"La Belle Noiseuse"
La Belle Noiseuse (1991), which means roughly "a girl who drives men to distraction," could be best called a still life. The detailed plot is as follows. Artist paints nude then hides painting. As for pace, the film is roughly 4 hours long, which leaves about 40 minutes for each word of the detailed plot description. So what do they do for four hours? Well, we watch disembodied hands scribble on sketch paper and canvas, and ogle Emmanuelle Béart completely naked as the nude model. Ok, I will admit that half of that formula is entertaining.
According to the major critics (like Ebert who awarded 4 stars), this is a masterpiece. It shows the process of art, and the nature of the relationship of an artist and a good model . You might even extrapolate the theme to be about how close people become when part of a creative team. Ok, so they showed me enough nudity to keep me awake for the entire four hours, but they didn't show me the finished painting. The reason the artist chose to brick it up in a wall after finishing it is probably something that every French child learns at their mother's knee, but I missed that point in my education.
It is beautifully photographed, and did I mention that Emmanuelle Béart is completely naked in all sorts of poses for the majority of the film? I can say for certainty that I will not be watching it again. However, it does have a large following. At Fisherman's wharf, in San Francisco, among the buskers and card table jewelry shops, are portrait artists. There is always a crowd watching them paint. I don't understand the attraction there, which is probably why I failed to see the attraction in this film. I will give it a C.
"Tu Amo Cama Rica"
Tu Amo Cama Rica (1991), which translates as I Love Your Lavish Bed, is a Spanish romantic comedy staring Pere Ponce as a young man struggling with how to make a living and get lucky, and Ariadna Gil, a fun loving girl who lives a carefree lifestyle on her rich parents money and her Veterinarian job. Ponce is lucky enough to be there when she decides to dump her current boyfriend, and ends up with her in his bed. The film is the story of their on again off again relationship. They are crazy about each other, but she is a free spirit afraid of commitment, and he is insanely jealous.
Gil shows breasts in three scenes, and Gil showing breasts is a VERY good thing indeed. Maria Jose del Valle also shows breasts as a one night stand. IMDB readers have this at 6. of 10, with nearly even scores from men and women. The dialogue is said to be clever use of the Spanish language, but, as I watched it with English subtitles, I can't evaluate that. The characters are very likable, the photography very nice, and it has several laughs and a feel good ending. This is a solid C, and a pretty good bet for a date flick.
Maria Jose Del Valle
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- Weekly World News says:
postal workers are caught in a time-warp.
A very entertaining review of Gibson's Passion. The
reviewer points out that the film is context-free, so if you're
not religious, it's just a movie about some Roman dudes beating up
a hippie. He points out: "If you want to see a naked guy get
whipped, flogged and nailed, and you live in a community with
limited access to gay leather magazines, then this is really the
movie for you. "
Disney pulls the chairman title from Eisner. The
embattled Eisner retains his CEO job.
Gary Oldman also joins the Batman cast.
Now THIS is a worthwhile use of Shockwave
- Another exciting day living on the edge in Norway. The
heavy-point headline today:
Norwegian fined for throwing a snowball at the US embassy.
And the incident didn't even happen today - only the court
"Masturbating" lingerie advertisement banned: "A
magazine advertisement for lingerie that showed a scantily clad
model apparently masturbating was banned by the Advertising
Standards Authority for being offensive. The ad is for model Elle
Macpherson's range of lingerie."
- You've seen The Fast and the Furious, now see
The Slow and the Cautious
Jacko in rehab: "Michael Jackson is holed up in an
Aspen hideaway and being treated for 'a longtime addiction to
alcohol and painkillers' by a controversial Central American
STUFF MAGAZINE presents Cynthia LaMontagne - she plays the fat
girlfriend on That ’70s Show, but she's anything but fat.
- How to say
"Don't Take any Wooden Nickels" in other languages.
How to hypnotize a man
The Movie Alphabet Game #1
- Humans are always looking for answers. We look for help to
deal with our own crises through the words and actions of
memorable thinkers like Christ, Confucius, Aristotle, and Mary Lou
Retten. This particular website looks to the greatest source of
wisdom in the history of human thought, always asking, "What
would Uncle Jesse do?"
Will the uncanny financial earthquake of Gibson's 'The Passion'
cause a tidal wave of religious copycat movies? I think
they are going too far. I was a little upset to hear that the
Hawaii 5-0 movie will feature The Lord instead of Jack Lord.
Michael Eisner rebuked by 43% of Disney shareholders.
Old-time Disney people are split on the Eisner reign. Chip is an
Eisner man, but Dale has bigger nuts.
FOX TV will test your IQ again. I thought that "My Big
Fat Obnoxious Fiance" was the test. I turned it off in 1.4
seconds, indicating a genius IQ.
- Forbes Magazine estimates
how much Mel's Passion will earn him. The short answer
is that he personally should make around $300 million from
- If you are into full-figured women,
the naughty diva milkshake
should be your cup of ... um ... milk.
KUCINICH VOWS TO STAY IN RACE FOR FREE FOOD. Pre-debate
meals fuel his long-shot quest
The Daily Show's Samantha Bee wants to know how an endorsement
from Donny Osmond will get out the youth vote.
The Daily Show: great moments in punditry
The Daily Show weighs in on the Oscars
Title pretty much says it all - College Fuck
- Here's an online trailer for
Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself, a quirky romantic comedy.
Judge Rules Oral Sex Can Be Defense In Manslaughter Case:
Whoa. That sucks. Heather Specyalski, charged with causing a fatal
1999 car crash, is arguing that she couldn't have been driving
because she was kissing the driver's kielbasa at the time.
Volvo Reveals Car Designed by Women. It comes with a
juice bar and a hotline to call someone when they need to parallel
park it. First 300 purchasers also get the DVD of "Ya Ya
Calvin and Hobbes's Strip Search. Look for any subject
or browse by date.
Dazzling new X-rays of the Mona Lisa reveal that the beauty's
upper lip originally sported a large, handlebar mustache!
Dave Barry for President 2004
The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel
- Lots of clips from the hit British show
The Discovery Channel presents extreme engineering feats
McDonald's Menu to Go on Diet in 2005 By the end of
2004, super size will no longer be available at the nation's
13,000-plus McDonald's outlets except in certain promotions,
although you will get to pay supersize prices for regular
JoBlo.com interviews director Todd Phillips about Starsky and
Even homeless people have a sex life. Well, in Sweden anyway.
engadget.com is a pretty cool and useful little blog run by a guy
who tries to keep up with the latest trends in all kids of
Muerta Las Vegas! Office of the Clark County Coroner places
unidentified corpses on the web
- Four free short videos from
Playboy's Twins & Sisters!
Kimberley Stanfield, free Playmate gallery
courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
St. Joe's Philadelphia (27-0, 16-0 A-10 East) became the first
Division 1 basketball team to finish the regular season
unblemished since Nevada Las-Vegas in 1991. Unlike the
deal with those Highlander dudes, there is no reason why there can
be only one. Top-ranked Stanford can join the list with victories
this weekend at Washington State and Washington.
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
The Rainbow is a mediocre movie with some poor
acting from the lead (Sammi Davis) , but it was a partially redeemed
by being a lovingly photographed nudefest for Sammi and Amanda
Donohoe. The .wmv is split into five separate scenes. The .avi
includes all five. (
.avi version, .wmv versions (1,
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
What is the most common theme in Hollywood movies?
Not necessarily the central theme in all of them but
one that appears most often in Hollywood productions.
Love, you say? Or maybe lust? I don't think so.
There are, after all, entire genres with no love and
no lust. Westerns, kiddie movies, high-minded dramas
tend to have neither. Erotic thrillers have the
latter, seldom the former. Romantic comedies take the
What, then, is the most common theme? Revenge. Every
genre has oodles of examples, some are based almost
entirely on revenge. Westerns would not exist if
revenge were removed from them. In fact the very best
revenge movies are Westerns. High Plains Drifter is
my favorite. Cop movies, comedies, kid movies... all
have revenge themes. Lethal Weapon 1-16? Revenge of
the Nerds? Bambi? Even some of the best dramas are
held together by the theme of revenge. Casablanca,
for one. Or the quintessential high-minded revenge
movie of all time... Shawshank Redemption. Everyone
who crossed Andy Dufresne got it in the end... big
time. Some were crippled for life, others reduced to
the level they despised and the warden did his own
self in. Ah, revenge so sweet.
What it boils down to is that American movies and, by
gradual transferance, American people see most of life
as a series of confrontations between villains,
victims and heroes. Things don't work out the way you
wanted? Must mean there is a villain somewhere, and
you are the victim and all we need is a hero. A hero
will save us. And he'll get us some revenge.
The difference then between a good movie of revenge
and a bad movie of revenge is just how far out of
their way did the movie makers go to "motivate" the
hero. Andy Dufresne is motivated by acts you could
understand committed by folk who were venal, not evil.
That's a good revenge movie. Same with the Man With
No Name in High Plains Drifter. Townspeople were
cowards, let his brother get whipped to death, so he
just sorta takes care of things.
Bad revenge movies have villains who are unnaturally
evil commit acts without motive or context just so the
hero can get good and pissed. Oh, and the audience,
too. Gotta get the audience pissed so they feel oh so
good when the villains get their comeupance.
Worst revenge movie I ever started to see was I Spit
On Your Grave. Couldn't finish that crud. Second
worst was Johnny Firecloud (1975).
This is a Billy Jack wannabe of a native American who
confronts an unnaturally evil, unremittingly racist
Anglo community. What they do to motivate our hero
ranges from the humiliation to the lynching of a proud
old man and the out-of-the-blue rape of a young
teacher. The rape is particularly jarring because the
teacher is an otherwise minor part of the story for
whom no lustful or violent thoughts have been implied
previously. The white guys just show up and do the
So let me repeat that this is a Billy Jack wannabe.
To aim high and miss carries with it some nobility.
Godfather, part 3 aimed high... the first two
Godfathers... and missed. Still, it is a fine
enterprise. But to aim for Billy Jack and miss????!!!
Shit, that's like aiming at a rat and shooting your
I capped this festering boil on the buttocks of
Hollywood because the woman who called herself Sacheen
Littlefeather is in it. She is, in fact, the one
raped. Sacheen was given the task of accepting Marlon
Brando's Oscar lo those many years ago. She dressed
in Native American garb and spoke of the injustices of
white men toward her people. Stupid idea for such an
important issue, compounded by the fact that Sacheen
Littlefeather was not her real name and she was not a
Native American. We call that an O-fer.
Sacheen or whatever her real name was went on to pose
for the Hefmag with her God-given equipment still in
place. In Johnny Firecloud we see some after-market
additions, boobs that do not obey Newton's law of
motion. And somewhere, somehow there is someone who
thinks that is attractive?
- Sacheen Littlefeather
A second character played by Christina Hart, has bed
Johnny in by-gone days and looks to get into his pants
by taking off her top. Ms. Hart looks mighty fine
with a natural frame to gaze upon long and hard.... so
to speak. Ms. Hart had a long career in tv and movies
and starred in one of my favorite exploitation films,
entitled The Games Girls Play. Nice looking woman.
Johnny Firecloud is what happens when a screenwriter
and director who are not at the top of the game to
begin with get lazy and try to copy a bad, painfully
simplistic movie. Not improve upon... copy. They
aimed for a rat. What they delivered was one dead
|More Oscar stuff
One more batch....
|Two more collages of Ladd's wonderful toplessness in scenes from the brand new movie "Broken Lizard's Club Dread".
|Excellent 'caps by LC of the Oscar nominated topless in scenes from "Love Actually". Look for this on DVD in April.
|Still looking great nekkid at age 45! Here is the Oscar winner (and nominee for this performace) going full frontal in scenes from "Thirteen" (2003).
|DeadLamb takes a look at at the well cast, but poorly executed thriller, "Soul Survivors". Dushku shows off some excellent cleavage, and makes out with a topless Featherstone. Sagemiller is wearing semi-see-thru panties.
|Señor Skin 'caps of both ladies topless in the bachelor party scene from third Pie movie, "American Wedding".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
DICK CLARK SUED FOR AGE DISCRIMINATION
Hey, Dinosaurs Are Cool! - Game show producer Ralph Andrews, 76, is suing
Dick Clark, 74, for age discrimination. He says he approached Clark for a
job, and Clark wrote back a rejection letter wishing him well, but saying
that the last producers he hired were aged 27 and 30, and that "people our
age are considered dinosaurs."
Then he had to run, because he's working on the 2005 "New Year's Rockin'
Well, 74 is okay, but 76? Too damn old!
Dick Clark has to hire young producers so he can drink their blood and
stay eternally young.
PETE ROSE MAKES HALL OF FAME
He Bet On All Three - Pete Rose may never make it into the Baseball Hall of
Fame, but he will be inducted this month into the World Wrestling
Entertainment Hall of Fame. Rose took part in three Wrestlemania events in
1999-2000, and will be paid to appear at his own induction ceremony. WWE
chairman Vince McMahon said, "He has a deep, abiding respect for what we
Telling lies for money?
SOMEBODY has to!
And apparently, the WWE Hall of Fame has slightly lower standards than
the Baseball Hall of Fame.
Have they thought about the damage this could do to pro wrestling's
TOPLESS WOMEN DEMAND SUPPORT
Let's Hope It Doesn't Flop - Topless rights activist Liz Book hopes to lead
1,000 shirtless men and women in a rally at noon Sunday on Main Street of
Daytona Beach, Florida. She wants to get the law changed so topless women
won't be arrested during Bike Week. She says exposed breasts have been
part of the biker lifestyle for 50 years. Local clerk Lori Mauldin, who
plans to join in, said they are fighting for the right to do what men do --
go shirtless in non-sexual contexts -- adding, "If it's good enough for
them, it's good enough for me."
Hey, this idea is good enough for ME!
Besides, a lot of those biker guys have bigger boobs than any woman.
This may be the first women's rights rally to draw an all-male crowd of
1,000 topless women at Daytona Beach? Is this a political demonstration
or MTV's "Spring Break"?
BURGER-MAKING A "MANUFACTURING JOB"?
Soda Jerks - The new Economic Report of the President, an annual
compilation of data by the White House, poses an intriguing question:
should assembling hamburgers at a fast food restaurant be reclassified from
a service job to a manufacturing job? The report said the difference is
subtle and confusing. For instance, mixing water and concentrate to make
soda in a factory is a manufacturing job, but doing the same thing at a
fast food stand is a service job.
The key is that if you do it while wearing a paper pirate hat with your
name on it, it's not a manufacturing job.
Combining various chemicals into a toxic compound is a manufacturing
job, but that also describes making fast food.
And if you add ketchup to the burger, that's a vegetable, so it may be a
The good news is, America now has thousands of new manufacturing jobs!