Members Bonuses

"Death Race 2000", from Tuna

Legendary Roger Corman pic, directed by the odd Paul Bartel, about a race across the country. The winner is not determined by time, but by points accumulated along the way. Points are earned by killing various types of pedestrians. It isn't as deranged as it sounds. It's more silly than depraved, and a parody of society's obsession with violence. Features some youthful performances from Sly Stallone and David Carradine in the leads, and some cameos by such stalwarts as Gopher from the Love Boat, and John Landis, who in the next couple years would become the most sought after comedy director in the world, following Animal House, Kentucky Fried Movie, and The Blues Brothers. Compare that three years of output to his most recent three years, which featured Blues Brothers 2000, The Stupids, and Beverly Hills Cop III. What happened to the guy?

I've been meaning to do this movie, so I'm pleased Tuna did all the work!

Tuna's thumbnails for this movie Louisa Moritz (#1, #2, #3) Simone Griffith (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12) Group (#1, #2, #3)

"Body of Influence 2", from Tuna

Low budget erotic thriller, more sizzle than steak. Not thrilling or sexy enough to merit your attention as a rental, but Jodie is pretty, and there's enough nudity to make for a good presentation from Tuna. In my opinion, Tuna did a better job on these dark and oddly-lit scenes than any previous attempts to capture this movie.

Tuna's thumbnails for this movie Jodie Fisher (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10, #11, #12) assorted (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6)

"West New York", from Johnny Web

This movie made the rounds of the film festivals a couple of years ago, but never got a taker for distribution. It's actually a prety good little indie, but with just enough amateurish touches to remind you that they made it for peanuts. I wouldn't necessarily recommend this movie about an alcoholic ex-cop who is independently scamming off some corporate bonds from his security job when three different groups of wise guys and crooked cops figure out that the small-time scam could be big-time, and want a piece of the action. In tone and attitude, it isn't really like an indie, but more like a studio movie made with a zero budget. The lighting is so bright in some scenes that the faces are washed out and the entire background is white. That's cool, though, certainly better than the typical indie, which is too dark. Some of the actors are obviously non-professionals, and there are some irrelevant minor characters which take up screen time for no reason.

But there are also some wonderful elements. Some of the outdoor scenes are filmed with real imagination and respect for the landscapes. I loved one scene between wise guys where they arranged a meeting at a deserted driving range in the middle of winter, and they discussed murder and such while the capo nervously drove ball after ball into the snow with a short, hard, swing which reflected his agitated personality, but which was more suited to axe murder than golf. This director, Joey Gallo, could be a guy to watch in the future.

The female star, Gloria Darpino, is an Elizabeth Perkins lookalike, with quite a nice chest. Gloria Darpino (#1, #2, #3, #4) Kathy Derry. Somebody tell me who this really is. I recognize her face, but anybody know her other aliases? Frodo?

"Slaves to the Underground", from Johnny Web

If I were a 22 year old filmmaker today, I would make gay-themed movies. The reason is that you can take any old cliched story that has been done a zillion times, and any old unoriginal dialogue, and make a movie with a built-in audience if you simply change the sex of one of the lovers. Then, instead of people saying, "this is the same old crap", they will say , "breaks new ground in dealing honestly with same-sex relationships". And it's true that there have not been many mainstream movies that have treated gay characters without condescension or some kind of implicit understanding they they are out there doing some kooky, almost non-human stuff 24 hours a day.

Plus, if you do a lesbian movie with plenty of nudity, guys like us will watch it as well.

This is a story about the enternal love-triangle. A couple broke up because she was raped by one of the guy's friends, and she couldn't tell him or deal with it emotionally. She is a guitarist, wanders off into a band, and strikes up a sexual relationship with the lead singer. She realizes that she wants to go back to her boyfriend, but can't do it because she doesn't want to mess up the band, which is on the verge of breaking through. Blah, blah, blah. The only thing that makes it something new is that the lead singer is another woman.

I read some of the reviews from those in the gay scene, and they praised the movie for an accurate portrayal of the grunge scene, and lesbian political activism. I have to defer to their knowledge on that. The movie itself is nothing so new and different. Never would have caught any attention at all if the lead singer had been a man. On the other hand, it isn't bad either, so you can watch it without reaching for the FF button, except during the musical numbers, which are atrocious.

The two stars got naked. Molly Gross is a screen newcomer, with a kind of intense, confused charm, and quite a nice body, although you won't be too impressed with the rear shot (#4). Marisa Ryan is a TV veteran. As a girl, she was one of the daughters on Major Dad. Most recently, she was in that "Mary and Rhoda" reunion movie as Rhoda's daughter, if you were one of the three people who saw that. I found her a dubious casting choice as the lead singer because she can't carry a tune, but I guess it doesn't matter that much in grunge. She has one gigantic butt for a li'l woman. (see #1)

I love all kinds of music, even punk and grunge and techno, hell I love the score from "Lola rennt" that so many whined about, but this movie score is mostly just noise. A definite candidate for the worst musical score in the history of movies. (But I still have to cast my vote for the all-Donovan 1960's hippie score in Zefferelli's Francis of Assisi movie located 650 years earlier in time)

Molly Gross (#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6) Marisa Ryan (#1, #2, #3, #4)

Hey, gay filmmakers. If you have to re-hash the same old crap, why not do it with some good stuff, for example, the script from Casablanca. Just make Rick a tough dyke, and put in plenty of nudity, and you'll get my seven bucks. I recommend Casta as Ilka.