film of the year.
• Our overview of multiple ratings also showed it to be the sixth-worst film of the year.
• In general, people who liked the first Van Wilder hated it, and people who like Kal Penn hated it. Sample quotes from page 1 of IMDb comments:

• "First let me start by saying I was a huge Van Wilder fan and enjoy all of Kal Penn's work, be it in Van Wilder, Harold & Kumar, and even American Desi. This film, however, was a disaster."
• "I'm brown, British, loved Van Wilder and Kal Pen but this film is utter shit. Unfunny, unimaginative, badly directed and written."

• Even Ryan Reynolds (the original Van Wilder) must have hated it. He refused to do it, and he's never before found a sequel bad enough to refuse. He even did Blade:Trinity!

 

 

Emmanuelle 5

Today the Time Machine takes a 20 year journey to 1987 for Emmanuelle 5. This forgettable movie starred Monique Gabrielle, who truly had a body to die for and no problem baring it all for the camera.

Caps and five clips with more to come tomorrow.

Kidnapped

This movie is so bad is hilarious. First of all, every drug addict who watches this movie will want to be kidnapped, since kidnappers keep you on drugs all the time. The movie also teaches us that kidnappers like to keep their victims naked and peep on women changing.

A good police officer should have a mascot, and of course a chimpanzee is ideal!

Chimpanzees are not very different from kidnappers, they also like to peep on women changing.

We also learn that Barbara Crampton looked great on her day and she shows enough skin to prove that. Kim Evenson, who was Playboy Playmate of the Month in September of 1984 plays the kidnapped girl, and is also naked.