Kissed (1996)


House of the Dead 2 (2005)

Many reviewers and IMDb members commented that this film was superior to the original House of the Dead. I suppose that is true, but it is almost self-evident, about like saying that Khrushchev was a better human being than Stalin. What are the odds that he could have been worse? The original House of the Dead was made by Uwe Boll and is rated 15th on the list of the worst movies of all time at IMDb, so it's the Stalin of movies, and the odds are pretty damned good that the successor would be better. Indeed, the distributors could have re-issued Gymkata with a new title and it would have been an improvement. 

To be fair, House of the Dead 2 is not a bad effort, given the limitations of its genre and budget. The script makes some sense. It has a sense of humor. It is properly lighted, clearly photographed and competently performed. There are no mainstream reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, but four genre specialists weighed in on the film, and three of the four praised it!

The Arrow summed up the perspective of the genre critics:

"HOUSE OF THE DEAD 2 showed off a winning sense of humor, a promising premise, a handful of decent actors and an easy-money pace. Too bad the low budget, the lack of true gore and the oh-hum directing played against it. Iím half, half on this one but I could see it playing well with brews and friends in tow. I saw it with a crowd and it sure helped make it more fun than it truly was. Your call!"

Call it a C-. Although it is a film to avoid if zombies aren't your thing, the people who do have a thing for zombies found it to be competent, if uninspired.



Paige Peterson
Danielle Burgio
Uncertain identification.

I have seen this actress identified as Tina Mahler, but I'm just not sure.



Other Crap:

Three Years in Iraq: President's Ruminations on the Three Year Anniversary of America's Super-Successful Freedomizationizing of Vietraq (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

The Daily Show's Trendspotter looks at "Life Coaching"

Jon Stewart talks to Iraqi General Georges Sada

The joke's on the Net: Comedy careers launched via Web

Great nostalgia ... Complete episodes of classic TV shows in excellent quality . I watched the first episodes of F Troop and Welcome Back, Kotter

Conan O'Brien visits a random Finnish man with a silly name (Forss Fagerstrom)

The trailer for I Am A Sex Addict, an offbeat documentary.

The trailer for The Sisters

  • "Four siblings struggle to banish the ghost of their dead father and create some semblance of harmony using a college on New York's Upper East Side as their surrogate home. Flashing between the chaos of Manhattan and the seemingly perfect sanctuary of Charleston, this unflinchingly honest drama with comedy explores and explodes the myths of family and friendship. As three sisters and a brother recall the simpler life the family left in their childhood home, they peel back the layers of their pretensions and self-deceptions with wit and candor escalating to moments of shocking power. Their final realization is that chaos and violence lie within the heart, and the only defenses are love and honesty."

"CHENEY INVITES HELEN THOMAS ON HUNTING TRIP" ... Effort to Reach Out to White House Press Corps, Observers Say

"Cassini took this surreal image of the gas giant Saturn, its majestic rings, and its enigmatic world Enceladus all in one frame."

Joan Rivers Looks for Love on

"Jennifer Aniston is quitting Hollywood and moving to Chicago ..." because all the flights to Rochester were booked.

The Daily Show looks at the Bush communication style

Do the whiny kids really grow up to be conservatives?

  • Looking at the study beyond the first paragraph, one finds that one factor explains only 7% of the variation in the other.
  • Apparently the cause of trying to diagnose conservatism as a personality defect is an entire subset of psychology. Back in the 1950s, one researcher claimed that subjects who saw Nazism and Stalinism as similar phenomena were demonstrating their "idiocy" and "irrationality."

RapidShare Video: Elizabeth Whitcraft in Working Girl

  • Here are the still captures in a .rar file, also on RapidShare

Letterman: Top Ten Reasons Dick Cheney Won't Resign

The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for the upcoming weekend

  • He thinks Inside Man, with Jodie Foster and Denzel, will take the #1 spot from revenues in about 2800 theaters.
  • Larry the Cable Inspector and Stay Alive are expected to reach 1700-1900 screens, and open modestly in 6th and 7th.

Colbert gives a big thumb down to the earth's axis.

Colbert interviews Connie Chung

Colbert Report: Iraq Anniversary. Stephen honors the courage and sacrifice of the Iraqi people with a cake.

Colbert Report: Movies Destroying America: The Libertine

The Daily Show: "Clive Owen confirms that he has worked with a crazy prick, but he won't disclose who it is."

Colbert and The Daily Show pay tribute to the Irish for St Patty's day

The Daily Show discusses Global Warming

The Daily Show: Iraq the Gathering

Info and spoilers for Superman Returns.

A classic TV moment: The Hulkster puts Richard Belzer in a sleeper hold.

An oldie but goodie: Kate Moss doing her crazy topless dance.

Dancer loses job due to large breasts

Museum of bad album covers: the worst album covers ever!

'A Prairie Home Companion' -another full trailer

The Gawker Stalker - a mapped record of Manhattan celebrity sightings

"U.S. CONFUSES INSURGENTS WITH PRESCRIPTION DRUG PLAN" ... Military Launches "Operation Incomprehensible Program" Across Iraq

RapidShare video of Jamie-Lynn Sigler undulating in her undies on The Sopranos

  • Also on RapidShare, here is a .rar file of 18 high definition captures from the same scene.

Friends of Isaac Hayes say that he did not quit South Park - interesting read.

Musical genius department: "K-Fed" releases his latest rap effort. (Not safe for work. Loud, filled with profane language, plays automatically.)

Die Hard: The Ballad of John McClane (Very well done, but one strange concept - Die Hard re-mixed as a B&W silent movie.)

The trailer from Little Miss Sunshine

  • "A family determined to get their young daughter into the finals of a beauty pageant take a cross-country trip in their VW bus."


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




Don't Open Till Christmas (1984)

Someone in the U.K. is killing anyone in a Santa suit, and Scotland Yard is under pressure to find the killer before the city runs out of Santas. There is no consistency or pattern to the murder methods, and the killer wears a mask, so there are few clues for most of the film. However, the daughter of one of the early victims figures the entire thing out well ahead of Scotland Yard. One of the Santas is offed in a peep show booth, so the killer must try for her as well. Oddly, she provides no nudity. Pat Ashley, as a nude model, shows breasts when she wears a Santa cape home from a shoot and is nearly done by our killer.

The most interesting thing about the film was watching the film makers finding ways to kill Santas. Buring one to death on a chestnut roasting grill was not bad, but my personal favorite involved a department store Santa taking a leak, and a straight razor.

IMDb readers have this at 2.6, with 75 votes. It is reassuring to know that 75 other people besides me watched this thing. Minor critics place this in the "so bad it is worth the watch" category. I might feel the same way were it not for the very weak transfer I screened.

This is a D.

Pat Ashley






Today the Time Machine travels back to 1991 for sexy Natasha Henstridge in "Maximum Risk".

Natasha legs, underwear and boobies.







Free spirit Chloe Sevigny, the Isadora Duncan of the age, posing stark naked for Purple Fashion magazine.
Anne Dusenberry in Basic Training
Brooke Langton in The Net
Donna Kei Benz in The Challenge
Linda Hoffman in Jane Street
Maxim Roy in Hidden Agenda
Terri Hawkes in The Killing Machine
Emily Blunt in Irresistible
Stephanie Chao in Jack Frost 2
Kestie Morassi in Wolf Creek
Lola Naymark in Sequins (also with a zipped .wmv film clip)
Sharon Stone in the ultimate unrated edition of Basic Instinct
Patricia Arquette in Lost Highway
Courteney Cox
Genevieve Bujold in Monsignor


Pat's comments in yellow...

Graceland opened a new exhibit to give Elvis fans a peek into their night owl idol's nocturnal life.  It includes the jukebox he would play all night, film clips of associates describing the King's late-night rentals of movie theaters and amusement parks, and a TV with a bullet hole in the screen, the only surviving TV of many that Elvis shot.  A spokesman said he shot it when Robert Goulet was performing.

*  You don't want the Percodan to wear off when Robert Goulet is singing.


Ever-quotable Sharon Stone said, "Guys who think they're cool aren't cool to me," and she craves the kind of guy who "would want to wear Sponge Bob pajamas and sit in the front row at the school play."

*  "...Next to a woman who isn't wearing panties."

*  Her ideal man is Michael Jackson?!

Stone also said she made sure she was ready to appear nude in "Basic Instinct 2" by freeze-framing herself naked in the first movie on her projection room screen and standing naked beside it for her best friend's inspection.  Stone said her friend told her, "'You look fabulous, you're ready to go.'  I felt great."

*  But then, she's done the same thing every day since 1992.

*  I get the impression "Basic Instinct" is ALWAYS on her projection room screen.

Tuesday, George W. Bush defended the Iraq war but would not name a date for troop withdrawal, saying that may be up to a future president

* Like George Jetson.

A Brooklyn College study of women over 70 found that those whose favorite TV shows were soap operas and daytime talk shows scored much lower on mental tests, but they can't say what the connection is

* Gee ... why would "Jeopardy" fans be mentally sharper than Jenny Jones fans?


A study by England's Christie Hospital found that fish rich in fatty oils may help prevent the spread of prostate cancer

* The only hard part is cramming the fish up your butt.