"Boat Trip"

Boat Trip (2002) was trashed so thoroughly by Scoopy when it was released that I passed on it. Still, the DVD has a large nipple count, and see-through action from the likes of Viveca A Fox, Victoria Silvstedt and Roselyn Sanchez. As long-time readers know, Scoopy and I very often agree completely about a film, but once in a great while, we disagree strongly. This is not one of those times. If anything, I hated it more than he did. One short, fat, supposedly fun guy takes his slick but recently dumped buddy on a cruise. When they piss off the travel agent, they find themselves on a ship completely full of gay stereotypes. Cuba Gooding Jr. meets Sanchez, and Horation Sanz meets the Swedish tanning team, and both feel it would be to their benefit to be thought of as gay.

In what was almost a brilliant move, they got five Heffers, three of them topless, and used them behind menus, and even had a tanning lesson. "Moisturize and depilliate first, then apply high SPF sunscreen 30 minutes before exposure to nasty UV rays, who especially like attacking hot blondes." The eye candy was wonderful, but they had these women chatting and giggling. What were they thinking? Everyone knows centerfolds should be obscene and not heard.

Breasts from Deanna Brooks, Natalia Sokolova, Jami Farrell and 4 members of the Swedish tanning team, see through from Roselyn Sanchez, Cleavage from Viveca A Fox, and Victoria Silvstedt in first a bikini then palter, a bra and panties. The cast included folks who have been known to act, thus blaim can only be assigned to the writers and director. It received Razzie nominations for worst actor and worst director. This is a D, a colossal waste of a $20M budget, and my time.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Heffers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16
  • Roselyn Sanchez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Swedish Tanners (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Victoria Silvstedt (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Vivica A Fox (1, 2)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Joyeuses Pâques (1984):

    Joyeuses Pâques is an old-fashioned sex comedy in the Western European style, which means naughtier than a Doris Day and Rock Hudson film, but with a similar tone. If you watched it with the "mute" button on, you might easily mistake it for an Italian movie from the late 60s, although it is actually a French movie from 15 years later.

    Belmondo plays a playboy industrialist with a real eye for fast cars, fast boats and fast women. He is also married, but he always manages to get home in time to keep his wife from getting suspicious about his activities. One day he sends his wife off for a long trip, thus anticipating a relaxing non-stop orgy of beautiful babes to share his bed, starting with the gorgeous young one (Sophie Marceau) he picks up at the airport.

    Well, things go wrong. Isn't that the whole point of these films?

    Mrs Belmondo's trip is cancelled. She pulls up into their driveway that same night, just as Sophie is about to remove her blouse. Belmondo panics, struggles for a credible explanation for Sophie's presence, and finally has to admit to his wife that he is caught, and that he mist confess a secret he's been keeping for a long time - Sophie is his daughter!

    His bullshit story actually works out very well for a while. Mrs Belmondo even invites her newly discovered stepdaughter to stay with them, and Belmondo is purring like a cat in a henhouse until Sophie's mom shows up at a dinner party. Belmondo manages to weasel around the fact that he doesn't seem to know the woman, nor she him, despite the fact that they were supposed to have a daughter together. Belmondo really gets his comeuppance, however, when the old sot starts to tell the dinner guests about the monstrous creature that is Sophie's father, whom they all believe to be Belmondo.

    And so forth. You get the idea ...

    It's your basic Marcello Mastroianni movie, except with Belmondo instead of Mastroianni.

    Belmondo is one of the greatest stars in the history of film, with a list of credits as long as your arm. In the late 50s and early 60s, he may have been the biggest star in Europe. He was also one of the coolest.

    1. (7.79) - À bout de souffle (1960)
    2. (7.71) - Doulos, Le (1962)
    3. (7.60) - Ciociara, La (1960)
    4. (7.51) - Une femme est une femme (1961)
    5. (7.45) - Professionnel, Le (1981)
    6. (7.37) - Pierrot le fou (1965)
    7. (7.36) - Misérables, Les (1995)
    8. (7.15) - Léon Morin, prêtre (1961)
    9. (7.13) - Un singe en hiver (1962)
    10. (7.03) - Cent mille dollars au soleil (1964)
    11. (7.02) - Magnifique, Le (1973)
    12. (6.96) - Sirène du Mississipi, La (1969)
    13. (6.85) - Homme de Rio, L' (1964)
    14. (6.78) - Classe tous risques (1960)
    15. (6.78) - Stavisky... (1974)
    16. (6.74) - Itinéraire d'un enfant gâté (1988)
    17. (6.74) - Cartouche (1962)
    18. (6.71) - Scoumoune, La (1972)
    19. (6.66) - Borsalino (1970)
    20. (6.65) - Peur sur la ville (1975)
    21. (6.49) - Paris brûle-t-il? (1966)
    22. (6.47) - Charlotte et son Jules (1960)
    23. (6.46) - Tricheurs, Les (1958)
    24. (6.40) - Voleur, Le (1967)
    25. (6.40) - As des as, L' (1982)
    26. (6.35) - À double tour (1959)
    27. (6.34) - Moderato cantabile (1960)
    28. (6.33) - Week-end à Zuydcoote (1964)
    29. (6.33) - Inconnu dans la maison, L' (1992)
    30. (6.32) - Mariés de l'an II, Les (1971)
    31. (6.32) - Flic ou voyou (1979)
    32. (6.32) - Hold-Up (1985)
    33. (6.25) - Corps de mon ennemi, Le (1976)
    34. (6.24) - Tribulations d'un chinois en Chine, Les (1965)
    35. (6.24) - Alpagueur, L' (1976)
    36. (6.23) - Animal, L' (1977)
    37. (6.23) - Cerveau, Le (1969)
    38. (6.20) - Docteur Popaul (1972)
    39. (6.19) - Héritier, L' (1973)
    40. (5.97) - Casse, Le (1971)
    41. (5.96) - Aîné des Ferchaux, L' (2001) (TV)
    42. (5.96) - Solitaire, Le (1987)
    43. (5.92) - Cent et une nuits de Simon Cinéma, Les (1995)
    44. (5.91) - Marginal, Le (1983)
    45. (5.84) - Sois belle et tais-toi (1958)
    46. (5.71) - Peut-être (1999)
    47. (5.71) - Incorrigible, L' (1975)
    48. (5.68) - Morfalous, Les (1984)
    49. (5.68) - Une chance sur deux (1998)
    50. (5.61) - Joyeuses Pâques (1984)
    51. (5.56) - Amazone (2000)
    52. (5.21) - Casino Royale (1967)
    53. (5.17) - Acteurs, Les (2000)
    54. (5.12) - Guignolo, Le (1980)

    As you can see from the highlighted cell on the list above, this is one of the least respected films in Belmondo's career. I suppose that is true for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it's a goofy lightweight comedy in which Belmondo plays pretty much of a feckless douchebag, nothing like the cool guys he once played for Godard and Truffaut. You might compare this phase of his career to the phase Robert DeNiro is going through now. Belmondo was 50 then, and was trying to find the right niche for his middle-aged self.

    Having said that this is not a film of substance, I should hasten to add that I found it pretty damned charming. Hell, even grade-B Belmondo is pretty good stuff. The photography and stunts are excellent, reminiscent of a James Bond film. Sophie Marceau was a cute little tootsie then; Belmondo was fine as the fox who is less foxy than he imagines; Marie Laforet was amusing as the wife who obviously knows a lot more than she lets on; and the ending is completely appropriate and clever. I found it a pleasant time-killer.

    • Sophie Marceau (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6). This was La Marceau's first real screen nudity.

    • other French babes (1, 2, 3)

    DVD INFO:  This film is not available on a Region 1 DVD. There is a Region-free DVD available in Germany in PAL format, however. If you are in the States, you will be able to play it on any computer with a DVD drive, but will not be able to play it on a stand-alone player unless your TV knows what to do with PAL or your player knows how to convert it to NTSC.

    WARNING: although it has an excellent anamorphic widescreen transfer of the film with some extra features, there is NO English soundtrack. You can choose from French or German.

    The German DVD info can be found here. The U.S. distributor's home page can be found here. If you are thinking of buying DVDs from outside your region, read this first.



    The Jacket (2005):

    OK, let's be honest. There isn't much nudity here, and what little there is sucks in quality.

    Now that we're gotten that out of the way, we can enjoy Keira Knightley's tiny little hooters:



    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    To help keep the Oscar talk going for just a few more days, here is this week's poll...
    Best Oscar Winning Nude Performance

    Of the Best Actress Winners who showed nudity in their award winning roles, who gave the best nude performance? I think I've included every actress to show Oscar some skin. If I missed anyone, let me know.

    There are a couple on the list that push the definition of nudity, (Hunt's scenes were see-thru and partial, MacLaine's nudity was very brief, and Christie's was rear only) but it's my poll, so ppphhhtttt :-p

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Best All Time Television Comedy

    Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...'Caps and clips of the long time B-movie and Skinemax babe gettin' it on in scenes from an episode of the late night cable series "Hotel Erotica". In the 'caps we mostly see toplessness, but the clips show some goodies south of the border.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Heat and Sunlight"
    Beautiful and well-done black & white photography doesn't quite save this draggy 1987 drama, but it certainly helps. Way too much philosophical droning for my taste, but the art house crowd probably loved it.

    When a photojournalist returns from overseas after a tough assignment, his girlfriend doesn't meet him at the airport, nor return his calls. Deeply in love, he anguishes over her with close friends and anyone else who will listen. To call this a "talky" movie is an understatement.

    What we wind up with is a minute examination of 16 hours of a man's life, in which he reflects over his last 20 years as a photographer. There's things to enjoy in this movie, but unfortunately, it was just too plodding to hold my interest. There was no script, per se. The scenes were improvised by the cast as they shot, which undoubtedly lent to the slowness. The photography, however, was great.

    Sienna Miller
    Jane Krakowski

    Coming to DVD next's a sneak preview of scenes from "Alfie" (2004). Miller is topless and showing off a thong view. Former "Ally McBeal" co-star Krakowski is showing her legs and popping out of her bra (looks like there is a rare nip here).

    Molly Parker Parker baring breasts and bum in scenes from the second season premiere of the made for HBO series "Deadwood".

    Jennifer Aniston hehehe...someone found the "Friends" babe's prom pic!

    Emily Mortimer
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Very lovely full frontal nudity from the UK babe in scenes from "Young Adam" (2003). 'Caps by Finn.

    Jennifer Garner
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Garner showing just a little bit of cleavage in scenes from Wednesday night's episode of "Alias". So far I think this is the least amount of cleavage she's shown this season. In fact, previous cleavage amounts had me wondering if she had installed some new fun bags. Looks like the answer is was just a wonderbra all along (which she wasn't wearing this time).

    Lisa Blount Topless in a small role from the 1981 flick "Dead & Buried". Some folks may remember her from "An Officer and a Gentleman" (she won a "new star of the year" Golden Globe for "...Gentleman"). She's not a household name, but she's been acting ever since, and even won an Oscar for Best Short Film, Live Action in 2002 for "The Accountant". 'Caps by Kitt.

    Joely Richardson
    (1, 2, 3)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the "Nip/Tuck" star in a brief full frontal nude scene from the Nick Nolte movie "I'll Do Anything" (1994), written and directed by James L. Brooks.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Rumers Of War - Bruce Willis told "Good Morning America" that when boys come to date his 16-year-old daughter Rumer, he interviews them until they're shaking, then he jokingly tells them if his daughter is not returned in the same condition she left the house in, they will be murdered. He laughed, "You see their knees start knocking and they sweat."

  • They know if he could name his daughter "Rumer," he's crazy enough to do anything.
  • See, there are worse celebrities your son could visit than Michael Jackson.
  • Rumer has still not actually been on a date.

    Crazy Vain - Ozzy Osbourne's face has been looking smoother in recent months, but he claimed it was a result of giving up booze and drugs. However, he has now confessed to Reveal magazine that he had a face lift and nose job. His wife Sharon recently spent over $200,000 on everything from a brow lift to liposuction, and Ozzy was so impressed with the results, he decided to try it himself. He said, "It boosted my confidence no end."

  • Now he doesn't HAVE to give up drugs and booze to look good!
  • He calls his plastic surgeon "The Wizard of Ozzy."
  • Back when he was snorting coke, the last thing he wanted was SMALLER nostrils.