Tuesday

Tuna
"Susanna"

Susanna (1995) is a Spanish erotic thriller (read soft core). We don't expect a stellar plot in this genre, and so far. I have not seen a top notch thriller out of Spain, so it was no surprise that the plot was less than wonderful. The slender Eva Santolaria plays the title character, and provides the nudity, including full frontal. There is plenty of nudity, but the sex scenes are tepid and not very explicit. TO make matters worse, the film suffers from a horrendous amount of motion blur.

A salesman is given a roll in the hay with Santolaria to place an order without up front money by a bar owner, and the two hit is off well. There are a few problems, however. She is on probation. He has a pregnant wife, and has been embezzling from his company. He puts her up in a hotel room and promises to meet her that night, but he is arrested. Wifie forgives him, but he has lost contact with Santolaria. He goes to work for a Moroccan bar and restaurant run by a crook who likes him. She shows up on the arm of a young Moroccan man, and they take up where they left off. From there, it gets seriously strange, and I will leave the rest of the plot for you to discover, if you can play this region 2 PAL DVD and suffer through the poor subtitles (it must mean something that nearly every colorful Spanish vulgarity is translated as fuck in the subtitles).

IMDb readers say 5.5 of 10. I will give it the benefit of the doubt and award a low C-, mainly on the strength of the nudity.

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  • Eva Santolaria (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)

    "Todo me pasa a mi"

    Todo me pasa a mi (2001) is a Spanish comedy/drama based on a stage play. Not only is it very talkie, which is frequently the case in stage adaptations, but much of the scene blocking and structure is reminiscent of live theater, including a cut to black for nearly every scene transition. What follows is a total spoiler.

    Spoiler

    We have a bunch of friends and acquaintances who live in the same building. None of them are sexually normal, although we don't really discover that until near the end. We have a neurotic and talkative woman who ends up deciding that sex with herself is the real answer, two lesbians who are her roommates, a guy who is getting married, his roommate who doesn't approve, and their friend, returning from a year in Calcutta, who admits to losing his virginity while there, with a corpse. So how could all this end? The necrophiliac runs away with one of the lesbians, the guy gets married even though he is gay after all, and the three loose ends move in together.

    End Spoiler

    We see a breast from the adorable Cristina Brondo as the lesbian who falls for the necrophiliac, and rare full frontal from Lola Dueņas (Habla con Ella). There are not enough votes at IMDB for a score. It is possible that the dialogue is really catchy, but that was lost in the subtitles. The story was certainly strange enough, but I didn't really get much from it. It is available on Region 2 PAL with English subtitles, and is letterboxed, but a decent transfer. Again, low C-, as a stage play adapted to the screen.

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  • Cristina Brondo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Lola Duenas (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    UPDATES:

    Updated volumes:  Charlize Theron, Jennifer Tilly, Uma Thurman, Kim Cattrall, Demi Moore, Jane March, Sarah Miles, Misty Mundae

    New volumes:  Leslie Hope, Anne Brochet, Lara Belmont, June Fairchild , Nikki Fairchild , Edie Falco, Lisa Falcone, Deborah Fallender, Jami Farrell, Lydia Farrell, Lisa Faulkner, SallyFaulkner, Yvette Faulkner, Rebecca Ferratti, Andrea Ferreol, Carrie Fisher, Frances Fisher, Valentina Forte, Isabelle Fortea, Penelope Fortier, Astrid Frank, Diana Frank, Mira Furlan

     

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

     

    Valentino:

    • There are not many scenes which are both very funny and very sexy. This scene with Penelope Milford not only includes those two elements, but beautiful photographic aesthetics as well. Too bad that the rest of the movie didn't match this standard.  If you dont; have time for all three, number three has all the body parts and all the craziness you need. (.avi version (all three scenes), .wmv version (1, 2, 3))

    • Here's a .jpg sample of the video.

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Not every movie you need to see is great, or entertaining. The Misfits (1961) is a movie you need to see, even though it is neither necessarily great, nor particularly entertaining. It is the last completed movie for both Marilyn Monroe and Clark Gable. Montogomery Clift, Eli Wallach and Thelma Ritter play major roles. It was written by Arthur Miller, directed by John Huston. You need to see it if you even pretend... as I do... that you know something about movies.

    Among the things you learn from Misfits is that Marilyn Monroe could act. Really act. The vulnerability and the beauty just dripped off of her, so abundant and unrestrained were they. She could carry scenes with the camera focussed on her face or with the camera focussed elsewhere, she in the background, as every eye looked at her and not the object in focus. A true marvel was Ms. Monroe. Not another like her before or since. You just gotta see The Misfits to see her.

    No need to say a thing more about it.

    In a short scene that covers the morning after the first night between Roslyn (Monroe's character) and Gay (Gable's character), Marilyn comes as close to showing something as she would in any completed film. She roles over in bed, the sheets barely covering her obviously naked form and for a couple of frames you might just get a peak at a vital part (see bottom right of collage 2 and the large frame in collage 3). No matter even if you don't, because 94% of Marilyn's right natural wonder is revealed.

    • Marilyn Monroe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Spaz
    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Puppets Who Kill: Dead Ted"
    Last weeks episode involved Dan getting fisted by Tara Rosling and Buttons getting his semen extracted with a vacuum cleaner by a lesbian couple played by Tara Spencer-Nairn (Corner Gas) and Michelle Latimer (Paradise Falls).


    "Really Weird Tales" (1987)
    First segment "All's Well That Ends Strange" takes place in a Westworld type hefmag mansion full of robotic hefmates in bikinis.


    "Utilities" (1981)
    Prophetic comedy about crooked power utilities made twenty years before the Enron collapse.


    Various:

    UC99
    Dalila Di Lazzaro The Italian actress shows breasts, bum and just a hint of bush in a shower scene from "Il Gatto" (1979).

    Elena Sofia Ricci Very nice toplessness in the Euro-mini-series "Radetzkymarsch" (1995).

    Gloria Guida
    Nieves Navarro

    Both topless from 1976's "Il Medico e la studentessa".

    Carmen Russo
    (1, 2)

    The former Miss Teenage Italy (1972) and Miss World International (1977). Here she is showing off tons of cleavage in #1, and then all 3 B's in a shower scene from "Mia moglie torna a scuola" (1981).

    Caroline Berg
    (1, 2)

    Full frontal and full dorsal nudity from the Italian movie "Il Marchese del Grillo" (1981).

    Variety
    Elisha Cuthbert
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    New in theaters! Here are some early 'caps of the ultra-cute "24" co-star in scenes from "The Girl Next Door".

    Here's the breakdown:
    Link #1...partial thong view
    Link #2...rear/side breast view (no nipple)
    Link #3...stipping down to bra and panties
    Link #4...Soaking wet cleavage
    Links #5-7...Cleavage
    Link #8...Cleavage and spanking herself

    Jenny Agutter
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The UK actress gets topless and shows rear nudity in scenes from the 1976 Sci-Fi flick, "Logan's Run". 'Caps by Mr. Nude Celeb.

    Lisa Marie Scott
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the pint sized former Heffer (February '95) going topless in scenes from "The Corporate Ladder" (1997).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    MARTHA GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY
    Today, Martha, Tomorrow, Osama! - Friday, a New York jury found Martha Stewart guilty on all four felony counts: conspiracy, obstruction of justice and two counts of making false statements. She could get up to 20 years in prison. The verdict forced Wall Street to halt trading of her plummeting media empire stock, but Stewart had already lost $85 million of her total wealth in one day. Jurors said they were particularly swayed by the reluctant testimony of Martha's assistant, who tearfully admitted seeing Martha erase an incriminating phone message from her broker.

  • Donald Trump would fire her for not being a team player.
  • If only Martha's stockholders had gotten a tip on the verdict, so they could've sold their shares!
  • She should've been jailed for making false statements when she told women that hosting a dinner party for 12 was fun and easy.
  • Once in prison, Martha will learn an exciting new way to toss a salad.


    PILL TO BOOST MEMORY TESTED
    Let's Hope It's Not Recalled - Tim Tully, a genetics professor at Cold Spring Harbor Laboratory in New York, has developed a drug that helps improve memory. It's about to be tested on humans, and if it proves safe and effective, it could be on sale within five years. Tully says it could be used by students, middle-aged people studying languages or trying to learn to play musical instruments, or actors who need to memorize lines. It's called HT-0712, but it's been nicknamed "Viagra of the mind."

  • For people who can't remember "HT-0712."
  • Take both: not only will you be able to do it, but you'll never forget how!
  • Bob Dole is the spokesman for Viagra; maybe George W. Bush could be spokesman for this.
  • It makes actors smarter? Talk about a miracle drug!


    ARNOLD MOONLIGHTS
    He'll Need To Get Back On Steroids - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger has yet another job: he has signed to become the executive editor of Muscle & Fitness and Flex magazines. Arnold says he's doing it to promote a healthy lifestyle to young people, and in return, the publisher will donate $250,000 a year to his Council on Physical Fitness. To critics who say he can't take on another job, a Fordham University professor told USA Today that many people can do more than one thing, noting that Thomas Jefferson was a politician and inventor who also ran a plantation.

  • But people who do it all get a reputation as slavedrivers.
  • Arnold can't even give a speech and speak English at the same time.
  • He'll save time by running his state-of-the-state addresses right in the magazines, between the ads for speedos and body oil.


    JESSICA SIMPSON DRAWS TOO BIG A CROWD
    Jessica Simpson had to cut short an appearance at a Wal-Mart in Danvers, Massachusetts, where she was signing her new CD. The managers expected up 500 people, but the crowd ballooned to around 6,000. Traffic was snarled, and people began pushing and shoving, so Simpson had to leave and the police were called.

  • She never even had a chance to check out all the cool wall stuff.
  • Jessica said there were more people than she could count...literally.