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TV Recap
The
nudity in Black
Sails
(s2e5) was minimal.
There was a threesome,
but you can't really see
anything from Clara
Paget and the breasts of
Jessica
Parker Kennedy are
far from the camera.
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Brainscan's
comments:
A fellow named Gregg Smith
wrote and directed Cover Story
(1992); it is the only movie
in which he is so credited,
which I take to mean someone
in Hollywood watched this
horrendous waste of celluloid
and got the word out it might
be better for a producer to
hire his teenage nephew to
write the screenplay for his
next movie. Or direct
it. Or both. I
suspect Mr. Smith, before he
went to Hollywood, had heard
of Vertigo and might have
thought Hitchcock was the name
of a porn actor, because sure
as shootin' he hadn't seen
that film or learned a darn
thing from it. Cover
Story has the same general
story line as Vertigo - dead
gal who might not really be
dead but, thanks to the guy
who loves her, will be for
certain dead when all is said
and done. That sums up
all the similarity between the
two movies. Vertigo has
pace and exposition and
foreshadowing. It has
mood and mystery and the film
has actors who made a living
perfecting the craft.
And it had people behind the
camera who had already
perfected their own
craft. Cover Story has
none of the above. The
lead actor, by the name of
William Wallace, looks and
sounds like Jim Carey.
He is what you get if you take
Jim Carey and subtract Jimmy
Stewart; he ain't funny, he
ain't good, and he is damn
near comatose. And he is
the best of the male-type
actors in this movie.
Among the women are a couple
who aren't bad at all.
Two of them and a stripper
with no lines get nekkid and
that brings me to the reason I
really, really hate this
movie. You get three
gals to take off their clothes
- that is the first step to a
brilliant movie - but then you
or the director of photography
or the cinematographer decides
to shoot some scenes so dark a
nocturnal animal cannot see
what is happening. And
he decides to shoot other
scenes with the camera shoved
up the actor's noses while it
moves frenetically across the
playing surface of a couple in
action. All this is an
offense onto the readers of
the Funhouse because, try as a
humble capper might, he finds
very few images he can use to
show off those three
gals. But three of them
are in this movie, and even
though two made not one more
movie in their careers - those
would be Laura Bagby, who
plays a stripper and Marisa
Cody, who plays Mr. Wallace's
dearly departed, suicidal wife
- they were attractive women
with recreational
bodies. The third woman,
Tuesday Knight, plays the role
of the perhaps-
but-then-certainly dead
character made famous in
Vertigo by Kim Novak.
Ms. Knight is no Ms. Novak,
but she is real cutie and she
shows off the upper goodies
and so, who is
complaining? I guess
that would be me. I am
complaining because if Mr.
Smith wasn't going to remake
Vertigo with any integrity, he
might have done a better job
shooting the scenes so that a
humble capper had something to
work with. Tis a minimal
expectation and even it, he
did not reach.
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