Monday

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations

2009

This is the latest in a series of time-travel mysteries which originated with a 2004 theatrical flick starring Ashton Kutcher.  This time, the time-traveling Ashton 3.0 dude is eking out a living as a paid informant for the police. He goes back in time, watches crimes being committed, identifies the perps, and tries to observe clues which the cops can use as tangible evidence. The police don't quite "get it," of course, but all of the tips prove 100% reliable, which makes the ordinary detectives seem like Sherlock Holmes, so the coppers pay off the Third Ash-Man and don't ask too many questions. It is frustrating for Ash-3 to have to sit idly by and observe while vicious killers slaughter their victims, of course, but the top secret time-travel rules, which he figured out with the help of a physicist, forbid him from doing anything to alter the past. He can only observe it.

Oh, you silly goose. You're thinking, "But his presence there, even as an observer, has to change things, and those insignificant changes in the past could multiply to significance in the present. What if the murderer spots Ashton III watching the crime, and changes his plans?" Oh, you're being so silly. You'll just have to accept the fact that nothing changes when he plays by the rules. Of course, that would make for a boring movie, so he decides NOT to play by the rules.

Here's the deal. He is visited by the sister of his ex-girlfriend, who was murdered. She says that the guy on death row for the murder is innocent, and produces convincing evidence of that. Unfortunately, the evidence is not convincing enough for the authorities, who plan to go ahead with the execution, but Ash-3 senses it is correct, so he plans to go back, watch the murder, and identify the real killer. His sister, who knows about the time-travel power, says, "So, let me see if I understand this. You're going to go back and watch the love of your life get murdered, but you'll only observe. Yeah. What could go wrong?" His consulting physicist advises him similarly, but Triple Ashton is a stubborn cuss, and he goes back.

Well, of course, his sis and the professor were right. He just makes a right mess of things. People in the past recognize him; the girlfriend still dies; additional people get killed; Murphy's Law prevails. The person who killed his girlfriend in Present 1.0 has somehow turned into a serial killer when he returns to Present 1.1. He feels that he has to go back again and try to fix it. That fails, so he tries again, and so forth. The biggest problem is that every time he goes back he leaves his own DNA at a crime scene, so that every time he returns to the present, the police are that much closer to locking him up. Since he never does come face-to-face with the killer in his time travels, and since time-traveling makes him act crazy, we wonder if perhaps he really is the killer ...

That's all I can tell you. The film is entirely plot-driven, so I can't reveal much more.

There were all sorts of possibilities inherent in that premise, and I have to admit that I was really hoping that he actually was the killer and was not aware of it because of the various time-travel paradoxes. That could have been a nifty little twist, ala Angel Heart or Memento, where he finally realizes he is looking for himself. It did not go down that way. In fact, the way it did go down was far too mundane and gimmicky. The script solved the mystery by introducing completely new information in the last couple of minutes, and the denouement was driven by one of those familiar movie speeches where the killer voluntarily provides all the exposition in the final minutes just because chatty movie killers love to crow about their plans, gosh darn it. ("So you see, Mr Bond, I can now reveal my entire complicated plan to you because you are about to die. I won't tell you every detail, but I'll tantalize you with just enough information so that you know you could stop me if you could escape. That will make your death so much more frustrating for you, knowing what you could have done by escaping. Which, of course, you can't.")

Of course there are logic gaps, as there are in any time-travel movie. Take the obvious one. Ash-3 first goes back in time because a woman asked him to get the innocent guy off death row in present 1.0. When he returns to present 1.1, the innocent guy is a successful lawyer, the woman who asked him to help is dead, and his emotionally troubled sister is markedly improved. Problem solved. Sweet little 15-minute movie. Let's get a beer.

Of course, if the woman who asked him to help was killed ten years ago, then she couldn't have asked him to help, but ... well, now we're getting into matters that are not specific to this script, but apply to ALL time-travel scripts, which are inherently silly. If you are willing to live with that, then I'd say you might well enjoy the tricky plotting. I was really into it until the last five minutes. My interest was held. I wondered who the killer was, and I wondered how Ashton-3 could convince the cops he was innocent. I was, however, disappointed by the contrived "surprise" ending which did not follow logically from any of the preceding information, and I was even more disappointed by one of those awkward epilogues with a hackneyed "The End?????" wink to the audience.

 

Nudity:

There is a very lively sex scene between the time-traveler and a bartender. It stars out with him humping her on a glass table. He's behind her, and the camera is underneath the table. Pretty wild! IMDb seems to have the woman identified wrong. Their link leads to Melissa Jones, kind of an innocent-looking redheaded suburban type. The actress actually in the scene in Melissa Jones Richardson, an exotic BDSM performer who is better known as Mistress Malice or Mistress Melissa, and is famous for her elaborate tattoos. (They can be seen in the film clip, and they are real.) You can see about a gazillion pictures of her on her Flickr page, or her Youtube page.

Here are some demi-nude samples from those sources:

IMDb's mistake, assuming it is a mistake, is understandable, since the film's closing credits simply identify her as Melissa Jones. I don't think she ever uses that combination alone. As far as I can tell, when she goes by a first and last name, it is Melissa Richardson.

 

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Big Bad Mama

1974

Another classic. The "Angie Dickinson fucks captain Kirk" movie.

Angie Dickinson many film clips.

Angie collages:

Susan Sennett and Robbie Lee: many film clips.

Susan

 

Robbie

 

 

Shannon Christie: two film clips.

Shannon Christie collages:

Joan Prather film clip.

Prather collages:

Sally Kirkland film clip. (Pre-blonde, pre-implants.)

Sally collages:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


TV Land

We have another all TV Land day. Jaime Pressly returns as she had a busy week last week. Her she visits the "Today Show". Caps and 2 short clips.

 

Jaime also went on "The View" to promote her new book and movie. Those legs look oh so sweet. Caps and a clip.

 

And my favorite, Amy Robach, is back with more leggage from the "Today Show." Caps and a short HD clip.


 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes and collages

Reno 911

2007

Irina Voronina

 

Epic Movie

2007

It's an all-Voronina, all-2007 day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deadly Embrace

(1989)

Part 3 of 3

Clips from a videotape of Deadly Embrace (1989). 'Tis a distinctly odiferous cowpie of a movie starring that guy who played Stringfellow Hawk opposite Ernest Borgnine in the television show about a high tech helicopter. What the f*** is his name? No matter because he sucks. Reminds me of that South Park episode where the town's people eat Eric Roberts because "no one gives a shit about Eric Roberts." Well I would have to say even fewer people give even less of a shit about whatever his name is.

So why bother with this nonsensical pile of bovine manure? It has Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer nekkid, that's why. Michelle's usual after-market equipment is on display, as is her all-natural and wonderful tush. Gal had a killer caboose. Third topless gal is Ty Randolph, aka Mindy Miller. Remember her in a bit part in Body Double, where she played, well, a body double? Here she plays a neglected wife - married to good ol' what's his name. She boffs this younger guy - Linnea's boyfriend - and I think either kills or gets killed, perhaps both, but I wouldn't know because once I was certain I would see no more of Linnea or Michelle nekkid I hit eject so quickly a rip in the time-space continuum developed over the Eastern U.S. This crapola was written and directed by a pair of guys (David DeCoteau and Richard Gabai) who have had a hand in 100 of the worst movies ever made - average score hovering near 3.0 on IMDb. In that context, they seem perfectly worthy of some serious AIG bonus money - say, maybe 50 mil each.

Today's nudie: Ty Randolph

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inheritance

(2004)

Jen Taylor film clip. Collage below.

 

Inheritance

(2008)

Surfing flick filmed in New South Wales.

Rebecca Breeds film clip. Collages below.

 

 

Incendiary

(2008)

 Michelle Williams film clips. Collages below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Crowley

2008

I suspect the average viewer won't like this UK horror/occult/Sci-Fi flick, but I did. If you're willing to pay close attention to all the twists and turns, it isn't half bad. It also has enough nudity to keep your attention as it sometimes wanders. It actually is set around historical figures including occultist Aleister Crowley, supposedly the "wickedest main in Britain", Jack Parsons, a chemist and inventor of the fuel used for U.S. space flights to the moon, and also a devoted follower of Crowley, and Lafayette Ron Hubbard, the science fiction author and founder of Scientology.

The story itself, however, is pure fiction

In 1947, two Cambridge students visit Crowley, who was ill. Discussions included Crowley's sexual deviations and obsession with incarnation. It was his intent to return from the dead, take over the body of another, and rule the world. During the visit, Crowley died of a heart attack.

Moving to modern times, Doctor Josh Mathers brings his state of the art interactive suit from Cal Tech to Cambridge so it can be hooked up to Z93, the biggest super computer in the world. While wearing the suit, a Cambridge professor has his mind taken over by Crowley, who begins a four-day quest to permanently take over the professor's body. To do this, he plans to perform an occult ceremony called a "chemical wedding" which involves inseminating a hapless victim.

Yeah, it's weird, and probably just too way out for most, but I suspect that Sci-Fi lovers will enjoy it.
 

Esme Bianco Gemma Hiles Helen Milar
Lucy Cudden Natasha Ford Nicola Rockhill

 

 

 

 

 

"Fast Track"

1997

Little known cable series that got released to DVD, although the box set is missing an episode.

(1) Mary Moore: topless as Mona Black #1


(2) Carmelina Lamanna: topless as Mona Black #2


(3) Brandy Ledford: boob almost falling out of her negligee


(4) Guylaine St-Onge: side boob having sex


(5) Anais Granofsky: buns, pokies


(6) Jenny Levine: sexy


(7) Cali Timmins: brassiere


(8) Laura Bertram: partial boob


(9) Heather Bertram: partial boob


(10) Allison Hossack: partial boob


(11) Lisa Stahl: partial boob


(12) Melinda Deines: sexy


(13) Brandi Ward: sexy


(14) unknowns: some self-referential jokes in episode "Deconstructing Eagle Ridge". The babes are based on characters on the show although they're bimbos in order to attract male viewers. But the topless shot in the last frame is only meant for the European market overseas. This sort of thing was also done for American cable series such as First Wave and Forever Knight.

 

 

 

 

 

Pics

Sarah Chalke offers a rare bit of bare flesh from "Scrubs." Modest, but cute.

Film Clips

Here's the "behind the scenes" film for that GQ Ana Faris photoshoot.

Rachel Weisz in I Want You. This is a must-see. Not only is it hot stuff from a star, but it is in 1920x1080 resolution! Rachel has a hot sex scene, then stands facing the camera with her kitty poking out. It's a massive download, but you do want this for your collection. (And maybe one or more of you guys would like to do some jumbo-ass captures. Hint. Hint.)