"Cocaine Cowboys"

Cocaine Cowboys (1979) is supposedly a cult favorite movie. I can't see why. Tom Sullivan was introduced to director Ulli Lommel by Andy Warhol. Sullivan wanted to star in a movie, and was willing to finance the project. Lommel came up with the script. In exchange for the use of his Long Island compound, Warhol was given a part. Sullivan is the leader of a rock band, which is finally beginning to make it, but has been living off of smuggling cocaine. Their manager, Jack Palance, provided the underworld connections, and the band brought in the coke from Columbia. They now want out of the dope business, and are flying one last shipment from Columbia to Montauk. The pilots see police at the airport, and drop the coke in the surf near the compound, but it disappears. The group spends the rest of the film looking for it. Palance chews on a cigar, and tries to keep the mob buyer off their tails, and Andy Warhol does Andy Warhol things, like taking Polaroid pictures and asking stupid questions.

Palance did a very good Palance impression, but Warhol did a very bad Warhol impression. The music from the band, written by Sulivan, was terrible. The exposure came from Suzanna Love, in what was probably the best scene of the film. She strips to her see-through bra, then pours baby powder on another character, while he moans in ecstasy.

IMDB readers have this at 2.5 of 10, which, as far as I am concerned, is about right. This film is so boring, they even made a shower orgy scene boring, and with no nudity. The transfer is not at all good, the pace is terrible, and their are no "good guys" in the film. E.

  • Thumbnails

  • Suzanna Love (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    The Young Nurses (1973)

    What can you say about this an entry in the Roger Corman "nurse" genre? He did a bunch of these back in the 70s. Obviously, it ain't gonna be Schindler's List. You know the plot is going to be either weak or confusing and the acting will be non-existent, so I'll skip over that obvious stuff. Here are the plusses and minuses on the things that matter in the much-awarded "nurse" genre.


    • One of the cameos comes from the guy who played Sydney on M*A*S*H. That was cool. (Allan Arbus, also known as the husband of the notorious avant garde photographer Diane Arbus)
    • Pre-implant Sally Kirkland walked around briefly in a semi-transparent bra
    • There is quite a bit of frontal nudity here and there -  the DVD has a full screen version, and that even has male frontal nudity, which was unheard of in a 1973 Corman film. I think it must have been lost in the widescreen theatrical projection at the time, because it is on the extreme bottom of the screen.
    • The two women who provide frontal nudity (Jean Manson and Ashley Porter) are quite beautiful
      • Jean Manson is the Playmate-turned-chanteuse that woman we talked about a couple of weeks ago. She had two separate lives, one as a young Playmate and B-movie actress in America, the other as a legitimate and awarded actress in all media (stage, screen, TV), and a popular singer of all possible styles of music (C&W, Gospel, French Chanson, Opera, Broadway, you name it), and a major star - in France, of all places, despite her admitted American accent. The movie we discussed last week, 10 to Midnight, was the end of her American career. This nurse movie was the beginning. In fact, it was made in 1973, and she was the POM in August 1974, so I guess Playboy used her despite her pre-existing history of nude film appearances. I didn't realize that Hef did that in the old days.
      • Manson has three different birthdates circulating around the web. She told Playboy she was born October 1, 1950. Other sources agree on the day and month, but the year is listed variously as 1945 and 1954. It has been my experience in these cases that the more recent dates are not likely to be correct. Given those three choices, 1945 is my best guess. I'm thinking she told Playboy she was 24 when she was actually 29. I think she looks about 28 in this movie, and about 38 in 10 to Midnight, rather than 23 and 33. She was a beautiful woman (still is, in fact), and has a very distinctive, kind of mature, theatrical speaking voice. She also has a large, curved nose, but she never got a nose job, and it has always given her a distinctive, non-standard kind of beauty. You probably wouldn't peg her as a Playmate type of person, except when she takes off her shirt, at which point you would see that she definitely has the right credentials.
      • At various times in her life, she has also borne quite a strong resemblance to my first wife, Scoopy Junior's mother, and both of them starred on stage at one time or another as Aldonza in Man of la Mancha!
      • here are two samples of her singing. I listened to her sing Fais-Moi Danser, and I thought she sounded a lot like Marilyn McCoo ("(Last Night) I Didn't Get to Sleep at All."). I don't know if you like her style, but the girl can sing.
      • here's another sample of her singing
      • Here is the home page for "Jeane" Manson, as she is now known. On her home page, you can hear a sample of something that sounds like a chanson/gospel hybrid.



    • The technical quality of the DVD is approximately equal to a fairly good VHS, no better. It has not been remastered, the print is slightly faded, and many scenes have picked up a distracting color tint over the years. (The sand on the beach was green before I started fucking with it)
    • There is no widescreen theatrical version. I guess that's not really a negative when one is discussing a a nudie quickie. It would be nice to see it as it was seen on screen in the 70s, I guess, but the full screen version is the full negative, not a pan 'n scan, so we actually see MORE than was seen on screen. Given that it is not a cinema masterpiece, it's probably not that important to see the aspect ratio as the director imagined it in his grand scheme.
    • One of the three starring nurses didn't do any nudity at all except a nipple-slip. The drug trafficking plot surrounding that nurse was also exceedingly confusing, although the other two nurses' stories were straightforward.
    • In my opinion, crappy, cheesy movies should not take themselves seriously. This film needed a lot more humor. They got way too serious about the horrors of drug trafficking and the need for women to take charge of their own bodies with alternative clinics. It even took a pro-abortion stance, which took some cojones in 1973.  No problem, but I just wanted to see some pretty girls naked.

    Other crap:

    in one (war) aimed at overthrowing Saddam Hussein, the “entire Arab world would turn against us” and the U.S. would alienate its allies in the international community. "To occupy Iraq would instantly shatter our coalition, turning the whole Arab world against us, and make a broken tyrant into a latter-day Arab hero,"

    What're the odds?


    75th Academy Awards: Best Director

    This is now shaping up as a two-horse race, with a wave of Rob Marshall (Chicago) support moving him closer to Scorsese land. The other three are all long shots, despite Polanski's win at the BAFTAs against pretty much the same field.

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Martin Scorsese 9/20
    Rob Marshall 9/10
    Stephen Daldry 12/1
    Roman Polanski 14/1
    Pedro Almodóvar 20/1

    One Antigua-based site is offering 3/2 odds on Saddam being dead by June.




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Bayatch Babes
    From the brand new Baywatch movie "Baywatch: Hawaian Wedding". Sadly I missed it when it aired last week, but the good news is that Amazon already has a DVD release date of June 3rd!

    If you've seen a Baywatch episode, then you already know what to expect...lots of very tan hot babes with fake boobs in bikinis.

    Neve Campbell
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Upskirts and cleavage from the romantic comedy "Three to Tango" (1999).

    Rhonda Griffin Wearing nothin' but boots in this B&W scan.

    Shae Marks The ultra-busty former Heffer showing off some cleavage.

    Judy Greer Nutty 'caps of Greer topless in scenes from mutli-Oscar nominated movie "Adaptation".

    Catherine Zeta-Jones Wearing a very low cut dress with some partial breast exposure. Thanks to Squiddy.

    LoriDawn Messuri Teemo 'caps of the Skinemax actress topless and baring her bum in scenes from "The Big Hustle".

    Page 3 babes The Page 3 babes are ready for war! I think I want to declare war against this army. Ladies, prepare to be invaded!

    Naomi Watts Naomi looks great in her undies in this collage by Dann, but good lord was "The Ring" a dumb movie. It boggles my mind that this thing made 128 million at the box office! The first 10 minutes and "horror" part of the plot aren't too bad, but the other 100 minutes and 4 or 5 endings are just plain silly.

    By the way, if anyone out there ever goes to film festivals...last February at the Portland International Film Festival I caught a 20 minute flick called "In Absentia" (2000). Style wise, several parts of "The Ring" are an obvious rip off of the indie short film.

    (1, 2, 3)

    The Russian teen pop stars barely dressed and wearing soaking wet t-shirts.

    Ilona Staller
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    aka Cicciolina, the Hungarian born star of Italian adult movies who also dabbles in politics. She even co-founded the Love Party to fight for the legalization of brothels, "love parks" and better sex education. I'd vote for that! Here she is showing breasts and nipple exposure in see-thru poses from an appearance in FHM.

    Penélope Cruz
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Topless at the beach. Paparazzi pics of the Spanish actress.

    Susan Holmes
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Marsie scans of the model/actress posing for the December '93 issue of the French Photo magazine. Toplessness in all 6, a great thong view in #5.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    This News IS Entertainment! - CBS was embarrassed when it was revealed that the voice of Saddam Hussein's translator in his interview with Dan Rather was actually overdubbed by voiceover actor Steve Winfield. CBS said the translation was "100 percent accurate," and they just wanted a voice "compatible with the piece." But others said it blurred the line between news and entertainment, since Winfield is a SAG member who books through the Fabulous Voices website, and he was doing a fake Arab accent.

  • He also does a great Swedish accent, which would've been much funnier.
  • It turned out Saddam's real translator sounds like Richard Simmons.
  • The actor they hired to play Saddam is now back in New Jersey, doing dinner theater.
  • No word on who Dan's interviewing next, but Winfield's working on his Korean accent.

    Why Men Have Studied It For Centuries - The Discovery Channel reports a new theory on Stonehenge: it was built to resemble female genitals. Dr. Anthony Perks, professor emeritus of gynecology at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, claims he sees striking similarities between the layout of the stones and female anatomy. He says the outer circle resembles the labia majora, the inner circle is the labia minor, the altar stone corresponds to the clitoris, and the empty center outlined by bluestones is the birth canal. He believes it was built as a monument to life.

  • Or as the very earliest, crude attempt at creating porn.
  • This is what happens to you when you spend all day long staring at vaginas.
  • The designer of Stonehenge: Larry Flyntstone.
  • Or maybe it was the world's first lesbian bar...Or the place where prehistoric gynecologists held conventions.
  • Most people thought it was a calendar, but turns out it only tells you the time of the month.