Tuna is taking the night off, but will return tomorrow.

Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


Just a Kiss (2002)

Two couples socialize together regularly. One night of infidelity between two of the unconnected partners leads to tragedy after tragedy.

That tells you most of what you need to know.

Except that the film is a comedy.

Well, sort of a comedy. I suppose it depends on your definition of comedy. It wouldn't be one by my definition, which requires some laughs, but I suppose it would qualify by the definition in Aristotle's Poetics. It is about people "inferior to us", or people behaving "worse than they are". Aristotle is one of the greatest minds in human existence, so I guess he has more right to define comedy than I do, but on the other hand, I'm guessing there aren't very many laughs on Aristotle's web page. Rumor has it that when Ari did stand-up in the Agora, his jokes bombed except when he made fun of Plato's toupee. And, to be frank, bald jokes are always too easy.

The movie is filled with quirks and gimmicks. Alternate reality, for one. The original reality is surreal to begin with, filled with coincidences that could not happen, behavior that doesn't seem to be possible, and even various violations of natural law. I suppose all of that is done in the interest of hip comedy. Heavy on the hip, light on the comedy. Unless you are Aristotle, catching up on your reading for a few centuries. The movie is then further mucked up by replaying moments, or even months of time. It wasn't always clear to me whether the action in the past was a flashback based on the "current" version of reality or the start of an alternate "what-if" version.

Would that replays were the only gimmick, but the director also decided, for no reason I could determine, to saturate and posterize various images. Sometimes he did this with an entire frame, sometimes with one person, sometimes only with a specific object or body feature. I was not able to determine the logic behind it. I think the thought process behind this affectation must follow the Penn Gillette theory of smoking. Penn (the big guy from Penn and Tiller) used to have a speech that went something like this - "Don't smoke, kids. It's bad for your breath. It's bad for your teeth. It's bad for your lungs. It is expensive, will ruin your social life, and it's just stupid, so don't do it. Unless, of course, you want to look really cool." The same reasoning seemed to inform the director's use of saturation and posterizing effects in this film. He had no sound logic behind it, but he thought it would look really cool, like the opening watercolor montages in Saturday Night Live.

It didn't.

In several instances, the direction didn't reinforce the comic intent very well. The humor was guided with a heavy hand, and the timing was off. There was one scene in particular, in which three people passed around a very tiny cell phone, that seemed to go on forever with no further point or joke to deliver after the first five seconds.

Overall, it is a convoluted surrealistic comedy. I didn't think it was very funny, but I thought it had some good moments as an offbeat slice of life dramedy. Good moments, but no real sustaining value. I believe that Roger Ebert's "one star" was too harsh, but I didn't enjoy the film much either.

  • Idina Menzel
  • Marisa Tomei shows what is theoretically most of her crotch when her lover turns his head at an angle that fails to cover her in a cunnilingus scene. (Note her panties in her hand.) I suppose it is probably just a patch or a thong or something, and not her award-winning pudenda. It is not possible to determine with certainty.


Auto Focus (2002)


Auto Focus is a movie I have covered in depth several times before. (See the link for the info page and my comments). Tuna's caps from yesterday were so beautiful that I just wanted to pick up one loose end with Maria Bello, and snapped a couple of others while I was there.


Roger Dodger (2001)

Roger is a compulsive smooth talker, one of those guys with a theory about everything, and a cynical belief that anybody can be talked out of anything. In the opening scene if the film, he is dumped from a relationship with a sophisticated older woman who is also his boss. To the extent such a jaded man can be shocked or hurt, he feels those emotions, and does not take the rejection gracefully.

At about the same time, his 16 year old nephew shows up on his doorstep, and ol' 40ish Roger Dodger undertakes to give the lad a one night crash course in how to get laid in New York City. They have about a forty minute conversation with two young eligibles (Jennifer Beals and Elizabeth Berkley), during which the two sophisticated ladies take a real shine to the nephew for his sincerity and smarts. The kid has a chance to take advantage of the two. They are reasonably enthusiastic about his sexual education, and his uncle has played bad cop to make it look like the nephew needs a place to stay. The nephew, however, is a good person and can't bring himself to use dishonesty as a tactic.

As the evening progresses, Roger shows the kid how to prepare for the later stages of a hunting expedition. Penultimate step: what to do with the passed-out women late in the evening. The kid fails this test as well, allowing the gorgeous knockout to pass out fully dressed and unravaged. Last step: the assembly line bordello.

In the final 15 minutes of the film, cynical Roger has to redeem himself, at least partially, to prevent his nephew's life from going in the wrong direction.

Pretty good flick! Not much happens, other than what I just told you. It is very chatty, but the conversations sound like real people talking. Roger, the kid, and the two ladies are characters who seem to say the things that those characters really would say in that situation, and the things they say are interesting and sometimes challenging. Helluva good first film for auteur Dylan Kidd, and a tremendously full featured DVD. DETAILS

  • Flora Diaz. (1, 2) She plays the prostitute who is their "last resort".




War is now upon us.

I think it is incumbent upon all of us to consider what that means. You won't see any war stories in "other crap".

If you are against war, I urge you to avoid the mistakes of previous generations who confused their hatred for war with hatred for the men who fought it bravely, or hatred for the people who sincerely believed that the fight was about ideals.

General Moore wrote in "We Were Soldiers Once ... and Young"

We were the children of the 1950's and the Kennedy stalwarts of the early 60's. JFK told the world that we would "pay any price" for freedom. We were the down payment on that costly contract, but the man who signed it was not there when we fulfilled his promise. He waited for us on a hill in Arlington, and in time we came by the thousands to fill those slopes with our white marble markers, and to ask on the murmur of the wind if that was truly the future he had envisioned for us.

The class of 1965 came out of the old America, a nation that disappeared forever in the smoke that billowed off the jungle battlements where we bled. The country that sent us off to war was not there to welcome us home. It no longer existed. We answered the call of a President who was now dead, we followed the orders of another who would be hounded from office and haunted by the war he mismanaged so badly.

Many of our countrymen came to hate the war we fought. Those who hated it the most - the professionally sensitive - were not, in the end, sensitive enough to differentiate between the war and the soldiers who had been ORDERED to fight it. In time our battles were forgotten, our sacrifices were discounted, and both our sanity and our suitability for life in polite American society were publicly questioned.

This story also stands as a tribute to the young men of the People's Army of Vietnam who died by our hand in that place. They, too, fought and died bravely. They were a worthy enemy. This is our story and theirs. For we were soldiers once, and young.

If you are for war, remind yourself that no human activity should be approached with a heavier heart or a graver sense of responsibility.

War isn't about kicking ass and exulting in successful destruction.

What is it about?

When I was living in Central Europe, I saw it first hand in the old Yugoslavia. I saw quiet towns in sleepy valleys going about their daily business while enemy battalions assembled on the surrounding hills, and set up their cannons for the right trajectory to attack those towns. I saw those shells go through the roofs of homes that looked like my girlfriend's home, a few miles away, across the border in Hungary. I pictured Anita's mother pulling warm food from the oven, singing for her grandchildren in a home smelling of fresh bread. Then I pictured that shell coming through her roof.

That's what war is about. Shells coming through the roof while mothers bake their bread.

Even the houses with no damage will always have a dinner table too large for the remaining family, a permanent reminder of how large the family gathering should have been ... used to be.

Don't consider it salve on your conscience if the casualties are limited mainly to combatants. In a country like Iraq there is no difference between soldiers and civilians. Iraqi soldiers are forced to fight, or want to fight because they've been brainwashed with propaganda since birth. They are not soldiers. They are simply the sons whose absence will make that dinner table needlessly large.

War isn't about glory. It is about loss.



Other crap:


Here are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Graphic Response
  • Erin Daniels, brieflt showing all 3 B's in scenes from "One Hour Photo" (2002).

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

So when I read that Working Girls was coming out on DVD I pre-ordered the mama, because this is one of the high points of celebrity nudity: Cassandra Peterson, topless and in a thong as a stripper. Life is good, I said to myself. It arrived yesterday and I am very sorry to say life is not so good. The DVD transfer is generally excellent. Outdoor scenes, real good; indoor scenes, pretty damn good... except for those shot of the girls stripping. The sparkling background seems to have screwed up something big time. Contrast and saturation were so bad as to be irreparable, at least by me. As a result, I grabbed a couple dozen frames and spent next to no time on them.

This is Cassandra at her wonderous best, with a body worthy of serious attention. Sadly, the DVD does her no justice.

More goodies:

Former Hefmate Jean Manson and the other "Young Nurses"...

  • Jean Mason (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)

    Here's a Jean nudity breakdown:
    Topless...links 1,2,3,4,5,12,13,15,16 and 32
    bikini...links 6,7,8,14
    breasts and bum...links 10,11,20,25,28,29,30 and 31
    bare bum...links 9,17,18,19, and 24
    breasts and bush...links 21,22 and 23
    full frontal...links 26 and 27

  • Ashley Porter, rear views in almost all of these, pluse side breast views in links 4-7, and a hint of bush in #4. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Kimberly Hyde, topless only

  • Sally Kirkland, see-thru nippl sightings.

'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Today we return to "Two Moon Junction".

First up is Sherilyn Fenn with a bit of boob. Then it's on to Kristy McNichol, looking extremely sexy in a short short skirt and boots.

Then the two girls decide to switch tops which gives us a look at the tits of both girls.

Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
(1, 2)

Great 'caps by Scorpion of one of the sexiext women ever in scenes from the Brian De Palma film, "Femme Fatale". #1 features her dancing in black undies (with a thong view). #2 shows her making out with Rie Rasmussen as well as full frontal under water!

Monica Bellucci
(1, 2, 3, 4)

Excellent scans of the Italian mega-babe by f2k. A bit of carpenter crack in #1, fully nude (side view) in #2, see-thru taped up nipples in #3, cleavage in #4.

Beverly Lynne
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

The former Philadelphia Eagles cheerleader turned b-movie actress topless in several scenes from "Babes 2: Lost In Beaver Creek".

Pat Reeder
Pat's comments in yellow...

Attention-Grabbers - Dartmouth University scientists discovered that people's attention is automatically attracted by grabbable objects, such as screwdrivers, forks or pens. They say it shows the close connection between the brain and the hand. In MRI tests, subjects watched a computer screen as images of two objects popped up: one grabbable, like a tool, and one that wasn't, like a cloud. Their attention always went to the grabbable item first.

  • This is why men immediately notice tools and large breasts.
  • This brain-hand coordination was developed from years of looking at porn on computer screens.

    Why Would Saddam Kill His Supporters? - Oscar organizers say the show will go on Sunday despite the likelihood of war, but there will be some changes. Designers are having to replace their wild, bejeweled, revealing outfits with basic black. The stars won't be able to show their fashions off anyway, since the red carpet arrival interviews are being curtailed for security reasons and to keep it from looking frivolous.

  • We can't have America's most famous war commentators looking frivolous.
  • Bjork will be wearing a black swan.
  • They're afraid the stars will be attacked on the red carpet by a terrorist: Joan Rivers.