"Dark Secrets"

Dark Secrets (1995) is a soft core released direct to video. Monique Parent is a reporter trying to dig up dirt on a wealthy businessman who is rumored to be involved in prostitution, extortion and a secret S & M club. Among his women are Julie Strain and Lori Wagner. As Parent gets to know the millionaire, she falls for him, and is left with a decision -- write the story and become famous, or stay with him. There are several scenes in the S & M club where we see lots of unknown female flesh, and a hot girl/girl with Strain and Parent. Former Pet Wager has sex with a senator while the millionaire tapes it for blackmail.

Parent and Strain show all three Bs, and Wanger shows breasts and buns. IMDB readers have this at 4.2 of 10. Assuming that this DVD is a poor transfer, there are lots of interestingly lit scenes, and it may have looked great when made, but the transfer is not at all good. The plot is also week, but we can't argue with the amount of flesh. C-.

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  • Julie Strain (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)
  • Lori Wagner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Monique Parent (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Movies 'n Stuff:

    Summer Lovers (1982)

    The big question related to this film is this - whatever happened to Valerie Quennessen? Her two young co-stars, Daryl Hannah and Peter Gallagher, went on to be mid-level stars. Valerie disappeared altogether. Without a trace. For years.

    She made this movie (August 1982 release) and Conan the Barbarian (May 1982 release), did some French TV work about the same time, and then seemed to disappear from the face of the earth. As of 1997, nobody in the world seemed to have any information about her whereabouts in the previous 15 years. Then this story appeared in the newsgroup alt.obituaries in June of 1998:

    ...a while back I became acquainted with one of the cast members of the
    charming 1979 flick FRENCH POSTCARDS who had told me one of his co-stars, the
    French actress Valerie Quennessen (who later appeared in SUMMER LOVERS and
    CONAN THE BARBARIAN) had been killed in a car crash close to ten years ago.
    Later, I heard that the crash had taken place sometime in March of 1989, and
    that she had two children who survived her.

    All of the other sources I encountered were based on this same anonymous, unverified, a-guy-told-me-that-his-brother-told-him-and-it's-really-true report.

    One more clue turned up. IMDb recently unearthed a 1989 credit for Quennessen

    Based on the IMDb listing, I guess she must have been alive in 1988 or 1989, and she must have been attempting a mini-comeback for some reason or another. Nobody seems to know what she was doing between 1983 and 1989. The fact that she has no further credits after 1989 seems to offer no refutation of the theory that she is dead but, frankly, at this point it is nothing but a theory.  She has no IMDb credits from 1984 to 1988, and she apparently wasn't dead then, so the recent gap doesn't prove she is dead now. She likes to disappear. She went underground and disappeared for six years in the 1980's, so she obviously is intensely private, and she may have done it again. It is reasonable to argue that the best way to keep people from looking for her would have been to have someone declare her dead.

    So ... who knows?

    I believe we are still waiting for the real story to emerge. I won't tell you she is still alive, but neither will I be surprised if she is. I do know this. It would make a great project for an investigative reporter, and it would make a great movie. Why did she disappear for six years? Why did she make her brief 1989 comeback? What happened after that? Did she really die, or did that comeback convince her that she needed to get away from showbiz forever?

    Here is the best bio of Quennessen I could find, but it basically stops in 1982, except for one sentence repeating the auto accident rumor.

    As for the movie. It was the only full-length film in Randall Kleiser's career which he wrote and directed. After this attractively photographed movie, he was still in demand as a director, but he was asked to leave his scripts home. Kleiser is no Marty Scorsese, but he can still work as a workmanlike director-for-hire, mostly for TV and "B" movies. In 1998, for example, he directed Shadow of Doubt, the film where critics questioned the casting of Melanie Griffith as a brilliant defense attorney.

    I think Summer Lovers effectively demonstrates his career strengths and weaknesses. As far as I can tell from the pan-n-scan DVD, he did a capable but not imaginative job in the director's chair. In the writing capacity ... well,  the story isn't so bad, but the characters are superficial and the man could not write dialogue at all.

    It is a film with great pluses and minuses. The greatest minus is the acting, which is sub-high school level, closely followed by the dialogue and characterization, which are genuinely uninteresting and superficial. The greatest plusses are: gorgeous and exotic Greek locales, and a truly monumental amount of nudity. I couldn't get into the characters or story at all, and you can consider the film an "E" if you see it on broadcast TV with the nudity removed. If you see it uncut, however, the beauty of the bodies and the scenery make it a solid watch. You can fast-forward through the insipid dialogue and make it a solid hour of hot cinema nudity. Call it a C for the whole, uncut package.

    Rip-Off Alert: featureless DVD which only has a pan-n-scan version "modified to fit your screen". Do not buy.



    • Updated volumes for: Emmanuelle Beart, Sandahl Bergman, Halle Berry, Annette Bening, Monica Bellucci, Brenda Bakke, Brigitte Bardot, Priscilla Barnes, Kim Basinger, Marianne Basler, Michelle Bauer, Jacqueline Bisset, Romane Bohringer, Rene Bond, Traci Bingham, Lisa Boyle, Lare Flynn Boyle


    Other crap:



    What're the odds?


    Ever wonder how they do with those odds on entertainment events? Not very well this time. How did the odds work out at the Grammys? Final odds shown, winners in yellow. The success of Norah Jones was somewhat expected, but not to this degree. John Mayer was a complete long shot.

    Album of the Year

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    The Rising - Bruce Springsteen 7/20
    The Eminem Show - Eminem 2/1
    Come Away With Me - Norah Jones 5/1
    Home - Dixie Chicks 15/1
    Nellyville - Nelly 15/1

    Best Female Pop Vocal Performance

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Soak Up The Sun - Sheryl Crow 1/1
    Complicated - Avril Lavigne 8/5
    Don't Know Why - Norah Jones 2/1
    Get The Party Started - Pink 7/1
    Overprotected - Britney Spears 12/1

    Best Male Pop Vocal Performace

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Fragile - Sting 3/2
    Original Sin - Elton John 3/2
    October Road - James Taylor 5/2
    7 Days - Craig David 9/2
    Your Body Is A Wonderland - John Mayer 7/1

    Best New Artist

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Norah Jones 1/5
    Ashanti 3/1
    Avril Lavigne 19/4
    Michelle Branch 10/1
    John Mayer 17/1

    Best Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Where Are You Going - Dave Matthews Band 1/1
    Everyday - Bon Jovi 6/5
    Girl All The Bad Guys Want - Bowling for Soup 11/4
    Hey Baby - No Doubt 10/1
    Girlfriend - N Sync 10/1

    Best Pop Vocal Album

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Come Away With Me - Norah Jones 7/10
    M!ssundaztood - Pink 5/2
    Let Go - Avril Lavigne 3/1
    Rock Steady - No Doubt 5/1
    Britney - Britney Spears 8/1

    Record of the Year

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Without Me - Eminem 4/5
    Don't Know Why - Norah Jones 1/1
    How You Remind Me - Nickleback 6/1
    Dilemma - Nelly 8/1
    A Thousand Mile - Vanness Carlton 10/1

    Song of the Year

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning) - Allan Jackson 7/5
    The Rising - Bruce Springsteen 3/2
    Don't Know Why - Jesse Harris (Nora Jones) 5/2
    Complicated - Avril Lavigne 7/2
    A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton 10/1



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by RDO:


    Long ago I capped "Death Ride to Osaka" aka "Girls of the White Orchid" from VHS. I now have DVD caps which differ mainly in that they are larger.

    On the first set, I decided the unidentified girl was Jenny Dubasso and so far no-one has told me otherwise, so I identified these the same way. If anyone knows better, let me know.

    • Yvonne McCord (1, 2, 3, 4)
    • Jenny Dubasso (1, 2)

    'Caps and comments by Hankster:

    Today the time machine takes a trip to 1988 and a visit with "Action Jackson".

    First up Vanity in scenes with bad guy Craig T. Nelson (shame on you "Coach") as she goes topless and gets a little needle action.Then Vanity in cleavage shots with the action man himself Carl Weathers.In the final 2 caps she winds up tied up as a "Damsel in Peril".

    Then it's on to a very young looking Sharon Stone who does a very hard to see scene in a steam room. Then Sharon is murdered by her husband (Nelson). Warning on the last two caps, breasts but a very bloody scene.

    Victoria Silvstedt
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    The Swedish mega-babe making an appearance in the UK verison of Maxim. No nudity in this batch of sexy poses, although link #6 comes pretty darn close.

    Jślia Lemmertz
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The Brazilian actress topless, full frontal and gettin' it on in scenes from "Um Copo de Cólera" (1999). Vidcaps by UC99.

    Rhonda Shear
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Scans by Scorpion of the B-movie actress and former host of the USA network series "Up All Night", showing cleavage, some see-thru, exposure and even going topless in link #4.