Various new stuff:

Today's theme is basically "good stuff not yet on DVD." Most of it is provided by LC, our correspondent from the future, but there are other people's work in here as well. (None of it is my original work.)

Rent (2005)

This is the new-wave musical which was very popular with the gay community, not just because it is a musical, but because it touches on a lot of themes which are important to that group. Here is the only nudity from the PG-13 film (zipped .avi - nice quality.) The woman's name is Idina Menzel, and here's a sample collage.


Les Bronzés 3 - amis pour la vie (2006)

I don't know what the hell this is. I guess it is a series of French comedies, and this is the third in the series. I know it is dated 2006, so that's cool! Marie-Anne Chazel is in her mid 50s, and no woman that age has boobs like the ones pictured, so they are obviously not real, but I'm not sure what the joke is.


The Weather Man (2005)

Another of Nic Cage's typical choices, for which I am really starting to like the guy! One thing to be said for Nic - nothing he does is run-of-the-mill.

We've already seen the captures from this scene, but you HAVE to see the video. As Paris Hilton would say, "that's hot." It's a zipped .avi, the quality is outstanding, and the woman is Robyn Moler.


Running Scared (2006)

It's yet another episode of Farmigamania! Vera Farmiga is the obscure actress who somehow managed to win the 2005 Best Actress award for a film called Down to the Bone, which had some good nudity (we've seen it already, although the film is not yet on video). This time, Farmiga is seen in a thong in a new film with the ubiquitous Paul Walker. This one opens Friday, so Walker will be competing with himself (he had the #1 movie over the past weekend, that doggie film)

Here's a zipped .avi (terrible quality, sorry)

Here's a sample of the scene:


Where the Truth Lies (2005)

This is Atom Egoyan's version of a thriller, involving a murder in the 50s which happened at the same time as the mysterious break up of a duo very much like Martin and Lewis. Colin Firth and Kevin Bacon star. I liked the movie, but I never wrote it up. I'll get back to it when the official DVD arrives.

Here are LC's collages

Rebecca Davis

Rachel Blanchard

Kristin Adams

Alison Lohman


Jarhead (2005)

This is the Sam Mendes film based on ex-Marine Anthony Swofford's best-selling 2003 book about his pre-Desert Storm experiences Saudi Arabia and his battle experiences in Kuwait. Jake Gyllenhaal stars.

More caps from LC:

Brianne Davis

Becky Boxer



Other Crap:

"An Air Jordan XXI shoe commercial featuring the next generation's takes on Michael's greatest moves and poses."

Ang Lee's next film: lesbian cowgirls

  • Well .. almost
  • Looks like the Angster is gonna ride this crooked trail for a while, since it seems to lead to the Kodak Theater

Iran now denies wanting to "wipe Israel off the map"

  • Get this: "Iran's foreign minister denied on Monday that Tehran wanted to see Israel 'wiped off the map,' saying President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had been misunderstood."
  • Let's see, what did he really mean. Oh, yeah, he wanted to see the current Israel wiped off the map so it could be replaced by a larger, more glorious Israel. (Without all those pesky Jews, of course!)
  • Or maybe he was just kidding! Funny, funny guy!

24 - The Game

"A newspaper in Saudi Arabia has stopped publishing after printing some of the cartoons of the Prophet Muhammad. "

  • Do you remember the scene in Life of Brian, where the crowd stoned the soldier because he was reading the charges against the man to be stoned, and one of the charges was saying the name Yahweh? Well, this is exactly the same situation. The newspaper said "A Danish paper had the nerve to print these blasphemous cartoons," and they printed the cartoons to demonstrate the outrageous behavior of the Danes, thus committing blasphemy!

Just what the hell is President's Day?

"Keanu Reeves has been mentioned as the lead in a SILVER SURFER feature for Fox."

Read the quote and guess who the article is about - "He hates his children, he treats his wife like dirt, he gets high all day."

FilmJerk Handicaps The Oscars: 2006 Edition

I think these people are trying to make a monkey out of me.

The trailer for Perfume - The Story of a Murderer

  • This is Tom Tykwer's new film. He's Germany's Orson Welles in training, the guy who directed Run, Lola Run and The Princess and the Warrior. Since then he has mostly been writing music (he's also a composer), except for "Heaven" and an award-winning short film starring Natalie Portman.
  • "Heaven" starred Cate Blanchett, but it was basically an arthouse film scripted by the legendary Kieslowski, so it was a complete box-office bomb in the US and UK. Although it stars Cate Blanchett and Giovanni Ribisi, it is in both Italian and English. It received 73% positive reviews at Rotten Tomatoes, but the British critics reviled it.
  • I had mixed feelings.
  • Tykwer is a genius, the film is based on a cult book, and the package will be distributed in the USA by Dreamworks, so all the auspices are favorable. This may be the sleeper hit and potential Oscar-winner of the year. Or it may be too-arty-by-half.
  • Previous directors who have considered filming this book include Stanley Kubrick, Ridley Scott, Martin Scorsese, Milos Forman, and Tim Burton. Pretty impressive all-star team.
  • Rumor has it that the film also includes copious nudity. They were casting in Barcelona for "beautiful redheads willing to appear totally nude."
  • Official blurb: "Based on the bestselling novel by Patrick Suskind, 'Perfume' is a terrifying story of murder and obsession set in 18th-century France. Jean-Baptiste Grenouille (Ben Whishaw) has a unique talent for discerning the scents and smells that swirl around him, which he uses to create the world's finest perfumes. Strangely lacking any scent of his own, he becomes obsessed with capturing the irresistible but elusive aroma of young womanhood. As Grenouille's obsession turns deadly, twelve young girls are found murdered. Panic breaks out as people rush to protect their daughters, while an unrepentant and unrelenting Grenouille still lacks the final ingredient to complete his quest."
  • Here is an incredibly detailed summary of the plot, including complete spoilers of every plot point.

Profile of an Olympic failure

National Lampoon Issue Index - the glory years

Brits react to American BAFTA dominance: "We were robbed by cowboys"

VIDEO: Guinness World Record Stone Skipper

Victoria's Secret catalogs from as far back as 1977

Naked Olympians news - the curlers

SI Swimsuit Issue - Heidi Klum in a paint "suit"

LeBron James becomes youngest All-Star MVP

  • It's hard to imagine because he's been around a while, but Lebron is basically just a college junior now!

Film Jerk's Early Report for February 19

"LENO, STEWART IMPLICATED IN NEW WHITE HOUSE CORRUPTION SCANDAL ... Cheney allegedly took bribes from late night hosts desperate for material"

OPRAH LETS LOOSE ON XM SATELLITE RADIO ... "Oprah lets F-bombs fly, brings in retarded male strippers to compete with Stern"




SuitSat1: A Spacesuit Floats Free

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.





Virgins of Sherwood Forest (2000)

Virgins of Sherwood Forest (2000) is a soft-core sex film staring Gabriella Hall as a director who is knocked unconscious and wakes up in Sherwood Forest. As in Wizard of Oz, the fantasy world is peopled by people she met while directing a rock video.

Sherwood has changed. Maid Marion dumped Robin when she broke in on his bachelor party. Robin and his merry men have long since banished the sheriff of Nottingham, and have little to do. They finally meet a challenge - a new sheriff has come to town in the form of Shannan Leigh. She is young, she is stacked, she is horny, and she is power-hungry. It seems that she has triumphed when she tricks the merry men and captures all but Little John, but John and Gabriella Hall attack the castle, assisted by two local wenches (Amber Newman and Susan Hale).

Tonight, breasts and buns from Gabriella Hall, and all three Bs from Shannan Leigh. More mańana

Shannan Leigh

Gabriella Hall


Divorce Law - Heimlich's Maneuver (1993)

Divorce law was a late night comedy that apparently lasted only one season. The setting is a divorce law practice, with attorneys played by Phillip Grimes, Monique Parent and Christian Noble, and a legal secretary played by Patricia Skeriotis. The format is the same in each episode. They start with a meeting among the staff, and then each of the episode's clients tell their stories and go into court. Each episode ends with another meeting.

The meetings are full of double entendre and bad puns, and the client stories are told in language mimicking the worst romance novel style of all time. Many of the clients put on terrible accents, and the reasons for divorce are mostly zany and stupid. This is essentially titty-flick material, with the occasional bum thrown in, spiced by a bit of tepid simulated sex.

The three cases in Heimlich's Maneuver:

  • Dr. Heimlich, who practically invented the female orgasm, is suing his wife (Ashley Zibeline) for divorce on grounds of infidelity.
  • De'Ann Power is trying to split from her husband, because he thinks he is Genghis Khan, and has plans to start his world conquest with the invasion of Tijuana, even though he actually owns a gerbil store.
  • An unemployed flute teacher (Laura Huffman) wants to divorce her conductor husband based on cruelty. Seems he used two musicians, one with a flugelhorn, the other with a violin bow, as foreplay - with him conducting.

Absolute junk or a treasure? You decide, but I loved them. I am not sure what I expected, but these were a very pleasant find. 30 minutes is plenty of time for two or three sexual encounters, with none of the boredom of seeing sex in real time. It is not the same old boobs. The acting is intentionally horrible. The only negative is a weak transfer, badly washed out. I will call these C. I am sure you know by now if you want to see them.

These are available in a 4 DVD set called "More All-Night Movies." I will be covering one a day for a while.


Ashley Zibeline

DeAnn Power

Laura Huffman




Today we first take a look at Neve Campbell in "When Will I Be Loved". Neve spent the opening minutes of the film in the shower and then cleaned up again at the end of the movie. Just some fleeting glimpses of boob though.

Then we take the old Time Machine back to the Seventies for "Thunderbolt and Lightfoot." Catherine Bach was there but of course showed nothing but leg and a little cleavage.

June Fairchild - a peek at some boobage getting dressed after having sex with Clint Eastwood.

Leslie Oliver is interrupted having sex with her boy friend by a gunman and winds up as a"Babe in Bondage".

Luanne Roberts, full frontal nudity, but far off through a glass door.


These caps from The Hollow are now correctly labeled as Shelley Bennett. I had previously labeled them Erica, which was the character's name! Thanks to reader BM for making the correct ID:









J-Lo in Blood and Wine.

Obviously I have to watch this movie. Jack Nicholson and J-Lo's bare butt seems like a solid entertainment package. I'll get back to you on this one.

The omnipresent Paris Hilton falling out of her dress, as usual.

Nice caps of Keira Knightley in Domino

Herr Haut captures the giant breasts and bum of Serena Grandi in Iniziazione
Vejiita chips in with Sienna Miller in Layer Cake

Pat Reeder's comments in yellow:

Rio de Janeiro's Carnivale got off to an early start Saturday when the Rolling Stones played a free concert on Copacabana Beach that drew over 1 million people.  The crowd was so big, people in the back said they couldn't even see the giant video screens, much less the band.  Mick Jagger wooed the crowd by speaking a little Portuguese and wearing a Brazilian flag T-shirt.  It's well known that he has a Brazilian son, thanks to an infamous dalliance with a South American fashion model.

*  Mick has nailed so many South American fashion models, that the entire crowd was all his kids.

*  People who couldn't see Mick and Keith's faces on the giant screen
considered them the best seats in the house.

Meryl Streep wasn't impressed by all the naked flesh in Vanity Fair's new "Hollywood" issue.  The multiple Oscar winner advised nude cover models Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley, as well as other young actresses, not to succumb to the pressure to bare their bodies to stand out from the crowd and boost their careers.  Streep said success for actresses is about "the roles they aspire to," not who are the most willing to sexualize themselves.

*  Sharon Stone agrees.

*  You can tell she's a truly gifted actress because she can say that with
a straight face.

*  Of course, all the female roles that don't require nudity go to Meryl

*  On behalf of men everywhere, let me just add that Meryl Streep should
shut her pie hole.