"Love Me Like I Do"

Love Me Like I Do (1970) is a drama about suburban wife swapping, 70s style. While it if from Something Weird Video, released on a DVD-R, it is more of a mainstream film than most of their offerings. Perhaps the most important thing about the film is that it stars a pre-Ilsa Dyanne Thorne, as a doormat upper-middle class housewife. She is probably the only one amongst her peers that believes only married couples should have sex, and only with each other.

The film opens with a pool party thrown by Thorne and her philandering husband. Before the night is over, her divorced best friend (Lynn Gordon) strips naked at the pool and absconds with a mail guest, and husband to Maria de Aragon. Not to worry, Aragon takes Thorne's husband home.

Things get more bizarre when we learn that Thorne's marriage isn't her only problem. Her husband's business is also failing. When someone shows up to rescue the business, and essentially take it over, Thorne, after being essentially raped by him, goes with him to Vegas.

The film is part spoof of the 70s, and part melodrama. While is was pretty much pre women's lib, you see strong women, and men who think with the little head. Thorne shows breasts and buns. Aragon and Gordon show all three Bs, and Joey du Prez, as a go go dancer, shows breasts and buns.

As is typical of the Something Weird Video DVD-Rs, the quality is not wonderful, but it is at least watchable. This is a difficult one for me to score, as any attempt to pigeonhole it into a genre would result in a D at best, but, given the nudity, the early appearance of Dyanne Thorne, and the time capsule of 70's mores, it is worth a watch, and is hence a C-.

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  • Dyanne Thorne (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Joey Du Prez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Lynn Gordon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
  • Maria De Aragon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Meridian, aka Phantoms (1990):

    Dumb, dumb, movie. Boring as well.

    Long, kinda funny review with pictures here.

    The most important thing:

    • Sherilyn Fenn (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    • Charlie Spradling (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)



    Venus in Furs (1969):

    Also a dumb movie. But this one is fun. A cavalcade of schlock and camp and hilarious Rat Pack voice-over narration, as assembled by Jess Franco, El Rey de Euromierda. As a special bonus, it features blue-eyed wack-job Klaus Kinski in a minor role as a sultan or caliph or something.

    Blue Underground is to be praised for the beautiful job they did in creating this DVD. Although it is 35 years old, and was a Jess Franco film to begin with, it looks like a new film (except for a couple of scenes which seem to come from a different master medium).

    First time I have ever seen this film in its theatrical aspect ratio, and it looks surprisingly good.

    Long, detailed, sometimes funny review with pictures here.

    The most important thing:

    • Maria Rohm (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
    • Margaret Lee (1, 2)
    • Anonymous partygoers and personal slaves to Klaus Kinski. (1, 2, 3)


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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Jr's Polls
    Here are the final results and comments for last week's poll Best All Time Television Comedy

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Email Scoopy Jr. with nominees, comments or suggestions.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    One of the first Zero Woman movies was entitled Final Mission. Now, that's not showing much faith in the franchise...much as though McDonald's packaged a product called Chicken McNuggets: Your Last Meal. All of the usual devices in this series of good-girl assassin movies are seen here. Bad guys get blown away, some kinky sex gets done, things look a little dicery but our girl Rei comes through in the end.

    Rei is played this time by Naoka Iijima, a fine enough beauty who takes a shower and shows off her bum and boobs. Naoka is particularly adept at playing a cold-hearted gal with some serious inner conflicts that come out in odd little ways.

    The other woman who gets nekkid in this movie... there is always one of them... is played by Japanese pornstar (they call em AV idols) Miho Suzuki. Miho's character is the daughter of a poweful media mogul who runs an orphanage by day and does unusual kinky stuff by night (for example, in one encounter, she wears a chastity belt). Not an octopus in sight, however.

    I spent a few minutes checking out Ms. Suzuki and learned a little about Japanese porn: 1) the women all hate sex and have to be forced into doing the deed; 2) they keep their eyes closed tightly and make little squeky noises while boffing; 3) they'll let a boyfriend and fifty of his closest friends cum on her face. That, gentlemen, covers the career of Miho Suzuki... sans octopus.

    So I have a few collages of each woman. Boobs and bum from each of them. All of which spices up a better than average movie in which style and mood beat substance like a dead mule.

    • Naoka Iijima (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Miho Suzuki (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...'caps and vids of B-movie and Skinemax favorite Maria Ford going topless (pre-implants) in scenes from an episode of the late night series "Hot Line".

    • Maria Ford (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
    • Maria Ford zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

    Charlize Theron
    (1, 2)

    More paparazzi pics of Theron in a thong at the beach.

    Nikki Cox
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Watty 'caps of the "Las Vegas" co-star showing some cleavage and looking great in two bikini scenes from the Mr. Show movie "Run Ronnie Run!".

    Beyoncé Knowles Here's a very high quality pic of the pop-star and "Goldmember" co-star caught wearing a see-thru dress on TV!

    Amy Adams
    (1, 2)

    Flautista 'caps of the Hooters girl-turned actress looking great in bikinis and almost nude below the equator in #2. Scenes from the off-beat, tongue in cheek comedy/horror movie "Psycho Beach Party" (2000).

    For fans of Fun House hero Needle Nose Ned, you can see her in the upcoming indie flick Stephen Tobolowsky's Birthday Party

    Lacey Chabert
    (1, 2, 3)

    Excellent, high quality images of the "Mean Girls" and "Party of Five" star showing a little cleavage at some Hollywood event.

    Liv Ullmann
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    The Norwegian film legend going topless in scenes from two movies. Links 1-3 feature her in the 1968 Ingmar Bergman film "Skammen" aka "Shame", starring Max von Sydow. In links 4-7, we see her topless at age 21 in scenes from one of her first movies, "Ung flukt" aka "The Wayward Girl" (1959).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    She Shot Them Down - During a concert in Auckland, New Zealand, Cher said she wasn't quitting showbiz but she was giving up touring because of "all of these young girls coming out, like Britney and J. Lo." The crowd booed their names, and Cher reportedly smirked and added, "I know - they are ho's, aren't they?" A spokesman for Spears and Lopez replied, "For someone who has had their fair share of bad press, it is surprising she would comment on two women she hardly knows."

  • Sounds to me like she knows them pretty well.
  • "...but then, she's a skank."
  • Besides, they're not ho's: they're both happily married women, at the moment.

    The Hunt For America's Next Top Bitch - The New York Post reports that the Miss America Pageant, which was dropped by ABC, hopes to survive by morphing into a reality series. Pageant CEO Art McMaster says the TV audience has changed: they want to get to know all the girls; and on the old pageant, 42 contestants left after the first 15 minutes. They're proposing a multi-episode series, so viewers can learn about all the girls' backgrounds, strengths, weaknesses and ambitions. It would include reality staples such as backstabbing and elimination contests.

  • It's the American Way!
  • "Elimination contests" means bulimia.
  • The talent competition will be replaced with a horse rectum-eating contest, which will be less nauseating.
  • Don't we have enough plastic surgery shows already?
  • The winner gets to be the next Mrs. Donald Trump.

    Antique Auction - The New York Post reports that the dance floor where a white-suited John Travolta boogied in "Saturday Night Fever" in 1977 will be auctioned April 1 on eBay. It's 24x16 feet, has over 300 flashing colored lights under a Perspex surface, and is synonymous with the disco era. It was removed from a Brooklyn club that was sold to redevelopers. The bar owner expects to get over $80,000 for the historic dance floor.

  • If you pay that, you definitely have some kind of fever.
  • He's hoping the surviving Bee Gees will get into a bidding war.
  • It was hip, exciting and colorful in 1977, but now, it's just a faded relic...Sort of like Michael Jackson.
  • It's held up well because the surface is made from the same plastic polymers as Travolta's suit.