Various Film Clips:

Zipped .avis

  • Brianne Davis shows her chest in Jarhead

  • Asia Argento flashes the goodies in The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things. (Well maybe not more deceitful than the author of the book, but ALMOST all things.) In the first clip she shows her breasts at the end of a strip (sampled in the leftmost capture below). In the second clip she is totally naked outdoors, but practically in a different county from the camera (other two captures).

Zipped .wmvs

  • Milla Jovovich shows her butt, or maybe her body double's butt, in Ultraviolet. It doesn't matter, because the lighting is so gimmicky that she could be wearing pants and you'd never know.

  • Arielle Dombasle on Miami Vice. This is network TV, so there is no nudity, but this may be the sexiest scene ever to appear on network TV, and mega-ultra French babe Arielle Dombasle is surely one of the five most beautiful women I have ever seen. Every inch of her is perfect, and her face is almost beyond perfection and into alternate reality. (She also has the sexiest faint accent ever!)


Fear of Clowns (2004)

Although basically a garage band movie made by a bunch of buddies in Baltimore, Fear of Clowns is not a bad little genre flick. It suffers from excessive length, lack of money, and the kind of actors you get from open auditions, but it also has a pretty good script, some memorable iconography, and some decent ideas. It's one of those films where you say, "Geez, that was kinda rough, but I'll bet that guy could make a good movie in the right circumstances." Since the full review includes pictures, read it at the Movie House.

Here's the nudity from an unknown named Lauren Pellegrino, whose entire career seems to consist of this role.

Other Crap:

What was the world's first porno?

A recap of Jon Stewart's Oscar material

Film Jerk's Early Report for March 5

  • "This week's Early Report covers the 59 known new movies opening in theatres or expanding their runs between Thursday March 8 and Friday March 31"

Nominees and Winners | 78th Annual Academy Awards

  • The night went as I expected until the very last moment when there was a Hollywood-style surprise ending - Brokeback lost to Crash for Best Picture.
  • Will this be remembered as the worst year in the history of Cinema? Everyone I talk to says "I like to go to movies on weekends, but I couldn't find anything to go to last year." When I ask people the best film of last year, these Oscar nominees never come up. People most often mention Cinderella Man or Batman Begins or Sin City or The 40 Year Old Virgin, but nobody has any great passion for any film in the past year except that Penguin documentary, which people genuinely loved.
  • I suppose it tells you that the right-wing pundits are actually right about one thing - Hollywood is completely out of touch with the country. In a year which many people consider the worst ever and in which the box office plunged, the people at the Oscars were patting each other's backs about what a lovely year it was. Oh, well. What could they say? Let's face it, not even Jon Stewart has big enough balls to say that the winners were the ones that didn't suck as bad as the others.

Dave Chapelle's Block Party - as reviewed by the James Joyce of film criticism, The Filthy Critic

The trailer for Fierce People, a film directed by Griffin Dunne.

  • Contrasting the mores of high society with the blunt savagery of primitive tribes, Fierce People takes an inside look at the upper classes, examining the darkness that lurks beneath the surface of good manners. Sporting a biting wit, and featuring charismatic performances from Diane Lane and Donald Sutherland, this unflinching drama exposes the trappings of wealth and privilege, and their overwhelming power to both seduce and corrupt.

Borowitz: BIN LADEN TRIED TO WARN BUSH ABOUT KATRINA ... In Newly Released Teleconference, Madman Expressed Concern About Levees

  • "Elsewhere, in an ominous sign that Iraq may be sliding into civil war, Ken Burns and his camera crew turned up in Baghdad today."

Clooney Wins Supporting Actor Oscar

  • "George Clooney was wrong. Despite claiming earlier that he wouldn't win, Clooney took home the best supporting actor award Sunday for his performance as a veteran CIA operative in 'Syriana.'"

Weekend Box Office Results, March 3-5, 2006

  • Oscar weekend is not normally a good movie-going weekend, but this weekend was a flat-out disaster. The top twelve films amassed only $84m, compared to $109m for the comparable group last year.
  • The carry-vers performed as expected, but three major new releases bombed, finishing 30-60% below expectations
  • The only bright news was the performance of Aquamarine, a tweener movie which received generally positive reviews, and exceeded modest predictions. That was not very bright news, since it was basically a case of a film with poor expectations and average results.
  • Madea's Family Reunion held off all the newcomers to hold the #1 spot in "total gross", and it even held off Dave Chappelle to take the #1 spot in "average per theater." (Chappelle was expected to dominate this category completely.)
  • Speaking of Chappelle, the prognosticators were just too enthusiastic about his concert film. If the forecasts had not been so high, we would now be saying "Wow, this little film managed to finish second in average gross per theater." Unfortunately, he had been expected to do far better. The Weekend Warrior predicted second place overall (actual finish seventh), and $11,900 per screen (actual $5,400). And he was the more conservative of our two forecasters!

Portman's Gangsta Rap on SNL


Jillions of pictures from Superman Returns

Mariah Carey kept her comeback going Saturday, picking up best album and best single honors at the 20th Annual Soul Train Music Awards.

Razzies announce 2005 "winners"

  • "By far the worst movie of the year was 'Dirty Love,' a movie written by and starring former Playboy model Jenny McCarthy, which took four honors."
  • McCarthy also won the worst actress award, and was joined in the bad acting ranks by Rob Schneider, Hayden Christensen and (surprise) Paris Hilton.
  • Tom Cruise was chosen as the most tiresome celebrity

A "real flying Superman" for a Corn Flakes boxtop and ten cents!

Colbert wonders about the homo in Homo Sapiens

A new clip from Friends with Money

  • "Jennifer Aniston, Frances McDormand, Joan Cusack and Catherine Keener star as a quartet of west coast, life-long friends who have achieved a level of comfort in their lives and have now settled into a life of designer clothes, charity events, and caring for the men (and offspring) in their lives. But as they approach 'a certain age,' unsettling things are starting to throw their comfortable lives off balance.

    There's Olivia (Jennifer Aniston) who, reaching a personal crisis, has quit her teaching job and is now cleaning houses for a living. She is looking for support - fiscal and emotional - from her more well-heeled acquaintances and continues her search for a significant other among the slim pickings on offer.

    Jane and Aaron (Frances McDormand and Simon McBurney) are successful designers whose marriage has reached a pivotal point in which the pair have become oblivious to each other's concerns, and perhaps even to their own natures.

    Christine and her husband Patrick (Catherine Keener and Jason Isaacs) are a professionally partnered, screenwriting couple whose latest projects - co-writing a script and expanding their house - raise tensions at home to a new level.

    Franny and Matt (Joan Cusack and Bob Stephenson) are the independently wealthy ones, raising their two children amidst an abundant lifestyle that calls their united front of a partnership into question.

    As the couples move from one get together to another, a group portrait begins to emerge of people in like and love with one another, in various configurations. Friends with Money is a modern comedy drama about contemporary adults in search of love, friendship, and filthy lucre but finding everything in a state of constant flux."

Japanese scientist can make gasoline from bull shit, thus shifting the world's energy stronghold from the Middle East to the U.S. Congress

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




Jack the Ripper (1976)

This is a Jess Franco film, but far from a typical slapdash Franco effort. In fact, it is a rather polished, if historically inaccurate account of Jack the Ripper. Of course Jack is a doctor, and rips the customary naked strumpets, but Franco added many plot points. Jack's problems were caused by his prostitute mother, for example, and this leads to the most graphic scene where our Jack uses his knife like a dildo. The Scotland Yard detective in charge of the case has issues of his own. He is very depressed that he is getting nowhere with the investigation, so his girlfriend puts on a strumpet outfit to act as a decoy - without bothering to tell anyone! Most surprisingly, Franco's version of the story has a happy ending!

The film looks good, and the photography is very restrained for a Franco effort, with only one psychedelic scene. Jack the Ripper is also well acted and the dubbing is adequate. Franco maintains a creepy atmosphere throughout and absolutely nailed down the "creepiness" factor when he cast Klaus Kinski, who gave a surprisingly restrained performance as Jack, very much in keeping with the screenplay.

IMDb readers say 5.3. 

It doesn't matter if you call this a Jack the Ripper genre, a Jess Franco film, or horror, this is a C by our standard - a competent genre film.


Josephine Chaplin (breasts)

Francine Custer (little big horns)

Esther Studer (full frontal)

Lena Romay (breasts and pubes)


Casey the Coed (2002) - day two

Tonight we have the images of Allysin Chaynes and Roxanne Hall. I assume that many of you don't spend a lot of time on hard core films, so here is a little background on the four ladies in this film (see the other images in yesterday's issue.)

Laurie Wallace is 30, and 5' 8". Her IMDb listing shows 44 credits going back to 1988, and she now has her own production company. According to her official web site,  she was a Phi Beta Kappa student majoring in German and Political Science, and graduated Summa Cum Laude from Loyola of Maryland. She has also won many awards for Scottish Highland Dancing.

Allysin Chaynes is 27 and a petite 5" even. Born in Romania, she has 164 credits dating back to 1997. At 32A-21-32, she was the slimmest woman in this film, and had a modest breast implant job. She works part time as a fitness trainer, and plans on becoming a nutritionist.

Monique Dane is 26 and 5' 9". She has 15 credits at IMDb beginning in 2002. She is Danish, and a natural 37D, sporting the largest breast in this film, and the only un-enhanced ones.

Roxanne Hall is now 29, and has an amazing 333 credits. She also stands 5' 9". She was born in the UK, and came to Hollywood as soon as she reached the minimum age necessary to appear in hard-core movies. Her first credit was in 1992. She would have been 16, so this information is questionable, but her adult career began in 1994. When a mandatory AIDS test in 1995 came back positive, she returned to the UK. Fortunately, the test was wrong, and she returned to Hollywood. She is happily married to male porn star John Decker.

IMDb lists the film, but has no opinion at all about it. It lacks plot, but makes up for that with good photography of top porn stars in good light. It is probably fortunate that they didn't ask much in the way of acting from them. This is a C.


Allysin Chaynes

Roxanne Hall





Today we look at "Picture Claire."

First up is Juliette Lewis, showing one boob.

Then we have Camilla Rutherford who gives us a full frontal look at her gorgeous body.

A little extra bonus as Camilla becomes a "Babe in Bondage", sadly this time fully clothed.

Now I'm an old guy, so here's one of my favorite more mature women, Patricia Heaton" from "Everybody Loves Raymond." Nice cleavage from her, and some leg.




Vasiliki (or "Vassiliki") is an award-winning Greek film about a doomed love story. A female communist sympathizer  falls for a national army officer and they get married, but things go wrong for them. The story takes place right after the Greek Civil War, and is based on a novel by Vassilis Vassilikos. the author of “Z”, that Costa-Gavras made into a famous film. The director is veteran Vaggelis Serdaris, who had also directed the famous 1970s erotica film Love on a Horse with Anna Fonsou.

The film is not a failure. It is surprisingly well made and it has some touching moments, but it could be better. Serdaris's lens continues to be voyeuristic, not missing any opportunity to look up women’s skirts, although this is a “serious” film. The screenplay is also clumsy in some places. For example, the officer, Pashalis Tharouhas, first rapes his prisoner Vassiliki, then confesses his love to her. She has some doubts because her husband, a communist partisan, has gone missing, but she finally gives in. The tragic finale comes abruptly, as if the film makers didn’t know how to properly end the story.

  • The lead female part, Vassiliki, is impressively played by accomplished Greek-Russian actress Tamila Koulieva

  • Fresh-faced and fetching Vivian Kontomari plays Vassiliki’s innocent younger sister, who is seduced/raped by the nasty old local lecher, a tobacco industrialist in whose household she goes to work as a maid.

  • Various others from the movie





Public, Paparazzi, and Pseudo-Paparazzi


Alesha Dixon Alicia Duval Beverly Mitchell Charlize Theron Gina Gershon Halle Berry
Lucy Clarkson Lucy Clarkson Madonna Melissa Gilbert Mischa Barton Mischa Barton
Monica Bellucci Mylene Klass Ryan Starr Thora Birch    





Rachel Elizabeth in "Hotel Erotica: Cabo"






I have no idea what Bodyguards is all about, but I think the general theme is large bare breasts - Here's Victoria Silvstedt ...

and here's Anna Falchi