Thirst (1979) is a vampire movie with an interesting premise that just doesn't deliver. Blood drinking has gone high tech, and they have a dairy full of "Blood Cows," who have completely untainted blood that they milk regularly. This is big business. For some reason that was never quite clear, the head of the organization wants Chantal Contouri, who is descended from a famous family of blood drinkers, to join their society and marry him. They kidnap her, and try to reprogram her psychologically to awaken the blood thirst they are sure she has.

Most of the film is either a dream, or a dream within a dream, or hypnotic suggestion. This gives them license to bring in every horror cliche from every horror film ever made. I wish they had further developed the idea of blood cows, and blood delivered fresh to your door in milk cartons, and ignored the plot against Contouri, but then we wouldn't have had the breast exposure from her in a before shower scene, then in the compulsory shower sprays blood scene.

Chantal Contouri was a new name to me, but she has 14 credits at IMDB, including a personal favorite Australian exploitation film called Alvin Rides Again, several Australian films and TV roles, and one film with a German title and mostly German cast and crew that IMDB says is French. Other than the fact that she is Greek born, there is noting more about her at IMDB. Her most recent credit is 1994.

Thirst is rated 4.4 at IMDB. Available reviews are at the bad movie sites, and not especially favorable. I was not impressed, although the transfer was rather good. This is for genre addicts only. C-.

Updates:

New volumes: Amy Jo Johnson, Beverly Lynne, Sandy Johnson, Beverly Johnson, Jaime Pressly, Natalie Portman, Julia Parton, Dolly Parton, Kelly Preston, Gail Porter, Stella Porter, Angelique Pettyjohn, Geraldine Pailhas, Delphine Pacific

Other crap:

• Zoe Ball has sex symbol makeover
• Meet Robert Jackson. The 57-year-old Michigan man was hit Monday (2/24) with prostitution charges for organizing "CumFest 2003,"
• How did Tuna miss this Misty Mundae movie - "Lord of the G-Strings"? The adventures of Dildo Saggins in Diddle Earth.

•  where else but San Francisco? - a porn orchestra

• You think you hate musicals NOW, wait until you see Osama bin Laden - the Musical

• a Communism theme park - instead of waiting in line for Space Mountain, you wait in line for bread and shoes

• Sad - Art Garfunkel and Paul Simon "bickered like ex-spouses" at the sound check Sunday afternoon and almost didn't make it onto the stage later for the Grammys

• Starbucks is not amused by Playboy's search for the "Women of Starbucks"

• Bill Gates still the richest. "One notable name to drop from the list was German media magnate Leo Kirsch, who went from $11.5 billion to nothing in less than three years" . To give you an idea how incompetent that is - if you had 11.5 billion dollars earning a modest 6.5% annual interest, you could wake up every morning and throw two million dollars out the window, and you'd never lose one penny of your original 11.5 billion. You'd only be throwing away your interest. So think how hard this guy had to work to piss away 11.5 billion dollars in three years.
   

What're the odds?

75th Academy Awards: Best Director  

As promised, Michelle Bauer in "Spirits" (1991), dressing as a nun. That's a bad habit.

Two things wrong with this scene. Not Michelle, no siree. She plays a demon in a nun-suit, sent to tempt a priest by removing her outer garments (she is wearing no under-garments.. just like Sister Michelle, our teacher back in third grade). Got no problem with that at all. But if she's supposed to be, uh, attractive to a priest wouldn't if be a better idea if she dressed up like a twelve-year-old boy? That's the first thing. Second thing? The priest is played by Erik Estrada. Erik fucking Estrada! What kind of casting is that? Was Christopher Lambert busy that week? Did Joe Don Baker take a pass on the role? Is that why they had to settle for the third least likely person to play a priest? Erik wears a Notre Dame sweatshirt in this scene. Oh, okay...NOW I believe he's a priest.

This is a great scene for Michelle exposure, a couple minutes long, lots of hooter time and some bum to boot. Even a little bush but those frames (from videotape) ate the big one, so I left them out.

We got seven collages: hooters only in 1-4, as Michelle strips out of her costume and talks dirty to Father Erik, hooters and bum in 5 as the she and Erik play doctor (she asks him to turn his head and cough), and then back to upper exposure in 6 and 7, just before Michelle tries to put all of us out of our misery by sticking a knife in Erik's chubby little body. To her everlasting shame, she misses.

• Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

• Thumbnail Preview
• Thumbnail Preview
• Assorted full frontal nudes. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

Ross on "NYPD "Blue"
(1, 2)

WACKY PETA CRUSADE OF THE DAY: SWITCH BEER FOR MILK
It's Inhumane To Raise Ire In Captivity! - In Wisconsin, the animal rights group PETA is again calling on the governor to change the official state drink from milk to beer. They claim beer is healthier for humans than milk, milk is meant for calves, and cows suffer because of the dairy industry. Unfortunately, they've raised the ire of another pressure group, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, who got the beer-for-milk switch idea killed when they first brought it up two years ago.