Bachelor Party 2
The number following the title is a bit misleading. Normally a film
named Billabong 2 is a sequel to one named Billabong, or possibly a
prequel, if Billabong is kinda arty. This film is neither. It is
basically just a remake of Bachelor Party with different actors and
... I started to type in "updated to 2008," but that doesn't really
apply. It would be difficult to find any sign that this film was made
in 2008 other than the birthdates of the actors. If you were to watch
it without any warning or foreknowledge of the actors and without
having seen the first Bachelor Party, you would guess that the film
was made in the mid-eighties by the Corman shop or by Golan/Globus. It
even includes some Miami Vice jokes which must have been blisteringly
topical in 1985. In other words, this is essentially the same film as
the 1984 version of Bachelor Party, except with different actors. It's
like when your parents finally got their tickets to see Camelot with
Richard Burton and Robert Goulet and Julie Andrews, except that by the
time they got to New York, the parts were played by Raymond Burr, Vic
Morrow, and Charo. It was the same play they hoped to see, but it was
just not the same.
Even the two DVD boxes are almost
As in the 1984 version, our hero has to make it through the
debauchery of his bachelor party without being unfaithful to his
incredibly cool and beautiful betrothed. Temptation is thrown at him
constantly. His fiancée finally decides to sneak into the party to see
for herself what's going on and she eventually catches him doing
something which looks inappropriate. Needless to say, appearances are
deceiving. He has remained stalwart and wins her back with true love
and a facile explanation.
The only meaningful change from the first version is an expansion
of the actual bachelor party to a three-day affair in Miami. During
those days our partiers encounter rivers of booze, rock music, sex
addicts, seductresses, wet t-shirt contests, strippers, naked caddies,
naked stewardesses, naked Nazis, and all the other things that make
life worth living - except firearms. The script doesn't have many
subtleties or even many jokes, and you've seen all of these these
characters before. The plot exists basically as a vehicle to carry the
film between the topless scenes.
If the film doesn't meet your FDA minimum requirements for breasts
and locker room humor, there are eighteen deleted scenes and a full
length commentary by the cast. There's nothing new here, but it moves
along apace and is good-natured enough. If you can ignore the film's
complete lack of originality, and/or have never seen the first version
with Tom Hanks, you might get a few laughs from the raunchy goings-on.
I can't really recommend it because you'll feel you've seen it twenty
times before, but I found it pleasant and never reached for the fast
forward button. Then again, perhaps I'm just easily amused by raunchy
situations and attractive topless women.
Oh, who am I kidding? There's no "perhaps" involved.
Here's the nudity:
Pistol Whipped is the latest effort from the Weighty Warrior himself,
Steven Seagal. Has it really been three years since the last one, as indicated
by IMDb? I guess it must have been because the Paunchy Paladin has picked up a
lot of wrinkles, and a lot more chins. This time he's going for a little more
depth of character by playing a disgraced cop who lost his job, then his wife,
and then finally lost himself in the bottle. In addition to being an
alcoholic, he is also a gambling addict with a million dollars worth of
markers floating around the city.
A powerful and mysterious character buys up all of the Chubby Champion's
markers, and then enlists him to pay off his debts by turning to murder for
hire. Lacking any other options, the Stout Sensai goes along reluctantly, but
gradually grows more enthusiastic about the job when he does a bit of research
and finds out that Mr. Mysterious is only asking him to kill really bad dudes.
He reaches a bit of inner peace about being a hit man until the day when his
new assignment involves killing his best friend, who is also the loving
step-father of Seagal's own daughter. Is this a test? Has the Big-Bellied
Brawler been conned into this position? Or is it possible that the best friend
is actually a bad dude? And how can our tubby hero find out for sure?
Interesting sidelight: Seagal's ex-wife is played by Blanchard Ryan, whose
career really never materialized after Open Water. This is only the second
film she had made since her nude scene in that surprise hit temporarily raised
her to the top of our consciousness.
Overall, Pistol Whipped is just another generic crime film filled with
amoral hit men who seem almost heroic compared to the immoral cops. The usual
stuff. There are a couple of good action set-pieces like a final shoot-out in
a cemetery, so this movie could have
been a pretty decent little straight-to-vid if the screenwriter and Seagal had
had the courage of their convictions and had been willing to create the
character as a true anti-hero. As it is, the script sold out with all sort of
sappy feel-good compromises. Mercifully, the script doesn't try to justify his
drinking or gambling, but it does tries to exonerate him for his failures as a
husband and a police officer, and it layers his "essential goodness" on really
thick by showing how much he loves and is respected by his daughter and his
Why can't Seagal just play a bad-ass without those sorts of crutches?
The nudity is supplied by Alison Chin, in a role
with quite a bit of screen time but no lines and no name.
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
The Erotic House of Wax
The Erotic House of Wax (1996) is a couples soft-core written and directed
by a woman, Sybil Richards.
Blake Pickett, Jacqueline Lovell, and their two boyfriends, Everett Rodd
and Eric Acsell have just graduated from college, and are packing to move out
of the dorms and leave on a summer adventure. The phone rings, and Blake's
uncle has died, leaving her a house of wax on Santa Monica Pier. It is about
to be lost to back taxes and a heavy bank loan, but this doesn't discourage
the four. They discover that the uncle was a randy sort, who was converting
the place into an erotic house of wax featuring the great lovers of all time,
like Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Casanova, etc. Further, his
girlfriend, whom they eventually discover hiding in the museum, is actually an
ancient goddess, who has a magic amulet that causes the wax figures to come
alive and have sex at midnight.
The film is full of both hetero and lesbian sex, including a female
four-way, but was obviously helmed by a woman because there is much attention to
physique, as well as character development and the always important
"relationship sub-plot." This is fairly strong example of couples
(read women's) erotica. If your significant other is on the fence, give it a
try. It just might get you laid.
Notes and collages
Here are the candids of Jennifer Wanderer that have been circulating
around the web. She's from "German's Next Topmodel"
And here are the candids of Jo O'Meara, former lead singer of S Club
I have never seen The Single Girls (1974). Here's the summary for
this drive-in classic: "A group of men and women travel to a
Caribbean resort to discover themselves sexually. Unfortunately one
of them has also discovered that they like to murder people." Well,
anyway it features Claudia Jennings, the Chicago girl who became
Playmate of the Year in 1970 and who would be dead before her 30th
Joan Prather in The Single Girls
Claudia Jennings in The Single Girls
Just for fun: a silly cartoon of the crack pack: Lohan, Spears,
The sensuous Maya Zapata in three
De La Calle
Yesterday we say Giovanna Mezzogiorno in Love in the Time of Cholera. She
returns today in three other movies:
Other Film Clips
Keeley Hawes in Complicity