Susanna (1995) is a Spanish erotic thriller (read soft core). We don't expect a stellar plot in this genre, and so far. I have not seen a top notch thriller out of Spain, so it was no surprise that the plot was less than wonderful. The slender Eva Santolaria plays the title character, and provides the nudity, including full frontal. There is plenty of nudity, but the sex scenes are tepid and not very explicit. TO make matters worse, the film suffers from a horrendous amount of motion blur.
A salesman is given a roll in the hay with Santolaria to place an order without up front money by a bar owner, and the two hit is off well. There are a few problems, however. She is on probation. He has a pregnant wife, and has been embezzling from his company. He puts her up in a hotel room and promises to meet her that night, but he is arrested. Wifie forgives him, but he has lost contact with Santolaria. He goes to work for a Moroccan bar and restaurant run by a crook who likes him. She shows up on the arm of a young Moroccan man, and they take up where they left off. From there, it gets seriously strange, and I will leave the rest of the plot for you to discover, if you can play this region 2 PAL DVD and suffer through the poor subtitles (it must mean something that nearly every colorful Spanish vulgarity is translated as fuck in the subtitles).
IMDb readers say 5.5 of 10. I will give it the benefit of the doubt and award a low C-, mainly on the strength of the nudity.
"Todo me pasa a mi"
Todo me pasa a mi (2001) is a Spanish comedy/drama based on a stage play. Not only is it very talkie, which is frequently the case in stage adaptations, but much of the scene blocking and structure is reminiscent of live theater, including a cut to black for nearly every scene transition. What follows is a total spoiler.
We have a bunch of friends and acquaintances who live in the same building. None of them are sexually normal, although we don't really discover that until near the end. We have a neurotic and talkative woman who ends up deciding that sex with herself is the real answer, two lesbians who are her roommates, a guy who is getting married, his roommate who doesn't approve, and their friend, returning from a year in Calcutta, who admits to losing his virginity while there, with a corpse. So how could all this end? The necrophiliac runs away with one of the lesbians, the guy gets married even though he is gay after all, and the three loose ends move in together.
We see a breast from the adorable Cristina Brondo as the lesbian who falls for the necrophiliac, and rare full frontal from Lola Dueñas (Habla con Ella). There are not enough votes at IMDB for a score. It is possible that the dialogue is really catchy, but that was lost in the subtitles. The story was certainly strange enough, but I didn't really get much from it. It is available on Region 2 PAL with English subtitles, and is letterboxed, but a decent transfer. Again, low C-, as a stage play adapted to the screen.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Updated volumes: Charlize Theron, Jennifer Tilly, Uma
Thurman, Kim Cattrall, Demi Moore, Jane March, Sarah Miles, Misty
New volumes: Leslie Hope, Anne Brochet, Lara Belmont, June
Fairchild , Nikki Fairchild , Edie Falco, Lisa Falcone, Deborah
Fallender, Jami Farrell, Lydia Farrell, Lisa Faulkner, SallyFaulkner,
Yvette Faulkner, Rebecca Ferratti, Andrea Ferreol, Carrie Fisher,
Frances Fisher, Valentina Forte, Isabelle Fortea, Penelope Fortier,
Astrid Frank, Diana Frank, Mira Furlan
Lorraine Bracco seems to have given up the
goodies in The Sopranos, Episode 53.
John Walter ('How to Draw a Bunny') is teaming with John
Malkovich's production company on an adaptation of Lawrence
Joseph's novel 'Lawyerland,'
Bush accuses Kerry of trying to weaken the nation's intelligence,
presumably by a nefarious plan to throw the election.
Will Jessica Simpson be Daisy Duke?
- New trailer for the kiddie film,
Agent Cody Banks 2: Destination London
- Here is a new internet-only trailer for
Alien Vs. Predator
- Five new clips from the new Johnny Depp thriller,
California Lawmakers Want Voting Age Lowered to 14. The
lobbying effort is being provided for Citizens for Timberlake.
Two sketches from last week's SNL, Ted Koppel and Bill Clinton
Our official rasslin' hero, Rowdy Roddy Piper, is still as Rowdy
Nader takes votes away from Kerry, not Bush. If the
results include likely voters only, Kerry leads 52-44 in a two man
race, 50-44-2 in a three man race. In other words, if only likely
voters are polled, 100% of Nader's support (all two of his points)
comes directly from Kerry. (Nader does fairly well among
registered voters unlikely to vote, bringing him up to 5% in the
general population of all registered voters.)
- If video killed the radio stars,
internet killed the encyclopedia stars.
Rings finale fast-tracked to DVD: "The Return of the
King, the last in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, will be released
on DVD and video three months sooner than expected. The film,
which won 11 Oscars last month, will be released on 25 May."
What will prison life be like for Martha Stewart? Long
days with no e-mail, and an infinite number of tables with no
papier-mache centerpieces. Some days the prison pianist will have
to play a regular piano during meals, instead of a baby grand.
Lorraine Bracco gets nekkid on the Sopranos, appearing
in a semi-nude scene that had the Radio City season premiere party
buzzing. Most of the shots did not employ a body double. 'Not bad
for almost 50,' boasted the dazzling beauty to me after the show.
Nope. Pretty hot, in fact.
Dr Seuss wrote a nudie book for kids?
How Libertarian are you? Take the libertarian purity test.
- As if high school weekend detention and multiple murder
weren't bad enough stains on his permanent record,
OJ is watching satellite games without the express written consent
of major league baseball. Oh, sure, he got a verbal OK,
but verbal is not written, as my grandpappy and Bowie Kuhn used to
say. The team of Federal investigators who have OJ on
round-the-clock surveillance also think they may have caught him
removing a mattress tag.
NBC has purportedly cut the final scene from Monday night's TV
movie Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's
Angels because Farrah Fawcett's former manager threatened legal
action. Or maybe because it sucked even deeper than the
rest of the show. NBC alleges the movie was running long and
therefore trimmed for "artistic purposes". Artistic? Yup, I'm sure
that must have been one truly artistic-ass motherfucker. When
future generations evaluate the great artistic achievements of
humanity, the top five is sure to include the ceiling of the
Sistine Chapel and The Unauthorized Story of Charlie's Angels.
- Six new clips from
Spartan, the new Val Kilmer international thriller
which was written and directed by David Mamet.
Take this quiz to find out if you are taking too many online
MARTHA ATTEMPTS TO FLEE U.S. INSIDE GIANT CAKE. Escape
Attempt Foiled as Dessert Is Heard Berating an Employee
Doctors may be able to upgrade breast implants by using gummy
bears. My ex-wife got hers implanted with Silly Putty.
She calls 'em the Fantasic Two because (1) not only do they
stretch like Reed Richards, but (2) she can actually use 'em to
copy the comic.
President Bush to stop at the Houston Livestock Show to peruse the
cattle on display. He will, of course, evaluate the
quality of the bullshit, as a professional courtesy.
The Price Is Right begins its 33rd consecutive year on a single
network with a single host. In reality, that
understates the longevity of this show. I am 55 years old, and The
Price is Right was already on TV when my mom got her first TV for
Christmas, when I was in first grade. It was such a phenomenon in
those days that the Christmas edition of Mad Magazine spoofed the
Price is Right in Mad's heyday in 1959. "Freeze. Freeze. We'll All
Freeze", screamed the audience as the contestants bid on Alaska. I
think I still have that edition sitting around somewhere.
Tom Brokaw for Vice-president
Winning Images in the Picture of the Year competition
San Jose and Seattle join the same-sex marriage battle.
Teen superstar Charlotte Church has been offered two million
dollars to pose nude on an adult British TV channel.
The ugly tale of Howard Stern vs The Man
Steve Martin's complete article on the Gibson movie .. Passion:
The Script Notes
Spalding Gray found dead in the East River. Fair play suspected.
Ranking the wino wines
Starz Behind Barz Solitaire. Play solitaire online with
the "glamour in the slammer", the deck of celebrity mugshots.
SportsCenter: Sex and Sports
Brazil legend Pele has upset his fellow countrymen with his choice
of the 120 best living players in the world for FIFA.
Only 12 Brazilians are on the list and the surprise omissions have
infuriated the country's media.
Welcome to MailOrderHusbands.net: The future of online selection
for single women.
Uncle Melon's Art Appreciation 101: Pinup Art
- The first wanker?
Masturbate for Peace endorses its first Presidential candidate,
Ralph Nader. And they are pumped. "No other candidate
has ever had the opportunity to tap into the masturbation vote",
but Ralph stands as a symbol of the perfect jerk-off.
Complete Coverage of Toy Fair 04
Tyra Banks wants to be Oprah, except with cleavage and
a really low
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
There are not many scenes which are both very funny
and very sexy. This scene with Penelope Milford not only includes
those two elements, but beautiful photographic aesthetics as well.
Too bad that the rest of the movie didn't match this standard.
If you dont; have time for all three, number three has all the body
parts and all the craziness you need. (.avi version
(all three scenes), .wmv version (1,
Here's a .jpg sample of the video.
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Not every movie you need to see is great, or
entertaining. The Misfits (1961) is a movie you need
to see, even though it is neither necessarily great,
nor particularly entertaining. It is the last
completed movie for both Marilyn Monroe and Clark
Gable. Montogomery Clift, Eli Wallach and Thelma
Ritter play major roles. It was written by Arthur
Miller, directed by John Huston. You need to see it
if you even pretend... as I do... that you know
something about movies.
Among the things you learn from Misfits is that
Marilyn Monroe could act. Really act. The
vulnerability and the beauty just dripped off of her,
so abundant and unrestrained were they. She could
carry scenes with the camera focussed on her face or
with the camera focussed elsewhere, she in the
background, as every eye looked at her and not the
object in focus. A true marvel was Ms. Monroe. Not
another like her before or since. You just gotta see
The Misfits to see her.
No need to say a thing more about it.
In a short scene that covers the morning after the
first night between Roslyn (Monroe's character) and
Gay (Gable's character), Marilyn comes as close to
showing something as she would in any completed film.
She roles over in bed, the sheets barely covering her
obviously naked form and for a couple of frames you
might just get a peak at a vital part (see bottom
right of collage 2 and the large frame in collage 3).
No matter even if you don't, because 94% of Marilyn's
right natural wonder is revealed.
- Marilyn Monroe
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
"Puppets Who Kill: Dead Ted"
Last weeks episode involved Dan getting fisted
by Tara Rosling and Buttons getting his semen extracted
with a vacuum cleaner by a lesbian couple played by
Tara Spencer-Nairn (Corner Gas) and Michelle Latimer
"Really Weird Tales" (1987)
First segment "All's Well That Ends Strange" takes
place in a Westworld type hefmag mansion full of robotic
hefmates in bikinis.
Prophetic comedy about crooked power utilities made
twenty years before the Enron collapse.
|Dalila Di Lazzaro
||The Italian actress shows breasts, bum and just a hint of bush in a shower scene from "Il Gatto" (1979).
|Elena Sofia Ricci
||Very nice toplessness in the Euro-mini-series "Radetzkymarsch" (1995).
|Both topless from 1976's "Il Medico e la studentessa".
|The former Miss Teenage Italy (1972) and Miss World International (1977). Here she is showing off tons of cleavage in #1, and then all 3 B's in a shower scene from "Mia moglie torna a scuola" (1981).
|Full frontal and full dorsal nudity from the Italian movie "Il Marchese del Grillo" (1981).
|New in theaters! Here are some early 'caps of the ultra-cute "24" co-star in scenes from "The Girl Next Door".
Here's the breakdown:
Link #1...partial thong view
Link #2...rear/side breast view (no nipple)
Link #3...stipping down to bra and panties
Link #4...Soaking wet cleavage
Link #8...Cleavage and spanking herself
|The UK actress gets topless and shows rear nudity in scenes from the 1976 Sci-Fi flick, "Logan's Run". 'Caps by Mr. Nude Celeb.
|Lisa Marie Scott
|Señor Skin 'caps of the pint sized former Heffer (February '95) going topless in scenes from "The Corporate Ladder" (1997).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
MARTHA GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY
Today, Martha, Tomorrow, Osama! - Friday, a New York jury found Martha
Stewart guilty on all four felony counts: conspiracy, obstruction of
justice and two counts of making false statements. She could get up to 20
years in prison. The verdict forced Wall Street to halt trading of her
plummeting media empire stock, but Stewart had already lost $85 million of
her total wealth in one day. Jurors said they were particularly swayed by
the reluctant testimony of Martha's assistant, who tearfully admitted
seeing Martha erase an incriminating phone message from her broker.
Donald Trump would fire her for not being a team player.
If only Martha's stockholders had gotten a tip on the verdict, so they
could've sold their shares!
She should've been jailed for making false statements when she told
women that hosting a dinner party for 12 was fun and easy.
Once in prison, Martha will learn an exciting new way to
toss a salad.
PILL TO BOOST MEMORY TESTED
Let's Hope It's Not Recalled - Tim Tully, a genetics professor at Cold
Spring Harbor Laboratory in New York, has developed a drug that helps
improve memory. It's about to be tested on humans, and if it proves safe
and effective, it could be on sale within five years. Tully says it could
be used by students, middle-aged people studying languages or trying to
learn to play musical instruments, or actors who need to memorize lines.
It's called HT-0712, but it's been nicknamed "Viagra of the mind."
For people who can't remember "HT-0712."
Take both: not only will you be able to do it, but you'll never forget
Bob Dole is the spokesman for Viagra; maybe George W. Bush could be
spokesman for this.
It makes actors smarter? Talk about a miracle drug!
He'll Need To Get Back On Steroids - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger
has yet another job: he has signed to become the executive editor of Muscle
& Fitness and Flex magazines. Arnold says he's doing it to promote a
healthy lifestyle to young people, and in return, the publisher will donate
$250,000 a year to his Council on Physical Fitness. To critics who say he
can't take on another job, a Fordham University professor told USA Today
that many people can do more than one thing, noting that Thomas Jefferson
was a politician and inventor who also ran a plantation.
But people who do it all get a reputation as slavedrivers.
Arnold can't even give a speech and speak English at the same time.
He'll save time by running his state-of-the-state addresses right in the
magazines, between the ads for speedos and body oil.
JESSICA SIMPSON DRAWS TOO BIG A CROWD
Jessica Simpson had to cut short an appearance at a Wal-Mart in Danvers,
Massachusetts, where she was signing her new CD. The managers expected up
500 people, but the crowd ballooned to around 6,000. Traffic was snarled,
and people began pushing and shoving, so Simpson had to leave and the
police were called.
She never even had a chance to check out all the cool wall stuff.
Jessica said there were more people than she could count...literally.