WhyScan's Page Three Report
Yesterday: Jo, 20, from Leicester (1, 2, 3, 4)

Gold: "February" - that's her name! May 7, 1979.(1)

Request: Brigitte Barclay.(1,2)

Request: Cherry Gilham.(1,2)

Request: Belinda St James.(1,2)

Bonus: Dina Meyer tries to get a little more feminine image, from FHM (1, 2, 3)

El Kabong
Monica Black Men magazine, all-swimsuit extra
Linda Dubbeldeman (1, 2, 3) Dutch actress who starred in a Dutch program called "Verona". These pictures from Penthouse, Sept 1988.
Blinky's Runway snaps
Hedvig Marie Maigre (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) no flesh today
Godfather's Ho (1, 2, 3) Woo-hoo! Some nipple in a close-up shot at WWF RAW. There is a small mpeg of this in the members' section, and a large one at Crow's site (see link below)
Godfather Ho One more, not from Crow, but same subject.
and Tori (1, 2) What a night for rasslin'! Professor McMahon, testing the limits of basic cable, also snuck in Tori's bare butt!
Vanessa Paradis in video "Be My Baby"
Here are 13 more DVD collages from UCO. This time they are all from the same movie: Poison Ivy 3. (Jaime Pressly)
Geri Halliwell (1, 2, 3, 4) caps from "Bag it Up". Plenty o' cleavage
Mariah Carey (1, 2, 3) non-nude caps from "Andy meets Mariah".

Members Bonuses


"Heaven's Gate", from Johnny Web

With the notable exception of "Lola rennt", Heaven's Gate is the only movie longer than the events it portrays. Of course, "Lola" is about 20 minutes of real time. Heaven's Gate is about 20 years. Lord, this is one slow-movin' film about the ever-cliched subject of the farmers versus the cowmen. Kinda like watching Oklahoma! without the singin'. I have exaggerated, of course, but not by much. Several scenes are shot in real time. John Hurt delivers the Harvard class valedictory, and they show every single word of the speech. They have a long celebratory waltz number in the courtyard, beautiful scene meticulously choreographed with spectacular costumes, but Cimino shows every beat of music. Those two scenes take place in the introduction, before the story starts, in what seems to be an all-but-irrlelevant prologue, so I almost fell asleep before the story began! By the way, this marginally relevant prologue was tacked on after filming was completed, and filmed eight months after the rest of the film. Boy, that was worth the wait, eh?

More real time stuff: later, Kristofferson and Huppert go for a buckboard ride for thrills and we see almost every minute of their journey as if it we were supposed to feel the experience, like one of those Disney things in 360 degrees. At one point a group holds a roll-call vote and we hear pretty much every member give his "aye". Oh, there are others, but you get the point. This version if just under four hours, but Cimino first screened a 5 1/2 hour version for studio execs, after he spent about $40 million of their money making the movie. It is amazing to me that he survived that meeting. I'm pretty sure that if I had been head of the studio, I would have killed him right then and there, irrespective of the legal consequences. At least then, people would have come to see the movie out of curiosity. In fact, I would love to see a movie about that screening day, starting from the moment the lights went up. Now THAT would be a good movie. Those studio boys must have had some tense talks that night. It's surprising there weren't any suicides, ala the stock market crash, because every man in the room must have realized that the entire forty million was gone forever, and some of the people in the room greenlighted the project and gave Cimino a free hand. The smartest boys in the room most have known that their company would go belly up and their own personal careers were destroyed. Yup, I'd go to a movie about that.

The sound track on this movie is even more irritating than the length. Cimino decided to throw out the old movie cliche where we can always hear what the actors are saying, even if they are standing in front of a foghorn, or in a rioting crowd. OK, maybe that chesnut needed some cracking, but what did he replace it with? The fact that we can't hear what the main actors are saying over the locomotive noises, raging rivers, and angry crowds. How is that better? Bring back the cliches. Kristofferson's mumbling is difficult to decipher under ideal conditions, but with the ambient noises he's nigh on impossible.

Director Michael Cimino is a strange dude. He is known for his attention to detail, and he did some legendary stuff for this movie. He uprooted a gigantic tree from a nearby town and re-planted it in the courtyard at Oxford, so he would have the correct centerpiece for the opening graduation scene. (Oxford played the part of Harvard) He brought an authentic period locomotive hundreds of miles, over thousands of miles of track, a circuitous route mandated by the fact that the 19th century engine didn't fit into 20th century tunnels. He recreated every scene from authentic period photographs. But, on the other hand, listen to this. He allowed some actors to misstate dialogue without reshooting simple scenes! For example, Isabelle Huppert didn't understand the meaning of one of her lines in a dialogue with Kristofferson which goes like this:

KRIS: When did I say that?

ISABELLE: I don't remember the time of day, but you said it, alright.

Clearly, her line was supposed to be the equivalent of "you said it, sure enough", but she delivered it as if it meant "you said it correctly", (as in "did I say that wrong?" "No, you said it alright"). So, did Mr. Attention-to-detail reshoot the scene to give it the correct meaning? No sireebob. He just left Huppert's confusing interpretation on screen. And this was a simple inexpensive scene with two actors, not one of his cast-of-thousand scenes. Would have been an easy do-over.

Well, it isn't all bad. Many of the visual images are artfully composed. Cimino is not Ed Wood or Kevin Costner, so he doesn't suffer from lunatic ideas or mawkish sentimentalism, but I'm not sure his sins are less forgiveable than theirs. Plan 9 and The Postman can be fun to watch. This thing is an exercise in tedium. For those of you who have been living in a mountain monastery, this film is the standard by which all other Hollywood economic fiascos are measured. Waterworld was called Kevin's Gate, Sliver was Evans' Gate, und so weiter.

Isabelle Huppert, definitely the best thing about this movie. Although her English isn't flawless, she did a good job in a complex role. Except for the embalmed Kristofferson and a very hammy John Hurt, the performances in this film are quite good. Chris Walken is a complex good/bad character, the most richly written in the film. Sam Waterston, Jeff Bridges, Brad Dourif and even Mickey Rourke were good in small roles. "Mickey Rourke, Scoop, as a cowboy?" Hey, what can I tell ya? He was one rootin-tootin buckaroo. Hey, he was a better cowboy than either DiCaprio or Leonard Nimoy. (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9) an extra

"About Last Night", from Tuna

The well known Rob Lowe and Demi Moore movie about the life and death of a relationship, based on David Mamet's "Sexual Perversions in Chicago". I saw it many years ago, but as I recall, the second best part of it was Jim Belushi and Elizabeth Perkins as their friends. The best part is that Demi's fine breasts and buns were on display often, which is not a bad reason to watch any movie. Enough nudity for Tuna to need two index pages! You need the thumbnails if you want to avoid the non-nudes and Rob Lowe's butt. Of course I don't know about you guys, but I can never get enough of Rob Lowe. Tuna's thumbnails for this movie, part 1 Tuna's thumbnails for this movie, part 2 Demi Moore (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12, #13, #14, #15, #16, #17, #18, #19, #20, #21, #22, #23, #24, #25, #26, #27, #28, #29, #30, #31, #32, #33, #34, #35, #36, #37, #38, #39, #40)

"The Dark", from Tuna

1994 horror film about the discovery and tracking of a prehistoric creature with magical curative blood. The creature lives in tunnels beneath cemetaries. The good guys want to study the creature, but a crazed FBI agent wants to kill it because it killed his partner. Sound like your kinda stuff?

Neve Campbell doesn't remove her clothing, but she does wear a very silly hat, which is nearly as good. Maybe not.

Tuna's thumbnails for this movie Cynthia Belliveau (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) Neve Campbell (1, 2)

Members Bonus

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