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Friday
Contact junior by writing junior@scoopy.com. Contact Scoopy by writing unclescoopy@msn.com. Contact Tuna by writing tuna@scoopy.com Send submissions to scoopy@scoopy.net
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Use this search device to seek additional information from amazon.com about any of the books or movies you read about here.
To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.
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| Tuna
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"Rats: Night of Terror"
Ratti: notte di terrore (1983), or Rats Night of Terror, has strong plusses and minuses. The intro is a narrative about the nuclear holocaust, and the fact that those who survived lived underground, then a group split off and decided to live on the surface. We are told that the underground people have little respect for the above ground people. That intro puts us in a bombed out town with a gang of bikers. It is not until the end of the film that we get a payoff to the opening. Basically, the bikers feel like the town is infested with rats, and the rats think bikers look a whole lot like dinner.
Moune Duvivier gets naked in a sex scene (that is a plus right there), and is killed in a very effective way. She zips herself into a sleeping bag after sex. A rat sneaks in. Cut to her friends finding her. They partially unzip the sleeping bag, and see no marks. Then, a rat crawls out of her mouth. Minues mainly had to do with slow pace, broad overacting, and awful dubbing into English. The transfer was not bad for the age of the film. It scores 2.9 of 10 at IMDB. I think it had moments, not many, but some. C-.
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Moune Duvivier
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"Tease"
Tease (1999) is a made for HBO film starring Rosanna Arquette, Jurgen Prochnow and Mandy Schaffer which IMDB has named Poison, and doesn't even mention the actual title. Shaffer is Arquette's daughter, and is very possessive of her mother. She kills her father hoping her mother will have more time for her. Arquette returns from winning an Oscar for best supporting actress, and confesses to the killing so her daughter won't suffer. While she is in prison for involuntary manslaughter., Mandy latches on to her teacher, and gets the teachers fiancee out of the way.
Arquette is released, picks up Schaffer, and heads to the vineyard she has purchased with her partner, Prochnow. Schaffer still resents anyone who spends time with her mother. The scenery is breathtaking. Acting is very good. The plot is a little predictable, unfortunately. From an exposure standpoint, the highlight is not nudity at all, but pokies from young Schaffer. There is a double in a hot tub scene near the end who shows buns and breasts (see image 17 for proof that she had a wrap on). Her teacher is also nude in a sex scene that is too dark to do anything with. This was evidently a German production. A handful of IMDB readers say 4.1 of 10, which is about what this slow moving and predictable effort is worth, but the camera work and vineyard and water settings give a reason to see it once. C-
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Mandy Shaffer
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"Zombie"
Zombie (1979) is Lucio Fulci's attempt to push the envelope as far as he could from the standpoint of gore, and features many hideous Zombies, which love eating live human flesh. There is also a scene where a large splinter is run into a woman's eye. I learned several things from this film:
Zombies are dead, which means they move slowly. Slow motion evil guys are not very frightening.
When you are skin-diving topless and encounter a Zombie and a shark, the Zombie is the lesser of the two evils.
Underwater Zombies don't like being kicked in the nuts.
The only way to hurt a Zombie is a head shot. Blows, bullets, etc to the body are ignored (except underwater testicles).
Olga Karlatos has nice breasts, buns and bush.
Auretta Gay has nice breasts and buns, and swims in a g-string.
IMDB readers have this at 5.7 of 10. Critics were unimpressed as well. The DVD transfer is wretched. It is dark, and full of color noise. I did my best to clean it up. D+.
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Audretta Gay
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Olga Karlatos
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| Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
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MOVIES:
Soul Survivors is yet another "I see dead
people" movie, and not an especially good one. But there is good news. There
were two very brief topless scenes that were trimmed to get a PG-13 rating, and
those scenes were restored on the DVD cut. Wait, it gets better. Although the
toplessness is very brief, it is very clear and well-lit, the DVD transfer is
excellent, and it is Angela Featherstone, who I really like, and who hasn't
flashed any goodies in years! Yeah! So I'd have to say it was worth watching
this sub-mediocre movie.
Monster's Ball is a much better movie that I
expected. I guess I didn't really know anything about it in advance except that
Halle and Thornton had a hot sex scene which was even hotter before they started trimming it for an "R". Turns
out it's one of those movies that just reaches into your gut and won't let
go. A difficult movie to watch, full of ugly, desperate people. The
depressing music makes it worse, and never lets up. Thornton is a racist jailer
who has an affair with a black woman (Halle), only to find out that she's the
widow of the guy he just executed. It's essentially not about racism, except
insofar as racism is an externalization of self-loathing. It offers no facile
solutions, no easy outs, no emotional relief for the audience. Halle completely
shakes off her lightweight reputation with a daring career risk. She abuses her
kid, has no pity for her condemned husband, has noisy sex with a loathsome man,
and is every bit as unpleasant as Thornton. Their relationship is very complex,
to the point where she seems to ignore something that should have warned her
away, and the writer doesn't explain her motivations. She did great in this, as
did Combs, Boyle and Thornton. I'm not sure that this movie is as profound as it would
like to think it is, but it sure gets deep inside of you.
Not for the kiddies, to say the least.
- Halle. It is a great sex scene. Needy and passionate, but not tender.
Sometimes sex is that way. (Their second scene together is more like a "love"
scene)
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If you got to the page late yesterday, you may enjoy my late-in-posting
review of Lies, assuming you prefer the nasty
reviews to the ethereal ones.
The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined
there might be something of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
Fun link:
In case you've
never seen The Satire Wire, it's kind of an alternative to The Onion
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| Graphic Response
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Here's a great topless find from the movie "Leather Jackets" (1992). If memory serves, this movie snuck onto the shelf at the Video Shanty I was running way back when without a theatrical release. Seems that it's not currently available on VHS or DVD these days, making these 'caps kinda rare.
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
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| Variety
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Kylie Minogue
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Kylie barely dressed at the Brit Awards.
Link #1 features great cleavage.
Link #2 shows a bit of bum
Link #3...is she wearing lingerie while talking to the press backstage?
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Madeleine Stowe
Patricia Healy
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Very nice collages by Dann from "China Moon". Stowe appears topless and full frontal. Healy has a topless scene.
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| JoBeth Williams |
A great scan by ZonononZor of a posed nip slip.
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| Cynthia Watros |
The hot, blond girlfriend from the FOX sitcom "Titus", overflowing with cleavage.
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| Camilla Power |
Breast exposure in the UK TV series "Underworld".
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| Julie Graham |
Very nice full frontal nudity by Watty from the UK movie "With or Without You" (1999).
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Keira Knightley
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The young British actress in her first topless scenes. Vidcaps from the movie "The Hole" (2001), by Skease.
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| The Funnies
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Scoop,
Some funnies for you, mainly courtesy of UK-based sports-persons, but of universal idiocy value.
BTW, the best description of the Winter Olympics I've heard: '38 different ways of sliding'
Enjoy!
-Snapper
Now that the Winter Olympic Games are here, let us prepare for the probability of new sportscaster bone-head comments by reviewing some of their past boners...
Pat Glenn - Weightlifting Commentator: "This is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria...I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing."
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother."
Murray Walker: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."
Greg Norman: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
Alan Minter: "Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing -- but none of them serious."
Terry Venables: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
Ron Atkinson: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it... you can see it all over their faces."
Harry Carpenter - BBC TV Boat Race: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew."
Metro Radio: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."
David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics: "There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
US tv commentator: "One of the reasons Arnold Palmer is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them...Oh my God, what have I just said?"
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| A cool link
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Some friends of mine have just launched a site that Scoopy fans might enjoy. Check out www.cultmoviesonline.com. It's a pay-per-view movie service featuring cult movies that you can watch on your PC.
Here are a few of the titles available:
Bad Girls Dormitory, Emmanuelle Exposed, Emmanuelle in Bangkok, Caged Women, She Devils of the S.S., Shock 'Em Dead, The Night Porter, Vampire Hookers and Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women.
I'd love to hear some feedback from Scoopy readers. Eventually we may be adding a movie from these guys once in a while to the Fun House. So, if you like what you see, email me at scoopyjr@fakes.net.
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