The Shepherd Border Patrol


This is a straight-to-DVD Van Damme film in which the Belgian Chuck Norris, working for the Border Patrol, illegally violates Mexican sovereignty in pursuit of some drug lords, then single-handedly defeats an entire army of renegade Special Forces operatives, and an entire Mexican jail full of desperados, all while operating with no authority nor back-up on Mexican soil.

I have to admit that Jean-Claude Van Damme has surprised the hell out of me and become a quite capable actor. Oh, he's not going to take any work away from Kenneth Branagh, but he's gotten quite good at playing the type of roles he gets, and he can still fight gracefully and forcefully even though he's a very old-looking 47. He did an excellent job in his previous movie, Until Death, which was a pretty damned (Dammed?) good straight-to-vid in which JC played a complex anti-hero living in the real world. That film was good enough, and he was good enough in it, that he seemed to be making some real progress toward a comeback. The Shepherd Border Patrol is a significant regression from that progress. This one is a reversion to his old style of unrealistically noble and invulnerable hero living in a masturbatory fantasy which vacillates between heroic violence and sappy sentimentality. The classic example of the latter is that JC carries around a cute pet rabbit in memory of his dead daughter. You see, the animal had been her beloved pet until she overdosed on Mexican drugs. Now JC has sworn to protect the bunny while wiping out the cartel responsible for those drugs.

I hear you snickering, but here's a tip for you wiseacres: don't make fun of his bunny unless your medical insurance is paid up.

There's quite a bit of nudity during a party at a drug lord's hacienda, but none of the women are identified. Here is the film clip.



  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.










A scientist (Al Cliver) embarks by boat on a research trip with his wife and young daughter. Cannibals board the boat, eat the wife alive, cut off Cliver's arm, and take him to their camp. Then the chief finds the daughter washed up on shore, and decides that she is the reincarnation of their legendary blonde goddess. He brings her back to camp and, in the excitement, Cliver gets away. Cut to years in the future. Cliver recovers from his amnesia and amuses the group who financed his last trip with wild tales of cannibals. They decide to fund and conduct a rescue mission for the laughs. The laugh is on them when the cannibals not only prove to be real, but still like eating their food while its alive.

The blonde goddess, Sabrina Siani, has now grown into a beautiful topless young woman, and his married to the new chief (son of the old chief). She likes her gig, thinks the strong young chief is pretty good in bed, and is not thrilled about the prospect of being rescued and shipped to New York. The nerdy scientist, who has been in bed for years recovering and only has one arm, must fight the virile young chief for her.

The film was directed by Jess Franco, from a script by Franco and Jean Rollin, who is kind of the French Franco. Those are good credentials for an exploitation film, but this one is a disappointment. The cannibalism amounts to painted actors chewing on raw steak on the opposite side of a screaming woman, and the nudity could have been much better and much more extensive.

IMDb: 3.5

Lina Romay shows a breast being eaten alive.

Sabrina Siani shows breasts and buns.








Star Struck


Here's a really bad movie with bad acting: Star Struck (AKA Deception, AKA Other People's Secrets). It does however have a decent amount of nudity.

Amber Smith stars and gives up the boobs. Caps and four Clips.

Ursula Weiss is cute and shows off her tits in love making scenes, you can play the "spot the tool" game in this set. Caps and two clips.

Sonia Baumann also gives up the breasts playing the maid.







Notes and collages

The Family Way

Hayley Mills



It's time for a break from "Friends"








Assumpta Serna







There are some interesting clips today:

You know Hsu Chi (Shu Qi). She plays the gorgeous Chinese woman who gets transported in The Transporter. You can see more of her here in a film clip from Iron Sister.

Here are some film clips of three women in the uncut version of Robotrix: Chikako Aoyama, Amy Yip, and an unknown. If you like exploitation films, this is very good stuff. The scene with the unknown is incredibly explicit by the standards of Hong Kong Cinema. It not only includes full frontal female nudity, but the woman gets her legs pulled open on camera and she gets fucked brutally.

A film clip of the completely adorable Cheryl Rainbeaux Smith in Cinderella. She was one of the queens of 1970s exploitation fare, but heroin killed her career and led to hepatitis, which in turn took life before her time. She had been gone from films for twenty years when she died, but was still only 47 at the time. In fact, although her career seems to be in the distant past, she was only 16 when she started acting in movies, so she would be only 52 if alive today!

A clip of Edwige Fenech in Un Delitto Poco Comune. This was Edwige's last film, made more than twenty years after her debut, but she was just one of those lucky women that just keeps getting more beautiful as she ages, as Salma Hayek has done in our time, and as Elizabeth Hurley seemed to do for many years. Fenech was 40 in this film, but her face looks spectacular.

A clip of Erika Marozsan in Gloomy Sunday

A clip of Francesca Annis in Macbeth. This film was directed by Roman Polanski! Francesca was always one of my favorites.  I would call her the Alex Kingston of her time: classy, sexy and glamorous, but also a trained classical actress.

Former Playmate of the Year Brande Roderick in Life of a Gigolo