Capone (1989 TV Movie), AKA The Revenge of Capone is not actually about Al Capone. Rather, it is the story of a G-Man who brought him down. In this tale, Elliott Ness was a pompous pretty-boy and Hoover sycophant who, at best, made meaningless busts. Agent Michael Rourke (Keith Carradine) is the one who nailed Capone for tax evasion, and then campaigned to have him transferred to Alcatraz, since he was still running the mob from his Cook County jail cell.
The film opens with Capone at home in Florida. He has invited Rourke, who comes to see the man, who is dying of untreated syphilis. The rest of the film is a flashback. Highlights include Capone's attempt to kill Rourke's family, his successful assassination of the mayor of Chicago, and a disastrous affair between Rourke and Debra Farentino. Turns out she was a plant by Capone, used to discredit Rourke. Most of the film ranged from typical TV faire to downright slow, but there was one excellent moment. Farentino is in bed with Carradine when reporters bust in. She admits that Capone sent her, and then says, "Sorry. I really do love you, but this is just business."
Farentino shows breasts is two very dark sex scene. Three unknown showgirls show breasts in a long and well lit fan dance. IMDb readers have this at 5.2 of 10, but with only 33 votes. The only on line review was not complimentary. I doubt that this was even an attempt at accurate history, although I am no expert on this era. As a TV movie, this is at the low end of acceptable, or C-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Luther the Geek (1990):
It was only about a week ago that I was talking about
The Godfather, which is considered by many people to be the greatest
of all movies. It is only fitting, therefore, that I give equal time
to its greatest rival for that honor, Luther the Geek.
In fact, if you just pick scenes at random, it is
difficult to say which of the two movies the scene might be from.
SPOILERS - not that it matters.
Luther the Geek is actually an eccentric splatter
film about - well, a geek. Sort of. First of all, I suppose we
should establish what a geek actually is. Although in modern usage
it has come to mean the same as "nerd" or "dweeb," in the
early 20th century the word "geek" had a far different meaning which
derived from the slang of America's touring carnivals and their
sideshows. The addenda in Webster's 1954 dictionary defined geek as
"a carnival ‘wild man’ whose act usually includes biting the
head off a live chicken or snake."
That's the kind of geek we are talking about here.
The story began with a prologue which pictured Luther as a young
boy, on a night in which he watched a bunch of villagers with
torches (no kidding) storm a barn and force the caged geek to do his
act. In the course of this humiliation, the boy reached into the straw
in the barn until he found some strands covered with chicken blood. He
tasted it. He liked it.
The story then fast-forwards to the present, where a
30ish Luther is in prison for serial homicide. It seems to be fairly obvious
that he belongs behind bars somewhere, since he has a full set of sharpened metal
teeth, and does not talk, but simply clucks like a chicken, except
for the occasional bust of joy when he crows like a rooster. A
dismissive verdict of "obviously nuts" is not the way the system
works at parole time however, and the
system is the system. Luther is granted parole because the parole board is breaking in a trainee (again,
Damn those liberals!
Luther is thus placed back into mainstream society,
and you can just sense that he's ready to make the most of his
The rest of the film ...
Well, I don't think you have to have the IQ of Steven
Hawking to determine that he spends the rest of the film clucking
like a chicken and killing people indiscriminately, since clucking
and killing are pretty much the only activities he can perform. His
killing technique involves driving his metal dentures into the
victims' throats, geek style. Since Luther is on camera as much as
or more than anyone else, a good percentage of the sound in the
movie consists entirely of fake chicken noises. In fact, the last
intended victim manages to survive when she confuses Luther by
acting like a chicken herself, thus matching Luther's fake chicken
noises cluck for cluck.
I don't suppose the soundtrack was a big seller.
ol' Luther finally gets his comeuppance on the wrong end of a shotgun blast,
the woman who shoots him feels relief, but then tastes some of his
blood, likes it, and starts clucking again, even though Luther is
Is there anything more to say?
This effort is marked by the classic horror movie convention that
all the characters have to act as stupidly as possible in all
situations in order to keep the film from ending a half dozen times
before the story is finished. We need the parole board to release a
guy into the mainstream even though he wears sharpened metal teeth
and clucks like a chicken? No problem - two flaming liberals and a
"parole board trainee" will release him.. We need a woman to stay
tied to a bed though her daughter arrives to rescue her? No problem
- the daughter can't undo the knots and can't think of any other way
to free a woman tied to a bed. Need an armed cop to discover the
problem and fail to subdue an unarmed suspect. No problem - he's the
world's dumbest cop.
Combine that with amateurish photography, day-night continuity
errors, illogical plot points, slow pacing, a budget of zero, and a
monster more silly than scary, and you have a true high camp bad
movie classic. I suppose one-time director Carlton Albright has long
since returned to his night shift at Circle K, because the revenues
from this film probably didn't give him a comfortable retirement.
Yet this film is rated above six at IMDb and it received almost
universally positive reviews from the genre sites, who compare the
suspense and gore levels to those achieved by The Texas Chainsaw
Massacre, and who love the crazy originality of the splatter.
Whatever, dude. The IMDb score will probably settle in below four
eventually, as more people see the film besides those predisposed to
like it, but that doesn't change the fact that there actually are
people predisposed to like it. Perhaps you are one of them. I am
The transfer is a crappy 4:3 print that looks like VHS, but there
are reasons to own or rent the DVD. The extras are a lot of fun, and
include lots of additional footage and discussions with the
director. The best part of this is additional nudity from Stacy
Haiduk. (Buns and even a quick look at the pubic area). I don't
really know what Stacy is up to now, but her career seemed promising
for a while there. She was Lana Lang on the TV Superboy, and then
she was on SeaQuest for a couple of years, and had some decent roles
in other TV shows that didn't make it big. It looked like she
might have pretty good career momentum, but it all fizzled, more for
lack of a hit than lack of talent and looks. As you can see, she was
pretty, and had a tremendous chest.
- Stacy Haiduk in the film (1,
- Stacy Haiduk in the deleted footage (1,
March 13 Episode. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm a week late. Zipped .wmv's
from Shiloh's avis.
InterActiveCorp buys Ask Jeeves for $1.85 billion.
Several Imax theaters, including some in science museums, are
refusing to show movies that mention evolution, the Big Bang or
the geology of the earth. Good move, but what were
they thinking of before they made this move? Those kiesterkaps
were showing science films in a science museum? That's nuckin'
The Worst Jobs in History
Director George Lucas says Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
will be "Titanic in Space."
That's what I'm talkin' about! Except I was hoping more
for "Ya-Ya Sisterhood in Space."
Juliette Lewis In Her Underwear On Stage. Looks like
she's got a whole bad girl Courtney Love thing workin'.
Half of all Americans think there is too much nudity on TV.
I want to know this. Which channels do they get? They must get
some German programs via satellite. Either that or they're
really sick of seeing that fat guy's butt on NYPD Blue.
AICN readers go ga-ga for Sin City. The reviews may
be studio plants, but the key point for now is that Gugino's
nudity is specifically mentioned.
The Hollywood Height Chart
ZERO-G Zero Gravity Experience - Parabolic Flights.
Anyone can do it. Anyone with $3,750.
Who the hell was Tokyo Rose?
It's an e-bay miracle! The Pope Hat Chip - You've got to see it
NBC's first Color Show on Television Tape: "the first
color show pre-recorded on Television Tape at NBC's new
state-of-the-art 'Color City' studios in Burbank, California."
A sample of some of the classic TV commercials from the 50s and
Ben Affleck is looking to star alongside Bruce Willis as John
McClane's son in Die Hard With a Cane.
The part of Owen Wilson's nose was played by ... a prosthetic
Janeane Garofalo has been tapped to star in NBC's comedy pilot
'All In,' lifting the contingency off the project based on the
life of poker champ Annie Duke.
New technology uses human body for broadband networking.
By sending data over the surface of the skin, it may soon be
possible to trade music files by dancing cheek to cheek, or to
swap phone numbers by kissing. (I wasn't sure whether to filter
this one through the bullshit meter.)
The new TV spot for Hitchhiker's Guide
Kid saves the Minnesota 4A state basketball title by making a
shot while lying on his back! (Apparently he was
being guarded by Verne Troyer). With video. My heart goes out to
the poor kid who was supposed to be guarding him, but let down
his concentration because ... well, because the guy was lying on
the ground, dammit!
Rummy warned the Iraqi people against any "horsing around" or
"monkey business" when it comes to choosing members of their
first democratic government.
Bobby Short, the suave, tuxedoed cabaret singer who epitomized
Manhattan glamour and sophistication with renderings of the
great American songbook, died of leukemia Monday, aged 80.
Seeing Bobby play at the Carlyle was one of the quintessential
Manhattan experiences for more than 35 years.
Michael Jackson's child sex trial took another dramatic turn
when the embattled star shuffled into court late and was led
out, apparently ill and weeping.
Further proof that The Guardian will print anything.
I have often referred to them as "the world's most gullible
newspaper," and I didn't even realize that they had printed the
famous George Turklebaum hoax! Add this to their coverage of the
Presidential I.Q. hoax, and their brilliant conclusion that the
Pentagon was preparing for cataclysmic global warming.
- "Sadly, George Turklebaum didn't live to enjoy the drama
of the US election. He died of a heart attack on Monday
October 23 while sitting at his desk in an open-plan office he
shared with 23 others in the New York publishing house where
he worked for 30 years as a proofreader. He can't be accused
of going out with a bang: it was not until the next Saturday
that anyone noticed. 'George was always the first guy here in
the morning and the last to leave at night,' explains his
boss, Elliot Wachiaski. 'So no one found it unusual he was in
the same position all that time.' May he continue to rest in
- This story, of course, is notonly false, but could not be
true, for various reasons involving the impact on a human body
of a little thing I like to call "death." But I guess they
were willing to suspend the physical laws of the universe
based on the extremely reliable source: that bastion of
The Weekly World News
The Business of Baseball :: Documents and Videos related to the
Steroid Hearings. If you are interested in baseball
as a business or baseball and the law, this is the ultimate
ESPN.com: Page 3 - More tales of powerful athletes and hot
Jessica Alba, naked wine snob. Here's her entire interview with
Best ... cheerleaders ... ever
Say it ain't so, Mark. Mark? Mark?
Best flow chart ever.
Jessica Alba. 'Nuff said.
Eddie Murphy would play Johnny Blaze, an old-school rapper who
retires and becomes a private eye who solves crimes within the
A SAUDI academic has been sentenced to 200 lashes and time in
jail for mocking long beards. The Saudis seem like a
simple desert people, and yet we have much to learn from them.
The Truth Seeker - Karl Rove Seen at Homosexual Orgies in
A review of Ice Princess by the one critic truly sensitive
enough to understand it - Filthy.
Astronomy Pic of the Day - magnificent picture of the Horsehead
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
This week's poll is another look at a poll from a few years ago...
Best Sex Scene
We're talking mainstream movies! No skinemax or adult stuff.
Here is a short list of nominees (including most of the nominees from when we first ran this poll).
Denise Richards, Neve Campbell, and Matt Dillon in "Wild Things"
Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas in "Basic Instinct"
Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke "9 ˝ Weeks"
Kathleen Turner and William Hurt in "Body Heat"
Ellen Barkin and Dennis Quaid "The Big Easy"
Rebecca DeMornay and Tom Cruise in "Risky Business"
Jessica Lange and Jack Nicholson on the table in "The Postman Always Rings Twice"
Rene Russo and Pierce Brosnan in "The Thomas Crown Affair"
Halle Berry and Billy Bob Thornton in "Monster's Ball"
Hudson Leick and Ryan Alosio in "Denial"
Madonna and Willem Dafoe "Body of Evidence"
Julianne Moore and Mark Wahlberg in "Boogie Nights"
Demi Moore and Rob Lowe in "About Last Night"
Glenn Close and Michael Douglas in "Fatal Attraction"
Maria Schneider and Marlon Brando in "Last Tango in Paris"
Jennifer Jason Leigh and Robert Romanus in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High"
Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.
Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Best Nudity in an Oscar-winning performance.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost....'caps and clips from the 1996 mega-lo budget comedy "Busted", directed by and starring Fun House favorite Corey Feldman. (and yes, the other Corey co-stars). By the way, if you don't normally check out clips from the Ghost, these might be worth your time. Why? Because you get to hear some of the ultra-silly "witty-banter" dialogue and see some of the lame sight gags.
Actually, with a little better direction, some script polishing and a few more dollars in the budget, this could have been a pretty decent tongue-in-cheek sex comedy.
- Griffin Drew shows off her robo-boobs in several scenes, including one with "Diff'rent Strokes" star Todd Bridges.
- Griffin Drew zipped .wmv
- Monique Parent takes a shower with a Jared-sized dude and shows all 3 B's.
- Monique Parent zipped .wmvs
- Griffin Drew and Monique Parent both doing some topless sunbathing.
- Griffin Drew and Monique Parent zipped .wmv
- B-movie superstar Julie Strain stops by the police station for a quick peek at all 3 B's.
- Julie Strain zipped .wmv
- Mariana Morgan is topless as she gets it on with Feldman
- Mariana Morgan zipped .wmv
- Former Heffers Ava Fabian and Devin DeVasquez bare breasts and bums in two 3-ways scenes. Link #1 and clips 1 and 2 feature Corey Feldman. Link #2 and Clips 2 and 3 are with some other dude.
- Ava Fabian and Devin DeVasquez zipped .wmvs
Another great batch of HDTV 'caps featuring some prime time skin.
|Most of us know and love her best as Veronica Vaughn from the Adam Sandler movie "Billy Madison". Here she is guest starring on a episode of the new John Stamos series "Jake in Progress".
||The co-star of the ABC series "George Lopez" stripping down to her bra and showing off some nice abs.
||Showing some bikini cleavage on a recent episode of "The Bernie Mac Show".
|We see Kate showing bra and stockings while gettin' it on in a couple of scenes from a recenet "Kevin Hill" episode. #2 features some especially nice partial breast views.
||The extremely overexposed socialite playing Barbara Eden (in full-on "I Dream of Jeannie" costume) on "American Dreams". Talk about a cheap attempt to get ratings! Let's face it, there is no other excuse since there isn't a casting director working today who could possibly look at Paris and say, 'yes, she's perfect for the role!'.
Eden: 5'3"...Hilton: 5'8"
Eden: 36 C...Hilton: 34 B
Eden: Cute, funny, talented comic actress with bubbly personality, good at physical comedy...Hilton: one facial expression, wooden monotone delivery of every word (including normal conversation), apparently not physically capable of any movement other that 'striking a pose'.
|Vejiita 'caps featuring toplessness, bottomlessness and even a far off full frontal view (link #11) in scenes from the Jeff Fahey flick "Serpent's Lair" (1995). Some folks may recognize her as the sexy Native American guide from the Chris Farley/Matthew Perry movie "Almost Heroes" (1998).
|Lisa Robin Kelly
|Here are Señor Skin 'caps of the former co-star of "That 70's Show" topless while riding a dude in "Amityville: Dollhouse".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
MICHAEL JACKSON'S NORMAL DECOR
Barely Normal - Michael Jackson's lawyers objected to prosecutors showing
the kinky magazines and "Barely Legal" DVD found in his bedroom as if that
was all he had. They kept asking detectives if they'd also noticed
perfectly normal things in his bedroom, like letters from US presidents and
Steven Spielberg, a card from Liza Minnelli, Three Stooges and Shirley
Temple memorabilia, and a mannequin duplicate of Jackson's young female
Hey, they're right, that sounds just like MY bedroom!
Afterall, what 47 year old man DOESN'T have a mannequin of a young female cousin in their bedroom!
The detectives knew Michael was flaky because all his Three Stooges memorabilia has Joe Besser.
CHEWING GUM BOOSTS BREASTS
Juicy Fruit - A chewing gum called Bust-Up that promises to enhance the
size, shape and tone of breasts is a big seller in Japan. It contains an
extract of a plant called Pueraria mirifica used by tribeswomen in Thailand
and Burma. Thai university tests found that it mimics estrogen and
increased bust size by up to 80 percent. The gum has proved so popular in
Japan, there are plans to start selling it in convenience stores.
The food sold in convenience stores can increase your entire body size
by 80 percent.
This gives a new meaning to the term "the Doublemint Twins."
It gives women horrible breath, but men don't care.
They're working on a bubblegum version called "Hubba-Hubba-Bubba."
|A quick site note
Hey gang, we invite you to check out our new affiliate program at Scoopycash.com.
If you have your own site or blog, sign up today and earn some extra cash in 2005 by promoting the Fun House!