Monday

Tuna
"Pump Up the Volume"

Pump Up the Volume (1990) is a film I avoided assuming that it was a rock music story, which wouldn't interest me at all. HUGE MISTAKE. Although Heathers is the cult pick for the ultimate teen angst film, Pump Up the Volume has amazing insight as to how much it can suck to be a teenager, and exactly why. It should be a required watch for anyone who works in a High School, and any parent with a kid turning 13. Interestingly, like Heathers, it stars Christian Slater.

Slater has been moved to the middle of Arizona in his senior year of High School and away from his friends in New York because his father became the district superintendent. Not only was he uprooted and is now in a school filled with strangers that seem nothing at all like his friends, but there are serious problems with the school, despite its reputation for having the best SAT scores in the state. He is smart, shy and withdrawn, but finds an outlet running his own pirate FM station as Hard Harry. He catches the imagination of the entire student body, but most especially Samantha Mathis, who figures out who he is, and eventually breaks through his defenses.

When a student commits suicide after calling his show, the powers that be, already disturbed over his popularity, the music he plays, and the fact that the student body is becoming more and more unruly under his influence, blame him for the death and bring in the police and the FCC to catch him. It turns out that the principle has a clever scheme for keeping those SAT scores high. She collects the federal funding for each enrolled student, then finds a way to expel anyone she feels might not do well on the tests.

Mathis has a nice long topless scene with Slater, which is better watched in the 4/3 version, although both are on the DVD. IMDb readers have this at 6.8 of 10, with scores inversely proportional to age of voter. I like "Up the Establishment," films anyway but this one dealt with real teen perceptions. Not only that, but they found a way to have an ending that was at once realistic and hopeful. This is a B-, as one of the better teensploitation films.

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  • Samantha Mathis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26)

    "One Million Years B.C."

    One Million Years B.C. (1966) is a Hammer film much like Quest for Fire and Clan of the Cave Bears, but a million times worse. The blonde cave people and the dark haired cave people battle each other, dinosaurs, and a volcano, all the while grunting and smiling at each other. The only thing notable is Raquel Welch in a skimpy cave girl outfit showing lots of cleavage and half her butt cheeks. This really is unwatchable, but Raquel is always worth a few images.

    IMDb readers have this at 5.2 of 10. If the genre is stone age man movies with invented languages, then this is the worst of the genre I have seen, but they did an amazing restoration job for the DVD. All in all, lets give it a low C-.

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  • Raquel Welch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "Mother, Jugs & Speed"

    Mother, Jugs & Speed (1976) is a black comedy mixed wit serious moments about two rival ambulance companies competing for work, and eventually the city contract. Mother is Bill Cosby, somewhat eccentric, but an experienced and capable driver. Jugs is Raquel Welch, who is the switchboard operator/dispatcher at the start of the film, and then gets her EMT and riving certificate. Speed is Harvey Keitel, a suspended cop. The three end up driving together for a short while near the end of the film.

    Raquel has nothing approaching nudity, but her nipple was sticking straight through her shirt in the opening scene of the film. IMDb readers have this at 5.3 of 10. Critics weren't impressed judging by the 40% positive at Rotten Tomatoes. I am a Cosby fan, and Welsh wore tight tops the entire film, so I enjoyed it for the most part. What can I say? I am a cheap date. Give me laughs and boobs and I am happy. This is a C-. It gets in trouble when it strays from comedy, and some parts are over the top. Cosby has nearly all the really funny lines.

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  • Raquel Welch (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    OTHER CRAP:

  • Tyra Banks wants to be Oprah, except with cleavage and a really low IQ.

  • Holly Joan Hart, playmate of the month for April, 1998. Playmate Gallery Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!

  • Four free short movies from Playboy's Big Breast Babes!

  • Former WWF wrestler Hercules Hernandez passed away in his sleep Friday night, aged 46.

  • Journalist Novak Pokes Fun at his CIA Leak. Oh, that wacky li'l enemy combatant, outing our intelligence officers. He's just so adorable.

  • Steve Martin mocks Mel's Passion.

  • Here's a brand new 10 minute behind-the-scenes featurette about Hellboy

  • Bin Laden sending faxes. Or, to be technical, since he has already been captured, somebody from the administration is sending fake faxes on bin Laden's behalf. Damn, I thought the prices at The Sheikh's Discount Volleyball Camp were too good to be true.

  • John Kerry's official site says "shit" and "fuck". Link goes to the "site search results" for those two words. Kerry's response, "Hey! I'm a bad-ass motherfucker, dog." I don't know. Those two words didn't bother me much, but I was a little surprised to see him refer to Hillary as "one seriously fat-ass cunt".

  • Kerry throws a surprise move - a "split scissors" combined with a picture of Jesus. The President's advisors are appealing to the rock-paper-scissors council, on the basis that there is no "split holy scissors" move. They feel that a faith-based "holy scissors" does have certain advantages over a "regular scissors", and may be able to avoid being crushed by a "regular rock", but doesn't count unless both fingers come from the same hand.

  • Drew Carey says the judging on "Last Comic Standing" was "crooked and dishonest".

  • Daytona Beach march fizzles: The thousand woman topless march comes up 950 women short. Only one of the organizers removed her shirt, and she was promptly arrested and carted off to jail.

  • Seeds of Darkness, a Star Wars fan film

  • That makes sense. Hollywood stars drive small energy-efficient cars, while they use the energy required to heat and air condition 20,000 square foot homes.

  • Chimp charmer Jane Goodall returns to the wild. She is now an ardent crusader against deforestation.

  • Bush Seeks to Bolster Regular-Guy Image. "Notes to self for March (1) photo op in Crawford - get three dollar haircut from Ol' Gus (2) spark Armageddon"

  • Sing - A - Long with Louis Farrakhan (He used to be a calypso singer known as The Charmer")

  • Online Etch A Sketch, the only thing less fun than offline Etch-a-Sketch

  • Nipple Wars

  • Time magazine analyzes the mistakes that got Martha Stewart so deep in such a mess.

  • FilmJerk.com's - Early Report for March 7, 2004

  • Aristede's downfall attributed to voodoo spirits. Yup, them and AK-47s.

  • The hardest job in show biz? Cue card boy for a porno film.

  • The full text of Tony Blair's speech on the war in Iraq and the ongoing threat of global terrorism.

  • The top movies at the North American box office again headed by Passion. Starsky opened fairly strong, with thirty million, but Passion had another monster ($50 million) weekend, and is already at $212 million for 12 days! (Return of the King was at $222m over the same period, but Passion had an infinitesmally better second weekend.)

  • Ashcroft treatment uncertain for now - doctor say 10-20% chance of death. I wish him well physically, but I certainly hope that various activist groups show precisely the same respect for the privacy of his medical records that he has shown for others. If ever there was a case of karma - that would be it. Bill Maher's line: "it is very unusual for teetotalers to contract this condition. Doctors speculate that he picked it up bacterially by wiping his ass with the Bill of Rights"

  • Kerry telegraphs the risky "double rock", leaving himself open to a "double paper" shellacking by the Prez.

  • Dave Barrys' topic: "Federal deficit: Meet the other white meat"

  • Have A Random Sight Gag. The creator of Leisure Suit Larry has thousands of funny fotos.

  • Grand Ayatollah Ali Sistani: The real face of power in Iraq Whoa! Not just any Ayatollah, but a Grand Ayatollah! He really gets some good parking places. He is to regular Ayatollahs as Grand Moff Tarkin was to regular Moffs.

  • Woman to file suit claiming she was caught on tape in dressing room.

  • Bartolo Colon had kind of a disappointing first start for the Angels. Final score: Athletics 26, Angels 3

  • Telemarketers Pay Consumers To Listen.

  • James Bond 'too tall' to be a spy. "Britons applying to be field agents (at MI5 -domestic intelligence) should be no taller than 5ft 11ins." (Note: Bond worked for MI6 - foreign intelligence.)

  • Elizabeth Jagger, 20, and Theodora Richards, 19, the mini-skirted model daughters of Mick Jagger and Keith Richards, were getting lap dances at Chelsea's Privilege strip club on Feb. 25.

  • Impressive body-painting at Fantasy Festival in Key West 2003

  • Gilligan to start a radio station in his basement. I guess one of the professor's inventions finally paid off.

  • Separate Cinema - the history of African-Americans in film.

  • Silicon Valley's Premiere Plastic Surgeon - before and after examples.

  • Republican National Committee tells TV stations not to run anti-Bush ads because they are illegally funded. . "I am the law". Wow, and I thought Judge Dredd was just science fiction! Here's the text of the letter: "Dear TV Dudes: normallly you would not hear about legal matters like these from a partisan organization. It would be a matter for an official government agency like the FCC, and you have to appeal through the judicial system if you felt the FCC ruling was incorrect. That could drag on for years, and cost you millions in legal expenses. Fortunately, we have been able to streamline the process by buying up all the agencies and judges, so we're passing the savings on to you. Your pals, the GOP"

  • Four free short videos from Playboy Plus!

  • Free Summer Altice playmate gallery courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!

  • The Exorcist in 30 seconds, re-enacted by bunnies.

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    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Shiloh

    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

     

    Various:

    • "Top Gun" star Kelly McGillis and Susie Porter in lesbian love scenes from "The Monkey's Mask" (.avi version, .wmv versions (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6))

     

    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
     
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    Oz
    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Carry On Up The Jungle"
    More nakedness in the 1970 Carry On Up The Jungle. Jacki Piper gets wet in a flimsy top and Joan Sims is topless, although its a long distance view. Valerie Leon shows off her sensational cleavage.

    • Jacki Piper (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Joan Sims (1, 2)
    • Valerie Leon (1, 2, 3)


    "Dirty Mary Crazy Larry"
    Also in the 70s is Dirty Mary Crazy Larry. Susan George is Dirty Mary but the sexier shots are of Lynne Borden when she takes a shower, with possible pokies afterwards.


    "The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes"
    The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes is PG rated so there's not a lot to see. Genevieve Page goess topless but we see nothing.

    • Genevieve Page (1, 2)


    "Villain"
    Fiona Lewis and Bonita Thomas are topless in Villain.


    "Newsfront"
    Newsfront is an Aussie movie and the nudity comes from an actress in what is supposedly a porn film. The quality is not great.


    "Charlie's Angels"
    At the end of the 70s we had Charlie's Angels and we have some caps from a couple of episodes. Pokies and sex appeal by Shelley Hack and Elissa Leeds


    "Cheek to Cheek"
    Finishing the retro caps we have an actress in her 70s (or thereabouts). A completely naked Melissa Jaffer in the Aussie short movie Cheek to Cheek.

    • Melissa Jaffer (1, 2)


    "Conspiracy of Silence"
    More nudity in Conspiracy of Silence, this time Catherine Walker is topless. She is also obviously wearing some sort of crotch patch that extends right round the back.

    • Catherine Walker (1, 2, 3)


    "Liberty Stands Still"
    A very sexy Linda Fiorentino is topless in Liberty Stands Still but we only see her from the rear.

    • Linda Fiorentino (1, 2)


    "Wyatt Earp"
    The very brief topless nudity in Wyatt Earp comes from Joanna Going. There is also some see-through nipple exposure by Annabeth Gish on her death bed.


    "Silent Cry"
    I think there's a need for an Internet site dedicated to all the unnamed strippers in movies. There's another one in Silent Cry, in this case she's just topless. Emily Woof also shows a lot of sex appeal when she dresses down.

    Variety
    Nicole Richie Paris' sidekick posing with an exposed breast and a nipple ring.

    Elisha Cuthbert The hot young actress from "24" and "The Girl Next Door" looking very sexy in undies and a tank top in scenes from "Old School". Thanks to Twitchy.

    Lina Romay
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)

    		Marvin 'caps of the 70's sexploitation star showing everything including gyno-views and some BJ action in scenes from "Die Marquise von Sade" aka "Doriana Grey" (1976).

    Venesa Talor
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    		Señor Skin 'caps of Talor showing all 3 B's while gettin' it on in scenes from the Skinemax flick "Timeless Obsession" (1997).