"The Osterman Weekend"

The Osterman Weekend (1983) was Sam Peckinpah's final film. He made it in poor health, with the studio execs breathing down his neck, and he was working on a screenplay that he had no creative control over made from arguably the worst novel that Robert Ludlam ever wrote. Not only that, he didn't have the right of final edit. This work is finally released on DVD, and includes a new transfer of the theatrical version, complete with a commentary by four Peckinpah biographers, and his original review cut, but in very poor quality.

The cast included Helen Shaver, Meg Ryan, Burt Lancaster, Rutger Haur, John Hurt, Dennis Hopper, Meg Foster, Cassie Yates, and more. I am going to resist the temptation to write a plot summary. There is no way to do so without a complete spoiler, and some of you who haven't might want to check it out for the nudity, which includes brief breasts from Meg Foster, extensive breasts from Cassie Yates and Merete Van Kamp, and full frontal from Helen Shaver.

Much of the film takes place at night, and most scenes have a depressing greenish tint. The commentary talks far more about Peckinpah than the film, which I suppose you would expect from four biographers. There was a retrospective I didn't take the time to watch, biographies, and a slide show of production stills on the second DVD. Note the blue shots of Merete Van Kamp. These were from a deleted scene, About half the deleted material had nudity, but was a repeat of what was already in the film. They also lost a major sub-plot, changed the beginning, and rearranged the ending for the theatrical release.

IMDb readers have this at 5.7 of 10. None of the usual critics have a review listed at IMDb. This film has a single surprise, and after one watching, with that spoiled, is kind of a long watch at 112 minutes. The DVD is a major improvement over the VHS version I first watched. It seemed like the novelist and screenwriter wrote an espionage thriller, and Peckinpah turned it into a study of voyeurism, the influence of media, and a good shoot-em-up. It is still worth the trouble due to the fine cast. C

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  • Cassie Yates (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30. 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36)
  • Helen Shaver (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)
  • Meg Foster (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Merete Van Camp (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Splash (1984):

    These are Tuna's comments, which I need to repeat so I can build on them and not repeat them.

    Splash is one of those PG films with an amazing amount of exposure. Tom Hanks plays a workaholic wholesale produce broker who does his own work and his good-for-nothing brother's (John Candy) as well. He returns to Cape Cod for a break, and falls in the water. He is rescued by a mermaid (Daryl Hannah). He is instantly smitten, indeed, he was smitten by the same mermaid as a young boy, but has no idea she is a mermaid.

    She is smitten as well. She finds his wallet, and decides to visit him in New York. It seems mermaids are allowed to become human for a short time once in their life. She walks onto Liberty Island starkers, and the fun begins.

    Director Ron Howard could have gone for over the top comedy, but, instead, focused on the love story, and lots of small but effective gags. Hannah has never been better, Hanks did his usual great job, and Candy was perfect in his role.

    Seeing Daryl again in this role, I started asking myself what my favorite Hannah film was. With 44, there are a lot of choices. This grew into multiple questions:

    • What is her best performance?
    • Which film did I enjoy her in most?
    • Which of her films is the best overall?

    Surprisingly, my answer was different in each case. Maybe we can study this question.

    Here are my own thoughts:

    Splash is not rated spectacularly high at IMDb, nor was it a monstrous box office success. It was a small hit, and it is scored in the high average range, yet it was one of the most influential films of its time, perhaps of any time.

    Although it did not single-handedly change the way people dressed or what they did for recreation, ala The Sting or Saturday Night Fever, it did take a bunch of unknowns and made them stars.

    • Tom Hanks, now a venerable and much-awarded Hollywood institution, arguably the biggest star of his time, was known only as a featherweight sitcom actor before this film. Splash made him a movie star.

    • John Candy and Eugene Levy were Canadian sketch comics from the original cast of SCTV. Levy was unknown. Candy was a bit player until Splash made him a comedy institution. (He is hilarious in the film.)

    • Daryl Hannah had been in the obscure Summer Lovers and had a small part in Blade Runner. Some people knew her face, and remembered her character in Blade Runner, but nobody really knew her name at the time, including me, and I was a Blade Runner geek. Splash elevated her to the A-List.

    • Ron Howard had directed Night Shift, which starred his old Happy Days pal, The Fonz, and some Corman crap, and that was about it. After Splash proved that he could make good movies with a good return on investment, he was Hollywood gold, and was able to develop projects like Cocoon, Apollo 13, and a Beautiful Mind.

    Splash is, in fact, an excellent romantic comedy despite the crazy high-concept premise and the wishy-washy 6.3 at IMDb. I will argue that it is one of the best in the genre. We have often mentioned here that there are only about five erotic thrillers in history that are both erotic and thrilling. It is no small challenge to do both. The same rule of thumb applies to romantic comedies. How many films can you name which are both romantic and funny?

    This is one of them. Ron Howard managed to pull it off by letting Hanks play the charming straight man, and letting John Candy deliver the crazy laughs. I should not slight Daryl Hannah, who was both beautiful and funny in her role as the mermaid. The director managed to allow her to be very funny by letting the humor come out of the character's naiveté in the ways of humans, and to her credit, Hannah never missed a beat. She also proved to be a truly extraordinary athlete in the underwater scenes, which she did herself.

    The new 20th anniversary DVD features the rare audition footage of Hannah and Hanks (great to see because of its rarity, but not especially entertaining), a new "making of" documentary (which I enjoyed), and a director's commentary, which I listened to when John Candy was on, because I just can't get enough John Candy stories.

    Sigh! Not only have 20 years passed since Splash came out, but it has also been 10 years since John Candy died. I sure miss the big lug. What a rare bird he was, and what a rare quality he had on camera! Has there ever been any actor in history who could deliver such totally obnoxious lines and still be as totally loveable?



    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated




    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • If you are familiar with the reality show, Blind Date, this is the footage from the Blind Date "Uncensored" DVD. This date involved porn star Nicole Sheridan. It will be a long download, but it is pretty entertaining stuff. (.avi version, .wmv version)

    • I love this scene. Short. but sweet. Melissa George in Dark City. (.avi version, .wmv version)

    • Tuna covered this in the past couple of days. Mary-Louise Parker in The Five Senses.  (.avi version, .wmv version)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Crimson Ghost
    First up from the Ghost....

    'Caps and a .wmv of Julie Delpy topless and being groped in a scene from "An American Werewolf in Paris."

    Next up, 'caps and a .wmv of Vanity topless in scenes from the 1988 B-movie, "Action Jackson" starring Carl Weathers, Craig T. Nelson and a pre-fame Sharon Stone.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    If I make a statement such as "this 2003 mess is probably the worst horror film I've ever seen", you'd expect me to back it up, right? Let me quote the best line in the movie, by Kari Beltzer's character, Debra: "She's such a stuck-up bitch. I bet she takes dick up every hole".

    That line pretty much sets the tone for the movie, but don't get the impression this R-rated pile of garbage has a lot of sexy stuff, because there's no real sex, and the nudity is basically just an effort to ease the pain. I love B-movie horror, but this gets an F for worse-than-high-school-drama-class acting, terrible photography, horrid not-even-good-enough-to-be-called-lame script, etc. It's pure trash.

    Jolene Blalock The super-sexy Vulcan showing a whole lot o' leg during an appearance on "The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn".

    Emmanuelle Vaugier
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Johnny Moronic salutes the sexy Canadian brunette with these 'caps featuring scenes from 3 of her movies.

    Here's the lo-down:
    Links 1-6...Black undies and red dresses in scenes from "Wishmaster 3".
    Links 7 and 8...Showing a little cleavage in "Ripper: Letter from Hell".
    Links 9-14...Topless and some partial rear nudity in scenes from "40 Days and 40 Nights".

    Karen Sillas
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Topless in a lesbian love scene from the 1996 movie "Female Perversions". 'Caps by the Skin-man.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Her Arms Are Too Short To Hold Them In Front Of Her - The Daily Mirror reports that siliconed British bikini model Jordan made an appearance at the London Book Fair to hawk her upcoming autobiography. But when the publisher handed her some copies to hold for photos, she dropped them on the floor and onlookers noticed the pages were blank. The publisher insisted those were just props, and the book would be ready by the end of May to ship to 250,000 people who've already ordered it.

  • Fortunately, they all ordered it for the cover.
  • Even Jordan ordered a copy. She can't WAIT to find out what she wrote!
  • 250,000 pre-orders? It must be a pop-up book.
  • I don't know which is more depressing: that a bikini model got a book contract, or that 250,000 people pre-ordered her book.

    For Men Who Think Kissing Madonna Would Be Sexy - Fashion Wire Daily reports that there is a controversial bathroom fixture in the new Virgin Airways Clubhouse at New York's JFK Airport. It's a urinal called "Kisses" that's shaped like a wide-open female mouth, with bright red lipstick. Critics call it gross and sexist, but the Dutch design team Bathroom Mania calls it "sexy" and "one target men will never miss."

  • These guys are one target women won't miss.
  • They also installed a really beautiful golden shower stall.
  • Another clever touch: the "tongue stud" is a urinal cake.
  • Any woman who sees this will want to remain a virgin.

    He's Very Clean - Paul Cole, 92, of Barefoot Bay, Florida, may be the most famous man nobody's ever heard of. The New York Post reports that Cole is the man in the sports coat in the background of the Beatles' "Abbey Road" album cover. He was vacationing in London in 1969, and as he stood on the sidewalk, he noticed four long-haired guys "dressed like kooks," one of them barefoot, crossing the road in a line "like ducks." He didn't even know a photo was being taken until six months later, when he saw the album. He said he still gets a laugh knowing he's in millions of homes and is "the other Paul."

  • So there really was another Paul, and neither one of them is dead!
  • He's so hard to spot, he's more like "the other Waldo."
  • He remembers shouting, "Quit jaywalking, you punks! Ya wanna be Abbey Roadkill?!"

    TCB: Takin' Care Of Burglars - Sunday night in Las Vegas, thieves drove a stolen tow truck through the back door of the Elvis-A-Rama museum and smashed display cases with lead pipes. In less than five minutes, they made off with $325,000 worth of Elvis Presley's jewelry and kitsch. They took everything from Elvis' high school ring to an "E.P. diamond pendant to a gold-plated handgun. But they must not have been Elvis fans: they left the most valuable item: his million-dollar pair of blue suede shoes.

  • It's as if they could hear Elvis singing, "You can do anything, but stay offa my blue suede shoes!"
  • Maybe they just thought those would be pretty hard to sell on eBay.
  • Ironically, they stole all the jewelry so they could afford expensive sneakers.