Other Crap:

THE CHICKTIONARY ... Your guide to understanding chick talk. 

The Chuck Norris Facts - as read by Chuck Norris! 

Rodriguez puts Sin City 2 on hold until Jolie has her baby. 

Domino's Catholic Town Shows Way to Other Fast Food Franchises 

Film Jerk's Early Report for March 13 

Chinese bodypainting 

Homer Simpson headline of the day: Woman Gets Beer From Her Kitchen Faucet 

Headline of the day: Organic farmer fed friend's body to pigs to steal his pension 


  • With photographers surrounding her, Stone bowed her head before the Western Wall, and burst into tears, asking for God’s forgiveness for not only “Basic Instinct 2,” but also 2004’s “Catwoman.”

FAILURE TO LAUNCH NOT HELPING GROWN MEN LIVING AT HOME TO GET LAID ... Research shows most 35 year-old men living with parents don't look like Matthew McConaughey, still virgins 

NBC FINALLY COMPLETES TRADE DEAL AS MATT LEBLANC IS SENT TO HBO ... Former Joey star to appear and immediately die in The Sopranos 

CONSERVATIVE TV CRITICS RELIEVED BY RETURN OF SOPRANOS ... Sopranos premiere boosts TV violence statistics, fund raising for family values groups 

DICK CHENEY DEFENDS SOPRANOS CHARACTER IN SHOOTING ... Vice-President accidentally reveals spoiler to former Gov. Cuomo 

Hollywoody reviews Failure to Launch 

The trailer for 'REVOLOUTION' (That's how it is spelled.)

  • "A violent, street-fighting, extreme-stutterer becomes a great, powerful communicator. "Revoloution" seems like just a great story, but it is the first movie in history to be structured around a shamanic ritual, which when experienced by certain audiences, creates an identification with the near death awakening of the lead character and results in radical and instantaneous transformation in the viewer."

The trailer for Behind The Mask

  • The next great psycho horror slasher has given a documentary crew exclusive access to his life as he plans his reign of terror over the sleepy town of Glen Echo, all the while deconstructing the conventions and archetypes of the horror genre for them.

"Pssst. Wanna see Terry Bradshaw naked?" 


  • Mr. Chertoff also declined Vice President Dick Cheney’s offer to shoot off the lock on the building for fear that Mr. Cheney might hit the Department of Agriculture building across the street.

Britney Spears has reportedly put husband Kevin Federline on an allowance.


MAILBOX: (important info for consumers)


I just bought the new release of Network (widescreen edition) on DVD. Faye Dunaway's nude scene is now lost because it is cut off from the bottom of the screen. This is a travesty and it's happening in so many films now.

 The new posters seen at ShoWest! 

The Shaggy Dog, as reviewed by The Filthy Critic

  • "The Shaggy Dog is for everyone nostalgic for the sub-grade crap that Disney shoved down our throats while our parents held our heads back. It's the ultimate tribute to crappy, cheap, pointless and heartless crap."

Some pseudo-nudity from Kate Beckinsale in Underwordl Evolution (RapidShare video clip) 

Miriam Morgenstern nudity in Sommersturm (RapidShare video clip) 

Monica Himmelheber nudity from episode 9 of Sleeper Cell (RapidShare video clip) 

Brief, dark nudity from episode 7 of Sleeper Cell - Marika Taylor and Maureena Galindo (RapidShare video clip) 

Melissa Sagemiller nudity from Episode 4 of Sleeper Cell (RapidShare video clip) 

Axelle Grelet nudity from episode 2 of Sleeper Cell (RapidShare video clip) 

Melissa Sagemiller nudity from episode 1 of Sleeper Cell (RapidShare video clip) 

film clip: Alison Smith stark nekkid in Los Anos Barbaros (RapidShare) 

film clip: Hedy Burress full frontal and rear nudity in Los Anos Barbaros 

film clip: Tomoni Miyashita topless in Marebito (Rapidshare) 

Internet blows CIA cover

  • It's easy to track America's covert operatives. All you need to know is how to navigate the Internet.

As Internet TV Aims at Niche Audiences, the Slivercast Is Born 

The GoDaddy.com girl will be nekkid for Hef in the April edition




Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




"Private Lessons"

Private Lessons (1981) is the teen looses his virginity to an older woman variety of comedy. Sylvia Kristel is the older woman, and Eric Brown as Philly is the teenager. Philly's father is filthy rich, When he leaves for a so-called business meeting, he leaves 15 year old Philly with the chauffeur, the gardener and the new housekeeper, Sylvia Kristel. As a normal teen, Philly and his best friend are more than curious about the opposite sex, and spying on the friends older sister, Pamela Jean Bryant, gets old, so Philly starts stalking Sylvia. Funny thing, is she is all for it. We soon learn why. She is in cahoots with the chauffeur, and they have something evil planned.

When Philly finally gets laid, Kristel pretends to be dead. The chauffeur then extorts money from him, but Kristel has fallen for the kid, and joins forces with him.

Kristel shows breasts and buns. Pamela Jean Bryant also shows breasts, as does an unnamed actress who is the business that Philly's father is away on.

IMDb readers say 4.4. This is fairly lame, and Eric Brown was simply too young to believably bed and win over Sylvia Kristel. Further, a car chase scene totally missed the hilarity they were after. Skip this one and see My Tutor or Risky Business for a much better take on the same theme. Low C-.

Sylvia Kristel

Pamela Jean Bryant



Today we have two "Babes in Bondage".

First from "Decadent Evil" we have a topless April Gilbert tied to the bed and menaced by a little creepy creature. She later meets a not happy ending (we spared you that).

April Gilbert

Then we have Alegra Curtis suspended by her wrists and murdered in "FLashback The Past is Killer". Sadly no real skin.

Alegra Curtis

Next we wash all that down with some "Hankster Light" from Television with sexy Poppy Montgomery playing Marilyn Monroe in "Blonde".

Poppy Montgomery

'Caps and comments by Dann:

It's fairly common for a war movie to start by showing a new soldier going through the rigors of basic training, then preparing for battle, then finally some ass-kicking battle scenes. 2005's Jarhead follows this format for the most part, except they mostly left out the battle scenes.

Jarhead, based on a book by Anthony Swofford, tells of his experiences in the period starting in 1989, up through the 1991 Gulf War, and in the period just after that when he returned home.

Most of the emphasis is on his experiences in basic training, and the many months of training and waiting in the desert, preparing for the war. This operation, as some many remember, was called Operation Desert Shield, and the war itself was Operation Desert Storm. There is very little battle action in this movie, which mainly examines the various characters and their hardships along the way. Although Swofford's unit did see action, it appears they did very little actual fighting. Not surprising, since the troops moved through Iraq swiftly and with only token resistance up until the time that their march to Baghdad was halted by the President. Most will remember that this took only a few days.

This movie was well received by reviewers and moviegoers alike. Most people found it very interesting. I also found parts of it to be interesting, but frankly, I'm not a big fan of the movie, because I felt it was extremely slow moving, and flat-out boring most of the way. I'm a big minority in this regard, however, so chances are most will like it.

Brianne Davis



A few things today.

First, a paparazzi thingie. Here is Adriana Lima on the catwalk, showing off her magnificent bum.

Adriana Lima

Some slight mucking around with Tuna's terrific work follows.

In addition to A-list babes, Dana Delaney and Kelly Preston, we have some B-movie gals of today (April Hannah), 1980's (Joy Boushell) and long, long ago (Jennifer and Chris Jordan). If she has been naked, Tuna has capped her.

"No Inibitions"
Chris Jordan
"Abigail Lesley Is Back in Town"
Dagmar Bürger
"Das Frauenhaus"
Dana Delaney
"Exit to Eden"
Edwige Fenech
"Lo Strano vizio della Signora Wardh"

Claudia Cepeda
"The Story of O"
Jennifer Jordan
"Abigail Lesley Is Back in Town"
Conchita Airoldi
"Lo Strano vizio della Signora Wardh"

Erin Wright
Joy Boushell
"Pick-Up Summer"
Kelly Preston


First up, Italian actress Valentina Cervi going topless and showing some blurry frontal views in scenes from "Provincia meccanica" (2005).

French mega-star Sophie Marceau shows off a bunch of cleavage, and even a little toplessness in scenes from "Marquise" (1997).

'Caps and comments by Spaz:

"At the Hotel"
Brand new CBC tv series directed by The Newsroom's Ken Finkleman. No nudity but Natalie Lisinska is sexy and shown in bathing suit.

Natalie Lisinska

"Bach Concerto No. 2"
Something you don't see on MTV, nekkid female violin players. Canadian fiddler Lara St. John is shown topless from behind.

Lara St. John

"Puppets Who Kill" season IV
In the last two episodes of the brand new season for this puppetsploitation Tammy Isbell and Charlotte Sullivan have some puppet sex.

Tammy Isbell Charlotte Sullivan

"Moccasin Flats"
Season III: episode "Pay the Piper". And Menard shows partial boob and boob and Andrea Lewis shows some mega-cleavage.

Andrea Menard Andrea Lewis

From Season II: episode "Champagne Kisses". Tegan Moss lifts her shirt revealing brassiere while Carmen Moore shows some pokies.

Tegan Moss Carmen Moore

"Street Legal" season 8
Judge Julie Khaner strips down to her camisole is episode "But Not Forgotten" while Toronto area model Heather Payne shows partial boob in episode "Black and White in Color"

Julie Khaner Heather Payne

Pat's comments in yellow...

None Of Them Irish - Saturday in Dallas, musician/novelist and gadfly Texas gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman ran afoul of one of those freedom-killing laws he disdains. As he was riding in a St. Patrick's Day parade, someone handed him a can of Guinness and he drank from it, a violation of the state open container law, which applies even to passengers. Police said Friedman wasn't ticketed because no officer saw it, but he didn't deny it. He said, "Guinness is the drink that kept the Irish from taking over the world," and it would be unthinkable and "spiritually wrong" not to have a Guinness during a St. Patrick's Day parade.

* He's now leading in the polls by 20 million votes.
* Drunk driving is a cherished St. Patrick's Day tradition! When St. Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, he was driving drunk!

She Turns Down Her Hearing Aid - Mick Jagger's ex, model Jerry Hall, said she'd fed up with young boy toys and prefers older men. She said older men are better, more experienced lovers who "know how to please you," while "younger men make you listen to Coldplay, and there ain't no treatment for that."

* No woman wants a man who prefers Coldplay to foreplay.
* But have sex with a really old guy, and he might let you hear the new Rolling Stones CD before he releases it.
* Also, older men don't see as well, which really takes the pressure off.
* Before Viagra, by the time a man learned what to do, he couldn't do it anymore.