"The Flesh Merchant"
The Flesh Merchant (1993) is a standard exploitation film, made 20 years after the heyday of the genre. Writer/director Mike Tristano believes there is still a market for this sort of low budget film. I personally hope it works as a direct to DVD. I enjoy mindless entertainment at times, and the exploitation genre gives me that. This one has plentiful nudity, a plot, violence, a little action, and even some fetish content, so it hits all the right notes.
Before opening credits, two women who are camping are kidnapped, and delivered to a white slaver operating out of a Hollywood Hotel. They prove to be most uncooperative and untrainable, but the flesh merchant (Neil Delama) needs more product anyway for some expected customers. We meet a female cop, her partner her little sister who is working as a cocktail waitress in a sleazy bar while waiting for her big break in the movies and little sisters roommate. You should be able to figure out acts two and three from there.
Yes, the story becomes predictable, but the point is the gratuitous violence and nudity. Gigi Doray and Kathleen Hoadley (don't know which is which) show breasts in the opening scene. Elizabeth Chambers and Twila Wolfe, as little sister and her roomie, show everything. Rene Creamer, Maora Collins and Carol Zarlengo as three of the happier slaves show breasts. Michelle Bauer, as one of the trainers, shows breasts. We also have buns from Nina Pedregon as she is being whipped, and breasts from Pady Basch as another slave making a porno.
IMDb shows this at 4.3. Had this been made in 1972, the obvious grade would be C-. I see no reason to hold its more recent filming date against it. If you like exploitation films, this one will not disappoint you.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Cold Around the Heart (1997):
Two words: David Caruso.
Can't really blame Caruso for the 3.8 at IMDb and the whopping
domestic gross of five thousand dollars! To be honest, it would have
been a poor movie even if the role had been played by Russell Crowe,
Kevin Spacey, or Samuel L. Jackson.
... and the Region 2 DVD is a disaster for two major reasons:
1. Dubbed German soundtrack only. The original English version is
2. Widescreen letterboxing has ruined the film's only positive -
Kelly Lynch's crotch.
Kelly Lynch as seen in the DVD (1,
What the same scene looks like in full frame, as captured by Oz and
(not a very good review, to tell the truth)
Exorcist: The Beginning (2004):
C'mon, I know it's a silly title, but did you take the time to think
about it? I mean, where do you expect a professional exorcist to
get his training, for heaven's sake? You think they offer Exorcism
101 at Notre Dame? He has to learn on the job, and it all has to begin somewhere.
In this case, it seems that a fortyish Father Merrin first
encountered the demon Pazuzu in a buried African city, where the
Paz-man was just hanging around waiting to be unleashed upon an
unsuspecting world. The city had originally been built to
commemorate the exact spot where Lucifer fell. This really doesn't
seem to me as good a reason to build a city as a confluence of
rivers or a natural harbor, unless Lucifer is going to provide a
source of fresh water, and generally do a lot better job of
protecting the city than he did here when he let it sink under the
Anyway, Merrin has to contend not only with Lucifer and Pazuzu, but
some Nazis who were involved in the excavation for their own
nefarious purposes. I'm not sure precisely what those purposes were,
but world domination is always a good guess for movie Nazis.
Real ones, too, now that I think about it.
The film derives its shock from "boo" cuts and children being
graphically eviscerated by wild beasts or shot point-blank by Nazis.
Additional atmosphere is derived from furrowed brows and a permanent
orange hue which looks like neither daylight nor darkness It
is not without positives: Stellan did a
good job at bringing humanity to Father Merrin, the burnt orange
look of the film looked kind of stylish and spooky, and the narrative
seemed comprehensible. On the other hand, the pace dragged, and it
mighty boring in spots. I never could get involved, but this movie
certainly seems better than the last two installments in the
Exorcist franchise, so I don't know precisely why critics hated it
as much as they did. Audiences were lukewarm, as evidenced by a
decent gross and a C+ score from Yahoo visitors. That pretty much
says it all. General audiences found it to be a mediocre movie
rather than the bad one limned by critics.
This film had quite a history. The studio originally ponied up
thirty million dollars to have the late, once-great John
Frankenheimer direct it. Frankenheimer made the correct career move,
namely death, and the project was inherited by Paul Shrader, who
didn't see the sheer genius in Frankenheimer's option, and
opted instead for life. Shrader took the thirty million and made,
according to all accounts, a movie with no horror in it at all. The
studio then fired Shrader and turned the film over to Renny Harlin
with yet another fifty million dollars, and it was Harlin who
finally delivered the serviceable but uninspiring theatrical
Variety had rumored that the DVD of the Harlin film would also
include the rejected Paul Shrader version, and that would have made
for a very interesting package, at least for film students and
industry insiders. Unfortunately, that did not turn out to be the
case. The DVD does include a full-length commentary by Harlin, but I
didn't check it out to see if he had any good dish to deal about the
other directors. As for Shrader's version, it remains buried under
the African sands with Pazuzu, probably on the very spot where
George Lucas fell when cast from heaven after directing The Phantom
Democrats seek White House disclosure of Jeff Gannon gay
prostitution connection. White House has a good laugh
over their futile efforts.
P. Diddy is the new James Bond. OK, I know this is my
running gag. I'm always announcing that the new Bond will be
Ricardo Montalban or Clint Howard or Abe Vigoda or Tom Arnold or
Gilbert Gottfried. But this time I'm not kidding. It's "Diddy, P.
Diddy" - or something. Story doesn't make much sense to me.
`Blair Witch' Creator Makes Web Film
Here are lots of pictures of Anna-Nicole removing her top at the
Aussie MTV Awards (Many thanks to submitter!)
take-it-like-a-man.com - the ultimate guide to girl-on-guy
- English is so clumsy. Look at all those hyphens. I'll bet
you there is one concise Japanese word for "girl-on-gay strap-on
- Of course, there is only one word for this in German as
well, but it is damemitdenstraponimmaennlichenarschlochficken.
And you don't even want to know the past perfect of that
- And forget about Welsh. They consider that German word a
boombags - the ultimate in hip luggage
Watch the first five minutes of BOOGEYMAN
- Today's obligatory story about Paris Hilton or Russell Crowe:
Paris Hilton is having a race driver teach her to control the car
at 140 MPH so she can escape the paparazzi.
Our favorite curmudgeon, Lewis Black, discusses New York pride.
The Daily Show: "Brian Williams reported a story that turned out
to be false... welcome to network news, baby!"
- Here's a new one for you to look at:
FlushTheWeb.com - only the worst sites on the web - updated daily
Impending Federal crackdown on freewheeling political blogging?
OK, I'm jaded, and maybe there is a need for this action, but to
me this sounds like a case of "We Republicans hold power. Blogs
help Democrats more than us. Crackdown required."
"This is a public relations film on Florida State University that
features a young Jim Morrison, years before his more
recognized role as lead singer for The Doors."
Here's a clip from Be Cool.
THE BAD NEWS BEARS TRAILER FOOTAGE . This looks a lot
funnier than I expected. It looks like Billy Bob is taking his Bad
Santa character into his role as the coach.
The trailer for Will Ferrell's new flick, Kicking And Screaming
Jennifer Aniston to star in a Women in Prison movie.
Don't get your hopes up about shower scenes, strip searches, and
hot girl-on-girl action. Her co-star is Meryl Streep.
Squirrel Girl, world's worst super hero. This was an
actual Marvel character created by the legendary Steve Ditko. She
joined Iron Man in a battle against Ol' Doc Doom, and swung the
balance of the fight, with the help of her squirrel friends.
Longtime celebrity couple Katie Holmes and Chris Klein have called
off their engagement and gone their separate ways.
Danish director Lars Von Trier has cut a scene that featured a
donkey being butchered for food from his latest film
after protests by animal rights groups. Von Trier said he cut the
scene, from the upcoming film Manderlay, not because he thought it
was cruel, but was concerned it would draw attention away from the
political and social content of the film. Manderlay is the second
film in Von Trier's trilogy about evil in small-town America
during the Depression.
- What was he thinkin', removing that scene? Now his whole
point is lost. Small-town America without the traditional
donkey-butcherin' is barely recognizeable at all.
Jurors taken on tour of Jackson's Peter Pan fantasy home.
- "In a bid to convince the panel that the California hideaway
was a pornography- and alcohol-stocked lure for impressionable
children, prosecutors showed the jury a police video shot during
a search of the ranch. "
- "Jackson's enormous bed was crowned with a long mural of
Leonardo Da Vinci's painting 'The Last Supper."
- I don't know about the jury, but they convinced me! What
impressionable kid wouldn't want to romp beneath The Last
Supper? After reading that, even I want Jacko to fondle me.
The design installation 'The Gates' created an economic boom for
New York City, with the city getting a $254 million boost to its
economy. "It was like Christmas out there," said Paul
Harvey, a carriage driver who benefited from the increased
traffic. "Two weeks of Christmas."
Literotica - 100% free sex stories, adult fiction.
Anna-Nicole drops her top at Aussie MTV awards.
- "Anna-Nicole Smith has bared almost all at the MTV Awards in
Sydney tonight - pulling her dress down to her waist to expose
her 32DD-size breasts. While presenting an award, Smith pulled
down her pink and silver dress, exposing her breasts - before
turning around to tease audience members with a glimpse of the
top of her G-string. Her nipples were covered by MTV stickers."
- Later, at a press call in the media room, she again exposed
her breasts - this time without the MTV stickers.
- Looking for pictures. As Drudge would say, "developing ..."
Newfound star said to be tiniest known. Oh, wait. The
tiny star is not that new. It's actually Jordan Ladd.
Brazil is having trouble with Korean pirates. Man, they
should turn this into an opportunity. Pirates always need parrots.
And who has more parrots to sell them than Brazil? On the other
hand, the Koreans are small people, so maybe their pirates use
- What is this story about?
"They're smart, adaptive, secretive and operate under cover of
darkness. Alert and wary, they've now been spotted less than 3
miles from the White House." Well, it's obviously not
- Another "dumb criminal" film in the making. Every producer
must have Michael Rapaport on speed dial.
A man was arrested Tuesday for trying to film the naked lady in
the tanning room next to his. His only problems were 1)
it was another man in the next room, and 2) he left the lens cap
on anyway. Word.
Jude Law sacks agent after Rock's Oscar joke. Five
Latin words: post hoc ergo propter hoc
Jennifer Lopez has penned a song about her break-up with Ben
Affleck. The track features on her new album, Rebirth,
released this week.
- Well, there go my Friday plans
- This story may sound trivial to you, but if you do your
prep, you'll find it is merely a continuation of an honored
tradition. All English-language romantic literature is based on
breaking up with Ben Affleck. Who do you think was Shakespeare's
24-hour deadline to register objection to Charles marriage
- "A member of the royal family cannot re-marry after divorce,
cannot have a civil marriage, cannot marry a divorcee, cannot
marry in church and cannot marry abroad if he wants to become
- The English royals have sure become pussies. What do you
think Hank Ocho would have done if some pissant cleric had
handed him those rules?
- What the hell good is being king, anyway, if you can't have
a few nitpicking clerics beheaded now and then?
YESSSSSSSSSS! Vanity Fair picks Bernard-Henri Levy as the world's
- I'll bet you think I'm kidding if you've never read Vanity
- Sartre once said that being declared the best dressed
philosopher was the most important honor he had ever received,
although he followed up that comment by a rueful meditation on
the nature of honor itself, and concluded by saying that nothing
human was truly important anyway, given the scope of a vast and
- Of course, Sartre also said, "Hell is other people,
especially those dressed unfashionably."
- Interestingly, the world's second best dressed philosopher
is the night man at my local 7-Eleven. Nothing impresses the
fashion critics like a man in uniform.
Latterman: "Top Ten Reasons I Love Racing"
- "All the excitement of driving like a New York City cab
driver without the risk of getting shot."
"The spiciest movies in Italian TV's history!!"
"CHARLOTTE Church's amazing sex secrets are today sensationally
laid bare for the first time by the boyfriend who knows her best."
eBay item - Tawny Peaks breast implant autographed!
- You are bidding on a PIECE OF HISTORY! The infamous Playboy
Cover Girl TAWNY PEAKS BREAST IMPLANT.
This is the implant from the first known documented Law Suit
over ASSAULT with a BREAST."
The five sexiest men, the five sexiest women in Hollywood.
Chris Rock take note: Jude Law and Colin Farrell made the list.
(Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe did not.)
Shannyn Sossamon and Pink will co-star in Catacombs.
Filmed in Romania, Catacombs is the story of a young woman who,
while on a visit to Paris, is taken to an underground party in the
Catacombs, a 200-mile labyrinth of 14th Century limestone tunnels
under the Left Bank. She is separated from her friends and becomes
convinced that someone or something is chasing her.
Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett and Gael Garcia Bernal are in talks to
star in Babel, a drama directed by Inarritu (Amores Perros, 21
Grams) from a script by Guillermo Arriaga.
Jay Leno wants an exception to the Jacko gag order.
Funny! Since Leno is a witness, "Judge Rodney S. Melville's
sweeping order barring anyone involved in the case from discussing
it outside court could be interpreted to limit Mr. Leno's ability
to publicly speak about the trial."
Weekly World News: BRAVE CHIHUAHUA BITES OFF GRIZZLY'S NUTS TO
Queen to rock legends: "What do you do?" On the other
hand, she did know Phil Collins. Go figure.
The latest Hilton sister fakes from "Vincent" are taken from this
series of pictures. (See bottom of page)
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Here are the final results and comments for our most recent poll Best All Time Television Comedy
Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s
The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s
Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.
Who has the best bum in Hollywood?
Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost...part one of his most recent (and huge) tribute to Skinemax and Bunny-Video babe Ashlie Rhey.
This first batch features Rhey in mostly topless, but also baring the other 2 B's in scenes from an episode of the late night cable series "Beverly Hills Bordello".
- Ashlie Rhey
- Ashlie Rhey zipped .wmvs
|Both in black undies and baring all 3 B's in scenes from "Body of Influence" (1993).
Ty Randolph (aka Mindi Miller)
|B-movie legends Quigley and Bauer both bare breasts and bum while Randolph goes topless in scenes from "Deadly Embrace" (1989).
||A very young Arquette bares breasts and bum and gets it on with Tommy Lee Jones in several scenes from the 1982 movie "The Executioner's Song".
'Caps and comments by Vejiita:
Korean Actress Lee Eun-ju hanged herself in her apartment last Tuesday. She was 25. She was a great actress and very popular. People who watch Korean movies like me probably know her, she has done lots of movies like "Virgin Stripped Bare by Her Bachelors", "Bungee Jumping on Their Own", "Unborn But Forgotten" and "Au Revoir, UFO". She just had graduated from Danguk University a few days ago.
Lee's family said the actress had been experiencing insomnia and showing signs of depression over racy nude scenes she did for the film "The Scarlet Letter", They believe this was the reason she killed herself.
Fans have speculated that her death might have been linked to the "entertainment X-file", an incriminating document purported to be a list of the affairs, illegitimate children and drug use of the country's leading celebrities, drawn up by an advertising agency wanting to assess their bankability.
Here are the caps I did of "The Scarlet Letter".
|The Best Actress Oscar winner showing some pokies on the red carpet Sunday night.
||Ahhh the paparazzi, sometimes they do incredible work. Here's a pic showing unusual partial breast views while she's sunbathing.
||Snow Blind 'caps of Milla in her underwater nude scene from "Resident Evil: Apocalypse".
||Topless in scenes from the Dutch comedy "Flodders in America" (1992).
||Kitt 'caps of the "Party of Five" and "Mean Girls" star showing most of a very lovely breast (side view) in a bathing scene from "The Scoundrel's Wife" (2002).
||Pam wearing a see-thru top while out in public.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the Moss topless in two scenes from the made for cable movie "The Ranch" (2004). This was actually pilot for a late night cable series about a legal brothel in Nevada, supposedly based on a real establishment. The pilot was not picked up however.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
PARIS HILTON'S CELL PHONE SUDDENLY HOT
We'll Always Have Paris - Proving there's no such thing as bad publicity,
T-Mobile reports that since Paris Hilton's Sidekick phone was hacked and
her nude photos and celebrity pals' phone numbers posted on the Internet,
sales of that phone have boomed.
They're not worried: the average person has no celebrity phone numbers
to lose, and their nude photos are already on the Internet.
Maybe people think every Sidekick phone comes loaded with nude photos of
VEGAS MAYOR TOUTS KIDS ON GIN
Jesus Juice - Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman was visiting fourth graders for
Nevada Reading Week when a student asked the one thing he would want on a
desert island. He said, "A bottle of gin." Another kid asked his hobbies,
and he replied, "Drinking." Goodman is so famous for his love of martinis,
he was hired to do ads for Bombay Sapphire gin. He said, "I'm the George
Washington of mayors. I can't tell a lie. If they didn't want the answer,
the kid shouldn't have asked the question." A school board member who was
present said it was "99 percent a great interaction" and Goodman did do an
excellent job of reading the kids a story.
He read them "Curious George and the Cocktail Shaker"...by F. Scott
He always tells the truth...It's the booze talking.
George Washington had his own still, so he sort of IS the George
Washington of mayors.
They forgave him because he brought enough martinis for everyone.
RICHARDS AND SHEEN DIVORCING
He's Only Half A Man! - In a shock to their fans, Denise Richards has filed
for divorce from Charlie Sheen, citing irreconcilable differences. They
have a daughter who will be a year old next week, and she's six months
pregnant with their second child. She even guested recently as his dream
girl on his CBS sitcom "Two and a Half Men."
I remember that episode...She played a single mom.
Turned out Charlie requires as much sex as two and a half men.
This is the B-List version of the Brad and Jennifer separation.