"The Master-Piece"

The Master-Piece (1970) is a crime drama skin flick, which includes lots of breasts, buns, and bush from Lisa Grant, Kay Mills and Roxanne West. Grant is a big name actress. A new director, who shares an agent with her, seduces her and talks her into staring in his pet project. He also tapes them having sex, to give him blackmail material. Once her cooperation is assured, he works his way through Mills and West, at least until Grant catches him at it.

This DVD-R transfer from Something Weird Video is seriously lacking in contrast and color saturation, but has very few scratches, dust spots or chips. The film opens with the murder, showing Grant in the act, and the rest of the film is a flashback to how it all happened. This is not ambitious material from a plot standpoint, but does feature nearly non-stop nudity from three women, and thus meets the genre requirements, hence a score of C.

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  • Kay Mills (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)
  • Lisa Grant (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Roxanne West (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    52 Pick-Up (1986):

    52 Pick-Up is a twisting, sleazy crime story. It was made in the 80s, but it's an 80s film only by averaging it out. Thematically, it's a typical 90s film made from an Elmore Leonard story filled with corrupted protagonists and colorful villains, like Get Shorty or Jackie Brown. Stylistically, it's an old-fashioned John Frankenheimer production in the manner of early 60s Hollywood.

    The basic storyline of 52 Pick-Up is good. It is complicated enough to be intriguing, but not too complicated to be comprehensible. Three baddies from the sex trade arrange a sexual relationship between a successful businessman (Roy Scheider) and a beautiful young hooker (Kelly Preston), then secretly tape all their sexual activities. Being both psychotic and in the adult film industry, they edit the footage into a little story and show their film masterpiece to Scheider, demanding substantial blackmail in return for the tape. Scheider refuses to pay, electing instead to tell his wife (Ann-Margret) about the affair, thus negating the value of the revelation.

    Hoo-boy, the baddies are really not happy with Scheider's decision, so they up the ante with a bigger blackmail scam. They proceed to break into Scheider's house and steal some clothes and a gun. They then use Scheider's gun to kill the hooker who has been pretending to be Scheider's mistress, and they record the entire frame-up on film so they can show it to Scheider. ("I used two cameras. I was quite proud of that film.") This time they significantly increase the retail price of the tape, presumably to cover their lavish production values and because they can't exactly put it on the market at Sundance.

    At that point, Scheider knows that he is screwed.

    • He can't go to the police for two reasons (1) because he thinks he'd be implicating himself in the murder, and (2) because his wife is running for assistant D.A., and it would destroy her career.

    • He can't go on a Charles Bronson spree of violent revenge because he's not a tough guy. He's a suburban husband battling against violent lowlifes.

    • His only possible solution, therefore, is to out-smart the baddies and turn them against one another.

    John Frankenheimer was once considered an A-list director, but that was twenty years before he made this film. That point may be best illustrated by the dates attached to the four Frankenheimer films which are rated the highest at IMDB.

    1. (8.39) - The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
    2. (7.76) - Seven Days in May (1964)
    3. (7.57) - Birdman of Alcatraz (1962)
    4. (7.56) - The Train (1964)

    Frankenheimer had some major failures toward the end of his career, when he was in his 70s and still at it. We're talking real bad - late night monologue material like Reindeer Games and The Island of Doctor Moreau.

    Compared to Frankenheimer's best and worst work, 52 Pick-Up is about in the middle of the road both in terms of chronology and quality.

    To his credit, Frankenheimer, who was 56 when he made this film, did a pretty good job of running with the young guys and modernizing his approach. The villain is suitably creepy and over-the-top in the modern fashion, and some of the violent acts are shown explicitly. Mr. Psycho makes Scheider (and us) watch his mistress being snuffed on film, for example, accompanied by a tawdry narration. Of course, one cannot get into the Psycho Bad Guy Hall of Fame merely by snuffing a guy's mistress and making him appear to be the killer. Mr Psycho also shot Scheider's wife full of heroin and raped her, pretty much just for his own amusement. The director showed the wife being shot full of horse, but cut away when the bad guy removed his shirt. I suppose a truly modern film would have shown the rape, but Frankenheimer backed off in that case, perhaps in deference to the dignity of Ann-Margret.

    All in all, 52 Pick-Up has a good story put together by a director who was once considered one of Hollywood's major players. It has a deliciously creepy baddie, over-the-top dialogue, and lots of nudity. It even features a cameo by film legend Ron Jeremy. The editing and music sometimes seem old fashioned for a film from the mid 80s, but it's not a bad genre flick. Not bad at all.

    • Vanity (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
    • Amber Lynn
    • Kelly Preston (1, 2, 3). It seems to be Mrs Barbarino week here in the Fun House
    • Unknowns. There is some cool stuff here (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17).
      • Pictures #1 and #2 show the sensitive actor who has more on-camera credits than anyone else in the IMDb. I speak of course of the legendary Ronald J. Hyatt. You may know him better as Ron Jeremy.
      • If you are a big Brian DePalma fan, you'll recognize #10 as the body double in the fional scene of Body Double. I think her name is Mindi Miller, or maybe it is Ty Randolph. (Same woman, two different aliases)
      • #15 features on of our Fun House favorites, Clarence Williams III from "The Mod Squad"



    1001 Nights (1990):

    Frankly, I don't get the marketing concept behind this movie. It is a silly adaptation of the 1001 Nights stories, basically a kids' movie filled with bright colors, cheesy theatrical sets, a time-traveling genie, and plenty of silly anachronisms. At one point, for example, the genie rescues Sheherazade with a helicopter. In another scene, Sheherazade and the genie are watching the first moon landing on TV in modern England.

    "OK, so what is so weird about that?", you wonder. "It's a colorful, silly kids' movie, like Aladdin, right?"

    Not exactly. I'd have no problem recommending that you show it to the kids, except that it's filled with T&A. Well, that and the fact that it's in French. Now that I think about it, maybe T&A is required in French kids' flicks. The nudity is all harmless, non-sexual stuff. Sheherazade falls from the sky naked and the wind blows off her clothing. That kind of stiff. There's some sexual tease, but there are no sex scenes at all. I can't even recall any kissing, to tell you the truth.

    So I don't really know what to tell you in terms of a recommendation. The movie is too silly for adults and too naked for kids; it is entirely in French with no translation or sub-titles available; and it is overpriced.

    In other words it is for nobody.

    There is one group I might recommend it to: Catherine Zeta-Jones fans. Zeta played Sheherazade. It was her first movie appearance of any kind, and she was only 20 years old. Well, in theory. That age calculation assumes that her official bio has an accurate birth date, a risky assumption for any actress. Whatever her age at the time, the point is that Catherine Zeta-Jones was young and ripe and naked in this movie, so you can see that if you are willing to pay $85 to own a cheesy French Aladdin movie.


    "OK, I admit it. It finally got weird enough for me"
    Hunter S. Thompson, suicide, age 67.

    Other Crap:

    • Gidget has ridden her last wave. Not long after she was freshly remembered by Kevin Spacey's "Beyond the Sea," Sandra Dee has passed away at 63 (or 62 or 60 - she had one of those flexible "actress birthdays." Her family says she was 63.) Although Gidget and Tammy made her a star, she could not sustain a career after Hollywood lost its taste for syrupy movies in the cultural revolution of the late 60s. Her last major movie role was The Dunwich Horror, 35 years ago, when she was still in her 20s. Her last TV role was on Fantasy Island in 1983, when she was only her late 30s or early 40s. While few young people can recognize her face, the familiarity of her name has been passed on to subsequent generations by a Grease song: "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee."
    • The short version of the trailer for Yes.
      • "She, an Irish-American scientist, is being strangled by her marriage with Anthony. She begins an affair with He, a Lebanese surgeon exiled in London. Their passion is the start of a personal journey through several countries." (Looks like a remake of Under the Tuscan Sun, with Joan Allen instead of Diane Lane.)
    • Here's the international trailer for Fantastic Four. Disappointing. The invisible girl effects are cheesy, and the thing's costume looks like a bulky jacket. Alba looks great, of course.
    • A Christian group has criticized the choice of comedian Chris Rock as host of this year's Oscars ceremony because they say he is 'lewd' and 'vulgar'. Strange. That's why I thought he was a good choice.
    • Writers Guild Awards go to Sideways and Eternal Sunshine
    • Bill Clinton is in Phuket. I suppose the name led him to believe it would be his kind of fun.
    • American Idol Barbie? And behold - she is seated on a pale horse.
    • Hitch takes the weekend box office. After losing to Constantine on Friday, Hitch came back to win a photo finish for the top weekend total.
    • Navy Unveils USS Jimmy Carter, the first submarine with rabbit-seeking torpedoes.
    • Rumor of the day: Dick Cheney likely will step down next year due to health reasons and be replaced by Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. Of course, I predicted that Cheney would step down fairly soon after the election, but I didn not see Condi coming. That's a pretty smart move, since
      • Cheney is popular with the GOP and was a strength on the ticket last year
      • Running Cheney last year didn't give the press of the Dems a chance to blast the alternative candidate.
      • Having Cheney step down now allows Bush to name his hand-picked successor in 2008.
      • The natural successor would be Jeb Bush, but GWB can't name his brother without severe repercussions among mainstream voters.
      • Naming Condi is the next best thing, assuring a complete continuation of the Bush legacy, and a chance for Condi to pick Jeb as her VP if they both agree
      • Condi might just win in 2008. If nothing else, she might make a big dent in the traditional 95% of the black vote that goes to the Dems, without losing any conservatives.

      I think I have made clear that I think Colin Powell is a better choice, and that I think the correct Democratic counter-strategy would be to recruit him as 2008 Presidential candidate if the GOP won't give him the nod. Colin is the most universally respected politician in America. Both parties like him, and the people love him. He could win. Do the Dems have anyone else who could win?

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Comments and vids by Striplight:


    Uncle Scoop,

     Finally, at last. My phone line has been upgraded & I’ve been broad banded. God knows how I ever managed before.

     As a small celebration I will be sending a few videos thru, starting with the attached.: 

    • Lisa Orgolini (.wmv zipped) in “Two Deaths”. It’s in the encyclopedia, of course. This is her striptease in the doctors office.

    • Then we have this, (even more of a classic clip), it’s Barbara Carrera (.wmv zipped) in “I the Jury”. Again,  it’s an all the way striptease, although she’s wearing less to start with. What a darlin’

     There’s more to follow. Enjoy.


    Jr's Polls
    Ok...once again I am revising the poll and chosing a category that is much easier to define...

    Best All Time Television Comedy

    This is one we did a while back, but I thought it would be fun to see what, if anything, has changed.

    I did leave out some wonderful sketch comedy shows, as well as one of the best shows ever..."The Daily Show with Jon Stewart", but that leaves this poll more focused on traditional TV formula comedies. Any exceptions (like MST3K) were added in because they were featured in the poll last time.

    A quick note...a few people have asked "Why are shows like "Sanford and Son", "Cosby Show", "Jeffersons", "Good Times", etc. not included in the poll".

    A good question with a simple answer...the last time we ran this poll, "Sanford and Son" and "Cosby Show" were both included but no one voted for them. (they earned 4 and 2 votes respectively out of the 1018 total votes cast).

    Here are the final results and comments for last week's poll Who has the best bum in Hollywood?

    Here are the results of our most recent other polls...
    The Top 20 Nude Scenes of 2004

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 80s

    The Best Nude Film Debuts of the 90s

    Which actress has been the most convincing playing a stripper.

    Please Email Scoopy Jr. with more nominees, comments or suggestions.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...'clips of adult mega-star Jenna Jameson baring all as "the first naked lady in the history of radio" in a scene from the Howard Stern movie "Private Parts."

    • Jenna Jameson zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    "Shallow Grave" (1987)
    Slasher shot around Miami not to be confused with the 1994 Ewan McGregor movie of the same name. Bad beyond description but there's good review if you click here

    • Lisa Stahl: cleavage as the lead but dumb blonde co-ed (the only one to survive).
    • Carol Cadby: boobs as the good co-ed (too smart for her own good she gets raped and strangled at the end).
    • Donna Baltron: slutty co-ed showing pokies and thong (the first to get killed).
    • Just Kelly: cleavage as the fourth co-ed. She only gave her name as "just... Kelly".
    • Kimberly Johnston: obligatory nude shower co-ed.
    • Merry Rozelle: boobs and butt as southern tramp.
    • Heidi Brown: bra-less barmaid with big boobs with bigger hair.
    • Co-eds: in their underwear. Two of them future newswomen Jackie Nespral and Page Hopkins. Another is singer/voice actress Ellen Dostal.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "The Saint"
    No nudity in The Saint but Elisabeth Shue is down to her underwear.

    • Elisabeth Shue (1, 2, 3)

    "Pacific Heights"
    Beverly D'Angelo is naked in Pacific Heights. She's seen topless and there's a very brief gynecological shot from the rear.

    • Beverly D'Angelo (1, 2)

    "Break a Leg"
    Some nice pokies by Molly Parker in Break a Leg.

    • Molly Parker (1, 2)

    "The Disappearance of Finbar"
    Some more pokies by Fanny Risberg in the Irish movie The Disappearance of Finbar.

    There's no visible nudity in Keys. However, there's a silhouetted naked woman who is supposed to be Marg Helgenberger. We have to be content with seeing her in a bikini.

    • Marg Helgenberger (1, 2, 3)

    "Maid to Order"
    Valerie Perrine shows a lot of cleavage in Maid to Order and Ally Sheedy's body double bares her behind.

    • Valerie Perrine (1, 2)

    "Career Opportunities"
    More sensational cleavage and some minor pokies by Jennifer Connelly in Career Opportunities.

    • Jennifer Connelly (1, 2, 3)

    "Deepstar Six"
    Some lovely pokies by Nancy Everhard in the underwater horror film Deepstar Six.

    • Nancy Everhard (1, 2, 3)

    "Buffalo Soldiers"
    Anna Paquin strips to her underwear in Buffalo Soldiers.

    "The Secret of My Succe$s"
    Some brief topless views of Margaret Whitton in The Secret of My Succe$s when she takes a swim.

    • Margaret Whitton (1, 2, 3, 4)

    "Cradle 2 - The Grave"
    Gabrielle Union is topless in Cradle 2 - The Grave but we only get the rear view. She does, however, move around in her underwear.

    • Gabrielle Union (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    "Jimmy Hollywood"
    More underwear flashed by Victoria Abril in Jimmy Hollywood.

    • Victoria Abril (1, 2)

    Grace Park
    (1, 2, 3)

    Here are 'caps and scans the the sexy "Battlestar Galactica" babe showing a bit of skin. Link #1 is a collage by DeVo featuring her sorta fully nude in a very dark scene. This is from the final episode of the season which has already aired in the UK. US audiences can catch this when in airs here in about 6 weeks.

    But for now, as a treat, check out Park posing barely dressed for Maxim in links 2 and 3.

    Emmanuelle Béart
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Johnny Moronic 'caps of the beautiful French actress going topless and doing a little pole dancing while playing a Parisian stripper/prostitute in scenes from "Nathalie..." (2003).