Candyman (1992) is an adaptation of a Clive Barker story that mixes scholarly study of urban legends with horror, murder, the supernatural, and insanity. Helen (Virginia Madsen) is a professor's wife working on her doctoral thesis on urban legends with AnneMarie (Vanessa Williams) when they become interested in the tale of Candyman, who has a hook for a hand and is rumored to be responsible for all the evil in the Chicago projects. All you have to do is say his name five times into a mirror, and he will show up and murder you. The obvious answer? Don't say Candyman five times into a mirror. Unfortunately, Helen can't see the obvious, and Candyman starts killing her friends and leaving her to take the blame, or maybe she is insane, and is doing the murders, or maybe Candyman is controlling her and forcing her to murder. ONe fo the strengths of this film is that it lets you form your opinion about what is going on, and what is imagined.

The film manages both startle and suspense freight, and is brilliantly filmed with a great cast. Virginia Madsen shows breasts in two scenes, and Carolyn Lowery, as a coed who is sleeping with Madsen's hubby, has a lengthy scene with great pokies. IMDB readers have this at 6.2 of 10. Ebert awarded three stars. This is not my genre, and I found myself drawn in. Many of the plot elements are simply not logical when scrutinized, but the film never really tells you what was real and what was imagined. I will give this a B-, as a film that will please many who usually don't enjoy the genre, and most genre fans as well.

Updates:

• Updated encyclopedia volumes: Diane Lane, Jessica Lange, Karina Lombard, Debra Lamb, Ruby Larocca, Jennifer Jason Leigh,

Uncovered (1994):

A professional restorer comes upon a mystery when she's working on an old Flemish painting. She uncovers a hidden inscription which eventually leads her to some mysteries hidden in the painting, long-forgotten messages involving a murder represented allegorically by a chess game being played by the characters in the painting. Meanwhile, events in the restorers own life start to parallel the progress of that very same chess game. Some of her friends and family are murdered, and she is sent a chess piece for each victim, so she enlists a chess expert to help her predict the killer's next move.

There is nothing especially engaging about either the historical mystery or the parallel contemporary murder mystery, but the movie isn't bad if you like that sort of thing. I didn't find any reason to fumble for the fast forward button, although the acting is hammy and sometimes amateurish. Heaven only knows how Kate Beckinsale ever made a career as an actress after this effort. If you're a fan, you may want to avoid this flick, in which her acting is about at the level of a primary school Christmas show.

The film does have two very big positives:

1. Extensive nudity from Kate Beckinsale, who hasn't gotten naked on camera before or since, and is now a major star.

2. Lovely visuals of Barcelona, which is one of the most photogenic cities in the world. In fact, the director was completely smitten by the city and was leaving his camera on interesting sights even when it was slowing down the movie.

• Beckinsale (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8). You will note that the first two collages show a camera angle right up her spread legs. Is that her coochie, or was she wearing a modesty patch? I don't know. It's just pure blackness, and there is no definition of any kind to be seen up there in the Inn of the Seventh Happiness.

21 Grams (2003):

I'm sick of talking about this unnuanced sobfest. Here's the info page. People hyped this as an important movie, but the DVD was released with no features at all, although it does contain a satisfactory anamorphic widescreen version of the film

• Naomi Watts (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

OTHER CRAP:

• Posthumous star on Hollywood Walk of Fame honors 'Cat in the Hat' author Dr. Seuss The Doc's wife delivered the Quote of the Day, ""I think if Ted could see this he would say, 'Thank God I am dead!'".
  • He might have gone one to say, "I died without noggles and brizzles and scent. I died without buskets and nary a tent. I asked for no star when I came or I went. But I'm deader than Franco, 100 percent"
• The Best Live Bloopers from the BBC.
• In honor of the crazy Wal-Mart lady and her million dollar bill, Freaking News has a contest to "Design new US bank notes or coins."
• Here's the trailer for New York Minute , which is said to be an action comedy in the tradition of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Stars Eugene Levy and the dreaded Olsen twins.
• GALLUP Report: Passion viewers passionate about the movie. 11% of all Americans have already seen it (that does reconcile quite accurately with the box office take), and 34% more say they will see it at the theaters. If that pans out, the film may pass Titanic as the all-time domestic box office champ. Another 31% say they plan to see it on home video. Those who have seen it are generally quite pleased with it.
• George Soros - Is the billionaire speculator the Democrats' most powerful weapon?
• Warner to remake the Vincent Price campfest, The House of Wax, featuring ... Paris Hilton.
• Al Qaeda Claims Credit for Madrid Blasts. Well, there it is. If they say it, you know it must be true.
• The Daily Show reports on decency in entertainment.
• Jon Stewart weighs in on The Passion of the Christ.
• Five new clips from the new Angelina Jolie crime thriller, Taking Lives.
• Here's the trailer for White Chicks , the new comedy from The Wayans
• Here's the new super hi-res trailer for I, Robot.
• TRUMP FIRES BIN LADEN. War on Terror Over
• St Joe's ludicrous #1 rating exposed as a sham when mediocre Xavier blows them out in the first half, takes a 74-37 lead, then coasts with some fans and cheerleaders and goats in the line-up. In other news, my Division 1 ranking just went to #1 after I stayed undefeated by beating my son in h-o-r-s-e. Bring on Stanford.
• California Supreme Court blocks San Francisco gay marriages: "The California Supreme Court ordered an immediate halt to same-sex weddings in San Francisco on Thursday and said it would hear arguments in May or June on whether Mayor Gavin Newsom had the authority to allow such marriages."
• ApeChild Lore - A Practical Examination of Maria Menounos' Breasts
• I love Oscar (2004)
• Rachel Hunter to be found naked in the new Playboy, now on sale
• Practicing for the big match against the Prez, Kerry throws a losing "rock" against Howard Dean's crafty "paper". Dean, familiar with Kerry's shifty "other hand" strategy, was also smart enough to pin Kerry's other hand.
• "About 8 per cent of rams display preferences for males as sexual partners" Yeah, I noticed this when I went to Fordham.
• US communications giant Global Crossing has posted a whopping US$25 billion quarterly profit - the largest in corporate history and bigger than the combined GDPs of Iceland, Jamaica and Mongolia. But its stock plunged 38 per cent on Nasdaq on Wednesday night on the news."
• Did you ever think the day would come when somebody would steal Gallagher's act?
• Here are four free short videos from Playboy's Twins & Sisters!
• Heather Carolin was the Playmate of the month in April of 2002. Here is her Playmate Gallery Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Jayson Blair: The Art of the Self-Review
• Osama Bin Laden to Endorse George W. Bush in 2004 Election! (From The Spoof, accompanied by very naughty picture.)
• Screamin' Dean backs Kerry. Whoa! There's a surprise. I really thought he'd go for The Bushman.
• Check out the (obviously bogus) results of this online poll at a pro-life site. 90% choose Kerry for President; the rest prefer Nader over Bush almost 2-to-1.
• The original Donkey Kong online. (Early arcade game - first appearance of Mario)
• Coming Soon has a new TV spot for The Punisher l security threatened by gossip".

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

Various Kristins:

• Kristin Minter in Flashfire (.avi version, .wmv version (1, 2, 3) ). I've never seen this movie, but it seems to violate the first principle of modern cinema - it has Billy Zane and a scene on a boat (clip 3), but the boat does not sink.

• Kristin Proctor in Hard Cases. Terrible scene, but she has some nice gazongas  (.avi version, .wmv version)

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

• Corinne Bohrer in a bikini.
• Corinne Bohrer, a .wmv of the same scene.

• Debra Blee a busty B-babe who also co-starred in the 80's classics "Malibu Bikini Shop" and "Hamburger... The Motion Picture". Here she is topless. (1, 2, 3)
• Debra Blee a .wmv of this scene.

• Jeana Tomasina, the former Heffer (November '80) and one of the regular girls featured in the ZZ Top videos "Sharp Dressed Man", "Legs" and "Give Me all Your Lovin". Here she is topless. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Jeana Tomasina, a .wmv of this scene.

• Val Kline topless in her one and only movie role. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
• Val Kline, a .wmv of this scene.

• Jeana Tomasina and Val Kline doing some topless sunbathing. (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Jeana Tomasina and Val Kline sunbathing .wmvs (1, 2)

• Jeanette Linne, nice natural toplessness. Her only other IMDb credit is for a small role in "Scarface". (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Jeanette Linne, toples .wmvs (1, 2)

• Topless unknown
• .wms of some assorted topless unknown babes. (1, 2, 3)

Next up...a few more .wmvs.

• Andrea Thompson the actress and former CNN anchor bares breasts and brief glimpses at the other two B's in scenes from an episode of the made for HBO series, "Arli$$". The major downside to this clip...Robert Wuhl in tightie whities.

• Cindy Morgan, the co-star of the 1982 sci-fi flick "Tron". Oh yeah, she also did a topless scene in a little movie called "Caddyshack".

• The ultra cute Corinne Bohrer shows all 3 B's in scenes from another golf movie, "Dead Solid Perfect" (1988).

• Katherine Heigl showing all kinds of cleavage as we watch her big'uns bounce in scenes from "100 Girls".

HOUSE PASSES "CHEESEBURGER BILL"
Bite Me, Fat People! - Wednesday, the U.S. House voted 236-139 to pass the "Cheeseburger Bill," which would bar people from suing restaurants and food producers for making them fat. The author, Florida Rep. Ric Keller, said it's "insane and crazy" to sue a restaurant because you ordered a big meal. He also said the suits threaten America's largest single private sector employer.