Those of you who read Other Crap know that I became a grandfather for the first time on Wednesday. Baby girl named Aubree. 7 lb. Everything normal.

Meet the Spartans


This is another in a string of bad parodies from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seitzer, who co-wrote, co-produced and co-directed Date Movie, Epic Movie and now this one.

Those are the only three movies they have worked on in any capacity other than writing, and what a track record it is:

  1. (2.70) - Date Movie (2006)
  2. (2.30) - Epic Movie (2007)
  3. (2.20) - Meet the Spartans (2008)

Date Movie has somehow managed to escape IMDb's worst 100 films of all time, but Epic Movie is #70 and Meet the Spartans is #58.

You may have guessed from the title that Meet the Spartans is a parody of 300, and it sticks very close to the plot outline of its target, taking only the occasional detour to skewer a pop culture icon or to drop a random reference from another film.  Part of the problem with Meet the Spartans, perhaps the entire problem, is that the writers only had a few jokes, so the film is padded out with predictable repetition (yeah, we get it, their costumes are really gay!) and overlong set pieces that go on as long an interminably as the original film's equivalents. While the original film was padded out with fight scenes, the parody Spartans and Persians do very little fighting. When they finally face off, they battle in rap contests, street dancing competitions, cheerleading tournaments, and impromptu jousts of yo' momma jokes, none of which contain even a modicum of originality or entertainment value.

There are a few funny scenes here and there, mostly at the beginning. The Persian ambassador scene is spoiled by a bunch of cheap sex jokes, but I was laughing when King Leonidas kept drop kicking everyone and his brother into the pit of death, including both Britney Spears and K-Fed. I also laughed a few times at the vicious ways in which the Spartans toughened up their young, including piledriving them WWE-style and splattering them with paintballs at point-blank range. Unfortunately all of those jokes come in the first few minutes. After that it's mostly gay jokes. Yawn.

The good news: Carmen Electra is dressed scantily throughout the film, and exposed her breasts briefly.

Film clip




Love in the time of Cholera


I've reviewed this before. I liked it better the second time around. It is a big soap opera and one of the worst-acted major films of all time, but it has those great positives: the beautiful location photography in Colombia, lots of beautiful naked women, and the haunting Colombian music (Shakira wrote three original songs for the film). This time through I also came to appreciate the fact that the film is filled with humor. It's not generally laugh-out-loud humor, but its presence really lightens the load of the sappy story.

Since Charlotte Ayanna has turned me down, I wonder if I can get Ana-Claudia Talancon to be the next Mrs Scoopy.

I've done film clips before. Here is one original one: Angie Cepeda in a deleted scene. She has a beautiful body but, just as in the film, she gets naked without really showing anything.

Here are the stars:


Marcela Mar
Laura Harring
Ana-Claudia Talancon
Angie Cepeda
Giovanna Mezzogiorno




  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







The Breastford Wives


The title tells you all you need to know about this one: Boobs, boobs and more boobs.

Glori-Anne Gilbert stars and shows off all her goodies.


Glori with Barbie Bennett and Sara Maglaughlin who are off course naked.

More Glori with Barbie Bennett and Taylor Wayne.

Porn star Friday does with the busiest guy in town.

Monica Sweetheart takes on our boy.


The venerable Monique Parent gets her turn.

Taylor Wayne takes on stud boy














Well, not that it seems just about certain that the Kristin Davis pictures really are Kristin (as she looked in 1992), here they are:


And here are the pics of Audrina Patridge currently floating around the web:


Sandrine Bonnaire in Vagabond
Macha Meril in Vagabond  
Meghan McCain (John's daughter)
Amy Winehouse naked  
Lauren Lee Smith in the trailer from Pathology
Buffy posing for some magazine or another  
Rachel Bilson outtake from a recent photo session
Jessica Forde in The Ogre. This was her screen debut. I've never seen it.

Film Clips