Contraband (1980) is a Lucio Fulci gangster film staring Fabio Testi as Luca (the Italian title translates Luca and the Contraband) as a cigarette smuggler. He works with his brother, and business must be very good. When the police are tipped to a drop, which is done by transferring the cigarettes from a mother ship to a fleet of blue motorboats, they complain that they lost 2 or 3 million. That is a lot of cigarettes to stuff in three motorboats. After the raid, they must, of course, find out who ratted on them. It at first looks like it is other Mafia dons in their organization, but after Luca's brother is killed, he finds that they bad guy is a Frenchman who wants to take over the blue motorboat fleet to smuggle drugs.

The Frenchman kills all of the other Capos, then kidnaps Luca's wife, and rapes and sodomizes her while Luca listens on the phone, all in an attempt to win him over. The Frenchman is a real sweet heart. In another notorious scene, he burns a woman's face with a blowtorch because she brought him inferior drugs.

Ivana Monti, as Luca's wife, shows all three Bs during the rape scene. Cintia Lodetti shows breasts having sex with a mobster, and an unknown shows full frontal while her mobster boyfriend is having a phone conversation. IMDB readers rate this 7.0, and the few reviews on the net are favorable. The gore is nearly on a par with Testi's horror films. There are dozens of shootings, and every shot causes some body part to explode. Testi is a competent actor, and many of the parts were well done, if one dimensional stereotypes. The dubbing, as is often the case, was shrill and irritating. As a gangster film, I will give this a C-.

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  • Cintia Lodetti (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Ivana Monti (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Yikes - I got iced in by the storm today, and couldn't get to Blockbuster for my weekly ration.


    Other crap:

    What're the odds?



    Wimbledon 2003: Odds to win the Women's Singles Title

    From the All England Lawn Tennis & Croquet Club in London, England - June 23 to July 5. Closing Date: May 06, 2003 06:00

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Serena Williams 7/10
    Venus Williams 5/2
    Kim Clijsters 11/2
    Jennifer Capriati 13/1
    Lindsay Davenport 13/1
    Monica Seles 66/1



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    From Tueday Night's "NYPD Blue"...Charlotte NUDE!
    • Charlotte Ross, large individual frames. Rear nudity in links 1,2 and 5. Possible pubes in #3? Almost frontal nudity as only her hands cover the goods in links 6 and 7. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    • Charlotte Ross collage
    • Charlotte Ross collage #2.

    From the 1993 Madonna flick, "Body Of Evidence".

    As always, the Material Girl's acting was horrible, but at least she was nekkid!

    Elenea Ballesteros
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    A few topless 'caps from the movie "EL Lugar donde estuvo el paraíso" (2001).

    Tiffani Thiessen
    (1, 2)

    Undies, cleavage and stuffed into tight shirts in scenes from "The Ladies Man" and "Hollywood Ending".

    Lidia San Jose The young Spanish actress topless in scenes from the movie "Cosa de Brujas" (still in the theaters).

    Nathalie Seseña Another Spanish actress going topless. This time in scenes from "Marujas asesinas" (2001).

    Neus Asensi Also topless in scenes from "Marujas asesinas".

    Carla Hidalgo Another Spanish beauty baring some skin. This time it's side/rear breast views in scenes from "Tuno Negro".

    Tanya Dempsey
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    Undies and down shirt views from the straight-to-video flick, "Deathbed" (2002). The best exposure is the down shirt 'caps in links 1-6 and a thong view in link #11.

    Brooke Burns
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The model, "Baywatch" babe and host of the reality series "Dog Eat Dog" looking good as she shows some partial breast exposure for the March '03 issue of Maxim.

    Catherine McQueen
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Proteus scans of the UK model and actress posing topless for Loaded Magazine.

    Vanessa Kelly A gorgeous topless scans by Nero.

    Teri Copley Breasts, bum and near frontal views in the 1990 grade-z movie "Down the Drain".

    Denise Van Outen
    (1, 2, 3)

    New 'caps by Watty of the UK TV babe showing some impressive cleavage.

    Nikki Fritz
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Samantha Phillips
    (1, 2)

    Griffin Drew
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Alexus Winston
    (1, 2, 3)

    Unlike the movie it spoofs, "The Bare Wench" was actually worthy of a sequel. After all, Bare Wench sequel=more boobs! So here is Señor Skin's take on "The Bare Wench Project 2: Scared Topless".

    The Nudity:
    Nikki Fritz: topless in all 4
    Former Pet and "Hot Springs Hotel" star Sam Phillips: topless.

    Griffin Drew: robo-hooters in links 1,2,4 and 11. Bush in #3, rear nudity in #5.
    Alexus Winston: toplessness with rare, natural breasts.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Shut Up Or I'll Kill You - A group calling itself Kyliefansunited has published an open letter to Kylie Minogue, urging her to quit flaunting her famous rear end. They call it the "Ban The Bum" campaign. They say they know her gold hotpants were a good marketing tool, but now, all the attention to her shapely bottom is overshadowing her musical talent. They blame journalists for "turning your ass into a megastar," and say they're "bummed out" over it and want her to cover it up.

  • No butts!
  • Another group calling itself "All The Heterosexual Males In The World" told them to shove their letter.
  • They're right: the media should stop focusing on Kylie's butt and pay more attention to her breasts.
  • It's like what happened to J-Lo, except that showing off her butt IS her musical talent.

    Penis Enmity - Some Harvard athletes made a 9-foot penis out of snow, and it set off a firestorm. Feminist students claimed it was pornographic, degrading and created a "violent atmosphere." They knocked it down as some male students jeered, which one of the feminists said was "gendered violence" because "their comments were made in the context of our gender." A feminist professor compared the snow penis to other phallic symbols of power forced on women, such as missiles and the Washington Monument. The school has scheduled a group discussion tonight of feminist perspectives on the snow penis. One of the guys who built it said it was just a joke, and "smart kids overanalyze things."

  • Then these feminist girls must be GENIUSES!
  • They're also extremely intimidated by snowballs.
  • It DID create a violent atmosphere...The feminists became extremely violent.
  • Some male students also felt pretty intimidated by it.
  • These girls proved they could turn even a 9-foot penis into mush.
  • The guys who jeered them denied that it was gender violence because they couldn't even tell what gender the feminists were.

    She Looks Cold - Crystal Lynn of Kent, Ohio, was stunned when the police arrived to tell her that an anonymous man had complained about her "inappropriate snow figure." She'd built a snow woman with the usual carrot nose, etc., but with two blobs of snow for a bosom. The cops wanted her to cut off the snow woman's breasts, but she said "no woman wants that," so she draped a tablecloth over the shoulders instead, "like she was getting ready to go to a party." Lynn said she was insulted because "it's just snow."

  • Maybe if she'd taken off the cherry nipples...
  • Yes, Ned Flanders is based on a real person.
  • Now she looks like she's going to a party...An Amish party.
  • And some Harvard feminists complained that the carrot was too phallic.