 |
|
 |
|
Various new stuff:
Today's theme is basically "good stuff not yet on
DVD." Most of it is provided by LC, our correspondent from the future,
but there are other people's work in here as well. (None of it is my
original work.)
Rent (2005)
This is the new-wave musical which was very popular
with the gay community, not just because it is a musical, but because
it touches on a lot of themes which are important to that group. Here
is the only nudity from the PG-13 film (zipped .avi - nice quality.)
The woman's name is Idina Menzel, and here's a sample collage.
Les Bronzés 3 - amis pour la vie (2006)
I don't know what the hell this is. I guess it is a
series of French comedies, and this is the third in the series. I know
it is dated 2006, so that's cool! Marie-Anne Chazel is in her mid 50s,
and no woman that age has boobs like the ones pictured, so they are
obviously not real, but I'm not sure what the joke is.
The Weather Man (2005)
Another of Nic Cage's typical choices, for which I am
really starting to like the guy! One thing to be said for Nic -
nothing he does is run-of-the-mill.
We've already seen the captures from this scene, but
you HAVE to see the video. As Paris Hilton would say, "that's hot."
It's a zipped .avi,
the quality is outstanding, and the woman is Robyn Moler.
Running Scared (2006)
It's yet another episode of Farmigamania! Vera Farmiga
is the obscure actress who somehow managed to win the 2005 Best
Actress award for a film called Down to the Bone, which had some good
nudity (we've seen it already, although the film is not yet on video).
This time, Farmiga is seen in a thong in a new film with the
ubiquitous Paul Walker. This one opens Friday, so Walker will be
competing with himself (he had the #1 movie over the past weekend,
that doggie film)
Here's a
zipped .avi
(terrible quality, sorry)
Here's a sample of the scene:
Where the Truth Lies (2005)
This is Atom Egoyan's version of a thriller, involving
a murder in the 50s which happened at the same time as the mysterious
break up of a duo very much like Martin and Lewis. Colin Firth and
Kevin Bacon star. I liked the movie, but I never wrote it up. I'll get
back to it when the official DVD arrives.
Here are LC's collages
|
Rebecca Davis |
|
 |
|
Rachel Blanchard |
|
  |
|
Kristin Adams |
|
 |
|
Alison Lohman |
   |
Jarhead (2005)
This is the Sam Mendes film based on ex-Marine Anthony
Swofford's best-selling 2003 book about his pre-Desert Storm
experiences Saudi Arabia and his battle experiences in Kuwait. Jake
Gyllenhaal stars.
More caps from LC:
|
Brianne Davis |
|
 |
|
Becky Boxer |
|
 |
Other Crap:
"An Air Jordan XXI shoe commercial featuring the next generation's
takes on Michael's greatest moves and poses."
Ang Lee's next film: lesbian cowgirls
- Well .. almost
- Looks like the Angster is gonna ride this crooked trail for a
while, since it seems to lead to the Kodak Theater
Iran now denies wanting to "wipe Israel off the map"
- Get this: "Iran's foreign minister denied on Monday that
Tehran wanted to see Israel 'wiped off the map,' saying President
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had been misunderstood."
- Let's see, what did he really mean. Oh, yeah, he wanted to see
the current Israel wiped off the map so it could be replaced by a
larger, more glorious Israel. (Without all those pesky Jews, of
course!)
- Or maybe he was just kidding! Funny, funny guy!
24 - The Game
"A
newspaper in Saudi Arabia has stopped publishing after printing some
of the cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad. "
- Do you remember the scene in Life of Brian, where the crowd
stoned the soldier because he was reading the charges against the
man to be stoned, and one of the charges was saying the name
Yahweh? Well, this is exactly the same situation. The newspaper
said "A Danish paper had the nerve to print these blasphemous
cartoons," and they printed the cartoons to demonstrate the
outrageous behavior of the Danes, thus committing blasphemy!
Just what the hell is President's Day?
"Keanu
Reeves has been mentioned as the lead in a SILVER SURFER feature for
Fox."
Read the quote and guess who the article is about -
"He hates his children, he treats his wife like dirt, he gets high
all day."
FilmJerk
Handicaps The Oscars: 2006 Edition
I
think these people are trying to make a monkey out of me.
The
trailer for Perfume - The Story of a Murderer
- This is Tom Tykwer's new film. He's Germany's Orson Welles in
training, the guy who directed Run, Lola Run and The Princess and
the Warrior. Since then he has mostly been writing music (he's
also a composer), except for "Heaven" and an award-winning short
film starring Natalie Portman.
- "Heaven" starred Cate Blanchett, but it was basically an
arthouse film scripted by the legendary Kieslowski, so it was a
complete box-office bomb in the US and UK. Although it stars Cate
Blanchett and Giovanni Ribisi, it is in both Italian and English.
It received 73% positive reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, but
the British critics reviled it.
-
I had mixed feelings.
- Tykwer is a genius, the film is based on a cult book, and the
package will be distributed in the USA by Dreamworks, so all the
auspices are favorable. This may be the sleeper hit and potential
Oscar-winner of the year. Or it may be too-arty-by-half.
- Previous directors who have considered filming this book
include Stanley Kubrick, Ridley Scott, Martin Scorsese, Milos
Forman, and Tim Burton. Pretty impressive all-star team.
- Rumor has it that the film also includes copious nudity. They
were casting in Barcelona for "beautiful redheads willing to
appear totally nude."
- Official blurb: "Based on the bestselling novel by Patrick
Suskind, 'Perfume' is a terrifying story of murder and obsession
set in 18th-century France. Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw)
has a unique talent for discerning the scents and smells that
swirl around him, which he uses to create the world's finest
perfumes. Strangely lacking any scent of his own, he becomes
obsessed with capturing the irresistible but elusive aroma of
young womanhood. As Grenouille's obsession turns deadly, twelve
young girls are found murdered. Panic breaks out as people rush to
protect their daughters, while an unrepentant and unrelenting
Grenouille still lacks the final ingredient to complete his
quest."
-
Here is an incredibly detailed summary of the plot, including
complete spoilers of every plot point.
Profile of an Olympic failure
National
Lampoon Issue Index - the glory years
Brits react to American BAFTA dominance:
"We were robbed by cowboys"
VIDEO:
Guinness
World Record Stone Skipper
Victoria's Secret catalogs from as far back as 1977
Naked Olympians news - the curlers
SI Swimsuit Issue - Heidi Klum in a paint "suit"
LeBron James becomes youngest All-Star MVP
- It's hard to imagine because he's been around a while, but
Lebron is basically just a college junior now!
Film
Jerk's Early Report for February 19
"LENO, STEWART IMPLICATED IN NEW WHITE HOUSE CORRUPTION SCANDAL
... Cheney allegedly took bribes from late night hosts desperate for
material"
OPRAH LETS LOOSE ON XM SATELLITE RADIO ... "Oprah lets F-bombs
fly, brings in retarded male strippers to compete with Stern"
DISNEY LAYS OFF ALL PIXAR EMPLOYEES, RENAMES SELF "PIXAR"
INTERNATIONAL COMMITTEE MAKES AMERICAN IDOL AN OLYMPIC SPORT
CRUISE-HOLMES SEX TAPE DECLARED FALSE BY EXPERTS
SuitSat1: A Spacesuit Floats Free
Movie Reviews:
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
|
|
 |
| |
Virgins of Sherwood Forest (2000)
Virgins of Sherwood Forest (2000) is a soft-core sex film
staring Gabriella Hall as a director who is knocked unconscious and wakes up
in Sherwood Forest. As in Wizard of Oz, the fantasy world is peopled by people
she met while directing a rock video.
Sherwood has changed. Maid Marion dumped Robin when she broke
in on his bachelor party. Robin and his merry men have long since banished the
sheriff of Nottingham, and have little to do. They finally meet a challenge -
a new sheriff has come to town in the form of Shannan Leigh. She is young, she
is stacked, she is horny, and she is power-hungry. It seems that she has
triumphed when she tricks the merry men and captures all but Little John, but
John and Gabriella Hall attack the castle, assisted by two local wenches
(Amber Newman and Susan Hale).
Tonight, breasts and buns from Gabriella Hall, and all three
Bs from Shannan Leigh. More mańana
Divorce Law - Heimlich's Maneuver (1993)
Divorce law was a late night comedy that apparently lasted only one season.
The setting is a divorce law practice, with attorneys played by Phillip
Grimes, Monique Parent and Christian Noble, and a legal secretary played by
Patricia Skeriotis. The format is the same in each episode. They start with a
meeting among the staff, and then each of the episode's clients tell their
stories and go into court. Each episode ends with another meeting.
The meetings are full of double entendre and bad puns, and the client
stories are told in language mimicking the worst romance novel style of all
time. Many of the clients put on terrible accents, and the reasons for divorce
are mostly zany and stupid. This is essentially titty-flick material, with the
occasional bum thrown in, spiced by a bit of tepid simulated sex.
The three cases in Heimlich's Maneuver:
- Dr. Heimlich, who practically invented the female orgasm, is suing his
wife (Ashley Zibeline) for divorce on grounds of infidelity.
- De'Ann Power is trying to split from her husband, because he thinks he
is Genghis Khan, and has plans to start his world conquest with the invasion
of Tijuana, even though he actually owns a gerbil store.
- An unemployed flute teacher (Laura Huffman) wants to divorce her
conductor husband based on cruelty. Seems he used two musicians, one with a
flugelhorn, the other with a violin bow, as foreplay - with him conducting.
Absolute junk or a treasure? You decide, but I loved them. I am not sure what I expected, but these were a very pleasant find. 30 minutes is plenty of
time for two or three sexual encounters, with none of the boredom of seeing
sex in real time. It is not the same old boobs. The acting is intentionally
horrible. The only negative is a weak transfer, badly washed out. I will call
these C. I am sure you know by now if you want to see them.
These are available in a 4 DVD set called "More All-Night Movies." I will
be covering one a day for a while.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
 |
Pat Reeder's comments in yellow: Rio de Janeiro's
Carnivale got off to an early start Saturday when the Rolling Stones played a
free concert on Copacabana Beach that drew over 1 million people. The crowd was
so big, people in the back said they couldn't even see the giant video screens,
much less the band. Mick Jagger wooed the crowd by speaking a little Portuguese
and wearing a Brazilian flag T-shirt. It's well known that he has a Brazilian
son, thanks to an infamous dalliance with a South American fashion model.
* Mick has nailed so many South American fashion models,
that the entire crowd was all his kids.
* People who couldn't see Mick and Keith's faces on the giant screen
considered them the best seats in the house. Meryl Streep wasn't
impressed by all the naked flesh in Vanity Fair's new "Hollywood" issue. The
multiple Oscar winner advised nude cover models Scarlett Johansson and Keira
Knightley, as well as other young actresses, not to succumb to the pressure to
bare their bodies to stand out from the crowd and boost their careers. Streep
said success for actresses is about "the roles they aspire to," not who are the
most willing to sexualize themselves.
* Sharon Stone agrees.
* You can tell she's a truly gifted actress because she can say that with
a straight face.
* Of course, all the female roles that don't require nudity go to Meryl
Streep.
* On behalf of men everywhere, let me just add that Meryl Streep should
shut her pie hole.
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
