Alfie (2004) never had a chance. It is a remake of a film, that, while culturally relevant, was more than a little unpleasant. I watched it a year or so ago when it was released on DVD, and, distanced from the era when it was relevant, it was just plain painful to sit through. I was very concerned about an attempt to remake this film, as I could see no possible reason to do so. After watching both the Widescreen and the pan-and-scan version, I still have no idea why it was made. Jude Law was brilliant in the title role. He didn't try to mimic Michael Caine's star-making performance, but made the character his own. Each of the women from the original was reinvented as a modern woman.
Where the film could have been far better than the original, was going into the bedroom, and showing exactly what it was about Alfie, who treated women like shite, that drew them to him. Instead, we have almost a nipple and partial buns from Jane Krakowski, and breasts and buns from Sienna Miller. The film won awards and nominations for music, and nothing else. It did nothing at the box office in the US. Ebert awards 3 stars, and Berardinelli 2.5.
I had many problems with this version, in addition to the fact that there was no compelling reason to make it. Alfie as a compulsive womanizer just doesn't fit into the reality of modern dating. When the original was made, serial shagging was de riguer for men. The realities of AIDS have ended that mentality. Alfie spends half the film talking directly to the camera. Granted, Law did it very well, but I much prefer to be shown, not told in a "motion picture." They frequently used freeze frame and jump cuts to speed up the pace. Each time it happened, I found it jarring. In a climatic scene with Susan Sarandon, I am convinced that the edited together dozens of takes to create the final scene. It came off very choppy. I would imagine that much of today's audience is not familiar with the original. The question is, does it have any merit not judged against the original. We basically have a hedonist, who, for some reason we never quite know, is irresistible to women, but, in the end, finds himself alone. What it adds up to is a morality tale about romance and commitment with an unsympathetic main character and an unhappy ending. Critics split, IMDb readers have it at 6.0. It is a low C, not impossibly bad, but nothing of merit here.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
The Godfather (1972):
need me to tell you that The Godfather is a part of cinematic folklore
and the popular culture. Thirty years later, even casual film fans understand references to Fredo and Luca Brasi; they know the meaning of toll booths to the
family; they know what it means to make an offer one can't refuse. The
movie was a mammoth popular success, with a modern-day equivalent of
$347 million at the domestic box. It is unanimously praised. It made
Coppola a rich and powerful man.
So who won Best
Director that year at the academy awards? Mr Coppola? Uh, no. The
Godfather did win Best Picture, but the award for Best Director of the
year went to - Bob Fosse, for Cabaret.
I know that sounds crazy, but there is some logic behind it.
Coppola might have taken home the statuette if he had been the driving
force behind the film but, as most people have forgotten, Coppola was
not the auteur behind The Godfather. He was a merely a hired gun on a
project developed by various others at Paramount Pictures. In fact,
Coppola only got the job because several other directors, including Peter Bogdanovich,
refused the project when offered it by Robert Evans, the head of
Paramount. Coppola himself demurred originally because he wanted to
develop his own projects, and because the book was a best seller, and
therefore beneath his artistic dignity.
When he finally took the job, the actual filming process turned out to be a semi-disastrous
experience for him.
During the production he was almost fired, then he almost quit. Even
after he finished cutting the film, he thought the final product would be a flop - "Well, I guess I
failed. I took a popular, pulpy, salacious novel, and turned it into a bunch'a guys sitting around in dark rooms talking".
I guess we know he
The Godfather did win several awards, including Best Picture and
Best Actor (Brando). Maybe you remember the award ceremony that year.
It was one of the all-time classics. That was the notorious
year when Brando's Best Actor statuette was
picked up by "Sacheen Littlefeather" (real name Maria Cruz,
an actress), who used Brando's acceptance speech to agitate against
America's treatment of Native Americans. In case you weren't aware or
had forgotten, the
award shows in the 70s and 80s were highly politicized. Many
performers, on both sides of the political spectrum, used the
spotlight to make speeches on behalf of their pet causes.
later, comic Tim Allen delivered a memorable Oscar-night line
regarding this trend. "I thought I'd take this opportunity on
worldwide television to promote my personal political causes. Sadly, I
have no personal political causes"
The L Word Update:
Sunday's show featured a dark swimming scene. There is a
full-frontal look at an unidentified woman, and topless flashes from
Katherine Moenning and Leisha Hailey. (Hailey is the blonde in the
blue bikini. The other woman is unknown.)
- Leisha Hailey and unknown
- Katherine Moenning
Feng Shui Underwear. This site
delivers the quote of the day: "If you have a dragon on your
underpants you will be protected." Protected from what? Well,
you see, Wednesday begins the Year of the Rooster, and you need
to be protected from the volatility of the cock. I didn't make
Elvis Jr update. Update/correction on Elvis Jr.'s
mom. Thanks to a knowledgeable reader who
identified that the "unknown" picture from Angelique Pettyjohn's
filmography is from a little known 1982 epic entitled
Oakland makes it into the NCAA tournament with a
13-18 record. Next stop: North Carolina. Hey,
13-18 doesn't seem that bad when you consider they started 0-7,
and were 7-18 just a couple of weeks ago. Go back only a bit
more and they are in Division II.
How does a coin-op pool table know to return the
cue ball when you scratch?
Some seniors have found that cruise ships are
better places to retire than retirement homes - maybe even
An aerial shot of the movie set for the new
Superman movie shows a life-sized replica spaceship buried at
the end of a ditch near the town of Breeza, Australia
Artcyclopedia: The Fine Art Search Engine
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher: Pregnant?
NEW WHITE HOUSE REPORTER TURNS OUT TO BE DICK
CHENEY. Fake Moustache Falls Off Veep During
A Dictionary of Old Hobo Slang.
Ashley Judd will star in Come Early Morning, a
coming-of-age story set in a rural small town
- This film will be written and directed by ... (wait for
it) ... actress Joey Lauren Adams.
- The film centers on a woman in her 30s who is beginning to
come to terms with her selfish and prickly relatives, her own
self-worth, and her search for meaning.
- No one will be admitted during the last thrilling fifteen
minutes, or if they have a penis
Here's the trailer from Nina's Tragedies.
I think the title probably tells you all you need to know about
this Israeli film.
Five clips from The Ring Two
One in three dads try breastmilk.
The number was 69% in East Anglia. Only one in three? You mean
2/3 of men are not even a little curious what it tastes like?
You mean to say that the other 2/3 stop kissing or sucking their
wives' nipples during breast feeding? I have to call shenanigans
on that statistic. OK, if you decide to pump it out and drink it
with Kahlua, that might be extreme, but just tasting it? C'mon,
all men do that at least once, don't they?
A top Catholic cardinal has blasted 'The Da Vinci
Code' as a 'gross and absurd' distortion of history and said
Catholic bookstores should take the bestseller off their shelves
because it is full of 'cheap lies.' I could be
wrong, but I think that's why they put it in the "fiction"
section. In fact, when you get right down to it, "fiction" and
"cheap lies" are essentially the same thing.
As of this minute, SXSW has registered 1368
- In trying to broaden their appeal to more mainstream
hailsatan.us is featuring an
exhibition entitled Jesus Rapes a Baby. I'm pretty sure that
should bolster their Spring recruiting drive, especially in the
Weekly World News: "THE TINY principality of
Tonzanique has a unique way of choosing its king and queen. It
picks them by the size of their sex organs!
'We believe that the man with the biggest penis is the one who
will protect us best,' says Tonora Kihali, Tonzanique's Minister
of Information. "
- The Daily Show asks:
"Was the early death of Egypt's boy king
Tutankhamen an accident, or MURRRRDERRRR?!? "
- The Daily Show looks at congressional investigations:
Enron, Halliburton, Abu Ghraib -- and instead
there's a full-scale investigation into baseball.
The Daily Show's Samantha Bee investigates
whether this country needs better enforcement of spoiler alerts.
Student Arrested For Terroristic Threatening!
You're gonna love this.
- What his grandparents found in his journal and turned into
police turned out to be a short story he wrote for English
class. A short story about zombies.
- OK, we all had a good laugh, and that's the end of it,
right? Wrong. The police admitted it was a short story, but
said it was still a felony! "Police say the nature of the
story makes it a felony. 'Anytime you possess matter involving
a school or function it's a felony in the state of Kentucky.'"
- The exact crime, according to the learned police
spokesman? "Possessing matter involving a school". I'm
curious. Is there anyone in the United States who does not
possess matter involving a school? I still have my yearbook.
Thank God I'm not in Kentucky.
New pictures from the graphic novel adaptation
Sin City. And by that, of course, I mean Alba,
not Willis or Rourke.
Why did Mario Vazquez quit 'Idol'?
People are buzzing over the fact that it had something to do
with him being gay. I'm not too sure what the hell that would
have to do with precluding a career in singing. Is there anyone
in showbiz who isn't gay? Maybe Sean Connery, but even he wears
those little skirts.
Conan's heartfelt tribute to the wonder that was
See just about anything be shredded
- Elvis Jr. update. (See links below for more details).
Elvis Aaron Presley JR. Official Web Site.
You can listen to his songs here. He does sound like The King,
but then so does the entire population of Las Vegas.
ESPN.com: Page 3 - Top 100 sports movie quotes
The trailer for Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of
APOD: Steep Cliffs on Mars
Jacko's lawyers tear his accuser a new one.
The kid reluctantly admitted that he told his teacher that
Jackson never molested him, and he did so very shortly after the
alleged abuse took place.
MovieJuice! takes a satirical look at Hostage -
Wha' chu Talkin' 'about, Willis?
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
The most recent poll for Best Oscar Winning Nude Performance wasn't even close.
To put it simply...Halle Berry kicked some ass.
Here are the official poll results and comments.
Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Best All Time Television Comedy
Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up from the Ghost...'Caps and clips of Daytime Soap star Gladys Jimenez going topless in two scenes from the direct-to-vid thriller "Blowback" (2000), starring Mario Van Peebles and James Remar.
- Gladys Jimenez
- Gladys Jimenez zipped .wmvs
Next up, a few vids (zipped wmvs) from the 1997 Rutger Hauer flick, "Redline".
- Yvonne Sciň. Toplessness in all of these scenes, plus rear nudity in clips 2 and 3.
- Szilvia Bizek doing some topless boxing.
- Anita Neszmenyi baring all 3 B's as she attacks Rutger.
- Ildikó Szücs, topless as she gets out bed and gets dressed.
|Flautista 'caps of Paltrow's Oscar-winning toplessness in a couple of scenes from "Shakespeare in Love" (1998).
||Here's an excellent down-shirt cleavage view from the upcoming Robert Rogriguez movie "Sin City" (2005). Look for it in theaters on April 1st.
||Here's another look at Stone's recent topless-at-the-beach paparazzi pics. Thanks to DeadRed.
Harring and Watts
|Johnny Moronic takes a look at the 2001 David Lynch movie "Mulholland Dr.". Harring and Watts are both topless and make out with each other a little. In Harring #1 we see the much talked about digitally removed bush.
|Fresh meat from Señor Skin. Here are 'caps of new actress in her first and so far only movie. Laure shows off some lovely toplessness in scenes from the direct-to-vid movie "Art Heist" (2004), starring William Baldw ("Sliver") and legendary B-movie tough guy Ed Lauter. If you don't recognize Lauter by name, it's ok, I'm 100% sure you've seen him at some point. He currently has 122 film credits and 55 TV appearance credits in his filmography! He's probably best known from the original version of "The Longest Yard" (he's also in the Adam Sandler remake). The younger Scoopsters know him as best as the football coach in "Not Another Teen Movie".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
BRITNEY ADVISES MICHAEL JACKSON
Jail Would Work - Britney Spears offered Michael Jackson some advice via
Allure magazine. She said if he did the things he's accused of, she feels
sorry for him and he needs some help. Britney said, "He needs someone to
be like, 'Okay, let's buck you up, let's give you a mustache, let's rough
you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'" She added that
if he isn't guilty, she still feels sorry for him, but either way, "he
needs to get into a fight" to toughen up and be more masculine.
But he needs to fight someone he can beat...Good luck with that.
There must be plenty of dads who'd be happy to fight him.
Michael couldn't win a fistfight with Britney Spears.
At least if he had a mustache, it would make it easier to figure out
where his nose used to be.
Now that the music thing is winding down, look for Britney's new
syndicated advice column.
Mr. Wonderful - Britney might have experience in male improvement: her
husband Kevin Federline's ex-girlfriend Amy Woody said his "gross" body
odor drove her away. She said he wouldn't brush his teeth and would go for
days without bathing, "so he'd stink" and "he didn't care."
Britney avoids noticing this by never bathing herself.
He's lucky he has such an incredibly charming personality.
HAYEK TO GAIN WEIGHT FOR KILLER ROLE
Monster Boobs - Salma Hayek hopes to repeat Charlize Theron's deglamorized
path to an Oscar by starring as 280-pound real-life serial killer Martha
Beck in a thriller called "Lonely Hearts." An insider said Salma won't put
on all the weight, but will have some padding. She also probably won't
have any nude scenes, since her Catholic upbringing makes her want to kill
herself every time she sees her breasts on screen.
That makes a lot of other women want to kill themselves, too.
Why not let Salma stay the way she is and just cast Kirstie Alley?