Friday

Updates:

Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated, featuring one of our favorites, Ludivine Sagnier, in "Une aventure"

 

Mailbox:

Scoop:

You just have a thing about Cristin Michele. That's her again in "House of the Dead 2."

Oops. He's referring to the fact that I didn't recognize her in 2001 Maniacs either! She also has a nude scene in the upcoming Night of the Living De3D. (Official page.)

Here is the corrected (I hope) collage from HOTD2.

 

Cristin Michele

 

Derailed (2005)

There is nothing incompetent about Derailed, a Hollywood thriller starring Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston. The direction, acting, and scripting are all adequate. Yet I can't give you a single good reason to watch the film unless you've never seen a thriller before. If you have already seen a few, there is absolutely nothing new in this one.

  • The characters are the same old genre stereotypes: the nice guy with an excessively routine life, the femme fatale, the over-the-top psychotic villain, the tough cop with a sentimental streak.

  • The script is completely predictable. If we went into the film assuming that it was a straight drama, the central plot twist would catch us napping, but since it is a thriller, we automatically assume that there must be a hole card hidden from our view. In this case, we can identify the downturned card in the same way that a blackjack counter can identify the last card in the deck - there is only one remaining possibility. If everything is not as it appears, there can only be one other alternative.

  • The sex and nudity are passionless. Clive Owen and Jennifer Aniston don't manage to ignite any sparks between them in a lovemaking scene. The subsequent rape scene is powerful and emotionally involving, but it is a rape after all, and therefore not a pleasant scene to watch. Moreover, Jennifer Aniston manages to stay fully dressed throughout the lovemaking with Clive Owen and even while she is being raped by Vincent Cassel.

  • After we assume the film to have concluded, there is a completely gratuitous and anti-climactic finale which destroys whatever remaining credibility the film may have had. The action was so implausible that many audiences were heckling the screen as the scene transpired.

As I add up the totals, my spreadsheet says that it all adds up to an erotic thriller which fails to deliver on either thrills or eroticism. Despite that result, it would be dishonest for me to give it a very low score simply because the package is professionally assembled. If there could have been more than one solution to the puzzle, and/or if the sex and nudity had been as impressive as the action in Body Heat or Basic Instinct, Derailed would be a film to recommend. As it stands, it is a barely watchable time-killer for genre fans.

C- by our standard of measurement.

Melissa George, or maybe a body double, showing only some plumber's crack.

Jennifer Aniston - no nudity at all

A film clip (zipped .wmv) of Aniston.


Other Crap:

Alligator Knocks on Fla. Woman's Door

  • His biggest problem: where to store his copies of The Watchtower

The Movie Timeline

  • "So here's the pitch: The Movie Timeline is the history of everything, taken from one simple premise - that everything you see in the movies is true..."

Unprecedented levels of wagering on ... American Idol

On the menu today: horse penis and testicles with a chili dip

  • "Situated in an elegantly restored house beside Beijing's West Lake, it is China's first speciality penis restaurant."
  • At last, we welcome China to the community of civilized nations.

Colbert Report: "I am the Great and Powerful Oz"

  • Sometimes to maintain your authority in the face of criticism, you have to make stuff up.

Colbert analyzes Jennifer Aniston's move to Chicago

Colbert Report: Fox News's Dan Senor is conservative on national security and liberal on ties.

"Colbert Report: Better Know a District: California's 27th"

The Daily Show looks at the bureaucratic morass which keeps the trade towers from being rebuilt.

Daily Show: Stewart - Spring Break: Wooooo!

  • 90% of spring breakers have had group sex that in hindsight they were really glad about.

"Daily Show: Headlines - Respect My Port Authoritah!"

  • New York is set to build the tallest, shiniest, terrorist-tauntiest skyscraper in the world.

The trailer from Somersault

  • "After making a misjudged advance towards her mother's boyfriend, 16-year-old Heidi (Abbie Cornish) flees her home for the small Australian ski town of Jindabyne. Entranced by the startling beauty of the wintry landscapes and falling snow, she begins to create a new life for herself. With little money or practical experience, she accepts a job at a petrol station and finds lodging with Irene (Lynette Curran). When she falls for Joe (Sam Worthington), the son of a wealthy local farmer, her self-destructive tendencies re-surface, and her fragile new world threatens to come tumbling down. An erotic, lyrical depiction of a young girl's sexual awakening, 'Somersault' is a breakthrough debut for both its director and its star."

The clip and a trailer from ATL

  • "ATL tells the story of four teens coming of age in a working class Atlanta neighborhood where hip-hop music and roller skating rule. As the group prepares for life after high school, challenges on and off the rink bring about turning points in each of their lives. The film is loosely based on Dallas Austin and Tionne Watkins' experiences growing up in Atlanta and hanging out at a local skating rink called Jellybeans."

The international trailer and two clips from The Promise

  • "A new epic fantasy set in China's mythical past, The Promise is a visually stunning tale of passion that unfolds against a backdrop of war as a beautiful and mysterious princess becomes the object of affection for three very different men - a powerful Duke, a brave general and a lowly slave. As passions spark and egos clash, lives will be ruined and lovers spurned and no one will ever be the same."

The trailers for United 93, a film about the "other plane" on 9/11 - the one which the passengers took back from the hijackers.

Tom Cruise Furniture-Hopping Once Again

Ain't It Cool News discusses The Notorious Bettie Page. (With pictures and a film clip.)

Gretchen Mol discusses her role as Bettie Page

RapidShare Video - celebrity boobfest

  • "Features Stacy Keibler Ass-Shakin', Katie Holmes, Nicole Richie & Many Others"

Growl

  • Update of Allan Ginsberg's "Howl"

Movie theaters aim for live 3D sports in 2007

"Good luck, Mr Grosky"

The Wonderful World of Clerks 2

And you think Bush is a classy guy? Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian head of state, mock-humps a female police officer

Paris Hilton says she will soon be taking roles away from Charlize Theron!

  • "Earlier this month, the stunning blonde claimed she is as good an actress as Oscar-winner Charlize Theron. The hotel heiress insisted she is easily as talented as the screen beauty, who won the Best Actress prize for her performance in 'Monster', and said the pair would soon be competing for the same roles. She said: "My acting coach told me I have a similar style of acting to her so we may end up vying for the same parts."

"BUSH OUTSOURCES TOWN HALL MEETINGS TO INDIA" ... Questions on Medicare, Iraq Fielded From Bangalore

More A-List Stars Now Doing Voiceovers

Some nudes and other Helmut Newton photos

William Hung alert!

Chloe Sevigny's artistic nudes

Free nude sample gallery from Playboy.com: Jenny McCarthy's lookalike sister, Amy McCarthy

Snakes on a Plane Now Has a Logo

"Alabama Governor's Race: The Roy Moore Argument for Execution of Homosexuals"

Carmen Electra, the former Mrs Rodman, Now Has A Crush on Kate Moss

From the "here is your brain on drugs" department: "Hollywood Actor Charlie Sheen Calls 9/11 'Conspiracy Theory'"

  • According to Sheen, not only were President Bush and his administration involved in what he calls a "conspiracy theory," but the press was too.

Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston

  • "A nude Britney Spears on a bearskin rug while giving birth to her firstborn marks a first for Pro-Life."

South Park - Something's Up with Chef!

  • "Taken from the first episode from season 10 of South Park. Who would have thought Chef was a child molester?"

Weird Al Yankovic: I lost on Jeopardy

"Lindsay Lohan is desperate to play Wonder Woman"

Coming Soon now has four clips from the soon-to-be immortal cinema classic, The Benchwarmers

American Dreamz Can Come True: Film Clip and Singing Contest

VH1.com: a sneak preview of The Surreal Life 6

This is JEOPARDY! - JEOPARDY! ONLINE CONTESTANT TEST

A Film Review of C.S.A. - The Confederate States of America

  • C.S.A. is a faux documentary imagining life in North America if the Confederacy had won the Civil War. Humorous and provocative, but never outright funny, the picture is an inventive piece of filmmaking, at time convincingly illustrating a bizzaro world that just might have been.

Meet A Black Person

  • "Some parts of the world lack Indians. Others lack people from Pakistan. Aspen, CO happens to lack Black people. The person in this video capitalizes on this fact for an unforgettable short video."

A clip from Lucky Number Slevin

Another clip from Lucky Number Slevin

The trailer from The Lost City

  • "Andy Garcia ('Modigliani') stars and makes his directorial debut in a passionate and historical tribute to his native Cuba. Havana in 1958 is a place of pleasure for many, but others are not happy under the rule of dictator Fulgencio Batista. As the revolutionary forces of Fidel Castro and Ernesto 'Che' Guevara prepare to move on the city, Fico Fellove (Garcia) - owner of the city's classiest music nightclub, El Tropico -struggles to hold together his family and the love of a woman (Ines Sastre), not knowing that his club will become more than just a stage for popular entertainment. Observing all is The Writer (Bill Murray) an ex-patriot American who sees Fico being drawn into events as the revolution changes everything. Though Fico watches a culture vanish and a people transformed, it is his love of Cuban music that keeps his memories alive."

Two more clips from Take the Lead, a film in which a teacher brings ballroom dancing skills to bored inner city kids who prefer hip-hop.

Two clips from Take the Lead, the dancing movie with Antonio Banderas

The trailer for The Sisters

  • "Four siblings struggle to banish the ghost of their dead father and create some semblance of harmony using a college on New York's Upper East Side as their surrogate home. Flashing between the chaos of Manhattan and the seemingly perfect sanctuary of Charleston, this unflinchingly honest drama with comedy explores and explodes the myths of family and friendship. As three sisters and a brother recall the simpler life the family left in their childhood home, they peel back the layers of their pretensions and self-deceptions with wit and candor escalating to moments of shocking power. Their final realization is that chaos and violence lie within the heart, and the only defenses are love and honesty."

The trailer for Art School Confidential

  • "The film is Zwigoff's second adaptation of a comic story by Daniel Clowes, after 'Ghost World,' for which they shared an Academy Award nomination for Best Adapted Screenplay in 2002. 'Art School Confidential' follows a talented young artist Jerome Platz (Max Minghella) as he escapes from high school to a tiny East Coast art school. Here the boyish freshman's ambition is to become the world's greatest artist, like his hero Picasso. Unfortunately, the beauty and craft of Jerome's portraiture are not appreciated in an anything-goes art class that he finds bewildering and bogus. Neither his harsh judgments of his classmates' efforts or his later attempts to create pseudo-art of his own win him any admirers. But Jerome does attract the attentions of his dream girl - the stunning and sophisticated Audrey (Sophia Myles) - an artist's model and daughter of a celebrated artist. Rejecting the affectations of the local art scene, Audrey is drawn to Jerome's sincerity."

The trailers for Keeping Up With The Steins

  • "After attending a neighbor's over-the-top Bar Mitzvah celebration, high-powered Hollywood agent Adam Fiedler, played by Jeremy Piven, is determined to pull out all the stops, and have the most extravagant celebration ever seen, for his shy, insecure son Benjamin."

The internet buzz about 'Snakes on a Plane'

Colbert points out "One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind."

Colbert interviews Steve Kroft of 60 Minutes

Colbert Report: Employee Reviews

  • It's employee review time at the Report!

Colbert's take on the world baseball championships

  • The logic is irrefutable. Japan beat Cuba, but we beat Japan in World War II, so we are the champions!

Phoebe Cates, star turned shopkeeper.

The Smoking Gun: Dick Cheney's Suite Demands

  • Interestingly, his hotel suite must be kept below the freezing point, and his mini-bar must include at least eight quarts of goat's blood and a still-beating human heart.

Conan's Spring Break Special: James Lipton Shotguns a Beer

The 20 Most Important Tools Ever

  • Donald Trump protested his exclusion from the list.

WTF?? "Dog Bible" Contains No Mention Of Canine Jesus

New York's new pay toilets

The trailer for Mozart And The Whale

  • A dramatic, romantic comedy inspired by the lives of two people with Asperger's Syndrome, a form of autism, whose emotional dysfunctions threaten to sabotage their budding romance. Donald (Hartnett) is a good-natured but hapless taxi driver with a love of birds and a superhuman knack for numbers. Like many AS sufferers, he likes patterns and routines. But when the beautiful but complicated Isabelle (Mitchell) joins the autism support group he leads, his life - and his heart - are turned upside down.

Chef Gets Big Send-Off on 'South Park'

The first alpha release of Firefox 2.0 is available through Mozilla

"A Supreme Court decision leaves unanswered questions about what Internet content is protected speech."

"Jessica Alba said she won't be getting naked onscreen"

Coming Soon has a new clip from Stay Alive

Headline of the day: Illinois Democrats promise not to buy votes

  • They've finally realized that votes from dead people are so much more economical.

 


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

 

 

  7

The Guy from Harlem (1977)

"The thing is nobody knows what Big Daddy looks like, very few people have ever seen him. All we do know is he's a white guy who is six foot two, with blond curly hair. And man, you talk about muscles... he got the biggest muscles! And he wears bands around his arms. But nobody knows what he looks like. Nobody's ever seen him."

The Guy from Harlem is about a private detective, who was, in fact, originally from Harlem, but has moved to Florida because there were too many detectives in Harlem. He is still known as "The Guy from Harlem," presumably because "The Guy from Coral Gables" just doesn't sound black and bad-ass enough.

As the film opens, we see a black woman asleep on a sofa, and a guy decides to grab her tit under her top. She gets pissed, but can't do much because her hands are tied. It seems that she has been kidnapped by the infamous Big Daddy, but there is good news for her. Big is going to kidnap another black woman, this time the wife of an African head of state, so the woman in bondage will have company.

Cut to the office of The Guy from Harlem, who is visited by a close CIA friend, and hired to guard the wife of an African head of state. Don't worry about the woman being held captive. She is just waiting for act two of this masterpiece. Don't wonder why the CIA hires an independent black guy to guard a visiting first lady. Just go with the story here. It will be less painful than thinking about it.

The Guy from Harlem manages to thwart Big Daddy and deliver the wife unharmed, if a little worn out after screwing him all night. Then the family of the kidnapped woman, gangsters all, come to Harlem Guy for help. He agrees, since there is an attractive woman involved. We are then treated to a series of fight scenes, as The Guy from Harlem walks along the edge of a park, beats up bad guys, and tosses them into the bushes. After he rescues the woman, he must spend the night with her, cause that is what Guys from Harlem do. The final act is the showdown between The Guy from Harlem and Big Daddy himself.

Pros and Cons:

  • Let's start with the good things about the film, as that will be easy. Many of the so-called actors and actresses sport monumental Afros ... legitimate 70s stuff. I doubt they could even get their hair into a modern car. Two actresses show breasts. Let's see ... Yes, that just about covers the good parts.

  • On the other side of the coin, none of the performers have any acting ability, the fight scene choreography is pitiful, and the dialogue is clearly 100% ad-libbed, and badly at that. In fact, they even ad-libbed the same lines in two successive scenes.

This film is only for masochists. If I thought for a moment that it was intentional parody, I would be forced to call it brilliant, as they absolutely mastered every aspect of bad cinema.

Believe it or not, The Guy From Harlem spawned a sequel called Super Soul Brother!

 

Cathy Davis, as the kidnap victim, shows breasts in a nice long shower scene.

Patricia Fulton, as the wife of the African head of state, shows breasts in a mirror.

Sliver (1993)

Sliver (1993) is a Sharon Stone thriller also staring Tom Berenger, William Baldwin and Polly Walker. All four were nominated for Razzies. I know I have seen this before, and was not impressed with it but never did any captures from the normal release. The Unrated version supposedly has four additional minutes of sex, but the running times are the same for both versions. This time, I did find dark Sharon Stone nudity (breasts and buns) and a couple of fairly hot sex scenes. The film also played better than I remember it, and the identity of the killer was in doubt until the ending.

Stone is a book editor, and moves into the swanky Sliver building, a very up-scale apartment building. Two tenants, Baldwin and Berenger, start hitting on her immediately. She ends up with Baldwin, who turns out to own the building, and to have every room in the building bugged with sound and video. His first gift to her is a telescope, which she immediately uses to spy on other buildings, assuring him that he has found his soul mate. Stone learns that the girl in the apartment before her looked like her, and fell to her death from the window. When other tenants are murdered, she is unsure if it is Berenger or Baldwin.

IMDb readers say 4.5. Razzie nominations for all of the acting positions, screenplay and director are not indicative of a great film. The nudity helped maintain interest, but it was back-lit and not easy to see. I mostly forgot about this film from the first viewing, and must say the unrated version is marginally better, at least in the storytelling. I will give it a C-.

Sharon Stone

 
 
 

 

 

 

Today we take a look at "Species."

Marg Helgenberger some nice leg and even a flash of tit.

 

Natasha Henstridge returns with several scenes of breast exposure.  I just think this woman is so hot.

 

Marliese Schneider is a bound and gagged "Babe in Bondage" dressed in her slip, no nudity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kate Moss answers the age-old question, "What would Marilyn Monroe have looked like without breasts or hips?"
A see-through from Pink
Davorka Tovilo  in "Zwei zum Fressen gern"
A very short film (zipped .wmv) clip of Kate Hudson in Almost Famous
 

 


Pat's comments in yellow...

The Women's Institute Calendar Girls, the first older ladies to pose for a nude charity calendar, have so inspired Prince Charles' wife Camilla, she's joined their organization.  A group spokeswoman said it's unlikely Camilla will be appearing in a nude calendar.

*  She did volunteer...But they said, "Unlikely." 

*  They started the big fad for nude charity calendars, and Camilla would end it. 
 

With nearly half of Americans visiting a Wal-Mart at least  once a week, the company fears it's tapped out its target market.  So they are testing something new in Plano, Texas: a special Wal-Mart that will offer high-end electronics, fine jewelry, designer clothes, hundreds of wines at up to $500 a bottle, and even a sushi bar.  Some analysts say upscale consumers may be tempted by the food, but getting them to buy fashions at Wal-Mart may be a hard sell.

*  I didn't even know Vera Wang made stretch pants. 

*  That bottle of wine used to be $500, but now, it's $499.82.


The Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission and police in the Dallas suburb of Irving launched a crackdown on public intoxication, and last week hit 36 bars and arrested 30 people.  But critics say they went too far when they raided a hotel bar and arrested drinkers who were registered guests and just planned to return to their rooms without driving.  Dallas-based comic Steve Harvey joined the protest, saying that if someone isn't driving,  then "it's only American to let a guy get drunk where he wants to get drunk."  But a TABC officer replied, "Going to a bar is not an opportunity to go get drunk. It's to have a good time but not to get drunk."

*  And you would have a good time.........how?

*  Having fun in a bar doesn't mean getting drunk...It means getting a woman drunk.

*  Irving's got a BIG future as a convention city.