Celebrity Sex Tape

2011

This neo-80s nerdsploitation film is another good-natured bit of silliness from The Asylum. Five nerds crash a frat party and one of them miraculously ends up getting it on with a washed-up, drugged-out actress who's too wasted to realize he's a loser. Another of the geeks films the encounter, and a third puts the film on the internet. The geeks think they're in big trouble until the sex tape goes viral and the actress's sagging career is instantly revitalized. Suddenly every fading starlet wants to make one of their sex tapes. Needless to say, there are various obstacles in their way:

• The central character has a virginal church-goin' girlfriend, and he has to hide his up-and-coming porn business from her.
• A sociopathic Hollywood agent and a porn webmaster threaten the guys because they want big chunks of the profits.
• The nerds also have to deal with the newly inflated ego of their "star," SexEd, the nerd who actually has sex with the actresses, who has become an international internet sensation and even gets invited to parties by the campus jocks. 

Blah, blah, blah ...

It's a low budget version of every other nerdsploitation film you've ever seen, but with the additional bonus of lots and lots of horny sex scenes, some of which are pretty funny as well. The film is rated something like 1.4 at IMDb, which might put it in line to be the worst of all time. I disagree with that assessment. It ain't Schindler's List, but I found it to be an easy enough watch, and a lot of mindless fun.

Maybe that tells you more about me than it does about the movie.

Some of these clips are Zorg's, some mine:

• Piper Major. I have to give you a warning on this one. Piper Major is a stand-up comic, not an actress. Her act milks a lot of humor out of the fact that she is morbidly obese. She strips to the buff in this movie. The scene is mercifully brief, but it is certainly not for everyone. (I'm ashamed to say this clip is mine. I filled in what Zorg wisely ignored.)
  

All of the other women are attractive enough:

• Julie Barzman
• Diana Terranova and Jenny Lin
• Maura Murphy
• Angie Savage
• Amanda Ward
• Erika Jordan
• Christine Nguyen
• Emily Addison
• various others

Cafe de Flore

2012

This Montreal-centered film is almost entirely in French, and no subtitles are available, so I can't really evaluate it. I can tell you that it's one of those arty-farty, uber-serious, hand-wringing things about parallel lives with a supernatural connection between them, Kieslowski-style.

There are two central stories. One is set in modern times and involves a man who moves on from his wife to a sexy new girlfriend, much to the chagrin of his daughters. The other is set in 1969, and involves the close bond between a single mother (Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp's longtime partner) and her son with Down's Syndrome. It is not clear whether the 1969 characters are real, or simply figments of the imagination of the wife abandoned in 2011, who is undergoing a severe mental breakdown. The two time-frames are freely intermingled, and the film is filled with flashbacks, flash-forwards, dream sequences, metaphorical sequences, the visions of a medium, and moments of unexplained surrealism. There is also a baffling surprise ending, although I almost missed it because it's in the closing credits, and I'm still not sure what the hell it means.

In other words, I probably wouldn't be able to understand the film even if it were in English.

The key point for today is that Evelyne Brochu got naked. A lot. There are five different short nude scenes, even though she's really only a minor character.