The L-Word:

The nudity from Sunday's L-Word. The clip with Rachel Shelley and Alexandra Hedison is hot girl-on-girl action. The clip with Erin Daniels is not sexy at all. It is a sad bit of shocking medical reality. Zipped .avi video made by Shiloh

• Shelley/Hedison
• Daniels

Other Crap:

"Playboy won't pull its March issue over actress Jessica Alba's claim that she was made an unwitting cover girl to fool readers into thinking she is nude inside"

• "The magazine added that celebrities routinely grace its cover without appearing naked inside." In other words, Playboy's counter-argument is that it's OK to dupe their readers with the Alba pic, because duping their readers is their standard business practice!

"Midwest Oil fined for selling gas too cheaply"

• The Minnesota laws against providing a good value to consumers are quite comparable to the laws requiring high school principals to discourage independent thought

It's the Year of the Dog, so "Conan O'Brien sends Triumph the Insult Comic Dog to visit New York's China Town for Chinese New Year."

This week's movies - follow-up: Bangor Daily News reviewer ruins Ultraviolet's valiant attempt at 0% positive reviews. Some other critics said:

• "...so awful that you'd swear it had been directed by Uwe Boll."
• "utter crap"
• "laughably atrocious"
• "visibly low-budget CG work, exceptionally hackneyed and imitative action and dialogue ... nearly lifeless."
• "all the costumes match the colors of these sets, further amping the unintentional hilarity of the combat set-pieces, which come dangerously close to looking like an incredibly expensive deodorant commercial. Wimmer soon shrugs and gives himself over to complete camp by the end, which features Violet dueling with the villain using flaming swords. Meant to shake action conventions, it looks more like a Hawaiian luau gone horribly awry."
• "Ultraviolet is to digital environments what Tron was to computer effects in the first place"

Swanson, Eisler Win "Skating with Celebrities" - as 14 million watch!

• The solid ratings say "sequel"

The trailer for VOLVER Pedro Almodovar's new film, which stars Penelope Cruz.

"SpoofCard calling cards offers you the ability to change what someone sees on their caller ID display when they receive a phone call."

• Frankly, I don't want people to have this ability. On the other hand, the last time I picked up my phone, rather than letting the answering machine get it, was about 15 years ago.

The trailer for Let Them Eat

• "Let Them Eat" is a poetic and haunting journey which spans from the turbulent time of the French Revolution to present day. From the prison cell of the former Queen of France, Marie Antoinette, to Bella, a woman who seems to be leading a parallel life with a deep connection to the former queen. Seamlessly drifting from present to past, each woman's story unfolds while both struggle to make peace with their past before one leaves the Earth and so the other can embrace her future. Laced within the story are beautiful spoken word poems which delve deep into the hearts and souls of our two heroines exposing their secret world of passion, lust, pain, love and triumph. This is a story of great courage, strength and ever-lasting love which bridges the two lives and the two women together forever."

"Stuff rich people get for free ... Swag permeates the Oscars"

Lead paragraph of the day: "If you're one of the lucky ones who opened your morning Bryan-College Station Eagle on Thursday and found a large penis staring back at you, well, congratulations."

Top Ten Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat

• He used 8 lives on heart attacks. OOPS! That's actually one of the Top Ten signs that Dick Cheney is too fat.

Letterman: Top Ten Signs You're Not Going To Win An Academy Award

Scarlett Johansson says she was 'sort of shocked' when a TV interviewer groped her breast at the Golden Globes.

The Quote of the Day comes from Brigitte Bardot: "Canada is not an underdeveloped nation. It is a rich country. It does not have to trade in seal skins, fat, oil and penises"

A brain teaser - oldie but goodie (answers below)

The answers to the quiz

Nick Lachey has a great life

Britney Spears upset by internet photos

• "There was a time when that title would've sent millions of guys on a frenzied porn hunt. Of course that was before Britney stepped in the Ugly-mobile and took a long drive down Chubby Avenue"

Our nominee for wife of the year

Power Sox??

Shock Absorber - sports bra (just mess with it -it's actually pretty cool)

Playboy Casting Call - Girls of the Big 12

"Rove Admits To Stalking Hillary"

• "A spokesperson for Senator Clinton declined to say what her next move would be following the Rove admission, but suggested that either a restraining order or a bikini wax/hard-core douching were the leading options."

Here's an IMDb entry you may have missed.

Wow - here's some breaking news: Clay Aiken just might be gay

The text reads:

• "I'm not sure what it's going to take to convince some people that Clay Aiken is gay. Does he have to send his proctologist flowers with a note saying call me, or is it enough that the National Enquirer went to press yesterday with web cam pictures and a transcript of Aiken soliciting sex from a 22 year old male schoolteacher in Boston on the gay chat site Manhunt.net"

Is Joaquin Phoenix with Eva Mendes?

• Frankly, I don't care. I'm linking to this because it has several hot pictures of Eva Mendes in which her clothing is often transparent, and Eva is majorly caliente

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

"Gambling City"

Gambling City (1975), or La Città gioca d'azzardo, is not really a Giallo at all, but more of a thriller. It seems to have been shot in English, making it even more odd. Luc Merenda is a master poker player, even when not using his considerable slight of hand skills. He arrives in a large casino in Milan, and wins a job along with a large hand. The establishment is anything but honest, and someone of his skill is a very valuable asset to the wheel chair bound, but powerful owner.

The problem starts when chesty Merenda seduces the lovely Dayle Haddon, girlfriend of the boss's mean, violent and immature son. The son swears to get even.

Haddon shows breasts. Her biography is nearly as interesting as the film. Born in Canada, she studied dance, ending up in a ballet company at a young age. She moved to Hollywood to follow a boyfriend and landed a role with Disney. Disney had big plans for her before she did a Playboy layout, then moved to Europe to do sleaze films. When her husband died suddenly in 1991 leaving her with a teenaged daughter to raise, she found nothing but closed doors due to her age. Finally landing a menial job in an ad agency, she learned that a coyote being used in an ad was making more money than she was. That did it. She started researching women in her demographic, and discovered that female baby boomers were becoming an important target of cosmetic companies. She knocked on lots of doors before landing something, but has parlayed that into her own compony and a twice weekly TV show as a beauty and aging expert.

IMDb rates this 6.3. It is an unusually accessible film by genre standards, and, except for a little more gore than we are used to in Hollywood thrillers, plays almost like a Hollywood effort. This is a C, as an ok thriller with a lovely female lead.

Dayle Haddon

"Midnight Temptations"

Midnight Temptations (1995) ends with apprehending the most likely suspect, who is guilty. In the only bit of inspiration in this entire film, none of the principles wins the fashion contest.

Wendy Hamilton shows breasts in three scenes, and possibly a bit of bush. Ava Fabian shows breasts in a very dark sex scene.

IMDb says 2.6. The movie has a very weak plot badly told, poor acting, disappointing nudity, horrendous camera work and lighting, rotten editing, sound that was over a second out of synch most of the time and was mostly unintelligible. Also, the DVD is featureless. It doesn't even have a menu or chapter marks. This is an easy F.

Wendy Hamilton Ava Fabian

Didn't Tom Get Weepy And Incoherent?

Producers of Sunday's Oscarcast are worried it will get the lowest TV ratings ever.  So ABC's ads concentrate on all the big stars who might show up and not the barely-seen nominated films. Nominees also got a DVD with Tom Hanks teaching how not to make a boring acceptance speech.  Hanks warns that they get just 60 seconds, so don't stop to kiss everyone on the way to the stage.  If a group wins, pick one person to do the talking.  And don't read a laundry list of thank-you names.  Hanks reminds them that they're in the entertainment industry, "so use a little of that Oscar-winning creativity to make your speech entertaining."

*  Well, that'll work for the Writers' Oscars ...

*  Actually, Tom Hanks' DVD is kind of boring.

*  If they'd remembered that before they made their movies, maybe we would've actually seen some of them.
 

WAYANS PRESENTS "THE VAGINA DIALOGUES" - Brazilian Actresses Preferred

Damon Wayans is launching a Showtime sketch series called "D. Underground," which put out an unusual casting call on Craig's List.  They are seeking three actresses, two aged 18 to 30 and one over 50, who are comfortable with nudity, for a sketch that will require them to walk onto a stage, sit on a stool and open their legs.  The ad says their faces will
not be shown, so they don't need a headshot, "but we do need to see a photo of your vagina.  To be considered for this role, please e-mail a tasteful photo of your vagina with a contact phone number. "

*  In Hollywood, even vaginas have cell phones.

*  And remember, it has to be a tasteful photo of your vagina, because this
is a really classy show.

*  Now we know Sharon Stone will be able to land roles when she's over 50.