"Vampire Call Girls"

Vampire Call Girls (1998 video) is at the very bottom of the food chain, with an IMDb rating of 1.2. It is, in fact, about a group of vampire call girls, including Glori-Anne Gilbert, Rocxanne Michaels, Lisa Ann DeVaul and Lilith Stabs. The basic scenario, which the film spends very little actual time on, is that the girls charge clients $200.00, tease them until they come, then suck their blood. When one intended victim escapes, he goes to their house to give them another shot at him.

The first shot in this film is a closeup of Glori-Anne's breasts, jiggling wildly. No, she is not screwing, she is riding a washing machine wearing nothing but a T-back. After both she and the laundry are done, she spreads lotion all over herself, then we have the opening credits, 13 minutes into the film. She gets the guy off, offs him, and moves on. Before the films ends, we have gratuitous shower scenes from DeVaul and Michaels, girl/girl with the two of them, and various nude with customers from both.

Gilbert, breasts and buns
Michaels, full frontal and rear
DeVaul, full frontal and rear
Stabs, nothing.

I do not disagree that this was hopelessly bad, but admit to enjoying the opening washing machine scene. Gilbert actually looked like she was having fun. As a film, it is an E, but there is a lot of flesh to enjoy.

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  • Glori-Anne Gilbert (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63)
  • Lisa Ann DeVaul (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35)
  • Roxanne Michaels (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Some short zipped .wmv clips:

    I call your attention to the bottom two films in Cuba's IMDb credits sorted by rating:

    (4.52) - Boat Trip (2002)

    (4.09) - Daybreak (1993)

    So how bad is this film? Well, it's hard to conceive of anything worse than Boat Trip, but I guess it is one of those possibilities you have to believe in based on highly theoretical explanations, sort of like black holes. I notice that Daybreak  is on DVD. I know I'll hate it, but I'll watch it and get back to you.


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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    The most recent poll for Best Oscar Winning Nude Performance wasn't even close.

    To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass.

    Here are the official poll results and comments.

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Best All Time Television Comedy

    Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    First up from the Ghost today....
    'Caps and clips of 'actress' and dancer Kiva Dawson topless and gettin' it on in a variety of scenes from "Women: Stories of Passion". For the most part, the image links correspond with the video clips. The images in links 1-4 match the video clips of links 1-4. Image link #5 goes with clips 5-7. Image link #6 features stills from clip #8.

    • Kiva Dawson (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Kiva Dawson zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Next up, a few assorted video clips. Zipped .wmvs as usual.

    • "Free Enterprise" co-star Audie England, baring breasts and bum in a couple of sex scenes from a "Red Shoe Diaries" episode. (1, 2)

    • Jill Schoelen, the 80's B-babe who dated both Brad Pitt and Keanu Reeves before they became famous. Here she is baring breasts and bum in a steamy shower scene from the 1987 thriller, "The Stepfather". (1, 2)

    • Amanda Peet in her undies in scenes from the why-did-they-make-this sequel, "The Whole Ten Yards". (1, 2)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "A Fond Kiss"
    A reflection of the times, this 2004 romantic drama tells of the cultural clash that erupts when a devout Muslim man falls in love with an Irish Catholic woman in Glasgow, Scotland.

    Predictably, the families have a major problem accepting the situation, and much of the movie focuses on this.

    While the movie breaks no new ground, it's very well done, with an excellent cast and good script, and provides some interesting insights.

    Jessica Alba Ahhhhh, Alba. Here is a great strategic nude pose from GQ. I predict this will be the year of Alba. On April 1st she'll be on the big screen in "Sin City". Then in July she has two movies coming out..."Fantastic Four" on the 8th and "Into the Blue" on the 15th.

    Carmen Electra
    (1, 2)

    Thanks to Gman for putting together these collages featuring several images of Electra dancing and stripping while on stage with The Pussycat Dolls.

    Chrystale Wilson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Monica Calhoun
    (1, 2, 3)

    Johnny Moronic takes a look at "Trois 2: Pandora's Box" (2002). Chrystale Wilson reprises her role as "Tammy" for this second installment of the "Trois" movies and shows off her big'uns in a couple of scenes. Monica Calhoun is also topless in a love scene.

    Theresa Scholze
    (1, 2)

    Gweni 'caps of the young German actress baring all 3 B's in scenes from the movie "Popp Dich schlank".

    Rose McGowan
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    Amy Locane
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Señor Skin takes a look at the 1997 movie "Going All the Way". "Charmed" star Rose McGowan shows off her very lovely breasts. Amy Locane also goes topless.

    Celeb News
    Just a heads up for everyone...the Christina Ricci movie "Prozac Nation" will be showing Saturday night on Starz at 9pm EST!


    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    The Shooters Face Up To 10 Years - Thursday in New York, rap diva Lil' Kim and her assistant were convicted of perjury for lying to a federal grand jury to cover for friends involved in a shooting. They each face up to 20 years in prison. The prosecutor told jurors that Kim's testimony that she was wearing sunglasses and didn't notice her two friends were there was "preposterous." She said, "You would have to believe they were magic sunglasses that only block out your friends who were shooting people."

  • But that's the exact type of sunglasses that rappers BUY!
  • In her case, that would be a LOT of blocking.
  • Here's a tip: in prison, it would be a good idea to wear some clothes.
  • If lying about shooting people is a federal offense, then every rapper should be in prison.
  • Just her luck: all the good lawyers were defending bigger celebrities.

    Her Nose Didn't Grow - Michael Jackson's former housekeeper told jurors there was a parade of boys who stayed at Neverland, and the longer they stayed, the wilder they got. She said she'd seen Jackson with boys who appeared drunk, although she didn't see him give them booze, and without an authority figure around, it was like "Pinocchio's Pleasure Island": kids, including the accuser and his brother, would start polite, then end up trashing the place, rejecting their dinners and insulting her. She said the accuser's brother once pulled a knife on her in the kitchen.

  • It was charming.
  • He was just hyper from all the little cookies Michael served him in bed.
  • Yet when they drank Jesus Juice, their sins were forgiven.
  • It was like Pinocchio's Pleasure Island, except the head jackass's nose kept getting smaller instead of longer.
  • Michael loves "Pinocchio": it's about a mannequin that turns into a real, live boy...That's his #1 sex fantasy!

    Appalling! - Los Angeles prosecutors are considering whether to charge Paula Abdul with criminal hit-and-run, after a Mercedes clipped another car last December while changing lanes and failed to stop. Nobody was hurt. The other driver photographed the license plate with a cell phone, and the Mercedes turned out to belong to Abdul.

  • She did lean out the window and shout, "You have a beautiful spirit! Keep driving!"
  • The other driver: Simon Cowell.
  • She can claim she was blinded by the glare coming from Ryan Seacrest's shirt.
  • On the plus side, Paula may finally get to work with Lil' Kim.