Love Me Like I Do (1970) is a drama about suburban wife swapping, 70s style. While it if from Something Weird Video, released on a DVD-R, it is more of a mainstream film than most of their offerings. Perhaps the most important thing about the film is that it stars a pre-Ilsa Dyanne Thorne, as a doormat upper-middle class housewife. She is probably the only one amongst her peers that believes only married couples should have sex, and only with each other.

The film opens with a pool party thrown by Thorne and her philandering husband. Before the night is over, her divorced best friend (Lynn Gordon) strips naked at the pool and absconds with a mail guest, and husband to Maria de Aragon. Not to worry, Aragon takes Thorne's husband home.

Things get more bizarre when we learn that Thorne's marriage isn't her only problem. Her husband's business is also failing. When someone shows up to rescue the business, and essentially take it over, Thorne, after being essentially raped by him, goes with him to Vegas.

The film is part spoof of the 70s, and part melodrama. While is was pretty much pre women's lib, you see strong women, and men who think with the little head. Thorne shows breasts and buns. Aragon and Gordon show all three Bs, and Joey du Prez, as a go go dancer, shows breasts and buns.

As is typical of the Something Weird Video DVD-Rs, the quality is not wonderful, but it is at least watchable. This is a difficult one for me to score, as any attempt to pigeonhole it into a genre would result in a D at best, but, given the nudity, the early appearance of Dyanne Thorne, and the time capsule of 70's mores, it is worth a watch, and is hence a C-.

Meridian, aka Phantoms (1990):

Dumb, dumb, movie. Boring as well.

Long, kinda funny review with pictures here.

The most important thing:

• Sherilyn Fenn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Charlie Spradling (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

Venus in Furs (1969):

Also a dumb movie. But this one is fun. A cavalcade of schlock and camp and hilarious Rat Pack voice-over narration, as assembled by Jess Franco, El Rey de Euromierda. As a special bonus, it features blue-eyed wack-job Klaus Kinski in a minor role as a sultan or caliph or something.

Blue Underground is to be praised for the beautiful job they did in creating this DVD. Although it is 35 years old, and was a Jess Franco film to begin with, it looks like a new film (except for a couple of scenes which seem to come from a different master medium).

First time I have ever seen this film in its theatrical aspect ratio, and it looks surprisingly good.

Long, detailed, sometimes funny review with pictures here.

The most important thing:

• Maria Rohm (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
• Margaret Lee (1, 2)
• Anonymous partygoers and personal slaves to Klaus Kinski. (1, 2, 3)

Other Crap:

• Star says Jolie used Pitt like a tampon. He plugged up her hole, then she tossed him out with yesterday's dental floss.
• Randy Moss to be an Oakland Raider.
• ALERT: bullshit e-mails from the FBI. Responding to inquiries, the director said, "E-mail? What are we, pussies? E-mail is for nancy boys who wear turtlenecks to phys ed class. When we want to talk to you about illegal activities, we don't send some chickenshit e-mail. We kick down your door with our jackboots."
• Want an Oscar? Ugly up!
• Kournikova Faces Stalker in Court
• How to avoid the law against full nudity? The Erotic City strip club charges customers $15 for a sketch pad, pencil, and a chance to sketch completely naked women dancers.
  • "We have a lot of people drawing some very good pictures," said Erotic City owner Chris Teague, who has posted many of the drawings around the club. Teague said he got the idea when a customer asked if he could get in for free to sketch the dancers. Realizing that "art classes" were exempt from the law, Teague decided to bill Mondays and Tuesdays as art nights, and let the dancers go without their G-strings and pasties.
• Two new clips from Be Cool, the sequel to Get Shorty
• a new gallery of pics from Be Cool
• INCREASINGLY, TERRORISTS ARE CHATTERING ABOUT BRAD AND JEN. Madmen Devastated by Breakup, CIA Says
• The Daily Show: "Bush sat down with Jacques Chirac to show he was willing to let le bygones be le bygones."
• Strange concepts department: The movie Office Space, as acted out by the Superfriends
• The Daily Show: "Bush sat down with Jacques Chirac to show he was willing to let le bygones be le bygones."
• The Daily Show shows you how to differentiate Old Europe from New Europe
• The U.S. Mint's "New Nickels" Page
• Two new clips from Gunner Palace. "Gunner Palace reveals the complex realities of the situation in Iraq not seen on the nightly news. Told first-hand by our troops, Gunner Palace presents a thought provoking portrait of a dangerous and chaotic war that is personal, highly emotional, sometimes disturbing, surprisingly amusing ... and thoroughly fascinating."
• BBC - a test to determine whether you have a male or female brain. I don't no stinkin' test to evaluate that. Just tell me your opinion of The English Patient.
• PETA's latest naked celebrity ... The good news? It's a porn star. The bad news? It's the ubiquitous Ron Jeremy.
• Agassi and Federer play tennis on the same helipad Tiger used for driving practice.
• "WORLD'S HOTTEST LESBIAN CLAIMS SHE CAN TURN ANY WOMAN GAY!"
• URL says it all, although I wish it did not: PiercedGlasses.com
• Satire is dead in the 21st century because real stuff is stranger. The trailer for Pornstar Pets - The Movie - A Margie Schnibbe Film
• Talk about damning with faint praise. Ob-E-Wan MacGregor says the new Star Wars film doesn't suck as bad as the last two.
• Scarlett Johansson says she was thrilled to work with David Hasselhoff, because she used to have a crush on him.
• Aid Pours in for Victims of Mommy Madness: "'I work the 4-to-midnight shift, so I get a lot of longhaul truckers,' says Pearsall. 'Them are some good boys, and they were real eager to help when I tolt them about how many of them city women were struggling with feelings of disempowerment and a lack of options.'"
• This is the Mommy Madness article that the above article from Iowahawk is making fun of.
• BUSH HAS ATTACK OF MUNCHIES. The Prez snacks on Doritos and sings along with Pink Floyd during a Chirac speech.
• Voyage of an Antarctic Iceberg: "What if part of New York broke off and slammed into New Jersey? Both being anchored land masses, that is unlikely to happen, but an event of that size scale did occur off the Antarctic coast over the last three months. Long Island sized B-15A iceberg floated across 100 kilometers of the Ross Sea "
• Queen Elizabeth has announced she would not attend the April 8 civil wedding of her son, Prince Charles, to his longtime companion Camilla Parker Bowles. She regrets that the wedding conflicts with the traditional time when she throws out her old hats

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

One of the first Zero Woman movies was entitled Final Mission. Now, that's not showing much faith in the franchise...much as though McDonald's packaged a product called Chicken McNuggets: Your Last Meal. All of the usual devices in this series of good-girl assassin movies are seen here. Bad guys get blown away, some kinky sex gets done, things look a little dicery but our girl Rei comes through in the end.

Rei is played this time by Naoka Iijima, a fine enough beauty who takes a shower and shows off her bum and boobs. Naoka is particularly adept at playing a cold-hearted gal with some serious inner conflicts that come out in odd little ways.

The other woman who gets nekkid in this movie... there is always one of them... is played by Japanese pornstar (they call em AV idols) Miho Suzuki. Miho's character is the daughter of a poweful media mogul who runs an orphanage by day and does unusual kinky stuff by night (for example, in one encounter, she wears a chastity belt). Not an octopus in sight, however.

I spent a few minutes checking out Ms. Suzuki and learned a little about Japanese porn: 1) the women all hate sex and have to be forced into doing the deed; 2) they keep their eyes closed tightly and make little squeky noises while boffing; 3) they'll let a boyfriend and fifty of his closest friends cum on her face. That, gentlemen, covers the career of Miho Suzuki... sans octopus.

So I have a few collages of each woman. Boobs and bum from each of them. All of which spices up a better than average movie in which style and mood beat substance like a dead mule.

• Naoka Iijima (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Miho Suzuki (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Today from the Ghost...'caps and vids of B-movie and Skinemax favorite Maria Ford going topless (pre-implants) in scenes from an episode of the late night series "Hot Line".

• Maria Ford (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
• Maria Ford zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

For fans of Fun House hero Needle Nose Ned, you can see her in the upcoming indie flick Stephen Tobolowsky's Birthday Party

CHER DISSES BRITNEY AND J. LO
She Shot Them Down - During a concert in Auckland, New Zealand, Cher said she wasn't quitting showbiz but she was giving up touring because of "all of these young girls coming out, like Britney and J. Lo." The crowd booed their names, and Cher reportedly smirked and added, "I know - they are ho's, aren't they?" A spokesman for Spears and Lopez replied, "For someone who has had their fair share of bad press, it is surprising she would comment on two women she hardly knows."