Various Film Clips:
shows her chest in
Asia Argento flashes the goodies in The Heart is
Deceitful Above All Things. (Well maybe not more deceitful than the
author of the book, but ALMOST all things.) In
clip she shows her breasts at the end of a strip (sampled in the
leftmost capture below). In
clip she is totally naked outdoors, but practically in a different county from
the camera (other two captures).
Milla Jovovich shows
her butt, or
maybe her body double's butt, in Ultraviolet. It doesn't matter,
because the lighting is so gimmicky that she could be wearing pants
and you'd never know.
on Miami Vice.
This is network TV, so there is no nudity, but this may be the sexiest
scene ever to appear on network TV, and mega-ultra French babe Arielle
Dombasle is surely one of the five most beautiful women I have ever
seen. Every inch of her is perfect, and her face is almost beyond
perfection and into alternate reality. (She also has the sexiest faint
Fear of Clowns (2004)
Although basically a garage band movie made by a
bunch of buddies in Baltimore, Fear of Clowns is not a bad little
genre flick. It suffers from excessive length, lack of money, and the kind of actors
you get from open auditions, but it also has a pretty good script,
some memorable iconography, and some decent ideas. It's one of
those films where you say, "Geez, that was kinda rough, but I'll bet
that guy could make a good movie in the right circumstances." Since
the full review includes pictures, read it
at the Movie House.
Here's the nudity from an unknown named Lauren
Pellegrino, whose entire career seems to consist of this role.
What was the world's first porno?
A recap of Jon Stewart's Oscar material
Film Jerk's Early Report for March 5
- "This week's Early Report covers the 59 known new movies
opening in theatres or expanding their runs between Thursday March
8 and Friday March 31"
Nominees and Winners | 78th Annual Academy Awards
- The night went as I expected until the very last moment when
there was a Hollywood-style surprise ending - Brokeback lost to
Crash for Best Picture.
- Will this be remembered as the worst year in the history of
Cinema? Everyone I talk to says "I like to go to movies on
weekends, but I couldn't find anything to go to last year." When I
ask people the best film of last year, these Oscar nominees never
come up. People most often mention Cinderella Man or Batman Begins
or Sin City or The 40 Year Old Virgin, but nobody has any great
passion for any film in the past year except that Penguin
documentary, which people genuinely loved.
- I suppose it tells you that the right-wing pundits are
actually right about one thing - Hollywood is completely out of
touch with the country. In a year which many people consider the
worst ever and in which the box office plunged, the people at the
Oscars were patting each other's backs about what a lovely year it
was. Oh, well. What could they say? Let's face it, not even Jon
Stewart has big enough balls to say that the winners were the ones
that didn't suck as bad as the others.
Dave Chapelle's Block Party - as reviewed by the James Joyce of film
criticism, The Filthy Critic
The trailer for Fierce People, a film directed by Griffin Dunne.
- Contrasting the mores of high society with the blunt savagery
of primitive tribes, Fierce People takes an inside look at the
upper classes, examining the darkness that lurks beneath the
surface of good manners. Sporting a biting wit, and featuring
charismatic performances from Diane Lane and Donald Sutherland,
this unflinching drama exposes the trappings of wealth and
privilege, and their overwhelming power to both seduce and
LADEN TRIED TO WARN BUSH ABOUT KATRINA ... In Newly Released
Teleconference, Madman Expressed Concern About Levees
- "Elsewhere, in an ominous sign that Iraq may be sliding into
civil war, Ken Burns and his camera crew turned up in Baghdad
Clooney Wins Supporting Actor Oscar
- "George Clooney was wrong. Despite claiming earlier that he
wouldn't win, Clooney took home the best supporting actor award
Sunday for his performance as a veteran CIA operative in 'Syriana.'"
Weekend Box Office Results, March 3-5, 2006
- Oscar weekend is not normally a good movie-going weekend, but
this weekend was a flat-out disaster. The top twelve films amassed
only $84m, compared to $109m for the comparable group last year.
- The carry-vers performed as expected, but three major new
releases bombed, finishing 30-60% below expectations
- The only bright news was the performance of Aquamarine, a
tweener movie which received generally positive reviews, and
exceeded modest predictions. That was not very bright news,
since it was basically a case of a film with poor expectations and
- Madea's Family Reunion held off all the newcomers to hold the
#1 spot in "total gross", and it even held off Dave Chappelle to
take the #1 spot in "average per theater." (Chappelle was expected
to dominate this category completely.)
- Speaking of Chappelle, the prognosticators were just too
enthusiastic about his concert film. If the forecasts had not been
so high, we would now be saying "Wow, this little film managed to
finish second in average gross per theater." Unfortunately, he had
been expected to do far better. The Weekend Warrior predicted
second place overall (actual finish seventh), and $11,900 per
screen (actual $5,400). And he was the more conservative of our
Portman's Gangsta Rap on SNL
PIRELLI CALENDAR - OFFICIAL SITE
Jillions of pictures from Superman Returns
Mariah Carey kept her comeback going Saturday, picking up best
album and best single honors at the 20th Annual Soul Train Music Awards.
Razzies announce 2005 "winners"
- "By far the worst movie of the year was 'Dirty Love,' a
movie written by and starring former Playboy model Jenny McCarthy, which took
- McCarthy also won the worst actress award, and was joined
in the bad acting ranks by Rob Schneider, Hayden Christensen and (surprise)
- Tom Cruise was chosen as the most tiresome celebrity
A "real flying Superman" for a Corn Flakes boxtop and ten cents!
Colbert wonders about the homo in Homo Sapiens
A new clip from Friends with Money
- "Jennifer Aniston, Frances McDormand, Joan Cusack and
Catherine Keener star as a quartet of west coast, life-long friends who have
achieved a level of comfort in their lives and have now settled into a life of
designer clothes, charity events, and caring for the men (and offspring) in
their lives. But as they approach 'a certain age,' unsettling things are
starting to throw their comfortable lives off balance.
There's Olivia (Jennifer Aniston) who, reaching a personal
crisis, has quit her teaching job and is now cleaning houses for a living. She
is looking for support - fiscal and emotional - from her more well-heeled
acquaintances and continues her search for a significant other among the slim
pickings on offer.
Jane and Aaron (Frances McDormand and Simon McBurney) are
successful designers whose marriage has reached a pivotal point in which the
pair have become oblivious to each other's concerns, and perhaps even to their
Christine and her husband Patrick (Catherine Keener and
Jason Isaacs) are a professionally partnered, screenwriting couple whose
latest projects - co-writing a script and expanding their house - raise
tensions at home to a new level.
Franny and Matt (Joan Cusack and Bob Stephenson) are the
independently wealthy ones, raising their two children amidst an abundant
lifestyle that calls their united front of a partnership into question.
As the couples move from one get together to another, a
group portrait begins to emerge of people in like and love with one another,
in various configurations. Friends with Money is a modern comedy drama about
contemporary adults in search of love, friendship, and filthy lucre but
finding everything in a state of constant flux."
Japanese scientist can make gasoline from bull shit,
thus shifting the world's energy stronghold from the Middle East to the U.S.
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Jack the Ripper (1976)
This is a Jess Franco film, but far from a typical slapdash Franco effort.
In fact, it is a rather polished, if historically inaccurate account of Jack
the Ripper. Of course Jack is a doctor, and rips the customary naked
strumpets, but Franco added many plot points. Jack's problems were caused by
his prostitute mother, for example, and this leads to the most graphic scene
where our Jack uses his knife like a dildo. The Scotland Yard detective in
charge of the case has issues of his own. He is very depressed that he is
getting nowhere with the investigation, so his girlfriend puts on a strumpet
outfit to act as a decoy - without bothering to tell anyone! Most
surprisingly, Franco's version of the story has a happy ending!
The film looks good, and the photography is very restrained for a Franco
effort, with only one psychedelic scene. Jack the Ripper is also well acted
and the dubbing is adequate. Franco maintains a creepy atmosphere throughout
and absolutely nailed down the "creepiness" factor when he cast Klaus Kinski,
who gave a surprisingly restrained performance as Jack, very much in keeping
with the screenplay.
IMDb readers say 5.3.
It doesn't matter if you call this a Jack the Ripper genre, a Jess Franco
film, or horror, this is a C by our standard - a competent genre film.
Casey the Coed (2002) - day two
Tonight we have the images of Allysin Chaynes and Roxanne Hall. I assume
that many of you don't spend a lot of time on hard core films, so here is a
little background on the four ladies in this film (see the other images in
Laurie Wallace is 30, and 5' 8". Her IMDb listing shows 44 credits going
back to 1988, and she now has her own production company. According to her
official web site, she was a
Phi Beta Kappa student majoring in German and Political Science, and graduated
Summa Cum Laude from Loyola of Maryland. She has also won many awards for
Scottish Highland Dancing.
Allysin Chaynes is 27 and a petite 5" even. Born in Romania, she has 164
credits dating back to 1997. At 32A-21-32, she was the slimmest woman in this
film, and had a modest breast implant job. She works part time as a fitness
trainer, and plans on becoming a nutritionist.
Monique Dane is 26 and 5' 9". She has 15 credits at IMDb beginning in 2002.
She is Danish, and a natural 37D, sporting the largest breast in this film,
and the only un-enhanced ones.
Roxanne Hall is now 29, and has an amazing 333 credits. She also stands 5'
9". She was born in the UK, and came to Hollywood as soon as she reached the
minimum age necessary to appear in hard-core movies. Her first credit was in
1992. She would have been 16, so this information is questionable, but her
adult career began in 1994. When a mandatory AIDS test in 1995 came back
positive, she returned to the UK. Fortunately, the test was wrong, and she
returned to Hollywood. She is happily married to male porn star John Decker.
IMDb lists the film, but has no opinion at all about it. It lacks plot, but
makes up for that with good photography of top porn stars in good light. It is
probably fortunate that they didn't ask much in the way of acting from them.
This is a C.
Vasiliki (or "Vassiliki")
is an award-winning Greek film about a doomed love story. A female communist
sympathizer falls for a national army officer and they get married, but
things go wrong for them. The story takes place right after the
Greek Civil War, and
is based on a novel by
the author of “Z”, that Costa-Gavras made into a famous film. The director is
veteran Vaggelis Serdaris, who had also directed the famous 1970s erotica film
Love on a Horse with Anna Fonsou.
The film is not a failure. It is surprisingly well made
and it has some touching moments, but it could be better. Serdaris's lens
continues to be voyeuristic, not missing any opportunity to look up women’s
skirts, although this is a “serious” film. The screenplay is also clumsy in some
places. For example, the officer, Pashalis Tharouhas, first rapes his prisoner
Vassiliki, then confesses his love to her. She has some doubts because her
husband, a communist partisan, has gone missing, but she finally gives in. The
tragic finale comes abruptly, as if the film makers didn’t know how to properly
end the story.
- The lead female part, Vassiliki, is impressively
played by accomplished Greek-Russian actress Tamila Koulieva
- Fresh-faced and fetching Vivian Kontomari plays
Vassiliki’s innocent younger sister, who is seduced/raped by the nasty old
local lecher, a tobacco industrialist in whose household she goes to work as a
- Various others from the movie
I have no idea what Bodyguards is all about, but I think the general theme
is large bare breasts - Here's Victoria Silvstedt
and here's Anna Falchi