The Bank Job

 (2008 - opened in the UK Friday, will hit the USA next Friday)

The Bank Job is a fictional recreation of a famous, mysterious bank robbery in London - the Baker Street Heist.

In September of 1971, at 11 PM on a Saturday night, a ham radio operator in London called the police to report that he was picking up a conversation between some men tunneling into a bank and their lookout on a nearby rooftop. The police eventually took him seriously and attempted to go bank-by-bank in the broadcast range while the robbery was still in progress. The coppers called in radio specialists to try to track the source of the broadcasts, but by the time the necessary men and equipment could be summoned to the scene, the transmissions had inexplicably stopped. The police were then left with no options other than to go from bank to bank with whatever manpower they could muster.

Wait, this gets much better.

Although the police had to cover 150 banks, they did somehow manage to find the right one, entered it, and came within a few feet of the robbers without ever being aware of it. They left and proceeded to the rest of the banks on their list. How could they not notice the robbers? The explanation is that the police checked the bank's vault, found it secure, and moved on, but the robbers had no interest in the impenetrable main vault. Presumably spurred on by some kind of insider tip, the crooks' only objective was to loot the safe deposit boxes, and that area of the bank was just far enough from the vault that the police never saw them. The robbers were not unmindful of the literary significance of the bank's Baker Street location. Before they left, they scrawled on the walls of the bank, "let Sherlock Holmes try to solve this."

That's not the best of it.

In the aftermath of the robbery, the newspapers were only allowed to report on it for about four days, after which a blackout was imposed by the country's highest authorities, even through it was obviously newsworthy. The robbers managed to collect three million pounds in cash alone. The national government imposed a D Notice on the even, which is a form of media censorship normally reserved for matters involving the utmost security risks. The unexplained blackout was enough to fuel all kinds of speculation and gossip about what might have been stolen from those boxes. All sorts of rumors flew around the city, but without the media to fan the flames, the talk just sort of faded away in time. Every once in a while there would be a report that one of the robbers had been caught, but instead of a jail sentence had received a new identity and government-sponsored relocation. Four of the robbers were eventually jailed, but not much of the loot was recovered, and of the bits that did turn up, very little was ever claimed. One hundred of the renters never came forward to itemize the contents of their boxes.

This is obviously great grist for the movie mill. Not only would the heist itself play out beautifully on screen, especially because the cops and robbers came within conversational distance of one another, but the unsolved mysteries of the case would fill in the script perfectly. Why did more people not come forward to report the contents of what they lost, or to claim the portion that was recovered? Why did the walkie-talkie transmissions suddenly cease? Why were some robbers protected instead of prosecuted? The screenwriters even managed to locate some of the men involved in the robbery, and they co-operated in return for a promise of anonymity, thus providing the scribes with more details of the heist, and a pretty good overview of what the robbers hauled in that weekend. As portrayed in the film, the items included sexually explicit pictures of Princess Margaret, a ledger book filled with payouts to dirty cops, and all sorts of embarrassing photos of important aristocrats engaged in various activities with expensive prostitutes.

The movie can't be called "factually accurate," but what can be said is that the writers were careful not to contradict any of the established facts of the case. They filled in the public record with the recollections of the robbers, and the rest of the script is a matter of informed speculation and fictionalization. The pictures of the princess, for example, are placed by the writers in the safe deposit box of a real-life character named Michael X, a criminal who cloaked his larcenous behavior in the guise of black activism. As the film presents it, his possession of the pictures allowed him to escape prosecution.

The film's version of the story does offer possible explanations for all of the various mysteries of the case, but they are hypothetical. The most engaging and controversial hypothesis put forth here is that the entire robbery could ultimately be traced back (indirectly, of course) to British intelligence, who took steps to inform people who would inform other people, and so forth for the number of steps necessary to contact the robbers with complete deniability for MI5. Why would the spymasters do such a thing? Their theoretical motivation was to obtain certain material which they knew to exist but could not obtain through legal warrants, particularly the sensitive material in the box of Michael X.

The film's direction has kind of a retro feel to it, as you might expect from a director in his sixties. He does a good job on maintaining the necessary dramatic tension in the key moments, but employs none of the modern sorts of directorial and editing embellishments that one might find in the Guy Richie crime films, for example. The film is discretionally unhip, concentrating instead on telling the excellent story with a straightforward chronological narrative. Some of it drags a bit. The first half-hour is rather humdrum exposition, establishing the characters without ever really involving us in their lives and situations. The actual tunneling is boring, to tell the truth, and the dialogue is the usual stock verbiage expected from film criminals: "I know who you are, gov, but I don't know 'im." "Oh, Nigel is OK. Right good bloke, 'e is."

It's not a very modern film, but then again it's about the early 70s, so it's possible to justify its retro feel on the basis that it recreates the filmmaking of that era as well as part of the period atmosphere. It is worth your time if you care less for style than substance. In spite of some weaknesses it is, in the final analysis, one helluva ripping yarn.

There is some nudity, but it all comes from background hookers and strippers. The only significant female role belongs to Saffron Burrows, who remains clothed, as does Keeley Hawes in a smaller role. The clip is taken from a cam, so you have been forewarned about the quality.




  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








TV series (1996-1999)

Fox television series by Chris Carter of X-Files fame starring Lance Henriksen and MILF Megan Gallagher as his wife. The whole series is available on separate DVD box sets for all three seasons.

episode: "Pilot"

A randy pilot episode even by Fox standards. April Telek and Kate Luyben play some busty strippers.

April Telek

Kate Luyben


episode: "Loin Like a Hunting Flame"

A perverted pharmacist drugs couples and videotapes them having sex.

Various nudity

Natassia Malthe

Fawnia Mondey

Crystal Cass

Peg Christopherson

episode: "Somehow, Satan Got Me"

A sweeps episode starring the rock group KISS, with Fawnia Mondey giving an x-rated but pixilated strip show.


episode "The Time is Now"

Semi-regular Kristen Cloke is naked in bed covered in flowers.


episode "Nostalgia"

April Telek is shown sunbathing in bikini

while the camera pans Lisa Marie Caruk.


episode " ...Thirteen Years Later"

Spoof of the film industry where all the unseen producers show up for the filming of a nude scene (something revealed years later on countless DVD commentaries for other movies such as "Underworld: Evolution").

Some nudity by Kate Luyben

and Tanja Reichert

while Crystal Cass sucks on a stogie.


"The Best of Bizarre"

volumes 7, 8, and 9

Three volumes of the John Byner sketch comedy cable series released last year but volume 7 was taken off the market because most of the copies are defective. A ten-volume box set to be released last Fall never materialized. (Like who's going to shell out money for 9 DVDs they already bought just for a 10th new one?)

Various unknowns topless


..and some IDs

Cynthia Belliveau: sexy

Christine Cattell: sexy

Ziggy Lorenc: future MuchMusic VJ in bikini

Irene Walters: topless

And an ID has been made of the brunette who frequently appeared topless in the first six volumes. She's Kathy Nagy and her only other acting appearance was as a stripper in an episode of "Seeing Things".

Kathy Nagy in Bizarre

Kathy Nagy in Seeing Things

And a bonus. A rare topless Bizarre appearance by Cynthia Belliveau in the "cure for hiccups" sketch.

This is not from any DVD set but from an old videotape.






Today we have a pair of "Damsels in Distress" taken from recent "Fun House" clips.


Lolita 2000


Today we have a little soft core erotica with some pretty familiar names offering abundant nudity.

Gabriella Hall with lots of boob and a dash of full frontal.

Kelly Ashton naked as an artists model, she is best known as a prominent bondage model.

Jacqueline Lovell as always is willing to show it all. Caps and a clip.

Heather James, getting it on and you can play the "Spot the Tool" game.

Nice total nudity from Taylor St. Clair in these Caps and four clips.






Notes and collages


Season 3, episode 5

Cynthia Watros










Lust for Freedom

Film clip of Pamela Gilbert








Marie Forsa in Bel Ami

Ah, the late sixties and early seventies, the golden age of Swedish chicks




Film Clips

Two women from Musta Jaa, a 2007 Finnish dramedy: Ria Kataja and Outi Maenpaa. And one more clip with both of them.

Ana Ramirez in Transe (2006), a multi-national co-production from Europe.

The gorgeous Maggie Q in Naked Weapon, a 2002 actioner from Hong Kong

Two from Saw III: Shawnee Smith and Debra McCabe

A really sexy scene featuring Kelly Preston in Mrs. Munck. Nice buns!

Valeria Bruni-Tedeschi in Cote d'Azur

Two from Senior Skip Day (samples right)

First Kayla Ewell ...

... then Jessica Morris
The always elegant and beautiful Diane Kruger in Bad Bad Things (sample right)
Several from Snuff Movie by Johnny Moronic. Here are the film clips of Lisa Enos. (Samples below)


And here are the film clips of Teri Harrison. Samples below


And two from The L Word, season 5, episode 8

Angela Gots ... (sample right)

... and an unknown