Monday

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Beverly Hills Bordello (The Bachelor Party" Episode: #3.1 - 1998) is typical of the Showtime series with the premise of a great bordello, full of beautiful women, that goes above and beyond to make fantasies come true. All episodes feature great looking women showing mostly breasts and buns, a guest star or two, rather tame simulated sex, and lots of hugging. It appears to me that it is aimed at a couples market. That being said, the set design is lush, and the photography and lighting are not bad. There is a lot of motion blur, and way too many cross-fades, both of which make getting clear caps more work.

In this episode, soon-to-be bride Lexy Greer, whom IMDB missed in the credits and has never heard of, doesn't trust her fiancee's friends with the bachelor party. She discovers that it is at the Beverly Hills Bordello, and infiltrates. This is a respectable genre effort and no more. C.

UPDATES:

New encyclopedia volumes: Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, Renata Maciel, Penelope Cruz

I think you all know who Madonna, BB, and MM are. Maciel is a catwalk model.

I noticed two things when I did the Cruz volume.

• for a girl in her mid 20's, she's assembled a pretty hefty list of nude scenes. Six movies with extended topless scenes, and three more peeks. Among mainstream actresses still in their 20's, I'm going to guess than only Elodie Bouchez has more. Unlike Bouchez, however, Cruz has never shown anything much except her breasts.
• she has to be in the top ten in paparazzi pics as well, trailing only Liz Hurley and Victoria Abril among women that come immediately to mind

The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

OLYMPICS:

I hate writing serious stuff, but I waited and waited for someone in the press to get to the heart of the figure skating issue, and nobody ever did.

Here's the point everyone misses: the French judge did nothing out of the ordinary. She just got caught in the middle of the intrigues in an event which is "fixed". Ask yourself this question, "how did the American and Canadian judges justify giving the second best scores to that Russian couple?" If they had given them the bad marks that they deserved, the French judge's scores would have been irrelevant. The answer is because everything in figure skating is collegial, pre-determined, and the scores are the result of  intrigues rather than performances. There is not much difference between the scores that the French judge gave the Russians and the scores that the American judge gave the Russians. The only fractional difference, is that one rated the Russians slightly higher than the Canadians, the other slightly lower.

Let me be clear here, because the American press, as always, missed the point. The American judge is corrupt.

Oh, yeah, the Russian judge is corrupt. The French judge is corrupt. If Estonia had a judge, they would be corrupt as well. But our guys are just as bad. From what I've read, the Canadians may be the worst of all.

The Olympians don't even have to show up for the Olympics. If the Russians had done in any other sport what they did in figure skating, they would have finished totally out of the running, like that crazy American skiier who just barrels down at full speed and hopes that he hits the course. That guy fell from 2nd to 28th on the final day, which is about what should have happened to the Russian couple.

The difference between figure skating and skiing is that in skiing if you are the best skiier in the world and screw up, you go home with nothing. In figure skating, if people universally consider you the best in the world, and you completely screw up, the worst you can do is a silver.

Provided, of course, that your judge has made the right deals with the other judges.

Frankly, I don't see any solution to the problem except the obvious one. The judging is only a small part of the issue. The larger issue is that figure skating is not a sport, and it does not belong in a sporting event. Get it out of the Olympics and into the arenas where they hold Wrestlemania and other athletic exhibitions with a pre-determined outcome, or make it a pure non-competitive exhibition, like ballet or the Ice Capades.

By the way, congrats to Team Canada for a sweet game in the hockey finals, eh?

• Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

First up...set the way back machine to 1976 for "Eaten Alive". This movie has more aliases than a soft/hard core pornstar! AKA "Death Trap"...aka "Horror Hotel"...aka "Horror Hotel Massacre"...aka "Legend of the Bayou"...aka "Murder on the Bayou"... aka "Starlight Slaughter"!

This was the sophomore effort from director Tobe Hooper after his debut with "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and according to all reviews I found...it's a weird one.

One little piece of trivia before introducing the goodies....that blonde guy wearing the wife-beater with Roberta Collins is none other than Freddy Kruger, Robert Englund!

On to the fun stuff...

• Roberta Collins in a see-thru nightie. (1, 2, 3)

• Crystin Sinclaire showing off a lovely chest. (1, 2, 3)

• Marilyn Burns being chased in her underwear and then winding up as the "Babe in Bondage" tied to a bed. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Part two is a "Lite" and "Bondage" combo as Hankster takes a look at Shannen Doherty in 1994's "Blindfold: Acts of Obsession"

• Shannen Doherty. Breast exposure in links #1,2,4,6,7,8, and 11. Tied up, gagged, blindfolded and/or handcuffed in links #4,5,9,12, and 13.
  (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

• Kate Moss, shows a bit of nipple.
• Ingrid Seynhaeve, fully nude with breast exposure.
• Emma Hemming undies only, but she wearing a see-thru bra.

Marie Bäumer

Kind offer
AFTER reading on PAGE SIX how Daryl Hannah pole-dances stripper-style in order to stay in shape, New York's newest gentlemen's club has come forward to offer its services. The owners of Silk, opening on West 38th Street in May, are offering Hannah a free lifetime membership to work out with their poles anytime she likes, as well as free training sessions with Silk's "top-level dancers." We look forward to catching a session.