Thursday

Tuna
"Cradle of Fear"

Cradle of Fear (2001) is a direct to video unrated horror offering made in the UK. It is a collection of 4 different episodes, linked together by an imprisoned rapist/molester/serial killer, who is using an evil angel to extract revenge on relatives of those who put him away. It would be more accurately described as one extreme scene of gore after another, punctuated with the odd breast, and dialogue that uses the F word at least three times in every sentence. I could discover no reason at all for the title.

Plot Summary and Complete Spoiler

First, we see an actress credited as Emily Bouffante, actually Emily Booth, pick up a guy at a Goth club, and take him home. He turns into some sort of monster, and performs unspeakable acts on her naked body. She then showers, and goes to have a sleepover with her girlfriend. She wake sup in the middle of the night, and a creature in her womb, or maybe it is her with a pair of scissors, or perhaps both, tears them both apart. We meet the head detective, who introduces the character of the serial killer. Then we see the serial killer go to great lengths to create a message about the next deaths and get the note to his evil angle. Why the evil angel doesn't just ask him is never explained, although the evil angel can appear and disappear anywhere else in the film at will.

The next two victims are burglars, and probably lesbian lovers. They break into an apartment, firmly believing that there is a large sum of cash there to be stolen. There is, but there is also a deaf guy sleeping in the bed that they find the money under, so they beat him to death, and then jump into his bath tub together. When Emma Rice admits to Rebecca Eden that her sister knows what they are up to, Eden kills Rice, then goes home with the cash. The ghosts of Rice and the dead guy show up and kill her.

The next couple are wealthy, but have a problem. He has only one leg, and that makes him impotent, so he steals a leg from a friend and has it grafted on. The leg gets even by killing her in a car crash. He stabs himself to death trying to rid himself of the evil leg. The evil angel shows up to kill at least one of the cops as well.

The final story concerns the son of the detective, who works for an ISP researching evil web content. It completely corrupts him. He brutalizes his girl friend. Her reaction? She quits her job and tells nobody. He then discovers the ultimate evil Web site, where, at least until your credit card gives out, you can cause actually pain, injury and even death to victims. He goes broke enjoying the fun at this site, and then goes looking for it, only to become the next victim, when the obligatory evil dwarf tricks him.

The detective finally decides to kill the incarcerated serial killer to put a stop to it. He shoots him a couple times just for fun, the guards restrain him, he regains consciousness, blows the head off of the evil angel, and kills the serial killer. The evil angel then kills him.

End Spoilers

In addition to the cheesy plot full of holes, The film features terrible acting, annoying lighting effects such as strobes, and gawdfawfull music at the threshold of pain. We have breasts, buns, and maybe a little bush from Emily Booth, brief breasts and buns from Rebecca Eden, breasts from Emma Rice, and breasts from Eileen Daly as the wife of the one legged man. IMDb readers say 4.6 of 10. Specialty reviewers praised it as the first British horror film to actually deliver. If gore is your idea of a horror film, you will probably feel the same way. The effects are mostly effective. Having four stories helped reduce boredom in the 120 minute effort. This is a C-, but will appeal to real gore lovers.

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  • Eileem Daly (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Emily Boufiante (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)
  • Emma Rice (1, 2, 3)
  • Rebecca Eden (1, 2)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

     

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    The most recent poll for Best Oscar Winning Nude Performance wasn't even close.

    To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass.

    Here are the official poll results and comments.


    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Best All Time Television Comedy

    Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.


    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.


    Today from the Ghost...a few video clips from a couple of the "Friday the 13th" movies. Zipped .wmvs as usual.

    • Here is Norwegian born actress Kirsten Baker baring all 3 B's for a skinny dipping scene from "Friday the 13th Part 2" (1981). (1, 2)

    • Debi Sue Voorhees showing off her big all naturals in scenes from "Friday the 13th Part V".

    • Juliette Cummins also going topless in scenes from "Friday the 13th Part V".

    • Tiffany Paulsen, baring breasts and bum in a scene from "Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan"

    Spaz
    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    Dawn of the Dead Redux (2004) In the unrated R1 DVD the naked woman near the beginning is obscured from digital blood added to the windshield of the car. However on other international releases such as the Asia region she is fully visible. This scene was missing from the R-rated theatrical release so why is the restored scene digitally altered on the director's cut?

    • Luigia Zucaro: nude after getting ravaged in bus by zombies.
    • Lugia Zucaro bonus 'caps by Mr. Skin from the German DVD. (1, 2, 3)

    DeadLamb
    DeadLamb's latest batch of prime time skin highlights..

    Hilary Duff The pop-starlett wearing Pam Anderson sized fake boobs during a guest spot on the UPN show "One on One".

    Jennifer Beals Beals feeling up a topless chick in scenes from an episode of "The L Word". Sorry gang, I don't recognize Beals' lesbian conquest.

    Mńdchen Amick Here we see her in a bra as she changes clothes in scenes from the new TV "Jake in Progress" starring John Stamos.

    PenÚlope Cruz Cruz wearing a very low cut top and showing some partial breast exposure/cleavage during a guest spot on Leno.

    Vanessa Marcil

    Nikki Cox
    (1, 2)


    Two of the "Las Vegas" babes doing their thing on Monday night's episode. Cox showed off her usual mega-cleavage. Marcil wore some very tight pants and some obviously fake pokies.


    Variety
    Jennifer Aniston Here's a sneak peek at Aniston showing some legs n' cleavage while wearing a French Maid outfit in scenes from her upcoming movie "Friends with Money". Currently the IMDb has this listed as a 2006 release.

    Jessica Alba ahhhhhh, Alba. Here is the young goddess showing off some serious pokies while out on the town.

    Maribel Verd˙
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    Topless in scenes from the Spanish movie "La Estanquera de Vallecas" (1987). 'Caps by Flautista.

    Shannon Tweed
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)

    Vejiita 'caps of the former Heffer (November '81 and for the year '82) in scenes from the Fred Olen Ray action/thriller "Possessed by the Night" (1994).

    Here's the breakdown:
    sweaty tank top with pokies....links 1-11
    Sweaty tank top and toplessness...links 12,13 and 14.
    Having her undies stripped off...links 15,16 and 17
    Topless while riding a dude...links 18-25
    Topless while a dude is doing her from behind...links 26-29

    It looks like she's finally passed the baton on to the next batch of late night babes. Throughout the 90's, Tweed was the undisputed Queen of "erotic thrillers". However, since she hasn't done anything since some PG rated guest appearances in 2003, I think it may be safe to say that we may never see her big'uns again...excpet of course for the usual 4 of 5 times a week on Skinemax.

    Jennifer Jason Leigh
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    The "Fast Times..." co-star going topless in several scenes from the 1990 Alec Baldwin movie "Miami Blues" (1990). 'Caps by the Skin-man.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    MICHAEL JACKSON TRIAL UPDATE
    They Didn't Think It Was Charming? - Michael Jackson's accuser claimed he only denied that Jackson touched him because after a TV documentary revealed he and Michael shared a bed, the other kids teased him and called him gay.

  • Hey, sharing a bed with Michael Jackson doesn't mean you're gay! It might mean you're just stupid...or possibly a zoo animal of some sort.
  • Couldn't he have told them that he and Michael shared booze and looked at naked chicks?
  • Or maybe he was just embarrassed to admit that a kid in the year 2000 still thought Michael Jackson was cool.


    "BAYWATCH" BABE ARRESTED TRYING TO SAVE ELECTRIC CARS
    The Landfill Rover - Monday in Burbank, California, former "Baywatch" star Alexandra Paul and another woman were arrested when their environmental group blocked the path of trucks hauling GM's EV1 electric cars to a recycling plant. A GM spokesman said they don't want anyone arrested, but so few people bought the EV1, it never turned a profit, and they can't afford to make all the spare parts to keep the few that were sold safe and running.

  • That's implying they were ever safe...or that they ever ran.
  • Like "Baywatch" stars, the EV1 ran in slow motion.
  • Environmentalists should be happy: they're being recycled...into SUVs.


    OBITUARIES
    "A Date With Decomposition" - Documentary filmmaker Sy Wexler has died in Los Angeles at 88. Generations of kids grew up watching Wexler's short films on classroom projectors. He made hundreds of educational films, with such exciting titles as "Squeak the Squirrel," "Teeth Are For Life," "How a Hamburger Turns Into You" and "Venereal Disease: Why Do We Still Have It?"

  • All starring Troy McClure!
  • The funeral eulogy will be entitled, "Death: It's For Keeps."