Thirst (1979) is a vampire movie with an interesting premise that just doesn't deliver. Blood drinking has gone high tech, and they have a dairy full of "Blood Cows," who have completely untainted blood that they milk regularly. This is big business. For some reason that was never quite clear, the head of the organization wants Chantal Contouri, who is descended from a famous family of blood drinkers, to join their society and marry him. They kidnap her, and try to reprogram her psychologically to awaken the blood thirst they are sure she has.

Most of the film is either a dream, or a dream within a dream, or hypnotic suggestion. This gives them license to bring in every horror cliche from every horror film ever made. I wish they had further developed the idea of blood cows, and blood delivered fresh to your door in milk cartons, and ignored the plot against Contouri, but then we wouldn't have had the breast exposure from her in a before shower scene, then in the compulsory shower sprays blood scene.

Chantal Contouri was a new name to me, but she has 14 credits at IMDB, including a personal favorite Australian exploitation film called Alvin Rides Again, several Australian films and TV roles, and one film with a German title and mostly German cast and crew that IMDB says is French. Other than the fact that she is Greek born, there is noting more about her at IMDB. Her most recent credit is 1994.

Thirst is rated 4.4 at IMDB. Available reviews are at the bad movie sites, and not especially favorable. I was not impressed, although the transfer was rather good. This is for genre addicts only. C-.

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  • Chantal Contouri (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    New volumes: Amy Jo Johnson, Beverly Lynne, Sandy Johnson, Beverly Johnson, Jaime Pressly, Natalie Portman, Julia Parton, Dolly Parton, Kelly Preston, Gail Porter, Stella Porter, Angelique Pettyjohn, Geraldine Pailhas, Delphine Pacific

    Other crap:

    What're the odds?


    Scorcese now looking like a lock for best director. Polanski a long shot despite BAFTA win.

    75th Academy Awards: Best Director  

    From the Los Angeles Kodak Theatre in Hollywood, California. Closing Date: Mar 23, 2003 18:00

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Martin Scorsese 2/5
    Rob Marshall 23/10
    Stephen Daldry 4/1
    Roman Polanski 8/1
    Pedro Almodóvar 12/1


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    As promised, Michelle Bauer in "Spirits" (1991), dressing as a nun. That's a bad habit.

    Two things wrong with this scene. Not Michelle, no siree. She plays a demon in a nun-suit, sent to tempt a priest by removing her outer garments (she is wearing no under-garments.. just like Sister Michelle, our teacher back in third grade). Got no problem with that at all. But if she's supposed to be, uh, attractive to a priest wouldn't if be a better idea if she dressed up like a twelve-year-old boy? That's the first thing. Second thing? The priest is played by Erik Estrada. Erik fucking Estrada! What kind of casting is that? Was Christopher Lambert busy that week? Did Joe Don Baker take a pass on the role? Is that why they had to settle for the third least likely person to play a priest? Erik wears a Notre Dame sweatshirt in this scene. Oh, okay...NOW I believe he's a priest.

    This is a great scene for Michelle exposure, a couple minutes long, lots of hooter time and some bum to boot. Even a little bush but those frames (from videotape) ate the big one, so I left them out.

    We got seven collages: hooters only in 1-4, as Michelle strips out of her costume and talks dirty to Father Erik, hooters and bum in 5 as the she and Erik play doctor (she asks him to turn his head and cough), and then back to upper exposure in 6 and 7, just before Michelle tries to put all of us out of our misery by sticking a knife in Erik's chubby little body. To her everlasting shame, she misses.

    • Michelle Bauer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    A fantastic batch of nudes from famous photographer Helmut Newton.

    Angie Cepeda
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

    The Columbian actress showing very nice breast and bum exposure in scenes from "Pantaleón y las visitadoras" (1999).

    Candela Peña
    (1, 2)

    The Spanish actress topless in the tub in scenes from "Días contados" (1994).

    Ruth Gabriel
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    Toplessness and serious Euro-bush in more scenes from "Días contados".

    Charlotte Ross

    Ross on "NYPD "Blue"
    (1, 2)

    Ross posing nekkid in an anti-fur ad for Peta. Plus we also take another look at her "Blue" nudity.

    Jennifer Lopez
    (1, 2, 3)

    J-Lo's bum and some cleavage at the London premiere of "Maid in Manhattan".

    Elizabeth Hurley
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    The very shagadelic Hurley topless in DVD 'caps from "Weight of Water".

    Robyn Douglass
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    A little bit of nipple is scenes from the Steve Martin movie "The Lonely Guy" (1984). Vidcaps by Don Juan.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    It's Inhumane To Raise Ire In Captivity! - In Wisconsin, the animal rights group PETA is again calling on the governor to change the official state drink from milk to beer. They claim beer is healthier for humans than milk, milk is meant for calves, and cows suffer because of the dairy industry. Unfortunately, they've raised the ire of another pressure group, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, who got the beer-for-milk switch idea killed when they first brought it up two years ago.

  • But so much has changed since then...
  • They've even planned the ads...The slogan: "Got Beer?"... And there's a picture of Norm from "Cheers" with foam on his upper lip.
  • It would make it easier to burp babies.
  • Hey, beer made Milwaukee famous, and it can do the same for the whole state!

    I See Your G-Spot - Britain's Advertising Standards Authority rejected calls to censor a Gucci ad in the February Vogue magazine that showed a model's panties pulled down to reveal Gucci's "G" logo shaved into her pubic hair. It was taken by Mario Testino, a favorite photographer of Princess Diana and Madonna. The watchdogs said that while many people might find it tasteless, it was unlikely to offend Vogue readers and was targeted at "modern, fashion-conscious and sophisticated adults," not children.

  • Why, children don't even HAVE pubic hair!
  • Although a surprising number of 12-year-old boys bought the February Vogue.
  • Besides, it's the perfect accessory with Gucci's new ultra low-rise jeans.
  • Something tells me Madonna liked posing for this guy more than Princess Di did.
  • Would they have censored it if Prada had done this with a "P"?

    We Told You: "Even Stupider Women!" - Fresh off a February ratings sweep victory among young viewers, Fox TV announced plans for two more reality shows. One is a sequel to "Joe Millionaire." They say they've come up with a way to get around everyone knowing the secret, but they won't say how. They did promise that the sequel will be true to the "values" of the original.

  • Those values being greed and dishonesty.
  • This time, the women will all be clinically brain-damaged.

    Don't Pick The Guy In The Hockey Mask - Fox also announced plans for a dating show called "Mr. Personality," in which a woman has to pick her match from 20 bachelors based on personality rather than looks because they'll all wear masks.

  • Great: you could end up married to Michael Jackson!
  • Here's a tip: if he can answer trivia questions about "Lord of the Rings," don't take him.
  • If they do this with a man, the women will have to wear baggy shirts that hide their breasts.