Site note:

I had a meltdown in sections A-E of Tuna's section. Currently looking at different solutions.



The day's top story:


Death Tunnel (2005)

I'll write about this later, since it is a complex melange of positives and negatives.

For now, it's a creepy "haunted house" film with the usual plot - five college women have to spend time in a decrepit sanitorium. The visual style of the film is similar to Saw or maybe Gothika - ghosts and blood in a rotting, damp building.

Kristin Novak gets topless, as do a couple of ghosties played by Kendra Hale and Ashley Neighbors.

Kristin Novak

Kendra Hale and Ashley Neighbors

Kristin also removed her top a couple of years ago in another timeless screen triumph, Malibu Spring Break.

Her film resume is starting to rival that of Derek Jacobi or Edward Norton, or even John Cazale. Let's look at a complete rated filmography side-by-side:

Kristin Novak John Cazale
  1. (4.27) - Going Down (2003/I)
  2. (2.88) - Death Tunnel (2005)
  3. (2.60) - Malibu Spring Break (2003)


  1. (9.10) - The Godfather (1972)
  2. (8.90) - The Godfather: Part II (1974)
  3. (8.10) - The Conversation (1974)
  4. (8.10) - The Deer Hunter (1978)
  5. (8.00) - Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

Yup - have to say it's too close to call at this point

Other Crap:

Get $115? Spend the weekend with David Lynch and a Quantum Physicist in Fairfield, Iowa

  • Do you think that genius scientist understands Eraserhead?

The Motley Fool calls CBS's Stern lawsuit "brutally idiotic" (He's analyzing it as a financial strategy, not as a legal move.) Geez, Motley, you have to stop holding back and being so subtle.

Three more clips for 16 Blocks (Opens Friday)

Video - Tyra Banks undercover as a stripper

Presidential Nicknames: The Complete List on "White House For Kids" (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)

  • Bono, Musician/Activist = "Boner McFaggy-Shades"

Borowitz: "BUSH PAYS SURPRISE VISIT TO REALITY" ... President Calls Two-Hour Stop in Real World "Informative"

Scott Stapp thinks a recently released sex video showing him and Kid Rock with several strippers is meant to sabotage him.

  • "Obviously someone wants to hurt me and doesn't want me to be successful in my solo career"

Teri Hatcher admits using botox and collagen, says "no mas"

Colbert reports on Mardi Gras

  • "Through the sheer power of alcohol and bare breasts, the Deep South has risen again."

Liberty University's debate coach debates with Stephen about debating.

Colbert: Tip o' the Hat; Wag o' the Finger

Colbert asks, "Who's attacking me now?"

business and military acronyms and abbreviations dictionary

  • This is not a satire site, but is surprisingly unsafe for work, even though it uses "chick" as an euphemism when the "C" should stand for "cunt." Some of the naughty military acronyms, like FUBAR, have crept into civilian life without people really thinking about what the "F" stands for.

Rack and Ruin - The Supreme Court considers Anna Nicole's surprisingly real claims.

"God Tells Antwaan Randle El To Sign With CFL Just To See If He'll Do It" ... Oh, that God. What a kidder. He thinks just because his tests worked on Abraham they'll work on anyone.

A bid to have the 2014 Winter Olympics on the icy planet Hoth

Noted Individuals Who Have Experienced Homelessness

  • James Bond used to live on a park bench? He likes his benches "lacquered, not painted"
  • Of course, he was the only homeless guy with a valet.
  • "Golf, Goldfinger? Certainly. I think I have an old Titleist somewhere in my shopping cart."

"Bloody Thursday" looms over NFL

  • This article is about the scramble to meet the salary caps.
  • "This year? People are going to be stunned -- not just by the quantity of players who are cut by Thursday but by the quality, too. It's going to be ugly. There's going to be blood in the streets and, compared to past years, it's going to be from some bluebloods, guys who can still play."

Fans mourning the recent loss of two iconic television actors will be heartened to learn that a previously 'lost' television episode featuring the two has been discovered.

  • In the episode, McGavin's character (Carl Kolchak) is sent to Mayberry, North Carolina, to do a human-interest piece on drunk-turned-lottery-winner Otis "The Drunk" Campbell. Shortly after his arrival, Aunt Bee is turned into a hideous Bee-ast by contaminated feminine hygiene products and starts slaughtering the hapless residents of bucolic Mayberry. It is up to Kolchak, with the help of Deputy Barney Fife, to take on the Bee-ast.

Where are they now ...?? The Official head shot for Frank Sinatra Junior

Jessica Alba Threatens Playboy Over Cover Pic

  • "Actress Jessica Alba, who appears in a bikini on the cover of Playboy's March issue, is threatening to sue the magazine, claiming that Hugh Hefner & Co. are trying to make it seem that she appears in a 'nude or semi-nude pictorial.' In a February 23 legal threat letter, a copy of which you'll find below, Alba's lawyer demands that Playboy cease distributing the magazine and provide the 25-year-old actress with a 'monetary settlement' for its unauthorized use of her image for commercial purposes."

Bush Gets Oprah To Endorse Seaport Deal

  • "Oprah's endorsement will provide the President with more time to locate his lost veto stamp thingy."

California to ban opposite sex marriages

Coming Soon has three clips from Ultraviolet

The domestic trailer for Lucky Number Slevin

The poster for "lucky number slevin"!

A new novel for baseball fans: A Man Called Shoeless

Belgians take their Coke bottles to Netherlands to collect the deposit.

  • It's fairly substantial - thirty cents per bottle

Minnesota Senator apologizes for saying the Mayo Clinic is worth more than the entire State of South Dakota, even though it is, of course, true.

  • At least the apology was easy. He just had to stroll across the aisle. South Dakota only has two citizens, so they're both in the Senate.

Anti-Darwin Bill Defeated Overwhelmingly in Utah

China announces the creation of an alternate internet.

Juilliard given priceless music manuscripts

  • "New York's Juilliard school unveiled a treasure trove of music manuscripts on Tuesday given by a collector determined to seek out the original papers scribbled and annotated by the likes of Beethoven, Mozart and Bach."

Colbert says: "State, you tried living apart from Church. But now it's time to admit it was a mistake."

Stephen Colbert talks to a Baptist minister named Tony

"Colbert Report: The De-Deification of the American Faithscape"

"Stephen compares Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, and the Toyota Camry."

CBS sues Howard Stern for (holds pinkie to lips) one ... zillion ... dollars!

Here's a clip from Dave Chappelle's Block Party (opens Friday)



Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




Jane Street (1996)

This is an erotic thriller with a transparent plot. Linda Hoffman has just taken a job in New York with an ad firm, and her boss not only finds her an apartment on Jane Street, but helps her move in. As he is leaving, we learn that he is unhappily married. That only leaves one fact remaining for us to figure out throughout the entire film. We get that last piece of information immediately as Hoffman gets in the tub and sees the ghost of a dead woman, Gabriella Hall, who lived there.


So, let's see. Hall must have been murdered, or she wouldn't be a ghost. The boss is a letch, and seems to move employees into apartments with an eye toward sex. If Hoffman turned him down, the movie would end there. So, he will have his affair with her, she will not do well seeing a married man, and the ghost will continue to make her life miserable until she solves the murder. The boss is the obvious suspect, so it won't be him. There's nobody left but his drunken bitch of a wife. Thus we can predict the entire film from the first two minutes.

End Spoilers

When Hoffman finally quits seeing the boss and takes up with the building handyman, her co-worker (Carrie Stevens) takes up with the boss.

IMDb readers have this at 3.8. The few comments are evenly divided between straight guys who admit the plot is weak but like the nudity, and gay guys who were really turned off by the entire thing, but most especially seeing Robert Grant (Queer as Folk) play the handyman, requiring him to do a love scene with a woman.

I found it a genre cliché. Three naked women, transparent plot, poor to mediocre acting, in other words, a C.



Linda Hoffman

Carrie Stevens

Gabriella Hall


Sinful Deeds (2003)

This one is another direct-to-video soft-core erotic thriller based on a totally unique premise ... strippers are being murdered.

Hmmmm, not so unique, is it?

But this one has naked women, both stripping and having sex, sometimes with each other.

You have seen that before, you say? Well, how about this? Three of the four naked women have only one name.

See, this is a really unique film.

As the film opens, we are introduced to the lead, Syren, in bed with her boyfriend the banker, who doesn't like the fact that she strips. He is suspect number one. We then see the sleazy club owner having sex with Angelica Sin. Suspect two. The club opens, and their best customer, who is there from opening to closing every day and stalks a woman a week, is waiting. So, we have three suspects before we have even one ripped stripper. Before the film is over, the murderer will kill most of the women, Syren will switch boyfriends by taking up with the private detective she hires, and the killer will be caught. Surprise!

Probably the most important rule in making this film was that there be no 10 minute period in which Syren does not get naked. This, evidently, was Syren's first attempt at moving from hard core to mainstream. She gave it the old college try, but could have used a decent script and a competent cast. A budget big enough to permit set design would have helped as well.

IMDb readers say 2.5. I agree with the low rating. This film is a disaster. Even at 68 minutes, it was an ordeal to watch.


Syren gives the only three B performance

Anjellica Sin (breasts  and buns)

Isabella (breasts  and buns)

Adajia (breasts  and buns)




Today we give you a little more of the Andy Sidaris collection of " Bullets, Bombs and Babes" from "Return to Savage Beach." Julie K. Smith shows off the 'Robo-Hooters" in a fantasy girl cop sequence.

Then we have a "Babes in Bondage" scenario as Maria Aparis gets herself tied up and raped in "Backlash" AKA "Justice. There isn't a lot of skin, since she still has on her bra & skirt. To add insult to injury,  the baddies shot and killed her when they were done with her.




Pat's comments in yellow...

On her talk show airing today, Tyra Banks will be shown going undercover as a stripper named "Chanel" at a topless club, although she stops short of exposing herself completely. The former Victoria's Secret lingerie model insists this is not a sweeps month stunt, but a serious effort to educate as well as entertain.  She said she found out the majority of strip club clients are married men, so she wanted to go inside their minds, "to see and hear why they went, and the only way to do that was to go undercover and see for myself."

*  Or she could bring them on her show and ask them, but who wants to watch a talk show?

*  Why would men want to look at hot naked women? It's a mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in an enigma...

*  She has no idea why anyone would want to see strippers, so she's putting them on her show during Sweeps Month.

The group Global Language Monitor chose "Brokeback" as the Hollywood Word of the Year, thanks to all the talk and jokes about "Brokeback Mountain."  The movie's talk factor far exceeds its success: a Google search found more than 38 million references to it, even though only about 10 million people have seen it.  In second place was "Brangelina," the annoying abbreviation for Pitt and Jolie, which beat out "TomKat," the tabloids' nickname for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

*  The word that was used the least in Hollywood this year: "profits."