Thursday

Tuna
"Seksmisja" aka "Sexmission"

Seksmisja (1984), or Sexmission, is a Comedy, Action, Sci Fi post apocalyptic film from Poland. Two men, one a reserved scientist, the other an opportunist wanting to gain fame and escape his wife and family, agree to go into hibernation for three years. They wake up to discover that many more than three years have gone by, that they are held prisoner by all the blondes in the world in a matriarchal society, and that they are the last men on earth. They gradually become aware that their masculinity, if not their lives, are in serious danger. The underground world is not without conflict, as the archeologists and the geneticists do not get along at all, and both want control over the "males." The only women old enough to remember men have been locked up in rest home cells, and the women of the society have been taught a revisionist history that has men as entirely evil people. They have also determined that all of the great scientists were women.

The entire running time is liberally sprinkled with naked women. The two leads, Bozena Stryjkˇwna and Boguslawa Pawelec, one a geneticist, the other archeologist, show breasts. IMDb has this at 7.7 of 10. There is good reason. The acting is wonderful, the women are beautiful, there is enough plot to fill the 120 minute running time, and there are some very nice plot twists. It is also a whole lot of fun. The fullscreen transfer is very nice, and the English subtitles can be turned off. In other words, a good job on a very good film. Unless you just can't tolerate subtitles, you should enjoy this one. B-.

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  • Boguslawa Pawelec (1, 2)
  • Bozena Stryjkˇwna (1, 2, 3, 4)
  • Unknowns (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.

  • The Claire Keim volume is updated. Claire already has 15 entries, 14 with nudity, and she's only 28!! She seems to be establishing a record pace.

  • Splitting Heirs (1993):

    Eric Idle wrote this lightweight comedy about a working class guy who discovers late in life that he is the real Duke of Bournemouth. For some reason, it never dawned on him that he wasn't really from an Indian family, even though he had blond hair and blue eyes. (Idle himself played the part).

    Of course, he could hardly be blamed for not noticing that, since there were even more obviously false things in his world which were not false at all.

    • In order for the character to be the rightful Duke, the Idle character has to have been born on the same day as the Rick Moranis character, who is playing the American currently believed to be the rightful Duke. You can understand how Idle might have missed this point since he was born in 1943 while Moranis was born in 1954. Idle was 50 in this film. Moranis was 39, and looked much younger.

    • The rightful duke would have to be Barbara Hershey's son. I can see why Idle might have missed this point as well, given that he is five years older than his "mom" (Hershey).

    Idle starts out resentful of Moranis's privileged life, but the two of them eventually bond, at which point they have to team up to defeat an evil lawyer (John Cleese) who hopes to profit from Idle's claim to the dukedom. The barrister reasons that the House of Lords would be much more likely to approve Idle's claim if Moranis were dead, since there is no other claimant and the lords abhor vacant dukedoms. Certain in that belief, Cleese sets about to attend to the matter of reducing the number of claimants.

    The film is boring and predictable, and there are very few funny lines. The situations are only sporadically funny, and a lot of the funniest material seems to be ... um ... derivative. In other words, you've seen it all before. It does have moments (the intro is quite funny, as it the "Hindu dream sequence", for example), but it represents a great disappointment from a dual-Python project.

    • Louise Downey (1, 2, 3)

    • Catherine Zeta Jones (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

     

    Madhouse (2004):

    Here's the review

    This is not an extremely good movie at all. In fact, I ragged on its ass in my review (linked above, with pictures and all)

    BUT ... it wasn't so far off.

    This kid, William Butler, an actor turned director,  might make some good genre pictures some day. Perhaps soon.

     

    From my mailbox:

    Scoop: The Region 2 DVD of Paradise Lost (Sirtis topless scene) is available at play.com for just ú3.99 - there is also an American outlet at playusa.com, but they ship anywhere free!

     

    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

     

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

     

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    Here are the final results and comments for our most recent poll Best All Time Television Comedy



    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.


    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.


    Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1993 flick "Married People, Single Sex". Part soft-core, part pseudo-documentary about three couples and their marital difficulties and extra-marital affairs.

    • "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" babe Chase Masterson in her undies.
    • Chase Masterson (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2)

    • Darla Haun (aka Darla Slavens). Here we see the actress and infomercial spokesperson going topless, frontal and playing with a vibrator. (1, 2, 3)
    • Darla Haun (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2, 3)

    • Shelley Michelle, the busty B-babe and professional body double (for Kim Basinger, Julia Roberts, Claudia Christian, Barbra Streisand). Here she is topless and showing some brief thong views while doing some stripping. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Shelley Michelle (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2)

    • Teri Thompson briefly baring breats and bum in two scenes. (1, 2, 3)
    • Teri Thompson (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2)

    • Unknown strippers doing what they do (zipped .wmv)

    • B-babe and radio personality Wendi Westbrook going topless. (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Wendi Westbrook (zipped .wmvs). Clip #3 also shows some pubes. (1, 2, 3)

    ZonononZor
    Tiffani Thiessen Generously filling out her wonderbra while on her knees and unbuckling a dude's belt. Who hasn't had this dream before? Scenes from the short lived action series "Fastlane".

    Juliette Lewis Topless in scenes from the thriller and pseudo-sci-fi movie "Strange Days" (1995). Directed by Kathryn Bigelow and written by James Cameron, this a very entertaining movie that Scoop and I both enjoyed. For film buffs, this is a must see. Click here to read the Scoopy.com review

    Milla Jovovich Milla showing a bit of breast exposure in scenes from the first "Resident Evil".

    Jenny DuBasso
    and
    Yvonne McCord


    Both ladies are topless in scenes from "Death Ride to Osaka" aka "Girls of the White Orchid" (1983).


    Variety
    Natalie Portman
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Here are some fantastic high quality pics of Portman on the red carpet at the Oscars. The bad news...no fun parts are showing. The good news...these pics show off an extraordinarily attractive woman.

    Mandy Moore
    (1, 2, 3)

    Kitt 'caps of the pop star turned actress showing some pokies and stripping down to her undies in scenes from "All I Want" aka "Try Seventeen" (2002).

    Kim Cattrall
    Roberta Hanley
    Natasha Gregson Wagner
    (1, 2, 3)


    Snow Blind 'caps from the off-beat action/comedy/horror movie "Modern Vampires" (1998). Cattrall stays clothed but still looks good. Hanley is topless and covered in movie blood. Wagner also bares her breasts.


    Kata Dobˇ
    (1, 2)
    Alice Poon
    (1, 2)
    Rebecca Romijn-Stamos
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin takes a look at the laughably bad, 2002 remake of "Rollerball". Dobˇ and Poon are both clearly topless in a locker room scene. Romijn-Stamos did get topless but the lighting was horrible!

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    ANNA NICOLE, GOODWILL AMBASSADOR
    Yahoo Serious Wasn't Available? - Anna Nicole Smith was paid $100,000 to appear at an Oscar-watching party in Paddington, Australia. When she got off the plane, she declared that Australia was "the most prettiest country I have ever been to," then asked, "Where are the damn f---ing kangaroos?"

  • I think she scared them away.
  • Then she lifted her dress and showed them what Down Under looks like.


    TONYA HARDING TO WRESTLE TRANSVESTITE
    Queen Of Scene Vs. Queen Of Mean - On March 10 at the Beach Bums club in Ft. Lauderdale, skater-turned-boxer Tonya Harding will wrestle transvestite Daisy D, known as the "Queen of the Scene" on a South Florida gossip TV show. Promoter Damon Feldman said Daisy never mentioned she was a he when they were making the deal over the phone, but added, "Well, it's close enough. Tonya doesn't mind too much." The event will include three other wrestling matches and a raunchy Paris Hilton lookalike contest. Feldman said it will "give South Florida fight fans a classy night out."

  • Compared to their usual nights out, that's relatively true.
  • They call Tonya the "Hundred Dollar Baby."
  • Tonya Harding wrestling a transvestite...Sounds like her old honeymoon video.


    STAR JONES FEARS FANS WILL MISTAKE MAN FOR HER
    Extra Furry - The New York Post reports that TV host Star Jones Reynolds' lawyers wrote to PETA, warning that an ad mocking her love of fur could amount to unauthorized impersonation and the misappropriation of her identity. PETA replied that as a public figure, Jones is fair game for parody, but they're willing to meet with her and give her a fake fur. The Post notes that Star's own lawyers seem to be implying that the public couldn't tell her from the model, an overweight, six-foot drag queen named Flotilla DeBarge.

  • Isn't that Star Jones' real name?
  • This guy is so hairy, he's not actually wearing a fur in the photo.


    "STARS WITHOUT MAKEUP" CREATORS REMAIN ANONYMOUS
    Oh, Kiss And Make Up - The New York Post's Page Six notes that the controversial Fox TV special "Stars Without Makeup" featured no stars of the Fox Network. Sharp-eyed viewers also noticed that the names in the end credits were all fictitious, probably because the people who made it feared they'd never work in Hollywood again. For instance, the writer was credited as "Damien Thorn." That's the name of the spawn of Satan in "The Omen."

  • That's not an alias: this show actually was written by the spawn of Satan.
  • After this show, it's the stars who may never work in Hollywood again.
  • Ironically, the creators are afraid to go out in public unless they're disguised under heavy makeup.