Wednesday

Contact junior by writing junior@scoopy.com. Contact Scoopy by writing unclescoopy@msn.com. Contact Tuna by writing tuna@scoopy.com Send submissions to scoopy@scoopy.net

To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 6..2.1 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

It's that time of the year again folks! Time for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!

Bones (2001) stars Snoopy Dogg in a combination blaxploitation, supernatural, revenge, horror, love story. Dogg was a numbers man in the hood in the 70's. When Lotto was about to invade his turf, some of his associates tried to convince him to switch from gambling to drugs. When he refused, they killed him. Cut to the present. Some young urban blacks whose father was one of the murderers buy Dogg's old crib in what is now a fully-deteriorated neighborhood to open a dance club featuring their band. One of them runs into a lovely Bianca Lawson, daughter of Dogg and psychic Pam Grier, and the two of them form the love interest for the film.

All of the activity in the house arouses the ire of the house, which has a habit of bleeding, frightening the residents, and other gory stuff, then arouses Dogg, who seeks revenge against his killers. Erin Wright, as Snowflake, girlfriend to the new crime kingpin in the hood, shows breasts and buns in his club. Greer shows cleavage in the murder scene, and Lawson shows pokies, and lots of leg and bun in a dream sequence.

The film suffers from identity crisis, not knowing what it is really trying to be, and most of the characters lack development, but it is visually incredible. Much of the film is shot in subdued light, but is clear, sharp, and esthetic even in the darkest scenes. There is some use of anamorphic 8m to provide grainy flashback scenes, but, other than that, is masterfully lit and photographed. IMDB readers say 4.5 of 10 and an overwhelming number of critics panned it. Take away the nudity and the production value, and I would feel differently, but will have to give it a C+, as is crosses so many genres.

MOVIES:

Lilian's Story is about a woman who is released from a mental asylum after a 40 year incarceration. The film examines what led her to her mental condition, while simultaneously showing how she adapts to people in the real world after four cloistered decades. Many imagers have taken a shot at these images, so I thought I'd try something different - to eliminate the nasty yellow filter.

The flashbacks are all shown through a yellow haze, for our viewing convenience, because we are all clearly too stupid to figure out that the 20 year old woman in the flashbacks is the same person as the grown woman in the present, except 40 years earlier. Apparently their target audience was Dan Quayle. "Say, those two women have the same name. Wow, what are the odds?".

Unfortunately, my experimentation with the colors was not completely successful. These aren't very impressive in quality, but at least it's something different..

• Toni Collette (1, 2, 3, 4)

O is that modern day "Othello playing basketball" thing. The film does have some good points, but a lot of it is amateurish, and it takes my special award for the very worst filmed sex scene in history. Not only does it shoot everything from the shoulders up, and drag on much too long, but when it slips south, we can see that Julia Stiles is fully-dressed!  That's some slick movie-makin', right there! No wonder Othello was so tense.

• here's the most you ever see of Julia, topless from behind
• here's the sex scene where you can see that Julia is wearing a flesh-colored (well, sorta) top over her breasts

UPDATES:

New encyclopedia volumes for: Heidi Klum, Gisele Bundchen, Annalise Braakensiek

Updated volumes for : Sheryl Lee, Maria Alonso, Shannon Tweed, Sean Young

MISCELLANEOUS:

Alleged singer Bjork does her latest video, Cocoon, stark naked

• Here's a capture
• Here's the entire video, for you masochists

The following are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that I inexplicably determined there might be something of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The plot...
Bobbie and her boyfriend are small time con artists. She pretends to be interested in travelling businessmen, gets them up to their hotel room, the boyfriend sneaks in and swipes credit card info, then he does the "bursts in on his girlfriend with the other guy" routine.

While working their scam, they meet the Canadian version of Lance Henriksen. Canadian Lance recruits them to pull their scam on a wealthy mark. Etc, etc. From this point on, the audience is subjected to a series of double-crosses followed by more double-crosses, a trail of bodies and then served with a side of double-crosses.

Basically it looks and feels like a made for TV flick. If there is nothing else on, it might keep you interested. Either that or you'll get bored with all of the multi-crossing and turn it off after the Bobbie's nude scene.

Speaking of the nudity...all of it is seen in a through the lens of a camera from a window across the street.
Bobbie is topless in links 2,3 and 8.
Rear nudity in links 1, and 5.
Frontal nudity in links 4, 6 and 7.

• Bobbie Phillips (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

These 'caps show some hardcore lesbo action from something called "Pin Ups" and are not for everybody.

• Dita von Teese, breasts, and inserting a dildo that is shared on the other end by another chick.

• That other chick is Anita Blond. Here are two more from that scene. (1, 2)
• Dita, Anita and Regina Hall, breast exposure, and penetration with a stap on. (1, 2)
• Softcore images of Dita von Teese showing breasts, bum and gyno-cam views as she is joined by Anita and Nina.
• Dita, Anita, and someone named Tempress...Hankster approved, mild bondage with breasts and pubes in plain view.

Audiences who saw Britney Spears's movie Crossroads this weekend can tell you that she didn't bare anything that hasn't been seen before. What moviegoers don't know is that Spears was actually filmed baring her breasts, but that footage was not included the final cut.

Spears and her Crossroads co-stars Taryn Manning (Crazy/Beautiful) and Zoe Saldana (Get Over It) were approached by the film's screenwriter, Shonda Rhimes, to help come up with a scene to depict the girls' joy at winning a New Orleans karaoke contest and its prize money. The actresses put their minds to the task and decided that flashing sounded like a realistic way to celebrate.

"You know the writer, Shonda (Rhimes)? She said, 'What's something crazy that you would do with your friends?' you know, and we're, like, 'Oh, flash people.' But we got to write that scene in, but it got cut. We flashed, like, when we were at the hotel celebrating, you know?," Manning says.

Saldana adds, "In New Orleans." Manning continues, "These girls start drinking too much, so we end up going down the hall and flashing a couple doors, but it didn't make it in the movie."

According to Saldana, all three of the film's protagonists, including Spears, took part in the flashing action. But in the end, the Crossroads creative team decided to leave the footage on the editing-room floor. Crossroads, sans bare breasts, is now playing in theaters nationwide.