Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated.
You wondered about "Les Bronzes 3: amis pour la vie." It is the
third installment of a series starring a group of actors known
as Le Splendide. They made several movies in the late 70s early
80s, most of them being cult movies. The best one is called "Le
Pere Noel est une ordure." ("Santa Claus is a real bastard.")
Since they split, they have gone on to successful solo careers,
but this is the first time they are reunited, so the project
created huge expectations. The movie opened 3 weeks ago, and it
has already sold more than 8 million tickets - even though it is
Some perspective. The population of the USA is five times
that of France, so the number Charlie cited is equivalent to
selling 40 million tickets in the USA. Imagine a film reaching
$300 million in three weeks, and you can assess the magnitude of
Here are my thoughts on The Weather Man.
(Caps in yesterday's edition.)
"525,600 minutes is about how long this movie felt"
I wrote in a recent review of Domino that the
film advocates a self-defeating argument about the American media and
their obsession with violence and celebrity - since the only media
whores obsessed with Domino Harvey were the imaginary ones in the
movie. The fact that the film had to make it all up, because the real
media virtually ignored Domino, demonstrates that the film's premise
was wrong to begin with. Only one person was obsessed with Domino
Harvey - director Tony Scott. In fact, Scott appears to have been the
only one gullible enough to have believed any of Domino's stories in
the first place! Rent has the same problem. It is a modernization and
Americanization of a Puccini opera, La Boheme, and it began as a
highly successful Broadway play, eighth
on the all-time Broadway list with about 4,000 performances, and a
gross of $210 million.
Yup, that's right. It was a play which celebrated
the rejection of the consumerist mentality, and you only had to fork
over 200 bucks a pop to see it.
Ya know, I'm just not thrilled with the blend of Italian opera
convention and neo-realism. When you go to one of those Puccini
operas, it seems kind of quaint and conventional that they sing every
word, but it doesn't seem that stilted because
(1) they follow the old-fashioned theater conventions, and don't
perform in "real time" scenarios - they don't sing everyday verbiage
like "I have to take a shit" or "why don't you ever buy enough
(2) the whole friggin' thing is in Italian, anyway, so even
if they did sing about their bowel movements, I wouldn't care. Hell,
I can't even understand the words to most songs in English, so when
they sing in Italian I have no clue. I can just listen to the beautiful
music and feel the general sense of the words. When Butterfly sings
"Un bel di," the meaning is entirely in my head and exists apart
from the words. She might actually be singing about re-capping her
tires, and I would never know it.
The musical convention of singing every word
is less comfortable for me in these new-wave musicals where they do
include mundane verbiage and, what's worse, I can occasionally
understand it. The opening song of Rent is basically a rendering of Pi
to about forty decimal places with a chorus singing "Love" in
counterpoint. Later on, they do a bluesy wail of "I'd like a table for
eight," and the heartfelt response, "Sorry, sir, there will be a
half-hour wait. Have a drink in the bar." Of course, there were a few
songs where my toes were tapping and I was happily constructing
improvised harmonies and humming along - until I snapped out of my
trance and realized they were singing about the advanced stages of
degenerative diseases. It was catchy, though. Man, if you like music,
being gay is suh-weet. You get most of the good songs in general, and
all the good fatal disease songs. Straight people have a ton of
catching up to do on death music. Seems like gay people are always
singin' and dancin' about AIDS, but where are the catchy tunes for
cancer or heart disease?
Plus if you're
gay, you can share clothes, and you are never expected to pick up the
whole check for two people eating together. I should look into that. I
wonder if it works like becoming a Catholic. By that I mean that when
you convert to Catholicism you don't get to pick and choose the parts
you like. You can't tell the priest, "OK, I buy into the blood of
Christ, but not the body." No, you accept the whole package, or your
application is denied. Is it the same with being gay? I wonder if you
are allowed to be gay without giving blow jobs or attending Cher
concerts. Do they make exceptions for converts? Cuz I might agree to
sing YMCA, but I ain't gonna go see Ricky Martin, and I absolutely
ain't gonna Macarena or do the Hand Jive in public.
IMDb doesn't include any breakdown for
straight/gay preference, but the male/female breakdown places Rent in
ultra-chick-flick territory. The male-female differential of 1.6 comes
close to the all time champion chick-flick, Dirty Dancing (1.9). Rent
is scored 6.7 by males, 8.3 by females, with the strongest support
coming from females under 18 (9.0). Even the male score of 6.7 is not
such a bad score. Even if you factor out a presumed number of gay guys
who loved it, hetero men must still have scored it about six. On the
other hand, the top 1000 voters, those movie geeks who review hundreds
of movies, hate the film and score it only 4.1! Critics were split
down the middle.
The performers in this film all do a great job.
They should. They've played the roles enough times. Six of the
eight come from the original Broadway cast, including two who are now
married to one another (Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel), who first met while doing the
play in New York. The two exceptions were Daphne Rubin-Vega and Fredi Walker, the
original Broadway Mimi and Joanne. Walker, by her own admission, was too old to play Joanne.
Rubin-Vega was not only too old (34) to play Mimi (19) on screen, but
was pregnant as well.
The two newcomers including rising star
Rosario Dawson, who adds singing and dancing to her list of
accomplishments. All cast members, original cast and additions, are committed to their
As for those characters, here are my
recommendations to the ones left alive, if any:
1. Get jobs.
2. Pay your rent
3. Pool your remaining money.
4. Hire a real songwriter.
|Rosario Dawson (no
nudity, but hot)
New Guns N' Roses songs leak to internet
"Wife Loses 103 Pounds While Husband in Iraq"
- In a related story, Britney asked why Federline
hasn't been sent there yet.
"Good Morning America" and Britney Spears have special
plans for Mardi Gras 2006
- I'm not sure what those plans are, but I'm betting
"vast amounts of rich food" and "reckless driving" are
in there somewhere. Y'betcha!
The trailer for Americano
- "'Americano' is set against the backdrop of Spain's
centuries-old Fiesta de San Fermin, better known as The
Running of the Bulls at Pamplona. Chris McKinley (Joshua
Jackson), a recent college graduate backpacking through
Europe, savors his last three days of freedom before
boarding the career fast track back in the States. In
Pamplona with his best friend, Ryan (Timm Sharp), and
Ryan's girlfriend Michelle (Ruthanna Hopper), Chris
meets a quintessential Spanish beauty Adela (Leonor
Varela) and an enigmatic provocateur Riccardo (Dennis
Hopper), both of whom encourage him to rethink his life.
As the minutes and seconds until his departure tick
away, Chris struggles with an age-old question - should
he follow the beaten path, or risk it all on the road
"BUSH VOWS TO ALIENATE REMAINING POCKETS OF SUPPORT"
President Determined to Drive Approval Rating Down to Zero
"Colbert Report: Olympic Reenactment" ... "Chad
Hedrick is absolutely right, and not just because he's a
"Colbert Olympic Report: USA? USA?" ... "You can't
chant 'We're Number 3, and by the way, so is Russia!'"
Colbert talks about the guy he shot over the weekend.
Colbert: Better Know a District - New Jersey's 13th
- "Not familiar with the Jersey Smell? Start your car,
then lie under it with your half-eaten goat."
Turns out "This deal with Dubai is actually just quid pro
quo because they took Michael Jackson off our hands."
Everything you ever wanted to know about the
NFL Combine: National Invitational Camp
Captain Kirk Update:
Music review: the genius that is Shatner. This may be
the only time Shatner has ever gotten a non-ironic
positive review of one of his albums.
Philip Seymour Hoffman to play Roger Ebert in new Russ
Now THAT's a Sand Castle
Oh, oh! Those environmentalists may be right.
Yellow, Oily Snow Falls on Remote Russian Island
- "Spongebob Squarepants + Brokeback Mountain"
- I know you're all getting tired of Brokeback
parodies but this one is quite appropriate.
Wrestling returns to network TV - NBC Saturday
VW strikes again: Un-Pimp My Ride [VIDEOS]
"Perfect 10 is likely to succeed in proving that Google
directly infringes its copyright by creating and
displaying thumbnail copies of its photographs."
This week's movies (1500 theaters):
Running Scared - 33% positive reviews
This website claims to have several captures from the
alleged lesbotronic sex tape between Nicole Lenz and Paris
The Passion of The Christ 2
(Totally blasphemous, and pretty damned funny.)
Charles Bronson: Death Wish Body Count.
21 minute video. Entertaining - with female nudity as a
The 1978 Village People Video: "YMCA"
Set Visit: X-Men: The Last Stand!
"Trump Challenges Stewart To Face Him On WWE SmackDown"
The Jessica Simpson Divorce Quiz
The HQ trailer for Ask The Dust
- This Robert Towne looks pretty good, the photography
is aces, and Hayek is supposed to be naked a lot. Now
The trailer from Lucky Number Slevin
- Big cast: Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, Gandhi, Lucy
Liu, Josh Hartnett
- "Lucky Number Slevin" is set in the world of New
York gangsters and follows a case of mistaken identity,
which lands Hartnett's character (Slevin) in the middle
of a murder being plotted by one of the city's most
notorious crime bosses."
Another celebrity sex tape?. I hate the kind of
coy, Hedda Hopper-syle, anonymous posturing practiced
here, but here's what the site says (without offering any
- "This one might be good, and I mean really good!
Remember the remake of PLANET OF THE APES with Marky
Mark from the funky bunch? WELLLLLLLLLLLL, one of the
'female' stars of the movie made a naughty sex tape and
it's now making the rounds to various porn companies.
Word is that someone is ready to place cashola in escrow
to secure a viewing of the tape and make a purchase! And
it's not the company you might think!"
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
Vice Squad (1982)
Vice Squad (1982) was based on real Hollywood vice cases, and was one of
the first attempts to capture the feel of real-life police work.
Under the pseudonym of Princess, Season Hubley hooks to support a young
daughter. She is a streetwalking outlaw (i.e., she has no pimp), and is soon
busted. Meanwhile, her good friend tries to leave the evil nut-case pimp named
Ramrod (Wings Hauser), and is beaten to death, her vagina mutilated with a
"pimp stick," or folded wire coat hanger. The vice lieutenant coerces Princess
into setting up Ramrod in return for her freedom. She does, but Ramrod
unfortunately escapes, and the entire Hollywood vice squad must find either
him or her before she meets the same fate as her girlfriend.
We then see a realistic view of the life of a hooker, as she services
several clients, unaware that Ramrod has escaped. There are also humorous
moments, gritty violence and chase scenes, all building up to a
heart-throbbing ending sequence.
The film takes place over a single night, and director Gary Sherman chose
to do all of the shooting at night. He also chose to avoid hand-held and
steadicam shots, preferring to have steady framing. He wanted the subject to
be gritty, but the look of the film to be clear, as if in a Life magazine
photo of a slum. I am always in favor of films you can actually see and not
get seasick, so I applaud this choice. The lighting and photography were
executed to perfection by Kubrick's favorite cinematographer, John Alcott, who
won the cinematography Oscar for Barry Lyndon.
A look at his career tells the story. There are some extremely strong
movies at the top.
- (8.40) - A Clockwork
- (8.30) - The Shining
- (7.99) - Barry Lyndon
- (6.99) - No Way Out
- (6.97) - Under Fire
- (6.30) - Fort Apache the
- (6.20) - Who Is Killing
the Great Chefs of Europe? (1978)
- (5.90) - Greystoke: The
Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984)
- (5.84) - The
- (5.84) - March or Die
- (5.55) - White Water
- (5.41) - The Beastmaster
- (5.36) - Terror Train
- (5.36) - Triumphs of a
Man Called Horse (1982)
- (5.36) - Vice Squad
- (5.22) - Miracles
- (4.50) - Baby: Secret of
the Lost Legend (1985)
IMDb readers rate Vice Squad five and change, but I thought it was much better than
that, as did many who commented at IMDb. Wings Hauser completely sells the
role of Ramrod as an out-of-control psycho. (He also sang the eerie song, Neon
Slime, played during the opening sequence.) Since this technique has now been
done to death, I suppose it is a C by our rating system, but back in the day,
it would have merited a much higher mark.
Divorce Law - Tools of the Gardener (1993)
In this episode:
- A wealthy older man is trying to divorce his much younger wife (Heather
Swanson) on the grounds that he caught her cheating with the gardener.
- A wife of a wealthy gynecologist to the stars, Selina Savage, feels he
has gotten too kinky for her, and might be cheating. Actress and former
patient Raven Berger is able to confirm the cheating. My favorite scene in
this episode had Selina Savage in a hospital gown kneeling in front of
hubby, and licking the head of an ice cream cone he had sticking out of his
zipper. I must admit, that is something I have not yet tried. Now let me
finish this review and find an ice cream cone.
LC has been in the future again, to capture 2001
Maniacs. From left to right,
Bianca Smith, Christa Campbell, Cristen Beavers and Kodi Kitchen, Gina Marie
Heekin, Marla Malcolm, Wendy Kremer
to DVD on March 28th, but so far the studio has only announced an R-rated
LC also reported back on the nudity in Don't Come Knocking. There is some, but
we don't know who it is.
Heather Graham in Cake. No nudity but, hey, it's Rollergirl
Rebecca Romijn in the making of the SI calendar.
Really sexy non-nude shot of Zooey Deschanel
Pat Reeder's comments in yellow:
star of the #1 movie "Eight Below," is sick of stars whining about the paparazzi
in Los Angeles. He said if they don't like it, "Move. Get the fuck out. You
don't like the press, why the hell are you shopping on Rodeo Drive? Come on,
it's easy to disappear if you want to."
* Go to Antarctica!
* Just ask Steve Gutenberg.
* One good way to go completely unnoticed: co-star in a movie with eight
* Unfortunately, all the stars we wish would disappear never do.
Police in Indianapolis arrested Cecil Carmer for misrepresenting his
identity after they stopped his car and allegedly found equipment and
ingredients for making meth; and he tried to pass himself off as his brother
Robert. That might have worked if he hadn't had the name "Cecil" tattooed
across the back of his neck
* And the words "I Love Meth" tattooed on his forehead
* He's not just the president of the meth business,
he's also a client.