"I'm Losing You"

I'm Losing You (1998) is a lighthearted romp that begins with a wealthy TV director discovering that he has terminal lung cancer. We then move on to such fun as his adopted daughter discovering that her real father murdered her mother, then killed herself, and that her uncle, the same TV producer slept with her mother. Her half brother, and the real son of the producer, has an ex wife who is a junkie, and insists on taking their daughter from time to time. The laughs just keep coming as the daughter is killed in an auto accident, and the brother supplements his acting income by selling insurance policies of AIDS patients to rich people, who then make a big profit when the patient dies. Then, he falls in love with a woman with AIDS, but is surprised when she dies.

Rosanna Arquette plays the half sister. We see her in black lingerie, and get a brief look at one breast in the bath. Elizabeth Perkins shows breasts, and bush covered with her hand in a sex scene. It is currently scored 5.5 at IMDB. Berardinelli awarded 1 1/2 stars. The film is competently made, but has the most depressing and pointless plot I have seen in a long time. Even with a talented cast, this film is absolutely unwatchable. D.

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  • Elizabeth Perkins (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Rosanna Arquette (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Movies 'n Stuff:

    Lady Jane (1985)

    CHICK-FLICK alert!

    Actually, it's not a bad chick flick if you're into historical costumers, and it features Helena Carter's first  nudity.

    Lady Jane is a fictionalized romance set against a true historical backdrop. The star of both the romance and the history is Lady Jane Gray, who was queen of England for a whopping nine days in between two of Henry VIII's children. It's a very long story, which I describe in painful and probably boring detail, with many supporting links, here.

    The film is generally accurate in historical details except one tiny bit of dramatic license about a coin with Lady Jane's head on it, and for one very major bit - the relationship of Lady Jane and her husband. In real life, they despised each other, were forced to consummate their marriage against their will a month after the wedding, and thereafter lived apart. When Jane accepted her crown, she steadfastly refused ever to allow her ne'er-do-well husband to be king. They did not see each other at all from the time Jane renounced her throne until the time they were beheaded. The queen gave Guildford permission to see Jane one last time before their beheadings, but she refused.

    The authors of the script didn't like that version of the story, so they substituted a loving romance between the mismatched nobles. According to the revisionist tale, the scoundrel Guildford and the studious Jane were united in their love for the common people, and were both outraged by the inequities of class system in England. They eventually became close friends and true lovers, retired to a country estate where they lived together happily for a time, then counseled each other during the nine day reign, and even during their imprisonment. They were still making eyes at one another, with their shirts off, in front of a fire, just hours before their deaths.

    Therefore, the film really focuses on the fictional romance, and uses the history only as a backdrop. If you watch it as a painless history lesson, just be aware that everything is true except the relationship of Jane and Guildford. If you watch it as a filmed version of a historical romance novel, it isn't great but it isn't bad. As a group, women really like it. It is definitely a chick-flick of the first magnitude. The broad indicator of a chick-flick is that the IMDb rating from women is one point higher than the men's rating. In this case, the difference is 1.7 (6.4 men, 8.1 women). That compares to the all time estrogen films. (The comparable figure for Beaches is 1.7, for Dirty Dancing 1.9, so this film is in the same league. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood is only 1.2!)

    The best thing about the film is that it marked the theatrical film debut of Helena Bonham Carter, and she celebrated that fact by unveiling her ta-ta's for the first time on screen. She was 19 or 20 when the scenes were filmed.

    • Helena Bonham Carter (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Encyclopedia Updates

    • Updated volume: Helena Bonham Carter

    • New volumes: Michelle Johnson, Caroline Key Johnson, Sharon Kelly, Moira Kelly, Kimberly Kelley, Sally Kellerman, Marthe Keller, Diane Keaton, Camille Keaton, Claire Keim, Barbara Edwards, Karoline Eichhorn, Lisa Eichhorn , Jenna Elfman, Karen Elkin, Jenny Elvers, Kathryn Erbe, Diana Espen, Kim Evenson

    Other crap:



    What're the odds?


    Clifford Etienne v Mike Tyson   10 Round Heavyweight Fight from the Pyramid Arena in Memphis, Tennessee.

    Closing Date: Feb 22, 2003 23:00

    Bet Selections Win Odds
    Mike Tyson to win 1/5
    Clifford Etienne to win 7/2
    Draw 16/1



    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Paparazzi day!

    • Adriana Karembeu in what looks like an onstage performance on something like that, showing off her legs almost to where they meet.

    • Adriana Volpe and Alba Parietti, beautiful Italian tv babes, topless on the beach.

    • Alice Evans and her mega-cleavage.

    • Brit Babes Dani Behr (bum), Emma Jones (boobs and bum) and Geri Halliwell (down-blouse of the year).

    • Heather Graham, recently named sexiest woman alive by the boys in the shop, revealing a lot but keeping the critical stuff covered.

    • Heather Locklear in a bikini. An older photo, this, but I worked like a dog to get it in shape 'cuz Heather is or was such a babe.

    • Hera Lind, German authoress, stripping on the beach.

    • Jelena Dokic in my favorite of the bunch. She's wearing skin-tight shorts over what has to be the best looking caboose in professional sports, unless your bag is safeties and tight ends.

    • Got together all the pics I could find of Jennifer Aniston in her taped-down dress and stuck them together.

    • Did the same with Jennifer Garner, dressed to kill at the "Daredevil" premeire. (1, 2)

    • Jennifer Lopez in skin-tight white pants. Reminds me of a Richard Pryor story, 'bout a woman who, when she turned around, '"you could see ass for days." Weeks, even.

    • Singer Jessica Taylor, wet and allowing her mini hooties to pop out.

    • Jewel and some cleavage.

    • Singer Kerry Katona with the kind of cleavage ya just don't find everywhere.

    • Pamela Anderson on the Howard Stern show, in a white sweater, no bra, a mini-skirt and white panties. The collage literally screams, "Class act!"

    • And last up is SI covergirl, Petra Nemcova, all dressed down at a party.

    Erin Daniels

    New collages by Dann from the movie "One Hour Photo". Daniels briefly shows breasts bum and bush, and the unknown actress poses nude.

    Additional comments by Dann:

    A creepy story of "Sy, the photo guy", a clerk at the photo counter of a large discount store who takes an obsessive interest in a family that brings him photos often.

    This is a very different role for Robin Williams, and while it drags a little at times, it's very chilling and scary, without being bloody.

    You'll think twice about taking your photos to the corner store after seeing this movie.

    Charlotte Lewis
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The sexy and exotic looking actress topless in scenes from the Dolph Lundgren action flick "Men of War" (1994). Vidcaps by Don Juan.

    Pam Anderson
    (1, 2)

    Pam posing nude? What are the odds? Great scans by BlackSheep of everyone's favorite lifeguard.

    Jessica Biel
    (1, 2, 3)

    No nudity from the WB star in "The Rules of Attraction", but she is scantily clad and looks great! Collages by DeadLamb.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Hope Her Talent Was Assassination - Miss Germany 2003, Alexandra Vodjanikowa, has a plan to avert war with Iraq: she wants to go on a date with Saddam Hussein. She's set up a meeting with Iraq's foreign minister and is going there for a week, but has yet to confirm a meeting with Saddam. The 19-year-old beauty queen said she hopes to make a date with Saddam and talk him into disarming.

  • But due to a "translation error," he'll disrobe instead.
  • She's the first beauty queen who ever took her platform of creating world peace seriously.
  • Saddam may lie to the U.N., but why would he lie to a beautiful woman?
  • Better yet, maybe Saddam and Uday will get in a fight over her and kill each other.
  • If Clinton were still president, she could go to Washington and avert a war.

    Ignorant, Lazy And Proud Of It! - "Artists United to Win Without War," an anti-war group composed of such celebrities as Martin Sheen and Mike Farrell, is calling for a "Virtual March On Washington," in which people send anti-war e-mails to Washington on February 26. A spokesman dismissed criticism that Hollywood stars don't know what President Bush knows about Iraq, saying that just because celebrities don't know everything about the Iraq situation isn't a reason to discount their opinions, or to prevent them from using their media access to broadcast them.

  • Broadcasting uninformed opinions is what the media are for!
  • If you discount the opinions of people who aren't informed, then you're just being ignorant!
  • Okay, so there are a few little things they don't know!...Like, how we can win without war, for example...
  • The Virtual Protest March will allow stars to march without having to actually mingle with the peasants.

    Minors Should Only Have Minor Surgery - The European Parliament is backing a ban on breast implants for girls under 18. It could take effect by the end of next year. Proponents say minors shouldn't be getting major cosmetic surgery, when they may still be going through puberty and their breasts are still growing.

  • Even better! Then they'll have humongous breasts!
  • If 14-year-olds can't get breast implants, it'll kill the entire fashion modeling industry!

    Blessed Are The Cheese Makers - Iconoclastic British magician Noah Kelly says he's tired of David Blaine passing off cheesy stunts as magic. So next month in Weston, England, he'll parody Blaine's "encased in ice" stunt by having himself sealed into a giant block of cheese for 48 hours. A cheesemaker is donating 16 blocks of mature cheddar. Kelly says it's an endurance test, so he won't wimp out by using a mild cheese.

  • He'd use limburger, but he's magical, not suicidal.
  • In case of an emergency, Marlon Brando will be standing by to eat him free.
  • If he panics and gives up, he'll be set free by cheese-eating surrender monkeys from France.
  • He should do this in America: Americans love ANYTHING that's encased in cheese.

    But Can They Fool The Viewers Twice? - "Joe Millionaire" was such a giant hit, Fox is already planning a sequel. But there's a problem: it was based on deceiving the women into thinking the guy was rich, and now everybody knows the secret. A Fox spokesman refused to say how they could fool the participants a second time, other than to say the sequel would involve "lots of money."

  • They'll pay the women lots of money to pretend they don't know.
  • This one will star a rich guy pretending to be a poor guy pretending to be a rich guy.
  • Here's the solution in three words: "Even stupider women."
  • The women also know that at the end, he'll get a check for a million dollars, so they'll play along.