"The Weight of Water"

The Weight of Water (2000) is a major flop from director Katherine Bigelow (Strange Days). It is essentially two parallel stories, and that was its downfall, as the two stories do not fit well together. Katherine McCormack is a photographer for a magazine, who has been assigned to take some pictures for an article on a century old murder. She decides to take her Pulitzer winning poet husband, Sean Penn, and try to revive her failing marriage. They will be taken to the island by Penn's brother, Josh Lucas, who owns a yacht, and who brings along his girlfriend, Elizabeth Hurley. Hurley is clearly trying to seduce Penn.

The second story is the century old murder. Two women were brutally murdered, and a German immigrant was convicted and hanged for the crime. The only survivor, Sarah Polley, is the chief witness, and it was her sister, and her brother's wife that were murdered. McCormack, from the beginning, senses psychically, that there is more to the story than the simple conviction, and finally uncovers evidence as to who really committed the murders.

Bigelow switches between the two stories in a nearly random manner, and attempts to show parallels between stories that just don't have many. Certainly, both stories tell of an unhappy marriage, but, frankly, each story distracts from the other. Hurley shows her breasts trying to rescue papers blowing away while she was sunbathing topless, and pokes out of most of her outfits. Despite a very talented cast, her performance was the standout in this film.

IMDB readers have this at 6.1 of 10. US gross was a mere $103K against a budget of $16M. Ebert and Berardinelli both award two stars. Rotten Tomatoes rates it 34%, with 38 from the top critics. I will say that I watched the entire film without hitting fast forward, and was envolved enough to wonder how it would end, but was not overly impressed. The scenery made for very nice visuals, and the 100 year old part of the story was especially well photographed. I suppose this is a C-. Genre fans will find things to like.

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  • Elizabeth Hurley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Peter Shaffer and his twin brother Anthony, both playwrights and screenwriters, were quite the rage in the English stage and screen of the 1960s and 70s. Anthony wrote Sleuth, Frenzy, and The Wicker Man, and adapted some Agatha Christie novels. Peter wrote Amadeus, Royal Hunt of the Sun, and Equus.

    The idea for Equus was generated by a chance encounter. Peter Shaffer was on a holiday in the English countryside when he read a local news story about a boy who had blinded six horses at a nearby stable. Why, he wondered, would a boy do such a thing? There had to be a reason. Even if the boy was insane, surely he was following some form of demented logic of his own. Without waiting for the real story to emerge, starting only with this item in a local newspaper, Shaffer used his imagination to create an award- winning play.

    Tuna hit all the analytical highlights yesterday, and I agree completely, in every detail. The film is talky, too slow, and Richard Burton is at his hammy worst in bellowing his pompous soliloquies at the camera.

    I know that Shaffer is the same genius who wrote Amadeus, but I knew Amadeus, Senator Equus, and you are no Amadeus.

    The sad thing is that this should have been a good movie. All of those philosophical ruminations from Burton were unnecessary and many of them were probably out of character for a trained psychiatrist. For example, all of Burton's endless nattering about how he should not make the boy normal by removing what makes him special - no way. If you're talking about a dotty patient who is deluded and profoundly happy, and who represents no danger to himself or society, maybe such thoughts can be a part of a psychiatrist's self-reflection. But Burton's patient here is unhappy, knows there is something wrong with him, and wants to deal with it, even though he doesn't know exactly how to articulate his feelings in so many words. He wants to be "cured", and society needs him to be "cured", because he just stuck a scythe into the eyes of six horses, and nobody knows what other violence might be inside of him. This is not a harmless, inspirational guy like the character in They Might Be Giants. In addition, a confident psychiatrist would have to believe that he could get to the core of his patient's violence and delusions without stripping away his passion for life. Therefore, virtually all of Burton's philosophizing could have been cut, and absolutely 100% of his pompous monologues could have been cut. If you slash this script back to about 100 minutes, have it drive quickly to the point, stick to the kid's story, and eliminate Burton's bellowing and scenery-chewing, you have the rudiments of a good, interesting mystery which can be revealed gradually like a complex puzzle, and can provide intellectual stimulation for the audience.

    Oh, well, if this film were made today, it would be shortened that way, but it couldn't have happened then. 1977 was another time. Back in the 60s and 70s, they were not yet really ready to distinguish acting from oratory, thus explaining just about all of Burton's career. Burton, a powerful stage presence, but arguably the worst screen actor in history, a guy who makes Bill Shatner seem subtle and understated, was nominated for a bunch of awards for good acting. Such was the fashion of the time, when a resonant voice, energetic posturing, and good diction were equated with "classy" performing. People actually believed (and still believe, judging from the IMDb comments), that the film was actually improved by Burton's rhetorical pontifications delivered sonorously to the camera.

    .... ah, the way we were.

    Compare that to today. Patrick Stewart is a similar but far greater actor than Burton. He has the voice and the presence of a Burton, but none of Burton's weaknesses. He doesn't bellow, doesn't overact, is far more graceful than Burton, remembers his lines, and concentrates on his character rather than the sound of his beautiful voice. If Stewart had been a star in the 60s and 70s, he'd have a suitcase full of Oscars. In today's world, he's just kind of a sophisticated, intelligent, highly respected curiosity, and nobody really seems to know how to use him effectively.

    • Jenny Agutter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)



    • Just thought you'd like to know that they are running promos for this week's "Charmed" on the WB, and the plot is that Alyssa Milano's character turns into a mermaid.  She's shown sunbathing topless, wearing a fish tail and just some little fish scale pasties. 

    Other crap:

    What're the odds?


    Soccer time -

    EURO 2004: Will England Qualify?

    Option Win Odds
    YES 3/20
    NO 7/2



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • B-movie favorite Kari Wuhrer showing off her robo-boobs in a brief topless scene from the movie "Phoenix".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today we take a trip to 1973 and over to France for a look at a sex romp from Jean Rollin called "Bacchanales Sexuelles".

    • First up is Marie-France Morel with upskirts and boobs. (1, 2)

    • Then its a topless Joelle Couer. (1, 2)

    • And finally both girls get together for a lesbian romp where they show just about everything. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    'Caps and review by CKRoach:

    "Hamburger Hill"

    Of the three major movies about the Viet Nam war (Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, and Hamburger Hill) produced in the late 1980's, this one is the sleeper. That being said, I believe it is the most powerful of the trio. Perhaps it didn't score so well at the box office simply because it was released after the two other films.

    The film features an excellent script by John Carabatsos and was directed by John Irvin. It features a powerful, swirling soundtrack by Phillip Glass. Unlike the other two big movies of Viet Nam, This one isn't as loaded with cliché and sensationalism. If one has spent time in the army, one can recognize Doc's (Courtney Vance) class on brushings one's teeth, or Lt. Eden's (Tegan West) administrative briefing as quite authentic. The movie quite accurately depicts the eternal mud that seems to exist everywhere in the army.

    The story centers around the capture of an NVA fortress, Don Ap Bia, or as on the military maps, Hill 937. Officially the Campaign was called "Apache Snow." It became known to the men who fought it as "Hamburger Hill." The story doesn't revolve around the commander, LTC Honeycutt (aka Blackjack) or the battalion he commanded (The Rakkasans). Rather the movie centers around just one squad led by a pair of NCO's played by Stephen Weber and Dylan McDermott.

    The movie is divided into two sections. The first third or so covers the squads time in garrison, just prior to moving out for the battle. It accurately depicts the mud, sweat, and boredom of just waitng for action. The only respite from this boredom is either R&R in Bangcock or socializing at Mama San's (Kieu Chinh ) brothel. The last two-thirds covers the actually battle itself which lasted for ten days.

    I won't spoil the movie with too many details here. The movie is a bargain to purchase (most places under $10) or rent. If you are a history buff and aren't satisfied with the movie, you can pick up Samuel Zaffiri's excellent book on the battle.

    The DVD transfer was excellent. The one feature that would be nice to have on the DVD would be a short on the making of the film, or background behind the real battle. I guess one will have to hope for something on the History Channel. The Movie get 6.3/10 from the IMDb.

    The only skin in the film is a pair of unknown actresses who play prostitutes at Mama San's brothel. This occurs while while two of the NCO's are soaking the dust out of their skin in a hot tub.

    Grace Lam
    (1, 2, 3)

    The Hong Kong actress looking great topless in scenes from "Crime of Beast 2".

    Sophie Ngan
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Another beautiful Hong Kong actress this time showing all 3 b's in scenes from "Naked Poison".

    Greta Scacchi Breasts and bush in a shower scene from "The Coca-Cola Kid" (1985). Another great collage by Dann.

    Kate Moss A black and white scan of the supermodel posing topless.

    Natasha Henstridge The Canadian model-turned actress showing a lot of leg as well as see-thru breast exposure.

    Katie Price
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    aka UK pin up babe Jordan and her jumbo-jacks. Sexy non-nudes from the German FHM.

    Arlene Nicole Rodriguez
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the Latina actress showing breasts, bum and even some frontal nudity in scenes from "Time of Her Time" (1999).