Beloved (1998) -- I am the wrong person to be writing a review of this film - in short, I detested it, and found nothing of merit during the entire running time. Made for $53M, much of it from star Oprah Winfrey, it only grossed $22.8M. IMDb readers have it at 5.6 of 10. It did receive an Oscar nomination for Costume. Critics have it 70% positive at IMDb, and the other 30% absolutely hated it. Scoopy found it a beautifully made film that was clearly not commercial. If I recall his argument correctly, it was made from a truly great book which was impossible to translate to the screen. Therefor, those who loved the book would be dissatisfied, and those who hadn't read the book would be confused during the three hours of running time.

From my standpoint, it was a ghost story with no hint of fright, either startle or suspense, and seemed to have the revolutionary theme that it sucked to be a slave. I have nothing against Oprah, as a matter of fact, the one friend of mine who has appeared on her show says she is a totally genuine person, and that the Oprah you see on the show is the real woman. The only performance I had a problem with was the ghost, played by Thandie Newton, although I guess you can excuse the gravely voice, since her throat was cut as a baby, and she had been dead and buried for 18 or so years. We do see her breasts and bush at the ending, when she vanishes from a front porch, and also get a dark view of her bush in an earlier scene.

I am not sure what to call the genre, but those who like it really like it, so the proper score is C+, but count me among the 30% who found no merit in it.

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  • Thandie Newton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    "Five Easy Pieces"

    Five Easy Pieces (1970) is a film I had seen (hasn't everyone), but never capped. This acclaimed film earned Golden Globe and Oscar nominations for Writer/Director Bob Rafelson, and costars Jack Nicholson and Karen Black. Nicholson plays a "rebel without a clue." He grew up in a wealthy musical household in Washington, and was a child prodigy on the piano, but rebelled and became a sullen drifter. While it is never clear why he made these choices, it is a brilliant portrayal of this type of personalty, and the films contains one of those :best of all time" scenes, when Nicholson is ordering breakfast in a diner.

    We first meet him at work in an oil field. When his buddy is arrested, he screws Sally Struthers, then heads to Washington with Black to see his family. His father has had multiple strokes, and he feels an obligation to make peace with him. While there, he has an affair with his sister-in-law to be.

    Rotten Tomatoes critics rate it 85% positive. IMDb readers say 7.4 of 10. Black shows breasts through a black negligee, and Struthers shows breasts in a hyper sex scene with Nicholson. This was startling and new in 1970, being one of the first of the new breed of Independent films, which felt free to brake the cliches. Even though many films now do this, this remains a favorite due to the great character development, and fine performances. B.

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  • Karen Black (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Sally Struthers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated. Julie Gayet is featured this week.




    Langrishe, Go Down (1978):

    This is a Harold Pinter teleplay that was first broadcast on the BBC in 1978.

    Pinter, the husband of Lady Antonia Fraser, may be the most famous living English playwright, and has been celebrated as a giant of the theater since he was still in his twenties. He's not that old now (74), but has been an established playwright for nearly 50 years. He's an author whose oeuvre is the power of implication, whose characters always mean something quite different from what they say and demand that you and the other characters figure out what they really mean.

    When his style works, it can be very effective. Mysterious threats appear in the form of ominous visitors. They don't do or say anything threatening, and yet they are - sinister. Tension is created with pauses, glances, silence. People seem to exist only in the present. Characters are more symbolic than filled in. Real communication rarely happens. Dialogue often consists of non-sequiturs or ironic filler like "oh, have you really?"

    Frankly, I don't know what he was driving at with with this script, but I found it impossible to appreciate in any way. A lonely Irish spinster and a pretentious Bavarian graduate student who is studying Irish folklore meet, and fall in and out of a relationship in the 1930s, in the way-too-quiet Irish countryside. The script is filled with speeches - endless pontificating and pompous digressions about various uncinematic matters like the reproduction cycle of bees and the Irish theatrical tradition.

    It would be a complete waste of time without two of the greatest actors in film history, Jeremy Irons and Judi Dench. No, check that. That isn't precisely what I mean. That sentence should read: "It is a complete waste of time, despite the presence of two of the greatest actors in film history." It is lifeless, tedious, and unfocused. It was made for television in 1978, so it is in a 4:3 aspect ratio, and the quality of the print is not even mediocre. The original cinematography may have been quite good, but it's difficult to say that with certainty because this bears the same resemblance to a movie that a faxed sixth generation Xerox of an Ansel Adams photo bears to the original photo. If you see that multi-generation fax, you might conclude that Ansel was a helluva photographer, but you would not know for sure. Same problem exists here.

    Besides its historical value (it was not seen for decades), the only interesting thing about the film is a significant amount of nudity from a woman I would like to think of as my personal sex slave, Dame Judi Dench. You haven't lived until you have seen Judi Dench putting whipped cream on her nipples. Well, at least until you've seen a faxed sixth generation Xerox of Judi Dench putting whipped cream on her nipples.

    • Dame Judi Dench. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) Judi was just born too soon. The J-Lo, Beyonce, Winslet giant booty look was not in fashion in Judi's day. Come back with that jumbo ass now, and she'd be a love goddess.




    Melvin and Howard (1980):

    I ordered the new DVD of Melvin and Howard because the old one didn't have a full screen version (thus eliminating Steenbergen's pubic hair), had no features, and was a crappy transfer.

    It appears to me that the new DVD is just a re-issue with a new cover. Don't order it. Same problems as the other one.

    As for the film, I think Melvin and Howard is perhaps the single film which is the most better than it sounds. You pick it up dreading it, and you end up enjoying it.

    Notes here.

    • Mary Steenbergen. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) You can see full screen caps in the Encyclopedia. (They are made from VHS tapes. )
    • Strippers (1, 2, 3, 4)






    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap






    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.



    • Nothing goes together like nude hitchhiking and French Chanson, except maybe applesauce and beer. Here is some 1995 trivia for you really old time members on the site. The nude pic of Madonna hitchhiking was the first naked picture ever to appear in Uncle Scoopy's Fun House! (It started as jokes and links only. The original Fun House is called Other Crap today). These clips are from the video that accompanied her Sex book. (.avi version (clip one only), .wmv version (1, 2, 3))


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    A couple of weeks ago, in a short blurb about the movie, Terror Firmer, the line "awful even by Troma standards" was used. Well, if Student Confidential (1987) was the standard by which all other Troma films were judged, Terror Firmer would be that company's Return of the Kings.

    You cannot believe what a muddled mess this movie is. There this guy, see. And he's a millionaire with a whack-o nympho of a wife, but she won't screw him and even though she lolls around the house all nekkid and stuff, she gets pissed when he looks at her. And he becomes a school counselor and gives all kinds of high-minded speeches to no one in particular and gets the shit kicked out of him by a bunch of guys who he hired in the first place or something and... None of it makes a lick of sense.

    The way I figure it, a floridly psychotic individual wrote a long screenplay in which the scenes that did make sense were broken up by scenes that were just plain fruitcakes, so someone else cut out all the craziness and they made a movie that turned a profit. Then someone else had the idea of taking all the lithium-deprived scenes that had been cut in the first movie, filming THEM and selling it as another movie by a writing genius. Things aren't random but there is such temporal and logical oddness you just know it was written, filmed and edited by someone with two functioning neurons and one active synapse. It is the only way to explain what you see when you look at Student Confidential.

    Three women do take off their clothes.

    Susie Scott, Hefmate for the month of May 1983, goes full frontal on us in her one and only screen appearance outside the videos the Hefster markets himself. Susie plays a student who is unpopular with the guys 'cuz she has a facial scar, which I could not see at all. Plus the idea that a blonde with her bod couldn't get any action because of a tiny imperfection violates the Blonde Rule (which states that if you put a blonde wig on a rat's ass there are plenty of guys who will ask it out for a date).

    Paula Sorenson plays the millionaire-counselor's nympho wife. She also has a right nice full-frontal scene.

    Elizabeth Singer plays the rich bad girl, a character all teen movies must have or they risk causing a fatal rip in the space-time continuum. She gets almost topless in a scene with the millionaire guy and then does get topless in a much later, much darker scene.

    I know not what the Troma guys were up to when they did this one. None of their films reach the standards set by MGM or Paramount, but usually there is something to hang onto. Not here. This little puppy scores a nice fat 1.6/10 on IMDB and is a big fat Z on anyone's report card.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    Topnotch British crime thriller tells of a writer who takes a job as a croupier to get by, despite misgivings. A former stint in South Africa had addicted him to the gambling life, despite the fact that he doesn't gamble.

    Things get dicey when he is attracted to a woman gambler who has a plan for robbing the casino, and needs his help. Everyone did a great job in this 1998 movie, and the ending will surprise most.

    Cernina Vincent
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Jordan Ladd
    (1, 2)

    Mr. Nude Celeb takes a look at the the thriller "Cabin Fever". "Not Another Teen Movie" co-star Vincent looks great topless, and Jordan Ladd stays clothed, but still looks just fine.

    Elisha Cuthbert The ultra cute "24" co-star showing off some impressive cleavage at a red carpet thing. Thanks to Squiddy.
    Meilani Paul
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    The Skin-man delivers another batch of 'caps from the 1997 B-movie "The Corporate Ladder". Here we see the ex-wife the TV Highlander (Adrian Paul) showing off her robo-hooters.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Caesar Comes To Bury You - McDonald's hopes to get a more healthy image by doing away with Supersizing and offering nutritional information and salads. But the chain was embarrassed this week after someone noticed their website revealed that their new Caesar Chicken Salad has more fat than a regular burger and medium fries combined. A spokeswoman insisted that customers can choose a salad, topping and dressing to fit their diet and lifestyle.

  • For instance, in my case: the Caesar Chicken Salad.
  • Order a salad with no topping or dressing...then dump it onto a cheeseburger.
  • Their big mistake: offering nutritional information.

    Models Of Propriety - In the latest fallout from Janet Jackson's boob flash, Tyra Banks announced that a much-hyped episode of "America's Next Top Model," in which the model wannabes get nasty with some male models, has been edited to remove the orgy.

  • Actually, it was mostly the male models having the orgy.
  • The models misunderstood: they were supposed to have an orgy with the head of the modeling agency.
  • Okay, I think this is the point at which we can all agree, the backlash has gone too far!

    Go FCC Yourself - FCC Chairman Michael Powell called on Congress to clarify the laws to give the FCC power to regulate not just broadcast, but also the violent content on cable TV.

  • That's right: No more Three Stooges on Nickelodeon!
  • He wants "The Sopranos" to stop whacking each other and play nice...Also, they should say "Aw, fudge" from now on.