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Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Junior is on a mini-working-sorta-vacation, so I'm writing the page for a bit. He's in Amsterdam with some buds, the lucky dog, but will resume writing the page from Europe in a day or two, assuming he doesn't discover brown cafes.



There are updated encyclopedia volumes for the following: Barbara Hershey, Kathleen Kinmont, Patsy Kensit, Nastassia Kinski, Corinne Clery, Elodie Bouchez, Isabelle Huppert, Kim Yates

There are new volumes for: Kylie Minogue, Dannii Minogue, and Shauna O'Brien



Celebrity Sleuth has just brought out Volume 15, Number 1. Here are a few of the many highlights:

I believe this is the best picture of Angel Tompkins I've ever seen. According to Sleuth, it has never been seen before. Also on the Tompkins thread is some rare deleted footage from The Don is Dead. Angel is seen here with Zorba the Crook.

Here are four paparazzi pictures of Claudia Schiffer (1, 2, 3, 4) that are new to my eyes. Looks at Claudia's breasts are rare, so we're happy to see them even when they are beneath a gauzy top.

I suppose you read about the death of Robert Blake's wife, and the subsequent investigation. We don't know to what degree ol' Baretta took his eye off the sparrow on this one, but we do know what Bonny Bakley looked like naked. In fact, we know everything her gyno knew. (1, 2, 3, 4)

I made fun of Lolo Ferrari a lot while she was alive. Calling her a bimbo would be like calling Shaq a big guy. She wasn't just any bimbo, but the very quintessence of bimbosity. She made Anna Nicole Smith seem in comparison to be a combination of Grace Kelly and Socrates.

I don't know how many times Lolo had her breasts enlarged, but enough times that she got listed in the Guinness Book of Records for "Biggest Boobs". She claimed that she did it to impress her mother, because mom never loved her. The sheer foolishness of that  should be funny in a way, but it's actually not funny at all. Tragic, really.

Even more tragically, Lolo was found dead in her home, at age 30, of "natural causes". Whatever that means. I reckon when a healthy 30 year old woman dies suddenly, it would be the very definition of unnatural, but what do I know? Obviously it was one of those completely natural things that kills off 30 year olds without explanation. (Lolo often admitted that she was suicidal, by the way)

Speaking of suicides, Mary Millington was the queen of 70s era BritPorn, and died of an OD at age 33.


I've already gone through all my flicks from last week, but I thought you might be interested in this. Turns out they are thinking of featuring  the Joker's daughter in the next Batman sequel, but up until know they haven't been able to come up with anyone to play the part. They need an actress who can convey that complete lack of grasp on reality, and that obvious innate criminality, by affecting the insane gleam in her eyes, and the clearly demented smile.

Boys - I think we've found our girl


Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

"Staying on Top" (2002)

Staying On Top (2002 video) is a direct to vid soft-core with the usually problems of that genre, mainly, very weak plot, poor acting, and interminable boring sex scenes. Angela Davies is a young but talented advertising account exec. Her boss, Holly Sampson, is jealous of her, but intends to exploit her to her own benefit. When Sampson steals an important account from her, Davies quits. With the aid of a secretary, Sasha Rochelle, she starts her own company and grabs the brass ring. All of these women, and one more I couldn't identify show everything, including at least one gyno shot. The film is technically competent and does have naked women, but little else. C-.

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    "The Tall Guy"

    The Tall Guy (1989) is proof that comedy can be a very subjective genre. Scoop, who I nearly always agree with, loved it, getting many belly-laughs. It didn't elicit as much as a broad smile from me. I understood that lines like "I hope all of your kids have small dicks -- even the girls," and "sodomy is very big in Morocco" were meant to be funny, but I was not tickled by them. I think part of the reason was that I didn't really like Goldblum's character. I did enjoy the performance by Emma Thompson as the nurse Kate Lemmon and Goldblum's love interest. See Scoop's review for an in-depth thumbs up, but make my score C.

  • Penman

    Kathleen Turner
    ( 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    From the over-the-top crime/noir/comedy/drama/satire/psychodrama "Crimes of Passion"

    Janice Renney (1, 2) more from Ken Russell's silly but highly entertaining "Crimes of Passion"

    Ehrinn Cummings

    From the CD version of the 2002 SI Swimsuit edition

    Josie Maran also from the CD version of the 2002 SI Swimsuit edition. I know we've probably mentioned it a few trillion times, but does this woman have a figure, or what?

    Michelle Bauer Full frontal nudity in the timeless screen romance, "Shame, Shame, Shame"

    Emmanuelle Beart Does she have the sexiest eyes ever? I don't know. Who's looking at her eyes? Frontal nudity from " .... Ascenseur"

    Tori Mussett (1, 2) Caps from Australia's "Crash Palace"

    Amelia Heinle The soap opera actress (All My Children) topless, in Liar's Poker

    Pat Reeder The Comedy Wire
    Pat's comments in yellow...

  • Not much out there today, but this is sort of interesting: Eminem is dating Ginger Spice.  Shouldn't there be some law preventing people with so little musical talent from breeding?  Oh well, at least Eminem has given the world a new pickup line, probably the worst I've ever heard, but apparently, it works on Spice Girls.  It's the last line of the story.  From IMDB News...

    Eminem Dating Former Spice Girl

    Pop star Geri Halliwell and rapper Eminem are set to become the strangest couple in showbiz after going out on a string of secret dates. The bizarre union came about after the pair bumped into each other by the pool of the Sunset Marquis Hotel in Los Angeles when both stayed there recently. Before long they'd struck up a conversation and arranged to go to a local bowling alley. One date turned into another and the former Spice Girl is now a regular fixture in the outspoken rapper's social life. According to Britain's The Sun newspaper, a source says, "You wouldn't expect them to have much in common - certainly in terms of their lifestyles. But the relationship seems to work. "Geri is having a great time. She and Eminem have been out together a few times, bowling and for meals. Who knows whether it will lead to romance?" Geri has been single since splitting from coffee tycoon Bobby Hashemi last year while Eminem is now divorced from childhood sweetheart Kim Mathers, the mother of his five-year-old daughter Hailie. And the potential coupling may not be as unlikely as some might
    think - on his debut hit My Name Is, Eminem hinted that he liked one of the Spice Girls, when he rapped: "I can't figure out which Spice Girl I wanna impregnate."

    Scoop's note: I don't know what the article writer is talking about. How could they possibly have any more in common? They were made for one another. It's a sad world when you can't even build a lasting relationship with the superglue of undeserved fame, tin ears, fashion impairment, and moving one's lips when reading.

    Not to mention bowling.

    I'd like to see one of their dinner conversations made into a movie, ala My Dinner With Andre.  My M&M's with Eminem?

    Would you like to see the wine list, sir?

    Nah, just bring us two cans of your best. And make it fresh! None of that old stuff.


    A couple more celebrity items, both from the NY Post.  The first one concerns Madonna and some items you might want to bid on.  Wonder if that underwear has ever been washed.  Probably not.  I'm betting this guy's own underwear has never been washed.  Boy, Madonna sure can pick 'em, can't she?...


    March 18, 2002 -- The intimate materials of the Material Girl are being put up for sale by one of her former lovers. Bodyguard Jim Albright is trying to sell his collection of bras and panties worn by Madonna, along with explicit Polaroid self-portraits and racy
    letters the pop queen sent to him. Albright, who says he bedded Madonna in the early '90s, said he doesn't care that she is now a married mom of two.

    "I'm gonna make a fortune, and I have a perfect right to do what I'm doing," he told London's News of the World. She may be acting like a goody-two-shoes wife and mom now, but this is the reality about her horny past. I'm not concerned about what she thinks or feels. If it upsets her, it's too bad. She's put her naked [body] in pictures for profit, so she can't complain if someone else does the same thing."

    Next is just a fashion article, maybe not for the Funhouse, but I just thought you'd like to see confirmation of how hot Jennifer Connally has
    become.  She's now Queen of the Runway, which your readers probably will think isn't as good as being Queen of the Funhouse, unless it's the runway at a strip club.  After all, these people want to look at Jennifer Connally just to see what kind of clothes she's wearing!  How sick is that?...



    March 18, 2002 -- MOVE over, Gwyneth: Hollywood has a new fashion It Girl. After years spent fawning over Paltrow, Nicole Kidman and Cate Blanchett, fashionistas and designers are turning their attention to the dark charms of Jennifer Connelly. Nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as Alicia Nash in "A Beautiful Mind," Connelly wins kudos for her clothes, too.

    The knockout black Narciso Rodriguez she wore to the Golden Globes made headlines. "The demure Connelly is an all-out winner in the style stakes," gushed People Magazine. The sharp, sexy black Alexander McQueen pantsuit she donned for the Screen Actors Guild Awards also got raves. U.S. Weekly declared Connelly a "super edgy" style winner, standing out from Hollywood's other glamour girls and their more conservative, monochromatic looks.

    "She is a clean palette," says stylist and CNN's Oscar red-carpet correspondent Phillip Bloch. "And she has that sleek, minimalist style that
    all the designers just love to get their hands on and corrupt."

    They shouldn't count on it. In a few short months, Connelly has established herself as a very sophisticated dresser. She wears black almost exclusively and, like Kidman and Blanchett, isn't afraid to dip her toe in edgier fashion waters. For instance, Connelly wore a killer-cool (and killer-short) black Balenciaga mini-dress to the Berlin Film Festival. To the L.A. premiere of "A Beautiful Mind," it was a slouchy Chanel halter and skirt in - you guessed it - black. What she'll will wear on the Oscars' red carpet is the fashion world's million-dollar question - literally.

    Witness the demand for Uma-esque Prada looks after she wafted past the paparazzi in 1995, and the ever-increasing profit margins at Christian Dior, a company that's seen sales surge since Kidman wore their chartreuse goddess dress to the Oscars four years ago.  Likewise, Connelly making the scene at SAG in McQueen opens up an entire new American market for the Brit bad boy.

    "He was absolutely thrilled," says a McQueen representative. "His new collection has just come out, and her wearing an outfit has just catapulted coverage of it to the front pages."

    But for the Oscars, the gossip in the Hollywood style set is that Connelly has an exclusive with Chanel. (Chanel, who is also rumored to be dressing Kidman, had no comment). But with these actress types, you never know what they'll be wearing until the last minute - most of the time even they don't know until then either. And Connelly's choice will be even more of a mystery because she doesn't use a stylist, who sometimes leak stars' choices. Instead, she trusts her own taste (just like Gwyneth), and works with her publicist to coordinate her red-carpet looks. Though she's established that she has a keen eye for young fashion talent, Connelly might cast the dozens of frocks that will no doubt end up on her doorstep aside and choose an antique dress. Vintage looks suit Connelly, says costumer Rita Ryack, who dressed the star in an original '50s cocktail dress for the ball scene in "A Beautiful Mind."

    "The minute she put that dress on, we just knew," says Ryack, who says Connelly's hair color is part of her fashion appeal, "One of the wonderful things about Jennifer is that she is dark [haired]," she says. "I think that's really refreshing."

    Read that and weep, Gwynnie.

    Scoop's comments: The only thing that surprises me is how long it took Hollywood and the mainstream media to "discover" her. You'd think she was some kind of ingénue instead of a woman who has been in the business for more than a decade. She was the most popular woman in the Fun House as long ago as 1996 - yet my daughter did not know who she was when I mentioned her in a conversation about six months ago!

    I think I've mentioned it before, but Danni Ashe claims to be the most downloaded woman on the internet. Connelly has been downloaded more from my site alone - my one little tiny corner of the internet - than Ashe's claimed total! (In all fairness, most of that was when we were a free site, and had 225,000 unique visitors per day.). I suppose Connelly's total must be thousands of times as many as Ashe!

    From the NY Post.  Thought it might be up your alley.


    WHETHER you're rooting for "A Beautiful Mind," "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" or one of the other Best Picture nominees Sunday night, don't despair if your favorite loses. The truth is, more often than not, Oscar makes mistakes.

    The Academy's 75-year history is filled with bloopers - some quite spectacular - that seem incomprehensible to even the most casual movie fan. Would you rather see "Chariots of Fire," the dreary, mercifully forgotten winner of the 1981 race - or "Raiders of the Lost Ark"?

    More to the point, does anyone still not believe that "E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" is a more lasting achievement than the lumbering
    historical epic than won the following year, "Gandhi"?  At least "E.T." - a victim of the Academy's bias against effects-laden
    movies (until 1997's "Titanic," that is) - was nominated. The honor roll of classics not nominated for Best Picture includes "Singin'
    in the Rain," "The Searchers," "North by Northwest" and countless seminal comedies.

    Consider the great "King Kong," which didn't even make it into the 1933 Best Picture race. That one was won by "Cavalcade," a stiff historical pageant based on a Noel Coward play that many experts consider Oscar's absolute nadir. It's rivaled as Oscar's all-time worst only by the insipid travelogue "Around the World in 80 Days," which beat out "Giant" and "The Ten Commandments" for the 1956 award.

    Forty years later, fans were scratching their heads when the widely detested "The English Patient," a historical soap opera that goes on
    forever, somehow beat out "Fargo" and "Jerry Maguire." Given a choice between a dull but worthy costume picture - say, "Out of
    Africa," the 1985 winner - and something more cutting-edge ("Prizzi's Honor" and "The Curse of the Spider Woman" were also contenders in '85), the Academy almost always goes for the less interesting choice.

    In other cases, we can blame aggressive Oscar campaigns waged by studios. That was certainly true of "Shakespeare in Love" (1998), a charming piece of Elizabethan fluff that shot down the more substantive "Saving Private Ryan."  And politics often plays a role. The most notorious case came in the 1952 awards, when the classic "High Noon" was victimized by blacklist-era sentiments in favor of the surprise
    winner, Cecil B. DeMille's mediocre circus adventure, "The Greatest Show on Earth."

    Three of the biggest embarrassments in recent years - both involving pictures directed by Martin Scorsese - came when the Academy handed out Best Picture statues to films now gathering dust on video-rental shelves.  Robert Redford's unbearably earnest "Ordinary People" triumphed over the exhilarating "Raging Bull" at the 1980 awards. Even more egregiously, "Goodfellas" lost to Kevin Costner's "Dances With Wolves" a decade later. Not that Marty should have been surprised. Another of his acclaimed works, "Taxi Driver," had its clock cleaned by "Rocky" at the 1976 Oscars.

    Scoop's note: there is a quite detailed essay on this very topic on the scoopy.com site (click here).