Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated.

Charlie wrote:

You wondered about "Les Bronzes 3: amis pour la vie." It is the third installment of a series starring a group of actors known as Le Splendide. They made several movies in the late 70s early 80s, most of them being cult movies. The best one is called "Le Pere Noel est une ordure." ("Santa Claus is a real bastard.") Since they split, they have gone on to successful solo careers, but this is the first time they are reunited, so the project created huge expectations. The movie opened 3 weeks ago, and it has already sold more than 8 million tickets - even though it is really lame!

Scoop's note:

Some perspective. The population of the USA is five times that of France, so the number Charlie cited is equivalent to selling 40 million tickets in the USA. Imagine a film reaching $300 million in three weeks, and you can assess the magnitude of this phenomenon.




Here are my thoughts on The Weather Man. (Caps in yesterday's edition.)



Rent (2005):

"525,600 minutes is about how long this movie felt"

Film Threat

I wrote in a recent review of Domino that the film advocates a self-defeating argument about the American media and their obsession with violence and celebrity - since the only media whores obsessed with Domino Harvey were the imaginary ones in the movie. The fact that the film had to make it all up, because the real media virtually ignored Domino, demonstrates that the film's premise was wrong to begin with. Only one person was obsessed with Domino Harvey - director Tony Scott. In fact, Scott appears to have been the only one gullible enough to have believed any of Domino's stories in the first place! Rent has the same problem. It is a modernization and Americanization of a Puccini opera, La Boheme, and it began as a highly successful Broadway play, eighth on the all-time Broadway list with about 4,000 performances, and a gross of $210 million. Yup, that's right. It was a play which celebrated the rejection of the consumerist mentality, and you only had to fork over 200 bucks a pop to see it.

Ya know, I'm just not thrilled with the blend of Italian opera convention and neo-realism. When you go to one of those Puccini operas, it seems kind of quaint and conventional that they sing every word, but it doesn't seem that stilted because

(1) they follow the old-fashioned theater conventions, and don't perform in "real time" scenarios - they don't sing everyday verbiage like "I have to take a shit" or "why don't you ever buy enough bagels?"

(2) the whole friggin' thing is in Italian, anyway, so even if they did sing about their bowel movements, I wouldn't care. Hell, I can't even understand the words to most songs in English, so when they sing in Italian I have no clue. I can just listen to the beautiful music and feel the general sense of the words. When Butterfly sings "Un bel di," the meaning is entirely in my head and exists apart from the words. She might actually be singing about re-capping her tires, and I would never know it.

The musical convention of singing every word is less comfortable for me in these new-wave musicals where they do include mundane verbiage and, what's worse, I can occasionally understand it. The opening song of Rent is basically a rendering of Pi to about forty decimal places with a chorus singing "Love" in counterpoint. Later on, they do a bluesy wail of "I'd like a table for eight," and the heartfelt response, "Sorry, sir, there will be a half-hour wait. Have a drink in the bar." Of course, there were a few songs where my toes were tapping and I was happily constructing improvised harmonies and humming along - until I snapped out of my trance and realized they were singing about the advanced stages of degenerative diseases. It was catchy, though. Man, if you like music, being gay is suh-weet. You get most of the good songs in general, and all the good fatal disease songs. Straight people have a ton of catching up to do on death music. Seems like gay people are always singin' and dancin' about AIDS, but where are the catchy tunes for cancer or heart disease?

Plus if you're gay, you can share clothes, and you are never expected to pick up the whole check for two people eating together. I should look into that. I wonder if it works like becoming a Catholic. By that I mean that when you convert to Catholicism you don't get to pick and choose the parts you like. You can't tell the priest, "OK, I buy into the blood of Christ, but not the body." No, you accept the whole package, or your application is denied. Is it the same with being gay? I wonder if you are allowed to be gay without giving blow jobs or attending Cher  concerts. Do they make exceptions for converts? Cuz I might agree to sing YMCA, but I ain't gonna go see Ricky Martin, and I absolutely ain't gonna Macarena or do the Hand Jive in public.

IMDb doesn't include any breakdown for straight/gay preference, but the male/female breakdown places Rent in ultra-chick-flick territory. The male-female differential of 1.6 comes close to the all time champion chick-flick, Dirty Dancing (1.9). Rent is scored 6.7 by males, 8.3 by females, with the strongest support coming from females under 18 (9.0). Even the male score of 6.7 is not such a bad score. Even if you factor out a presumed number of gay guys who loved it, hetero men must still have scored it about six. On the other hand, the top 1000 voters, those movie geeks who review hundreds of movies, hate the film and score it only 4.1! Critics were split down the middle.

The performers in this film all do a great job. They should. They've played the roles enough times. Six of the eight come from the original Broadway cast, including two who are now married to one another (Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel), who first met while doing the play in New York. The two exceptions were Daphne Rubin-Vega and Fredi Walker, the original Broadway Mimi and Joanne. Walker, by her own admission, was too old to play Joanne. Rubin-Vega was not only too old (34) to play Mimi (19) on screen, but was pregnant as well. The two newcomers including rising star Rosario Dawson, who adds singing and dancing to her list of accomplishments. All cast members, original cast and additions, are committed to their characters.

As for those characters, here are my recommendations to the ones left alive, if any:

1. Get jobs.

2. Pay your rent

3. Pool your remaining money.

4. Hire a real songwriter.

Idina Menzel
Rosario Dawson (no nudity, but hot)



Other Crap:

Yahoo Mail reverses ban on 'allah' in usernames  

"The amount of video online is skyrocketing, putting new stress on ISP networks

Google Page Creator is in Beta Test

"Spider-Man wears a black suit in Spider-Man 3."

Ass Art - the genius of butt-painting Dead Pool 2006

URL says it all:

The Navy's Swimming Spy Plane It floats, it flies, it submerges.

Headline of the day: "David Beckham's Still Got It!
Superstar's penis gets the better of him..."

"Brad Renfro pleads guilty to heroin charges"  

New Guns N' Roses songs leak to internet

"Wife Loses 103 Pounds While Husband in Iraq"

  • In a related story, Britney asked why Federline hasn't been sent there yet.

"Good Morning America" and Britney Spears have special plans for Mardi Gras 2006

  • I'm not sure what those plans are, but I'm betting "vast amounts of rich food" and "reckless driving" are in there somewhere. Y'betcha!

The trailer for Americano

  • "'Americano' is set against the backdrop of Spain's centuries-old Fiesta de San Fermin, better known as The Running of the Bulls at Pamplona. Chris McKinley (Joshua Jackson), a recent college graduate backpacking through Europe, savors his last three days of freedom before boarding the career fast track back in the States. In Pamplona with his best friend, Ryan (Timm Sharp), and Ryan's girlfriend Michelle (Ruthanna Hopper), Chris meets a quintessential Spanish beauty Adela (Leonor Varela) and an enigmatic provocateur Riccardo (Dennis Hopper), both of whom encourage him to rethink his life. As the minutes and seconds until his departure tick away, Chris struggles with an age-old question - should he follow the beaten path, or risk it all on the road less traveled?"

Borowitz: "BUSH VOWS TO ALIENATE REMAINING POCKETS OF SUPPORT" President Determined to Drive Approval Rating Down to Zero

"Colbert Report: Olympic Reenactment" ... "Chad Hedrick is absolutely right, and not just because he's a bong."

"Colbert Olympic Report: USA? USA?" ... "You can't chant 'We're Number 3, and by the way, so is Russia!'"

Colbert talks about the guy he shot over the weekend.

Colbert: Better Know a District - New Jersey's 13th

  • "Not familiar with the Jersey Smell? Start your car, then lie under it with your half-eaten goat."

DAILY SHOW: Turns out "This deal with Dubai is actually just quid pro quo because they took Michael Jackson off our hands."

Everything you ever wanted to know about the NFL Combine: National Invitational Camp

Captain Kirk Update: Music review: the genius that is Shatner. This may be the only time Shatner has ever gotten a non-ironic positive review of one of his albums.

Philip Seymour Hoffman to play Roger Ebert in new Russ Meyer biopic.

Now THAT's a Sand Castle

Oh, oh! Those environmentalists may be right. Yellow, Oily Snow Falls on Remote Russian Island

"Spongeback Mountain!

  • "Spongebob Squarepants + Brokeback Mountain"
  • I know you're all getting tired of Brokeback parodies but this one is quite appropriate.

Wrestling returns to network TV - NBC Saturday

VW strikes again: Un-Pimp My Ride [VIDEOS]

"Perfect 10 is likely to succeed in proving that Google directly infringes its copyright by creating and displaying thumbnail copies of its photographs."  

This week's movies (1500 theaters): Running Scared - 33% positive reviews

This website claims to have several captures from the alleged lesbotronic sex tape between Nicole Lenz and Paris Hilton

The Passion of The Christ 2 (Totally blasphemous, and pretty damned funny.)

Charles Bronson: Death Wish Body Count. 21 minute video. Entertaining - with female nudity as a bonus.

Nostalgia: The 1978 Village People Video: "YMCA"

Set Visit: X-Men: The Last Stand!  

"Trump Challenges Stewart To Face Him On WWE SmackDown"

The Jessica Simpson Divorce Quiz

The HQ trailer for Ask The Dust

  • This Robert Towne looks pretty good, the photography is aces, and Hayek is supposed to be naked a lot. Now that's entertainment.

The trailer from Lucky Number Slevin

  • Big cast: Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, Gandhi, Lucy Liu, Josh Hartnett
  • "Lucky Number Slevin" is set in the world of New York gangsters and follows a case of mistaken identity, which lands Hartnett's character (Slevin) in the middle of a murder being plotted by one of the city's most notorious crime bosses."

Another celebrity sex tape?. I hate the kind of coy, Hedda Hopper-syle, anonymous posturing practiced here, but here's what the site says (without offering any supporting evidence):

  • "This one might be good, and I mean really good! Remember the remake of PLANET OF THE APES with Marky Mark from the funky bunch? WELLLLLLLLLLLL, one of the 'female' stars of the movie made a naughty sex tape and it's now making the rounds to various porn companies. Word is that someone is ready to place cashola in escrow to secure a viewing of the tape and make a purchase! And it's not the company you might think!"


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.





Vice Squad (1982)

Vice Squad (1982) was based on real Hollywood vice cases, and was one of the first attempts to capture the feel of real-life police work.

Under the pseudonym of Princess, Season Hubley hooks to support a young daughter. She is a streetwalking outlaw (i.e., she has no pimp), and is soon busted. Meanwhile, her good friend tries to leave the evil nut-case pimp named Ramrod (Wings Hauser), and is beaten to death, her vagina mutilated with a "pimp stick," or folded wire coat hanger. The vice lieutenant coerces Princess into setting up Ramrod in return for her freedom. She does, but Ramrod unfortunately escapes, and the entire Hollywood vice squad must find either him or her before she meets the same fate as her girlfriend.

We then see a realistic view of the life of a hooker, as she services several clients, unaware that Ramrod has escaped. There are also humorous moments, gritty violence and chase scenes, all building up to a heart-throbbing ending sequence.

The film takes place over a single night, and director Gary Sherman chose to do all of the shooting at night. He also chose to avoid hand-held and steadicam shots, preferring to have steady framing. He wanted the subject to be gritty, but the look of the film to be clear, as if in a Life magazine photo of a slum. I am always in favor of films you can actually see and not get seasick, so I applaud this choice.  The lighting and photography were executed to perfection by Kubrick's favorite cinematographer, John Alcott, who won the cinematography Oscar for Barry Lyndon.

A look at his career tells the story. There are some extremely strong movies at the top.

  1. (8.40) - A Clockwork Orange (1971)
  2. (8.30) - The Shining (1980)
  3. (7.99) - Barry Lyndon (1975)
  4. (6.99) - No Way Out (1987)
  5. (6.97) - Under Fire (1983)
  6. (6.30) - Fort Apache the Bronx (1981)
  7. (6.20) - Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe? (1978)
  8. (5.90) - Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984)
  9. (5.84) - The Disappearance (1977)
  10. (5.84) - March or Die (1977)
  11. (5.55) - White Water Summer (1987)
  12. (5.41) - The Beastmaster (1982)
  13. (5.36) - Terror Train (1980)
  14. (5.36) - Triumphs of a Man Called Horse (1982)
  15. (5.36) - Vice Squad (1982)
  16. (5.22) - Miracles (1986)
  17. (4.50) - Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (1985)

IMDb readers rate Vice Squad five and change, but I thought it was much better than that, as did many who commented at IMDb. Wings Hauser completely sells the role of Ramrod as an out-of-control psycho. (He also sang the eerie song, Neon Slime, played during the opening sequence.) Since this technique has now been done to death, I suppose it is a C by our rating system, but back in the day, it would have merited a much higher mark.


Season Hubley  shows buns, and one breast.


Divorce Law - Tools of the Gardener (1993)

In this episode:

  • A wealthy older man is trying to divorce his much younger wife (Heather Swanson) on the grounds that he caught her cheating with the gardener.
  • A wife of a wealthy gynecologist to the stars, Selina Savage, feels he has gotten too kinky for her, and might be cheating. Actress and former patient Raven Berger is able to confirm the cheating. My favorite scene in this episode had Selina Savage in a hospital gown kneeling in front of hubby, and licking the head of an ice cream cone he had sticking out of his zipper. I must admit, that is something I have not yet tried. Now let me finish this review and find an ice cream cone.


Heather Swanson

Raven Burger

Selina Savage




Today we take a roll in the hay at "Sex Spa 2". With a title like that I think you can guess what this one is about, so let's take a look at this soft-core film, which has some regular porn stars doing about half of what they usually do ...  but still plenty of non-stop skin to view..

First up is a cutie billed only as August. She does her deed in the great outdoors.

Then it's porn star Mary Carey. She gets a little extra from her guy at the spa.

Jessica Drake gets it on with two different men. This is called spreading the wealth.

More from this epic tomorrow.




LC has been in the future again, to capture 2001 Maniacs. From left to right, Bianca Smith, Christa Campbell, Cristen Beavers and Kodi Kitchen, Gina Marie Heekin, Marla Malcolm, Wendy Kremer

This comes to DVD on March 28th, but so far the studio has only announced an R-rated version.

LC also reported back on the nudity in Don't Come Knocking. There is some, but we don't know who it is.

Heather Graham in Cake. No nudity but, hey, it's Rollergirl

Rebecca Romijn in the making of the SI calendar.

Really sexy non-nude shot of Zooey Deschanel






Pat Reeder's comments in yellow:

Paul Walker, star of the #1 movie "Eight Below," is sick of stars whining about the paparazzi in Los Angeles.  He said if they don't like it, "Move.  Get the fuck out.  You don't like the press, why the hell are you shopping on Rodeo Drive?  Come on, it's easy to disappear if you want to."

*  Go to Antarctica!

*  Just ask Steve Gutenberg.

*  One good way to go completely unnoticed: co-star in a movie with eight
adorable dogs.

*  Unfortunately, all the stars we wish would disappear never do.

Police in Indianapolis arrested Cecil Carmer for misrepresenting his
identity after they stopped his car and allegedly found equipment and ingredients for making meth; and he tried to pass himself off as his brother Robert.  That might have worked if he hadn't had the name "Cecil" tattooed across the back of his neck

* And the words "I Love Meth" tattooed on his forehead

* He's not just the president of the meth business, he's also a client.