"Tower of Evil"
Tower of Evil (1972), AKA Horror of Snape Island is a terribly under-rated British slasher film which takes place on and abandoned small island with a lighthouse. As the film opens, a father and son fishing team go to the island in dense fog, though we don't find out why until much later. They find two dead guys, a decapitated woman, and Candace Glendenning, who kills the father before she is knocked unconscious by the son. She becomes a catatonic, but the police are convinced she murdered her three friends. A psychiatrist is trying a combination of drugs and hypnosis to reach her.
Meanwhile, an expedition is starting for the island comprised of a museum team, and a private investigator hired by the parents of Glendenning, who don't want to believe she committed the murders. Seems one of the dead guys was impaled by a solid gold Phoenecian sword, and the museum postulates that the Phoenicians must have buried a ruler there, and there will be a large gold statue of Baal, and other priceless artifacts. The same fisherman is to take them there. We learn that his brother, sister-in-law, and their child had lived there, and that the family moved there because the brother was insane.
People start dying, and the smell of it is that Baal is doing them in, but, in fact, the ending is perfectly natural, which is one of the reasons why I enjoyed it, and why I don't classify it as horror. It has atmosphere, breasts and buns from Candace Glendenning, and breasts from Seretta Wilson as the decapitated girl. Seretta Wilson was still working as of 1998, so this film clearly didn't hurt her.
IMDB readers have it at 3.9 of 10, but many of those who commented agreed with me, that this was an entertaining example of 1972 era British horror. Obviously, the effects were not up to todays quality, but it was a pretty good yarn set in a pretty good location, and the acting ranged from adequate to pretty good. C-.
Inseminoid (1981), AKA Horror Planet, is a British made Alien ripoff. It is obviously some point in the future, and a team of archeologists have nearly finished their investigation of a dead world where two other missions had disappeared when they are attacked by the alien. The plot gets pretty muddy, but one of the female members of the crew is inseminated by the alien, and then must kill and eat everyone else to nourish her fetus. The alien is not seen after the rape, and a bunch of magic crystals are never explained.
Futuristic instrumentation is clearly built from plywood, and the sets are nearly as laughable as the acting. Judy Geeson shows breasts and bush during the rape scene, which is shown in flashback. IMDb readers have this at 3.0 of 10. BadMovies.org awards two of 5, and has a typically entertaining review of this stinker. This is low budget horror at its worst, but might be a good target for group mirth. D.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
La Curee (1966):
I've talked about this film before. My comments can
here, and Tuna's usual great caps can be found in his
What I want to bring to your attention today is that
much publicity accrued to this film in 1966 because of a scene in
which the director filmed his wife - Jane Fonda - swimming topless.
Clear nudity from Jane was considered big news in 1966.
I never saw the film back then, so I can't tell you
if the scene was ever part of the theatrical cut, but the point is
that the scene is not on the DVD - not in the main part of the film,
not as a deleted scene, nowhere.
For the record, just to show that I'm not imagining
it, here are stills taken on the set. (1,
Where is the missing scene, and when did it
The Producers (1968):
Mosey over to the
Movie House page if
you want to read my thoughts about this film. I have pictures there,
and even some song lyrics.
At one time, this was my favorite comedy, but this
Mel Brooks movie hasn't weathered the years as well as Blazing
Saddles. It seems old fashioned now. In the 35 years since it was
made, comedic styles have changed, and some of the hammy performing
doesn't hold up, especially Zero Mostel's.
The script must still be plenty good, because the
stage version is the toast of Broadway even now, as you read these
words in 2004.
I don’t know why it took me almost a week to write this. I went to
The Daytona 500 last Sunday, and here are the highlights:
LeAnn Rimes sang the National Anthem. Say what you will about
country music singers, at least they don’t need a big screen
scoreboard to sing the National Anthem (unlike some pop
singers...and even then they might get the words wrong). Oh, she
didn’t appear to be wearing a bra with the cold, nippley wind
blowing through Daytona and her blouse (anyone get caps?).
President George W. Bush was the Grand Marshall for the event,
announcing “Gentlemen, start your engines.” These 4 words locked up
the Southern vote for the incumbent, along with Wisconsin and
Because of the President's appearance, Ben Affleck was bumped from
Grand Marshall to driving the pace car at the start of the race. He
got a pretty good cheer from the crowd, but they were quickly
disappointed when they found out it was “lame duck” actor Affleck
and not the real duck from the Aflac commercials.
The first car out of the race was Mark Martin in the #6 “Viagra”
car. I guess he couldn’t keep it up with the younger drivers. His
machine went limp before too long. He started out strong, but went
FilmJerk.com presents the Early Report for the week of Feb 22
- Online trailer for
Kaena: The Prophecy. Voice work for this animated film
was the last screen role for the Irish movie legend Richard
Karl Malden given Lifetime Achievement Award by SAG
Call me crazy, but I don't think this is a real cover of US
Wow - the SAG awards went to the right people. Whoda thunk it?
- Nothing against Bill Murray and Sean Penn, but it's pretty
obvious that Johnny Depp created the most memorable
performance of the year, and I'm pleased to see the SAG
- As for Charlize Theron - well, they may be actors,
but they aren't retarded. If they saw the movie they voted for
- Renee Zellweger was an OK choice in her division. So
were the others.
- The only one really memorable performance of the year that
they missed was Bill Nighy in Love Actually (Tim Robbins
won, and was a perfectly satisfactory choice among the
nominees). Nighy wasn't nominated, and wasn't nominated for an
Oscar, either, although he won the BAFTA.
The Lord speaks to ... Andy Rooney? I really miss the
old days when the Lord would speak through idiot savants and tiny
Estonian children and mysterious words formed in Post Alpha-Bits.
Carrie picks Mr. Big, dumps the commie, returns to N.Y.
- Four free short videos from
Playboy's Twins & Sisters!
- Four free short videos from
Playboy's Cheerleaders & College Girls!
- Jolene Blalock did some pretty sweet rear nudity on the Feb
11th broadcast of Enterprise. Because of the hypocritical new
post-Tittygate morality, the scene was censored in the USA,
but it was shown uncensored in Canada.
Make mine a Molson's, eh?
Weekend Update from 2-21-04 is now online. Jimmy Fallon
delivers the quote of the day, "This week, Georgia's board of
education approved the plan that allows teachers to keep using the
word 'Evolution' when teaching biology. Though, as a compromise,
dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses.'"
The Screen Actors Guild will kick their members' asses if they
accept any work on South Park. It is a clear violation
of their principles to appear in anything worth watching.
Jerry Springer Opera Scoops British Theater Awards: "A
foul-mouthed opera about Jerry Springer's lurid talk show has won
four of Britain's top theater awards including Best New Musical at
the Laurence Olivier Awards on Sunday. "
- It may sound pretty cool, but I doubt that
men with two dicks really
like it that much.
Yonic Symbolism and Erotica Exotica Gallery.
"Yonic" is the female equivalent of "phallic", if you catch my
drift. If you aren't into drift-catching, it's an entire site
dedicated to pictures of twats. Not the metaphorical kind of twat
like John Major, but actual female genitalia.
- Just a reminder to everyone - a warning from the past. Just
before the 2000 election, the Washington Post reported:
GOP group pays for pro-Nader TV ads. "Nader, running a
low-budget campaign, is not airing any television commercials of
his own and it's possible that the Republican Leadership Council
will end up spending more on pro-Nader media than Nader himself."
A look at the CROSSFIRE! marble-shooting game
- Of all the sites on the internet, this may be the hardest to
"Without Sanctuary" - a history of lynching and other
public barbarism in American history - as depicted in postcards!
I'm not surprised. I have often written that our human history
shows us to have been consistently racist, greedy, and deluded.
Usually all three. As the narrator says, " I can't help but think
of these photos, and the march of time, and of the cold steel
trigger in the human heart."
Fascinating facts about the U.S. Constitution. Did you
know "Pennsylvania" was misspelled? Did you know Ben Franklin was
the oldest man to sign it? Did you know they have never been able
to remove the urine stains from when Lyndon Johnson pissed on it?
Now here's a page I recommend personally.
- This online version seems like a perfect clone of the original
- Play the original
Centipede online. It seems like a perfect clone to me.
Unsung Themesongs. You know the theme music from these
shows, but I'll bet you didn't know there were accompanying words.
I knew about the Bonanza song, because I remember when the four of
them sang it. In fact, I think there are more verses not listed
here. The others are new to me.
The Arabic version of the Big Brother reality television program
has started, with a prize of $100,000 for the winner
and, of course, a glorious martyr's death for the losers.
(Seriously, there have been many modifications made to adapt the
show to the culture of the Middle East.)
$10,000 reward to anyone who saw Bush perform his National Guard
duty. "If you personally witnessed George W. Bush
reporting for drills at Dannelly Air National Guard Base between
the months of May and November of 1972 we want to hear about it."
Critics say Gibson's film mimics a hateful book,
specifically an obscure, possibly anti-Semitic book written by a
19th century nun who claimed that her version of the story was
revealed to her directly by God.
The Internet - smell the difference!
Schwarzenegger says foreign-born citizens and visitors from the
future should be able to run for president. Geez,
there's a surprise, eh? I guess he's been watching his DVD of
Demolition Man, in which people in the future say that Arnold
Schwarzenegger became President in the 21st century through just
such a constitutional amendment.
The Sex Pistols' "Anarchy in the UK" has been named the most
influential record of the 1970s in a magazine poll.
- Timed to coincide with the new Gibson movie, here is a report
Jesus on the silver screen. The two most famous actors
to portray him are Willem Dafoe and Max Von Sydow, reflecting the
Hollywood Movie and European Art tendency to portray Christ with
Northern European features.
Here is the full "Pentagon report" on climate change.
- As I suspected, the key sentences ignored by the
Guardian/Observer are as follows: "Rather than predicting how
climate change will happen, our intent is to dramatize the
impact climate change could have on society if we are unprepared
for it." and "In this report, as an alternative to the scenarios
of gradual climatic warming that are so common, we outline an
abrupt climate change scenario patterned after the 100-year
event that occurred about 8,200 years ago." In other words, it
is a what-if scenario based what would happen to a world of six
or seven billion people if certain past geological events repeat
themselves. To see how extreme the scenario is, read this
sentence, "In 2007, a particularly severe storm causes the ocean
to break through levees in the Netherlands making a few key
coastal cities such as The Hague unlivable."
- It is also important to note that the report is NOT talking
about climate changes caused by or capable of being modified by
human activity. It is about possible human responses to
recurring and probably inevitable geological events which have
always occured throughout planetary history, albeit most
dramatically before the era of humans, and will inevitably occur
again. The key sentence here is, "We should prepare for the
inevitable effects of abrupt climate change – which will
likely come regardless of human activity." In essence, it
asks us to think about how to deal with the inevitable cyclical
climate changes that have happened throughout the world's
history, becuse they will happen again sooner or later, maybe
sooner. "With at least eight abrupt climate change events
documented in the geological record, it seems that the questions
to ask are: When will this happen? What will the impacts be?
And, how can we best prepare for it? Rather than: Will this
More of Julian Beever's awesome pavement drawings
Aussie biologists say the Great Barrier Reef is doomed.
A new report from Queensland University's Center for Marine
Studies says the Pacific Ocean is getting too warm, too fast.
Experts say the world's largest chain of living coral will be
mostly dead by 2050. A rise in water temperature of less than 1.8
degrees Fahrenheit will cause the coral to lose its vibrant
colors. Analysts have predicted that water temperature will rise
nearly 11 degrees this century.
- It's official.
Ralph Nader will run for president, thus costing John
Kerry the all-important crackpot vote.
All four new films bomb at the box. Even Disney'd new
film could do no better than a 9 million dollar open, less than
half of the holdover "50 first dates". The biggest bomb was
ignited by Meg Ryan's boxing movie, which opened at a mere 3
Lost Brian Wilson Album Premieres in U.K.. Brian Wilson
received a tumultuous standing ovation for the first-ever
performance of his shelved 1967 album.
Secret Pentagon report says that massive climate changes could
trigger global anarchy. This is not from Weekly World
News, but from The Guardian/Observer. Given that these people are
notoriously gullible and have been known to interpret information
selectively (The Guardian fell for the famous Presidential I.Q.
hoax from Linky and Dinky), I think I'll wait to see the actual
document before I buy in. The Observer claims to have the
document, but does not make it available, which gets my antennae
out immediately. My guess is that they failed to mention the word
"if" in referring to a report which gamed out various
possibilities and their possible effects. Again, this is just my
guess, but the observation that "Climate change over the next 20
years could result in a global catastrophe costing millions of
lives in wars and natural disasters" was probably preceded by a
phrase like "In the highly unlikely worst-case scenario, ... ".
- Here is an excellent ten minute featurette on
Writers Guild honors Lost in Translation (original screenplay),
American Splendor (adapted screenplay).
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
Demi Moore is still pretty hot, but when she was
young, and her breasts were still made of human flesh, and she slept
with adult males, she was seriously hot, and never hotter than in
"About Last Night ..." Here is her sex scene with Rob Lowe. (.wmv version)
Demi Moore, same movie, different scene. No sex, but
full-length nudity from Demi, even a hint of pubic hair. (.avi version
of both scenes, .wmv version of this scene)
Blair Brown. I don't even know what the hell she is
doing now, but she'll alway be one of my favorites for having done a
sex scene with John Belushi. How cool is that? In this movie,
however, she pulled easier sex scene duty with the handsome Bill
Hurt in Altered States. (.wmv version)
In this scene, Blair is transforming into a lizard,
if I remember correctly. (Hey, it's a Ken Russell movie) The
vid just shows the human part of the metamorphosis. (.avi version of
both scenes, .wmv version of this scene)
If you want to see Jamie Lee Curtis topless, and
even nekkid from the rear, then the movie you're looking for is Love
Letters, in which she takes off her top about two or three hundred
times. OK, not that many, but a lot. The movie sucks, but
given the ubiquitous breast exposure, I'm not sure that the film
quality is really very important. I mean, let's be honest. Given a
choice of some really great acting from Ken Branagh, and some really
great bouncing from Jamie Lee's breasts, I'll take the latter.
Here's a sampler. (.avi, .wmv)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Scoop. You had a review of Logan's Run recently. Since I
know you live in Austin, I wondered if you know that the futuristic
water park shown in the movie is in Fort Worth. I don't remember
the name - something like Water Gardens - but I went there years
ago, and immediately recognized; it from the movie. It's surrounded by buildings, as I
remember, and I wondered how they used it without showing the rest
of downtown Fort Worth.
Absolute Aggression (1996)
Here's a quick review - I rented a new-release DVD
called Absolute Aggression. Here's the IMDB link:
Plot - criminals are hunted in various-themed
Virtual Reality Games - WWII, jousting knights, old west cowboys and
Indians, etc. If You Die in the Games, You Die in Real Life is
This stinker is dated 1996 and starred Robert Davi in his best
over-acting bad guy persona. The only reason I'm sending you this,
is the nudity.
Amy Lynn Baxter - former Pet and Bunny both - plays
a reward for good Virtual Reality performance.
But what I thought interesting, is they use the same
footage as was seen in Bog Creatures. This footage had various
maidens being chased by Knights or warriors outside of a castle.
The women are terrorized, with many of them being partially stripped
and shown topless. At first I thought this film had lifted the
footage from Bog Creatures, but this one probably was the original
(1996), with Bog Creatures (2003) ripping off the nude footage. It
fit that story even worse than in this one.
There is a little nudity by another actress, but
nothing to get excited about.
So, it predated Bog Creatures, and I wonder why
(other than it stinks) was it held up for 8 years before showing up
as a DVD rental?
Scoop's notes: I don't know
the answer to that, but I do know this: those films are both
directed by the same man, the legendary
J Christian Ingvordsen.
He also directed Firehouse which, according to rumor, is supposed to
be the film debut of Julia Roberts, although Tuna and I were not
able to find her in that film.
I don't know if he is the
worst director of all time, but he has to be a legitimate contender.
His IMDB scores are almost in an identical range to those of one of
our favorites, John Sjogren. Sjogren goes from 2.32 to 3.08, and has
made ten films. Ingvordsen goes from 2.07 to 3.29, and has made 20
films, nine of which are currently rated at IMDb.
- (3.29) -
Strike Zone (1999)
- (3.08) -
Bog Creatures, The (2003)
- (2.96) -
- (2.67) -
- (2.60) -
Cyber Vengeance (1995)
- (2.49) -
Search and Destroy (1988)
- (2.16) -
Outfit, The (1993)
- (2.15) -
Mob War (1989)
- (2.07) -
Firehouse and Bog Creatures are pretty much
his career achievements!
He's in his mid 40s now, so Ingvordsen
might say, as a Phillies pitcher said in a memorable 1961 quote, "I
am in the twilight of a mediocre career"
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Guess you guys figured I would get to this one sooner
or later. It's entitled...cleverly enough...
Brainscan. And I swear on my dead cat's grave I had
not seen and had not heard of it until maybe a year
Brainscan (1994) is the story of a computer-savvy dude
played by Edward Furlong, the actor who played the
adolescent John Connor in T2. Am I the only one who
wonders why he didn't go into horse-racing? Anyway,
kid does a terrific job in this movie, which even
after a decade's progress in computer gaming ain't
half-bad. The plot is tense enough, even though the
online bad guy plays a quasi-comedic role as though he
wants to be Dennis Leary... which is to say, he is
painfully unfunny and an asshole to boot. Or is that
Dennis Miller? Same difference.
But the movie goes from being a solid C in my book to
a D+ because of a cheesy, entirely improbable,
goodie-two-shoes ending. Sheesh. I figure they
showed it to a bunch of teenage girls with an original
ending true to the movie and the girls just hated what
happened to Furlong, so the producers made em change
it. Or something very much like that.
The only goodies given up were those of a real cutie,
named Amy Hargreaves. She plays the Thora
Burch-American Beauty role, of the girl next door who
loves the geek and brings out the good in him. She
even strips in front of a window as the guy next door
(Furlong) tapes her, although neither principal is so
overt about it all as the characters in American
Beauty. Grabbed every frame of Amy's toplessness and
put just about all of them into two collages. Amy, in
case you were wondering, went on to do a half-dozen
movies and a few guest-shots on tv, but the last thing
IMDB lists for her is dated 2000. I guess we all know
what that means.
So what can you say about Brainscan? Erudite, witty,
sophisticated... timeless in so many ways. But enough
about me. The movie? Well, it is just okay if you
see it all, pretty darn good if you turn off the
player with 10 minutes to go.
Next up, a single collage that illustrates two very welcome
1) TV stars in progressively more revealing clothes.
This was an upward trend until Janet tried to screw
the pooch by showing off one of her 37-yr-old hooters
at halftime of the country's most sacred holiday.
Seems to have been only a temporary backlash from the
moral police. On with the show.
2) HDTV and single frames with the clarity that only
the best scans could achieve two or three years ago.
Herewith an edited collage of HDTV frames, posted by a
most generous viewer. The subject is a pokitudinal
Jennifer Aniston in an episode of Friends. Beginning
to think I don't watch enough television.
'Caps and comments by Striplight:
Here are a couple of new .wmvs for you...
First up is a short one featuring Catriona MacColl going full frontal in an episode of 'Strangers', called Touch
Next up, the lovely, busty and all natural Renata Dancewicz, who is getting some devilish education in Der Teufel und die Jungfrau.
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
More Canadian stuff (no nudity)...
"Ginger Snaps" (2000)
Horror about pair of sisters one of them who becomes a werewolf.
There is a sequel now showing in the cinemas and another one in the works.
No nudity but Katharine Isabelle shows some "tail".
"Puppets Who Kill: episode Cuddles the Demon"
More puppet sex. Tamara Hickey from the tv series
The Associates and Blue Murder
plays a sex therapist with a hands-on approach.
No nudity although Dan Redican shows some
butt cleavage and nearly gets defiled by Cuddles
the comfort doll in a Deliverance sort of way.
"Les Bougon" (tv series)
In last week's episode the Bougon daughter is half
naked dancing for a music video.
"Nothing Personal" (1980)
Movie that show down Suzanne Somers while she was
hugely popular in Three's Company.
"Funeral Home" (1980) (aka 2 Cries in the Night)
Bad William Fruet horror. The big busted scream queen lead
Lesleh Donaldson did not put out in the nudity department
and even in the swimming hole scene she did not go in into
"New Waterford Girl" (2002)
Coming of age comedy. The highlight is a boxing match
where Tara Spencer-Nairn knocks out a guy out in 30
seconds flat, fast but still 20 seconds longer than many guys
first sexual experience.
Today we have part 1 of the Ghost's coverage of the incredibly low budget (and really bad) Troma movie "Terror Firmer" (1999).
- Alyce LaTourelle
- Alyce LaTourelle .wmvs
|Johnny Moronic 'caps of the Oscar nominated actress and star of "The Ring", "Mulholland Dr." and the upcoming Peter Jackson version of "King Kong". Here she is topless in scenes from one of her early movies, "Gross Misconduct" (1993).
|Señor Skin 'caps of the French actress going full frontal in scenes from "Poil de carotte" (2003).