* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.







Red Meat

Three men meet for a monthly ritual which consists of working out, going to dinner, eating red meat, and telling tales about women. This night, part of the audience includes Traci Lind as a surly feminist waitress. It was she who had many of the best lines. The first tale is from the alpha male, and describes a night where he made passionate love to a new woman, then almost got caught by his live-in girlfriend. Tale two, from the self-deprecating and passive friend of alpha male, concerns a birthday party for Mia (Heidi Lenhart), the current flavor of the month for alpha male, and Ula (Anna Karin), the wimp's date, who ends up in bed with alpha male. The last tale is from the newest member of the group, and he tells of how he married the terminally ill Lara Flynn Boyle. Guess which one ends up with the surly waitress?

Red Meat (1997) is a comedy that languished on the shelves for five years before going direct to video. I must have been the target audience. I found the dialogue ranging from clever to hilarious. Lines like "I had a healthy loving childhood. I was raised by lesbians," and "She put the ik in shiksa" will stay with me. The film is about relationships, and when you strip away the often funny writing, these are people I have known. It was written and directed by Allison Burnett, who also wrote Autumn in New York. He (yes, Allison is a dude) has real talent, and will eventually latch on to the right property and make a very good film. I will give this one a C.

IMDb readers say 5.6.

Scoop's notes: I didn't like the film as much as Tuna did (I called it a C-), but it has one of the greatest endings in history, which I'm now going to spoil for you since you will never have time to work this obscure flick onto your "to do" list.

Guy one and two leave the restaurant. They see that the third guy is still talking to the sexy waitress after the restaurant has closed. The never-gets-laid dude asks, "Do you think he made up that entire cancer story just to fuck the waitress?"

The cock-sure guy says, "Nah, he's even more of a woman than you are ... "

" ... unless he did make it all up, in which case he's my hero."

Roll credits.

I doubt that Tuna's prediction for Burnett is going to come true. Burnett directed Red Meat in 1997. It was his first film, and also his last. He seems to have abandoned directing in favor of full-time dedication to his writing career. (He has three scripts currently in the pipeline.)

Even so, we don't have to wait for the future for him to write a classic. His first script to be produced was the immortal cinema classic Bloodfist III: Forced to Fight, starring Richard "Shaft" Roundtree and Don "The Dragon" Wilson. Like Orson Welles, Burnett may never top his first great effort.




Anna Karin shows a breast.



Heidi Lenhart shows breasts and buns.


Jennifer Grey, as a girlfriend of alpha male, has serious pokies.

Scoop's note: prepare to feel old. "Baby" from Dirty Dancing turns 47 this month!










Country Cuzzins

Rene Bond is back to the old barnyard for more sexploitation stark naked fun in "Country Cuzzins".

Caps and three clips.










This one features VERY sexy, don't-miss nudity from red-hot and curvaceous Angie Cepeda, whom you will remember from Pantaleón y las visitadoras. She has a role in the highly anticipated upcoming adaptation of Marquez's acclaimed novel "Love in the time of Cholera." The film will be directed by Mike Newell, who did Four Weddings and a Funeral, Donnie Brasco, and one of the Harry Potter films


Laia Marull

Angie Cepeda








Notes and collages

Elvira, Mistress of the Dark

Cassandra Peterson







Ana Claudia Talancon in Fast Food Nation (zipped .avi), The caps from this film, as well as many other contributions from LC, can be found in yesterday's edition.






Sin Sisters

Some outstanding new collages from Dragon

Misty Mundae
Chelsea Mundae
Andrea Davis
Julian Wells

And a film clip ...


An oldie but goodie: a film clip of a much rounder Carla Gugino about ten years ago in Jaded






Pat's comments in yellow...

A double layer of irony was added to news that Al Gore lives in a
power-hog mansion.  The Green site admitted that the Texas ranch house of the environmentalists' most hated person, Gore's arch-rival President Bush, is a relatively small 4,000 square feet; has a rainwater storage tank, waste water collection for recycled irrigation, passive solar power, and geothermal heat and cooling; and it's built from local limestone leftovers that would have been thrown away. 

*  Of course, being in Crawford, Texas, it still costs $2 million a year to cool it. 

*  And in Crawford, Texas, that rainwater tank is just hypothetical. 

The Wall Street Journal reports that a survey by Leichtman Research found that nearly half of the 24 million Americans who now own high-definition TVs have yet to obtain the additional hardware from signal providers that allows them to see HDTV.  And about half of them, or six million, don't even realize they're not watching HDTV.  A spokesman called it "cognitive dissonance," saying they spent so much money on the TV set, they can't believe they're not getting what they paid for.

*  More likely, they see Rosie O'Donnell on TV and think, "Never mind." 


AFP reports that on April 18, the small town of Isafjoerdur, Iceland, will hold an unusual beauty pageant.  One of the organizers, a  self-proclaimed feminist, was dissing pageants in a pub with some friends when they got the idea to hold one that challenges Western ideas of beauty and changes the rules about what beauty is.  Both men and
women can compete, and there is no age limit.  Entrants will be rewarded for their wrinkles, saggy boobs and other flaws, and the only restriction is that nobody who's had cosmetic surgery may enter. 

*  That's why they had to go to rural Iceland to find contestants.

*  This show will make people glad they never hooked up their HDTVs.

WRTV in Indiana reports that the Delta Zeta sorority at DePauw
University is being accused of discrimination after 23 members were asked to leave.  The evictees all are either minorities or could be considered overweight. Some who are minorities said they don't think it's racism so much as that they weren't skinny or pretty enough; and if you look at the women who are still in the sorority, you can see the evictees "didn't fit into their mold."  A Delta Zeta spokeswoman claims they weren't ejected because of their looks and weight but because they weren't committed to the aggressive
recruitment program.   

*  This story is unbelievable!  A sorority actually LET IN fat, ugly girls?! 


Paris Hilton was stopped by L.A. police for driving her Bentley with the headlights off, and they found she was driving with a suspended
license.  Since  she's on 36 months' probation for last month's alcohol-related reckless driving charge, breaking any laws during that time is a probation violation punishable by up to 90 days in jail.

*  If you're not Paris Hilton.


Jeff Goldblum won a permanent restraining order against a woman who has stalked him for years.

* They know she's insane because, hey: she's stalking Jeff